In a LTR - if you begin noticing loss of intimacy/interest

[Barrister]

What do any of you do? And yes, I realize a lot of DJs prefer just to spin plates.

Do you pull away and try to recreate the tension of not knowing what the other person is thinking? Or just talk to them about what the problem is? I have attempted to talk to her multiple times and "work" and "being exhausted" are the excuses for the flatness. Gut feeling tells me it's more than that. In fairness - she is starting her own business but again just seems like it is more than that. Or am I being unfair? Thoughts?

 

[backseatjuan]

They will tell you it's a routine, honey moon period is over. It's something else, passion is gone.

 

[Igetit!]

What do any of you do? And yes, I realize a lot of DJs prefer just to spin plates.

Do you pull away and try to recreate the tension of not knowing what the other person is thinking? Or just talk to them about what the problem is? I have attempted to talk to her multiple times and "work" and "being exhausted" are the excuses for the flatness. Gut feeling tells me it's more than that. In fairness - she is starting her own business but again just seems like it is more than that. Or am I being unfair? Thoughts?

Here you go. Follow it to the letter.

Can Someone elaborate on responding to a woman's emotions?

ive been reading on these forums latley on how men shouldnt respond to a women's emotions by using a logic because it doesnt work. while i understand this can someone elaborate and maybe givve some examples instead of how to respond to a woman's emotions?

www.sosuave.net

 

[stovepipe]

There is always one partner in the relationship who cares more than the other. The partner who cares less has the power. If you're the one who cares more, then I would exit. Otherwise you'll be one who gets dumped & hurt in the end.

 

[Billtx49]

If her passion disappears after the honeymoon, there wasn’t that much there to start with. No depth underneath the initial infatuation stage…

 

[Alvafe]

what degree is the LTR? also youa re the only one putting effort? comom excuses? going out together? or she spend more time with her "girlfriends"?

 

[The Duke]

Never stop doing those things you did in the beginning. Stop being so serious. Don't let it get boring. Never tell them everything you are feeling. Always keep the carrot dangling in front of them. Always care less about the relationship than they do. Always make them work for your affection.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Women are like waves. They have emotions and go up and down independent of what you do. Best advice is don't press (but sounds like you already have so stop), back off a little, give her some room. Guys panic when this happens, just read the posts on this thread. This stuff happens all the time in LTRs so get used to it.

No one can be "up" 100% of the time. Do some of your own stuff for a while and she'll come around.

 

[Trump]

What do any of you do? And yes, I realize a lot of DJs prefer just to spin plates.

Do you pull away and try to recreate the tension of not knowing what the other person is thinking? Or just talk to them about what the problem is? I have attempted to talk to her multiple times and "work" and "being exhausted" are the excuses for the flatness. Gut feeling tells me it's more than that. In fairness - she is starting her own business but again just seems like it is more than that.

You attempted to talk to her about why she isn’t putting her tongue down your throat anymore? I don’t know bro...

‘Honey, I noticed you are not giving me the love and affection I need the way you used to, you know, when we first met. You were all over me then and now you are not, What’s the problem?”
‘Well, it’s work and exhaustion.”
‘Are you sure? I think it’s more than that and I’m concerned you are withdrawing from me, not loving me the way you should love your man.”
‘No that’s it. Can we talk about it another time?”
‘OK but I will need an clear answer from you about why your loving has dipped in recent weeks. I am getting concerned.”

If she is losing interest or intimacy, you pull back, pull back, pull back. Do not confront her. Do not talk to her. If she talks to you, just LISTEN.

The ONLY thing that will wake up her up is if you are spinning plates. So go do it!

 

[Mazer]

How long have you been in the LTR? How many times per week are you seeing her?

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Women are like waves. They have emotions and go up and down independent of what you do. Best advice is don't press (but sounds like you already have so stop), back off a little, give her some room. Guys panic when this happens, just read the posts on this thread. This stuff happens all the time in LTRs so get used to it.

No one can be "up" 100% of the time. Do some of your own stuff for a while and she'll come around.

I agree with this. We (some, a lot) are very susceptible to our hormones, internal non logical dialogue, emotions and outside influences like our friends and moms. Heck, sometimes we can get mad at you over s dream we had!

Don’t take it personally, the hot and cold. Personally I am extremely hot and cold (no, i don’t like it either) and my BFs assume it’s them. Even IF it’s something they did or said it’s still ME and how i took it. One day a joke about my big feet is hilarious and on a different day I get pissed. It’s hard for you guys because we are so fickle and emotional.

My advice is to give space and be a rock, logical, remain close and unchanging. That’s the yang that we need in our men. If it goes on long or the female gets VERY distant and cold then bring it up. Don’t ask WHY just let her know you are aware. It’s not your job to coddle her back into the relationship so asking why is too much of a beta, chasing expression. But saying “i notice you are being cold, i hope you get back on track “ always works for me. It lets me know that it’s not acceptable behavior for him and if i want to remain in the relationship and have him close to me, i better somehow fix my distance and coldness. Usually it’s just a change in perspective and not anything huge.

 

[Julian]

^ when chicks act like you, IM GONE. Hot cold. No thanks. I like my sex hot and my water cold. A woman can be angry without going cold or distant. Thats called personality disorder. @SeekerOfTheWay

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

^ when chicks act like you, IM GONE. Hot cold. No thanks. I like my sex hot and my water cold. A woman can be angry without going cold or distant. Thats called personality disorder. @SeekerOfTheWay

I think it happens to everyone at times. If it’s a constant issue, then i would agree there is a deeper issue for the person and the partner should probably bail. But everyone has ups and downs, needs some space at times and has the right to it without it being a huge issue. That’s just the nature of LTRs. And women. I find it bizarre that some men on here complain so much about the female nature. Maybe you would prefer dating a man (not being sarcastic). Men have their own unique ways of handling stress and their emotions that we as female partners need to recognize and not tru to change or make a huge deal over. Personally I take the time to learn the other person if I am in or working towards an LTR with them. I don’t discard people when it gets a little rough. That’s just life.

