In need of some peer coaching..

[Dante1a]

Hey guys,

I'm not here with a "does she like me?" post or anything like that. These are things I am working to change (even though my stupidity has gotten me here). I could just use the advice of some unbiased men who know what's up to offer opinions, if you are up for it.

The Setup:
Okay, I used to be pretty good. I mean this in a real way. Was a master DJ, but I had a strong state and strong sense of myself. Had several girls going at once and then met who I thought was "the one".

Needless to say, I got married, went through **** and began to ***** out. Hardcore. She tried to kiss my brother, who told me right afterwards (good guy) - and I FORGAVE her because her mother had died a month before.

Less than a year later, I come home from work and find her in the dark, laying in bed while talking to a man (he was dressed) kneeling down next to her. Was upset..STAYED WITH HER.

She told me she was pregnant, we had the baby. Then, less than two months after he was born, she moved to her Dad's house, trashing my apartment. We divorced.

Now she's married again with another baby as well. It was eventually proven that the baby was not mine.

Whatever. Not griping, just setting it up.

THE SITUATION

So - since that learning experience, some things have done well, but not THAT well. The definition is between going for what one wants and what one thinks they can get.

I somehow keep settling for less.. Like deep down, I feel like I can't get more.

I have had a girlfriend I "love", but don't want to spend my life with. Have been with her over a year and a half and she wants to get engaged. Have worked corporate jobs but end up hating them and tanking them in order to be fired. (Told you I was kind of ****ed up.)

Borrowed money from my brother and couldn't pay him back..now we aren't talking. I have been on unemployment and have been living at my parent's house since March.

I am a really "learned" guy. I read self help, business books like mad.. but I can't seem to get rid of this "non-action" thing. It seems to be fear based..

I'm trying to start a new business..but it's going slowly.

I am committed to getting:
1) A nice place to live (soon!)
2) Get my social life back in order (relationship with brother, etc)
3) A different girlfriend
4) In better shape
5) A decent car
6) A decent living

However, I feel like I can't get the wind to move in my sails...

Does anyone have any thoughts, suggestions or ideas on how to handle the subconscious side of this? Or am I just being wimpy?

Thanks in advance.

 

[Viagra4Soul]

I somehow keep settling for less.. Like deep down, I feel like I can't get more.

Wow - there it is my friend. Amongst ALL that back story, you just said exactly what your problem is (BTW: all those problems you listed are all related to that one statement).

My advice is go get some professional help. If not psychotherapy, maybe hypnosis. You need to believe you are WORTH a good life. Currently, you don't and you are repeating patterns to make sure that actually comes true....

I'd also point out you are not alone - plenty of us go through feelings of low self worth. Problem for you is it's constant, and all pervasive.

I wish you luck - but the good news from what I've read so far is, the solution will probably be quite simple. Find out 'deep down' why you feel of low worth, and work on that. In my case it was my father's attitude to me all throughout my childhood, and hypnosis helped a lot.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Find your life's purpose. This will help you figure out what you want to do professionally, and several of your goals will be achieved naturally. The things that will come first are likely a nice place to live and a decent living, soon you'll be able to purchase a decent car, you'll create new social relationships through your work, and you'll meet many girls along the way, one of which you'll probably make your girlfriend. You can start getting in better shape as soon as you feel ready to make the commitment to your mind, body and health.

 

[Dante1a]

I appreciate it, guys. Both of your answers are right on. Am looking up hypnotists right now and will set it up. Then, on to the Life Purpose definition.

I'm going to kick this things ass and report back when I'm on my way.

Thanks again.

 

[Viagra4Soul]

I appreciate it, guys. Both of your answers are right on. Am looking up hypnotists right now and will set it up. Then, on to the Life Purpose definition.

I'm going to kick this things ass and report back when I'm on my way.

Thanks again.

A qualified hypnotist often has a psych degree in their background. He/she will spend time ferretting out your mind's problem first, then use hypnosis to talk to your subconscious and ease it off the rock it's attached to.

In my father's case, I was not able to speak to him directly, so the therapist and my subconscious had a chat with the therapist playing my father. In this way, the blockage can be cleared.

Good luck.

 

[Dante1a]

Thanks for the advice, man.

I called and booked a session for next Monday, looking forward to it. Also, had a guy that I did some graphic art for who is an NLP practitioner. So, I had an appointment with him this morning..

Really interesting stuff.

 

[PokerStar]

keep plugging away my friend. eventually you will come to terms with your fears.

hey put it this way. if life were easy, there would be no pain or struggle.

 

[Viagra4Soul]

You're on the right track now mate.

Keep us up to date?

 

[st_99]

To be honest, dude, you're all over the place and are probably blowing with the wind in life. Hypnotist, NLP??? Come on!

Your problem is lack of focus.

Just focus on 1 damn thing and get really good at it. I'd say start with your business or job or career or whatever you want to call it and don't worry about anything else for now.

Stress about the details. Sounds like you need a foundation in life, and you don't have one. You say
you're a learned guy but you don't want to be the jack of all trades and master of none. I've seen
too many guys like that and they basically go nowhere.

 

[Dante1a]

Update:

I want to thank you guys for the advice you gave me when I first posted this.

Here's an update:

Started working on my internal beliefs and started just doing what I needed to, basically.

So...I have an online company that is launching next week as well as a $60k a year PT job (as a musician) that I have landed. The PT thing is awesome because I can continue to grow my business and take care of the career side.

Started patching up my relationships. Buying a new car next week (have the cash from a tax return to do so).

Things are getting better because I am making them better.

Appreciate the help guys - you were ALL right.

I used the NLP stuff as it should be used. Not as a crutch to get "lost in using", but as something to do and focus/take action.

Thanks again.

 

[oneboy21]

Did you visited any hypnotist or NLP practitioner?
If yes what kind.

 

[Viagra4Soul]

Things are getting better because I am making them better.

Good for you - thanks for the update.

Onwards and upwards. :rockon: