In serious need of help to overcome what I think is severe ONE-ITIS, its ruining me.

[Spearmint]

@ JPlaya

Well no because that just breaks one of the primary rules that Ross Jefferies gave us.


"Leave the girl better than when you found her"

 

[penkitten]

Now at this present time, with my mindset and how I feel, obviously I find it difficult to question a girl I have strong feelings for, so to the guys not experiencing that or even to those that have, how do I go about not getting the "she's the one" feeling and mindset? .

not a guy, but i went through this before.
basically when i knew that someone was not right for me, doing me dirty or realized that i just didn't want to end up with them... i would not have hesitation about moving on. however, when i "thought" someone was awesome and didn't want to see that they were not right for me or doing me dirty.... that's where i would have issues and get hung up on it. it was very difficult to move on sometimes because i couldn't see the forest for the trees.
lucky for me, i had some pretty kickass friends who would help to slam a door in my face to wake me up.
they would continue to remind me that no one is perfect, that if you ever envision someone as perfect then you are screwed in the head and shouldn't be in any relationship... etc.

 

[Deleted member 109925]

Maybe this will help. Oneitis is a natural instinct of being a man. It's our focus on the prey, focus on a goal, focus on creating things, etc. In almost every man's experience that instinct is at one point or another directed to a particular woman. That experience repeats itself and the focus is redirected to new women until we mature beyond juvenile romantic instincts. Perhaps developing into a PUA will become your focus at some point. In any case, it's natural and we all go through it.

You are young. You are starting university where you'll be surrounded by new people, cute girls, and be exposed to a variety of new experiences that will compete for your focus and attention. This episode of oneitis will pass. Trust everyone on this board. You already know she's damaged goods. Good for you not to allow yourself to be so blinded that you can't recognize red flags. Let life unfold. Have faith in that. Oneitis is a manifestation of a good instinct. This girl isn't a good object of your focus.

 

[backbreaker]

you know you have it bad when you start breaking up your posts in sub chapterssanytime i see bold "sub sections" of a post explaining the situtation i pretty much think she has him by the balls

 

[Deleted member 109925]

you know you have it bad when you start breaking up your posts in sub chapterssanytime i see bold "sub sections" of a post explaining the situtation i pretty much think she has him by the balls

Yeah. The dark side, OP, is that she has you and three other guys by the balls with no intention of going out with you or shagging you. She's just an attention *****.

 

[Spearmint]

"You couldn't care less about me, about seeing me and more to the point you do not even try. **** this and **** you"


Does that end things or was it to self pitying?


Spearmint

 

[tafakna]

"You couldn't care less about me, about seeing me and more to the point you do not even try. **** this and **** you"


Does that end things or was it to self pitying?

Blame shifting is very common in this instances.

I'd just ignore the message as she's expecting a reply apologizing or explaining yourself to regain control of the situation.

 

[The_411]

Spearmint,

This will be a great learning lessons for you. We all encounter broken women who on the surface appear beautiful appear to be everything we are searching for from a potential partner only to be shattered by them down the road. Why? Because they are an illusion. They show us what we want to see at the beginning and we fall for it thinking ok she's great perfect etc, but then the facade cracks and we begin to see them for who they are and not what we projected them to be based on our initial impressions.

The good news is that you'er young and heading to university. You're going to be having the time of your life. Accept that the pain you're going through is good for you for your long term development and that you've gained invaluable wisdom about women and hopefully this will give you the necessary experience to avoid falling for broken women.

 

[Spearmint]

In reply to tafakna:


That was me sending the message to her.


She merely replied, "uhh, okay then."




The reply itself shocked me, any other girl I have ever known would be crawling back now and apologising realising I was on my way out.


This girl really has mastered the art of not having a care in the world.
An absolute nightmare for PUA's all over the world, it's as if any push-pull theory etc doesn't affect her. :nono:

 

[perseverance]

Why are you still wasting your time with this girl? She is low quality, just erase her from your life and move on. That text you sent her was just lame.

 

[Mr. Suave]

I went through something quite similar a long while ago. From experience, I tell you to NOT cut off contact with her. I know this because I tried cutting contact with her and I felt REALLY ****, I felt AWFUL.

My advice:
Stay friends with her, but at the same time try and find another girl you really like. Easier said than done really... But try to do this. Once you find another girl you will find it easier, but DON'T cut her off and go cold turkey because if you do you will experience a world of hurt.

A lot of girls end up in this situation, and their tactic to "winning his heart" is to refuse sex until he agrees to a relationship.

 

[Mr. Suave]

That was me sending the message to her.


She merely replied, "uhh, okay then."

Christ this is really similar. You bring back dark memories from my past mr. Spearmint!

She's being a *****. With me, I said something really similar to what you said and she just replied "w.e." or something to that effect...

Really it comes down to you personally and what's easiest for you. If you can completely cut her out of your life and not feel like ****, that's up to you, it's your decision... But if you get really depressed over cutting contact, then I suggest you keep her the way things are. Simply going by my own experience.

In terms of what you want, I don't think it's going to happen. I don't think you're going to get into a real relationship with this girl. Reason being because she sees you as a **** toy and you see her as "the love of your life". Your petty arguments (then apologizing later) are a carbon copy of the ones I used to have with the girl I knew. Personally I made up with the girl and I'm glad I did, because after not speaking for a while it was getting me down.

 

[Spearmint]

What defines her as low quality?


I'm certain that the majority here, if they met her would find her 'high quality' so to speak.


Mr.Suave, I hate to disagree, but even with my mindset as it is now, I know that going 'cold turkey' really is the only option.

At the moment it is hard, the majority of my friends have left for university already and so I have way more time to spend thinking about her.



If you don't go cold turkey on something, you are still dependant on it making you happy or in my case, her making me happy.


But she wasn't eventually, she was flaking on meeting up with me, that's what I wanted, to see her again and spend time with her again before university, yet I felt like a complete cvnt and still do asking if she was free etc.


I really didn't have time on my side to pull away from her as I would originally do and will do in the future.




To all who have answered this post, what is it I need to take from this experience with her, in your own opinions, where did I go wrong?



Many thanks, I can learn a lot from your advice


Spearmint.

 

[Mr. Suave]

If you want to cut her off completely then I mean, that's cool, you should do whatever you feel best doing.

Personally in my situation, we were good friends. In the end, for me, I got through it by making up as friends, but having little contact with her and finding other girls.

Being on good terms made it easier because the "I'm never going to see her again" thing got me down where we were friends, so knowing that she's still there to chat with if I wanted made it easier to disconnect. Whilst things were like this, I met this really really hot brunette girl and I went out with her. After a little while with the hot brunette girl, when the relationship had blossomed a bit, and me and the new girl were quite close, that was really when I felt better.

 

[Spearmint]

If you want to cut her off completely then I mean, that's cool, you should do whatever you feel best doing.

Personally in my situation, we were good friends. In the end, for me, I got through it by making up as friends, but having little contact with her and finding other girls.

Being on good terms made it easier because the "I'm never going to see her again" thing got me down where we were friends, so knowing that she's still there to chat with if I wanted made it easier to disconnect. Whilst things were like this, I met this really really hot brunette girl and I went out with her. After a little while with the hot brunette girl, when the relationship had blossomed a bit, and me and the new girl were quite close, that was really when I felt better.

I understand what you mean and I have no idea if in the next few days I would fold if she contacted me.

I guess I'm looking at it this way now:

If she contacts me again before I leave after me basically telling her to **** off (she knows full well why I would of reacted like that) then it shows she has at least a morsel of concern.


If she doesn't, then all I will want to do if I contacted her again is to see her and it is destroying any dignity I have left.


Friendship in the future? Who knows, I don't.

 

[Deleted member 109925]

What defines her as low quality?


I'm certain that the majority here, if they met her would find her 'high quality' so to speak.

Total BS. This is fanciful thinking due to your oneitis. She is damaged goods. We can see it from a mile away. It's as if you haven't read half the responses to your thread. Man up and stop sucking us in to this to justify your oneitis mess.

To all who have answered this post, what is it I need to take from this experience with her, in your own opinions, where did I go wrong?[/B]

Read our answers. Come on, man. You are making your biggest mistake right now by not moving on. "Next" her. If you can't learn that skill and be motivated and encouraged by all the responses on this thread, you're destined to be a chump because of this woman. Move on, move on, move on!

