How does one fully let go of anger/bitterness/pessimism/negativity? Thats whats holding me back in many ways. That, and sitting here,posting on the board, looking for an answer. Is it right to blame women at all?
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
In all seriousness...
- Thread starter ItsOnNow
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
LoneSilver
Master Don Juan
Anger is depression in men how deep of depression depends on the symptoms. It's my hunch and I am not a professional on these matters but in your case it has grown from just being the blues to bitterness, pessimism and total negativity which then manifest itself in blaming others for all your woes..
There are two ways to treatment 1. spiritual counsel or 2. seeking professional help from the medical communitity it's your chose but if left untreated you risk further and more agressive symptoms..
If you care for neither treatments please take what I say seriously or surround yourself with positive people in your life away from the computer that will get you through this downtime in your life.
Let this be a time of discovery in who you really are as a man... coming to terms with the myths and the truths in life and in time you will be set free of all this anger which is the foundation of all your problems.
I hope the best for you..
LoneSilver
There are two ways to treatment 1. spiritual counsel or 2. seeking professional help from the medical communitity it's your chose but if left untreated you risk further and more agressive symptoms..
If you care for neither treatments please take what I say seriously or surround yourself with positive people in your life away from the computer that will get you through this downtime in your life.
Let this be a time of discovery in who you really are as a man... coming to terms with the myths and the truths in life and in time you will be set free of all this anger which is the foundation of all your problems.
I hope the best for you..
LoneSilver
ItsOnNow said:How does one fully let go of anger/bitterness/pessimism/negativity? Thats whats holding me back in many ways. That, and sitting here,posting on the board, looking for an answer. Is it right to blame women at all?
No it is not right to blame women. Why? Because it is YOUR negativity. It's in YOUR head, which is under YOUR control.
Some people have suggested not replying to your posts and I'm tempted to agree. However, I used have issues with negativity in my past as well, so I'll throw you some advice.
1) First of all, realize it will take a little time to adopt an optimistic, positive outlook on things. You have negative mental habits. Key word: habits. These must gradually be replaced with positive habits.
2) Become aware of your negativity in all it's forms. Try to notice each negative thought. Important: Don't respond to your negative thoughts with more negativity!! Don't curse and scold yourself for thinking a negative thought! Instead, counteract it with a positive thought times 10.
For example:
You catch yourself thinking a negative thought: "I'm so negative."
Upon noticing this, immediately think the positive opposite: "I am a positive person."
Then, elaborate on this positive thought. Justify it: "Although I may have been negative in the past, my emotional state is under my control, and I choose to be positive. I am a positive person."
This will give your positive thoughts much more credibility than the negative ones. After time, you will get better.
3) Self-help books. Yes, many of them are cheesy. I now look at some of the stuff I read back when I was having issues and I laugh. But.... many of them work!! I read so many of the things and gradually I became a positive person. A good place to start might be with Steve Pavlina, as it's free, awesome, and unlike most self-help: non-cheesy. Steve is a really positive and smart man. I often go to his page whenever I need a fresh dose of positivity.
BE POSITIVE. Just do it. It's an action. Do it. Do it again. Keep doing it. Positive positive positive. There are so many things you can choose to focus your awareness on at any given moment, both positive and negative. Practice finding positive things. There are always some, whenever and wherever you are. Do you still have your arms and legs? How wonderful!
Some people have suggested not replying to your posts and I'm tempted to agree. However, I used have issues with negativity in my past as well, so I'll throw you some advice.
1) First of all, realize it will take a little time to adopt an optimistic, positive outlook on things. You have negative mental habits. Key word: habits. These must gradually be replaced with positive habits.
2) Become aware of your negativity in all it's forms. Try to notice each negative thought. Important: Don't respond to your negative thoughts with more negativity!! Don't curse and scold yourself for thinking a negative thought! Instead, counteract it with a positive thought times 10.
For example:
You catch yourself thinking a negative thought: "I'm so negative."
Upon noticing this, immediately think the positive opposite: "I am a positive person."
Then, elaborate on this positive thought. Justify it: "Although I may have been negative in the past, my emotional state is under my control, and I choose to be positive. I am a positive person."
