In need of advice

[conan2120]

I,ve been seeing this woman quite casually now for about a month,taking things slowly,having a great time together,spending weekends and what ever free time we can get together.She normally calls me to do something or to come over and spend some time together.About 6 months ago,her boyfriend of 6 yrs was sent to prison for three yrs..They had a business together but now she gave it up because of the situation.He calls her all the time,gives her alot of b.s over the phone,and now she,s telling me that within the next couple of weeks,she,s going to take that 9 hr trip to visit him and talk,because she feels bad.I,m being as supportive as I can without getting caught in the friend zone,but it,s hard because I know her feelings are strong for him.I,m not really sure how to go about this,other than giving her some emotional space and keeping things the way they are,or should I just let go?
Thank You for any help you can give me.
Mike Ryan

 

[legolas]

Too bad my friend, you ARE stuck in the friend zone. I am in a similar situation (no prison however) and I know that if she's "taking it slow" it means she has no sexual feelings for you.

 

[insidious]

Wow dude. And when exactly did you find out about her little jailbird "ex-" ?

You know, one day he will be released; and she is spending 9 hours of her time just getting to his locked up ass. Nine hours that she could spend with you, the guy who is free and available and hoping for more of her time

And you stick around because....? Conan, take more pride in yourself guy. You deserve so much more than this.

 

[conan2120]

Hi there,thanks for your reply,we have sex,almost every time were together,we,re like a regular couple when we,re out,and people are always commenting to us how great we look together.She pays alot of attention to me when we,re out together,it,s just now this situation comes up and puts a whammy on things.
Mike Ryan

 

[legolas]

If she's going to travel 9 hours to see her locked up (ex)boyfriend, all the sex in the world is not going to mean much to her. Sorry dude, but you're only just a step up from a vibrator for her.

Pardon me for being this harsh but you have to see the relationship for what it is and then you can realize that you can be happy if you choose to. My suspicion is that you already see the relationship for what it is, a convenience relationship. She knows what she wants and what she is getting. Her true feelings are with her ex, and you are only, as Kirsten Dunst says in Elizabethtown, a replacement, a substitute, possibly a temporary one.

While you on the other hand are stuck to a fairy tale of loving relationships, which I'm not saying is wrong, but it's clear that this isn't it no matter how hard you try. You see, because if I were in a similar situation, and I could see the realtionship for what it really is, THEN I would make the choice that I'm ok with getting a little p*ssy every now and then, and hanging out with a cute chick BUT I would leave it at that, knowing full well that the relationship may never happen. In that reagrd I'd seek for a girlfriend elsewhere and keep this one as friends with benefits thing, without verbalizing it of course.

 

[Last Man Standing]

She is choosing an ex-con over you - what does this tell you?

She never mentioned you to her ex sex partner - if she wanted you she would have told him "I have a new sex partner now and will move on without you".

She sees you as a sex toy - do not have a LTR with her - she just disrespected you.

Maybe she is going for a conjugal visit!