 

[perseverance]

Spearmint what defines a woman as high quality isn't just looks and appearance. It is how she behaves. Yeah, it's all well and good having a really hot looking woman on your arm, but if she acts like a skank, dresses like a skank, lies, cheats and tries to mess with your head than she is anything but high quality.

Have you ever watched 500 days of summer? If you want to see what a low quality woman is then you need look no further than Summer Finn. Yet most men would call her high quality because she doesn't act like a skank, but what she does do is mess with a man's head, play games with him and then goes off and marries someone else.

I know I am not a massive fan of this site or the advice given, but this site has for all its faults opened my eyes up to what a vast majority of women are really like and it is the best wake up call I've ever had.

One-itis cannot be helped, but what can be helped is whether or not you are willing to walk away from a girl that is low quality or is disrespecting you/messing with your head.

 

[TopGun2000]

ahahah, i watched that movie too. totally agreed with what you said here. :rockon:

Spearmint what defines a woman as high quality isn't just looks and appearance. It is how she behaves. Yeah, it's all well and good having a really hot looking woman on your arm, but if she acts like a skank, dresses like a skank, lies, cheats and tries to mess with your head than she is anything but high quality.

Have you ever watched 500 days of summer? If you want to see what a low quality woman is then you need look no further than Summer Finn. Yet most men would call her high quality because she doesn't act like a skank, but what she does do is mess with a man's head, play games with him and then goes off and marries someone else.

I know I am not a massive fan of this site or the advice given, but this site has for all its faults opened my eyes up to what a vast majority of women are really like and it is the best wake up call I've ever had.

One-itis cannot be helped, but what can be helped is whether or not you are willing to walk away from a girl that is low quality or is disrespecting you/messing with your head.

 

[Spearmint]

I've seen the film 500 days of summer, in fact I watched it the other week when I was flicking through the channels and it appeared.

It's fair to say Summer Finn is low quality and I think high quality females are incredibly rare in the grand scheme of things.

Everyone will be pleased to know she is gone now, in a sense that even for some bizarre reason I wanted her back, it wouldn't be possible. I decided to give myself some respect that I had been holding back for myself by consistently fawning over her and placing her above me, and so I told her how it is and how it was when she rang.


The only reason I carried on contact in this past week with her was because I wanted to see her before I left, as I knew that university is a land of opportunity and allows me to "flex my muscles of knowledge" so to speak, that the vast majority wont have, and to find better females.

However, it transpired that she couldn't make time to see me, lo and behold, she was meeting up with another guy, was she ****ing him? I don't know and didn't care.


I'm happy to say with the advice of all of you guys and with that final action, this so called pedestal I had placed her on came tumbling down.


It's true is it not, if a girl wants to see you, she will make time for you?


When I had her on the phone, I gave her the third degree, using bits of insight gleaned from everyone here and my own experience she got a short and sweet cold summary of her, which led to me receiving a message later detailing me as: "A horrible ****ing person" and then a few more messages later on that "she wants nothing to do with me" and she "has seen my true colours".



So how do I deal with the feelings of missing her now and in the future, how do I avoid this scenario.


I've been recommended the DJ bible and The Book of Pook by Perserverance and I have gotten hold of Magic Bullets as well as Carlos Xuma's Alpha Man, but does anyone know of any specific material which talks about oneitis and anything linking to it?


Cheers for the help and advice DJ's, all been a great help.


Spearmint.

 

[Mr. Suave]

When I had her on the phone, I gave her the third degree, using bits of insight gleaned from everyone here and my own experience she got a short and sweet cold summary of her, which led to me receiving a message later detailing me as: "A horrible ****ing person" and then a few more messages later on that "she wants nothing to do with me" and she "has seen my true colours".



So how do I deal with the feelings of missing her now

The girl I was talking about sent me identical messages haha, it's a lot like I'm speaking to myself in the past.

At least you've now done something about it. Hopefully you won't miss her too much, if you were quite close it could be pretty difficult and it may or may not hit you at a later date and make you want her back. To forget about her however, it's just a case of finding other girls... If you find a girl physically hotter you will feel quite a lot better but nothing else will help. You need to find a new girl before you feel better otherwise you are going to feel horrible.