This will give your positive thoughts much more credibility than the negative ones. After time, you will get better.
3) Self-help books. Yes, many of them are cheesy. I now look at some of the stuff I read back when I was having issues and I laugh. But.... many of them work!! I read so many of the things and gradually I became a positive person. A good place to start might be with Steve Pavlina, as it's free, awesome, and unlike most self-help: non-cheesy. Steve is a really positive and smart man. I often go to his page whenever I need a fresh dose of positivity.
BE POSITIVE. Just do it. It's an action. Do it. Do it again. Keep doing it. Positive positive positive. There are so many things you can choose to focus your awareness on at any given moment, both positive and negative. Practice finding positive things. There are always some, whenever and wherever you are. Do you still have your arms and legs? How wonderful!
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
jafyk
Master Don Juan
I think sometimes you can blame women but to me my best friend and greatest enemy is myself. When and if I finally defeat myself then it doesn't really matter much what other people do to me or what life throws at me cost then I'd know how to handle it. I've been accused of being sensitive for speaking my mind when I feel wronged. In some ways I'm not sure who's right,they or me? I do know if the external actions didn't affect me I'd not be speaking my mind. Sorry my little story here may not have answers for you. Do seriously consider what the previous poster said. Personally, having Jesus in my heart and God's grace helps me a lot. Also surrounding yourself with positive friends and doing something that makes you feel you're making a difference also helps.
forward said:No it is not right to blame women. Why? Because it is YOUR negativity. It's in YOUR head, which is under YOUR control.
Some people have suggested not replying to your posts and I'm tempted to agree. However, I used have issues with negativity in my past as well, so I'll throw you some advice.
1) First of all, realize it will take a little time to adopt an optimistic, positive outlook on things. You have negative mental habits. Key word: habits. These must gradually be replaced with positive habits.
2) Become aware of your negativity in all it's forms. Try to notice each negative thought. Important: Don't respond to your negative thoughts with more negativity!! Don't curse and scold yourself for thinking a negative thought! Instead, counteract it with a positive thought times 10.
For example:
You catch yourself thinking a negative thought: "I'm so negative."
Upon noticing this, immediately think the positive opposite: "I am a positive person."
Then, elaborate on this positive thought. Justify it: "Although I may have been negative in the past, my emotional state is under my control, and I choose to be positive. I am a positive person."
This will give your positive thoughts much more credibility than the negative ones. After time, you will get better.
3) Self-help books. Yes, many of them are cheesy. I now look at some of the stuff I read back when I was having issues and I laugh. But.... many of them work!! I read so many of the things and gradually I became a positive person. A good place to start might be with Steve Pavlina, as it's free, awesome, and unlike most self-help: non-cheesy. Steve is a really positive and smart man. I often go to his page whenever I need a fresh dose of positivity.
BE POSITIVE. Just do it. It's an action. Do it. Do it again. Keep doing it. Positive positive positive. There are so many things you can choose to focus your awareness on at any given moment, both positive and negative. Practice finding positive things. There are always some, whenever and wherever you are. Do you still have your arms and legs? How wonderful!
Good post. I've told ItsOnNow about action. about getting off the computer and doing things in the real world. You can search the internet for days apon days for anwsers to your problems and you will find a dozen ways to deal with each one...but until you get off the machine and commit to doing something in real life, nothing will happen. Just reading about how to fix a problem will not fix the problem! You have to TAKE ACTION.
If that means doing postive meditation and afformations every morning for 5-10 mins. YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY DO IT! You can't sit around and read about it.
This guy just wants to feel good that people are paying him attention. He's afraid to do the actual hard work. It's easy to hold on to negativity and bad habits. Because its comfortable. It's HARD WORK and DISCIPLINE to change. Two things he's not used to. It's asking a fat man to run a marathon....he's scared he can't do it. But he has to start practicing every single day to eventually get to the point where he can run. Even if its baby steps...its steps in the right direction.
He's has to want to change. Really want it. Right now he just wants the attention but he doesn't want to do the work. There is no easy way out man, but if its worth it...its gonna be hard work to achieve it. That is life.