 

[Julian]

I think it happens to everyone at times. If it’s a constant issue, then i would agree there is a deeper issue for the person and the partner should probably bail. But everyone has ups and downs, needs some space at times and has the right to it without it being a huge issue. That’s just the nature of LTRs. And women. I find it bizarre that some men on here complain so much about the female nature. Maybe you would prefer dating a man (not being sarcastic). Men have their own unique ways of handling stress and their emotions that we as female partners need to recognize and not tru to change or make a huge deal over. Personally I take the time to learn the other person if I am in or working towards an LTR with them. I don’t discard people when it gets a little rough. That’s just life.

Prefer dating a man? Not being sarcastic? Ok obviously i struck a cord with you for you to come at me with some gay ass insult like that. Maybe u should fist yourself?

At the end of the day in these hot cold bs relationships, its about respect. If you are over the moon for me for a month and then things get rough and u give me the cold shoulder and act like im a piece of trash...then later come back an say oh i was just confused i was emotional blablabla sorry i dont have time for emotional games. Its a sign of immaturity. Ive been in relationships where my girl would be mad cold distant or whatever but it would be in accordance to the situation and we would talk about it and move forward. With other less mature more emotional and more crazy chicks, thats typically a no go. I understand We are all human and not everything is perfect but as long as theres communication and no one is playing stupid on purpose then things can be worked thru. Like most women do when they dont want to say something or express it to their man they will play dumb and blame it on being tired or work or whatever lies they come with. Instead of just keeping it 100 and saying what the deal is. Alot of betas dont want their women being honest but me as an alpha male i expect 100 truth and honesty.

 

[Barrister]

Read over everyone’s replies. Here is some more info based on what people were asking:

1. We’ve been together a little over a year at this point. Basically had zero problems for the first 6-7 months outside of the occasional normal relationship fight. Been noticing the distance/lack of prioritization more these past few months. Again - she has been starting her own business but it doesn’t feel like the distance is only because she’s busy.

2. We do not live together and each have separate homes.

Maybe I have made myself too available to her and she’s lost a lot of that initial strong interest. Thing is when you have a serious relationship I would like to think I wouldn’t have to act like I don’t care to make her care more. That seems like the sign of an immature woman who needs that constant tension in a LTR in order to continue to get something out of it.

 

[Barrister]

There is always one partner in the relationship who cares more than the other. The partner who cares less has the power. If you're the one who cares more, then I would exit. Otherwise you'll be one who gets dumped & hurt in the end.

Been thinking about your post in particular. Do you believe it is possible to change this by giving her space and backing off as others have suggested or is this just going to be a constant cycle where I have to almost play a game to keep her invested 100% moving forward post-honeymoon? Seems somewhat pointless if it is the latter.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Been thinking about your post in particular. Do you believe it is possible to change this by giving her space and backing off as others have suggested or is this just going to be a constant cycle where I have to almost play a game to keep her invested 100% moving forward post-honeymoon? Seems somewhat pointless if it is the latter.

The "black magic" that very well may work to mysteriously spurn her desire is to start spending time and fvcking another lady who is into you. Make sure shes attractive enough.

 

[Spaz]

I agree with this. We (some, a lot) are very susceptible to our hormones, internal non logical dialogue, emotions and outside influences like our friends and moms. Heck, sometimes we can get mad at you over s dream we had!

Don’t take it personally, the hot and cold. Personally I am extremely hot and cold (no, i don’t like it either) and my BFs assume it’s them. Even IF it’s something they did or said it’s still ME and how i took it. One day a joke about my big feet is hilarious and on a different day I get pissed. It’s hard for you guys because we are so fickle and emotional.

My advice is to give space and be a rock, logical, remain close and unchanging. That’s the yang that we need in our men. If it goes on long or the female gets VERY distant and cold then bring it up. Don’t ask WHY just let her know you are aware. It’s not your job to coddle her back into the relationship so asking why is too much of a beta, chasing expression. But saying “i notice you are being cold, i hope you get back on track “ always works for me. It lets me know that it’s not acceptable behavior for him and if i want to remain in the relationship and have him close to me, i better somehow fix my distance and coldness. Usually it’s just a change in perspective and not anything huge.

Rare for a woman who's on Sosuave to admit their/women inherent flaws (which is not technically a flaw since its chemically induced).

It's even rarer for a women to offer good honest advice to men here without parading their usual feminists drivel.

In this instance, take her comments positively @Julian

 

[Epic Days]

If her passion disappears after the honeymoon, there wasn’t that much there to start with. No depth underneath the initial infatuation stage…

This is misleading and because of this, inaccurate and if adopted as basis of operating will lead to failure for the man.

This will happen to any and all men who seek a relationship within the feminine imperative. You will be a tool. A means to an end. A stepping stone.

You must first vanquish your imperative thoughts and ideas and start a new life based on truth and observation without the drive to obtain a mate.

 

[Epic Days]

Rare for a woman who's on Sosuave to admit their/women inherent flaws (which is not technically a flaw since its chemically induced).

It's even rarer for a women to offer good honest advice to men here without parading their usual feminists drivel.

In this instance, take her comments positively @Julian

I have also found her posts to be reasonably honest in the forum. Makes the other women look bad with their deceiving posts.