Thats the trait I think I have the hardest time trying to change. Doing something to feel like I am or have been making a difference. I havent been. I have been lounging about. Some have told I dont give myself enough credit for what I do get done. I do want it, believe me, I do. But it seems far off, what I want. Whether its women, I mean, some guys just seem to get it all more naturally, or success in life, or education. I feel like I havent been on the right path. And yes, it has been a little bit about the attention. I havent commited myself to much. Like I said, other than my job. Why is it hard to transfer and focus certain energies? I mean, thats what kills me the most, is the fact that I didnt take the steps sooner. I think it seemed that way to me cause it seemed like everyone else was ahead.
Interceptor
Master Don Juan
ION,
youre main problem is how you USE LOGIC to talk yourself OUT of ACTION!
Goddamn, kid!!!
You contonually go into broken record Mode and continually spew forth all that negative inner talk at yourself.....
You keep using logic and excuses to talk yourself OUT of ACTION!!!
Do you understand?
But YOUR CURE IS ACTION!
Not more logic and excuses, and certainly not more negative self talk!
Get off the forum and take action.
I told you , you NEED therapy.
Your continual self defeating beliefs are being used to STOP you from taking action.
It doesnt matter that some other guy 'has it made' or has more than you.
Look at yourself, man.
Can you see that it is completely irrelevant if other guys 'have all the luck'?
You are the one living your life, not some other guy.
Youre the one experiencing all the sadness and disgust.
Youre the ONLY one that canget yourself out of this mess you dug yourself into.
And the only CURE for this mess, is NOT more excuses and negative self talk..it is ACTION.
ACTION WILL GIVE YOU the FEELINGS and SELF CONCEPT YOU NEED!!
Action is the medecine for you.
ONLY ACTION.
Talking yourself out of things, and talking about how hard it is WILL NOT HELP YOU!
The answer is not posting more about how hard it is and how other guys have all the luck, and how you dont understand, blah blah blah.....
You have to take action.
The answer to anxiety and suffering is to take action.
Every day you put off action you LOSE More of your Personal Power and you DRAIN YOUR MASCULINITY.
You have been given more good advice in this forum than most guys combined. And certainly more than some men I know personally.
And you are abusing it.
Im officially done with you, ION.
I wish you well.
youre main problem is how you USE LOGIC to talk yourself OUT of ACTION!
Goddamn, kid!!!
You contonually go into broken record Mode and continually spew forth all that negative inner talk at yourself.....
You keep using logic and excuses to talk yourself OUT of ACTION!!!
Do you understand?
But YOUR CURE IS ACTION!
Not more logic and excuses, and certainly not more negative self talk!
Get off the forum and take action.
I told you , you NEED therapy.
Your continual self defeating beliefs are being used to STOP you from taking action.
It doesnt matter that some other guy 'has it made' or has more than you.
Look at yourself, man.
Can you see that it is completely irrelevant if other guys 'have all the luck'?
You are the one living your life, not some other guy.
Youre the one experiencing all the sadness and disgust.
Youre the ONLY one that canget yourself out of this mess you dug yourself into.
And the only CURE for this mess, is NOT more excuses and negative self talk..it is ACTION.
ACTION WILL GIVE YOU the FEELINGS and SELF CONCEPT YOU NEED!!
Action is the medecine for you.
ONLY ACTION.
Talking yourself out of things, and talking about how hard it is WILL NOT HELP YOU!
The answer is not posting more about how hard it is and how other guys have all the luck, and how you dont understand, blah blah blah.....
You have to take action.
The answer to anxiety and suffering is to take action.
Every day you put off action you LOSE More of your Personal Power and you DRAIN YOUR MASCULINITY.
You have been given more good advice in this forum than most guys combined. And certainly more than some men I know personally.
And you are abusing it.
Im officially done with you, ION.
I wish you well.
It's right to stop posting such nonsense for the 1000th time and go join the army to get some sense knocked into your hard head.ItsOnNow said:How does one fully let go of anger/bitterness/pessimism/negativity? Thats whats holding me back in many ways. That, and sitting here,posting on the board, looking for an answer. Is it right to blame women at all?
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.