Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Improving Social Skills

Walk this Way

Don Juan
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I have little time, but need a lot of help. Not professional help; I feel like I missed out on the fundamental laws of friendship back in kingergarten. I was doing alright before, but now things have gotten very strange these past few months, especially after my old groups of friends left.

Some background: I am a male, 16, an Indian, a junior in high school. I am intelligent - certainly in the upper portion of the top 5% of the our class academically. I am culturally intune, a musician (electric bass guitar and flute), a writer, a tennis player, and am involved in a number of clubs and activities in our school. I run regularly for exercise, workout a little. I'm 5 foot 7, 132 pounds, fairly buff. While I may sound like the stereotypical Indian, my attitude and views are uniquely mine and I certainly don't mean to have any of that self-centered, secluded air that some Indians are deemed to have - I'm more fun-loving, funny, and have a cool streetwise spirit.


This is not a post about girls. I am in no position to pursue girls right now. I have guy friends at school, but we almost never hang out outside of school. This is partly my fault...I have not initiated anything more than checking out movies. My best friend is my ex-girlfriend, shes goes to a different school, and we're such great friends that we've already decided to go to school in the same city, room together, and start our own business together. I'm open with her, we can talk for hours, she loves my personality and especially my sense of humor and creativity. She has a boyfriend, but this post is not about her either, so it makes no difference. Her friendship is just proof that I have it in me to be the kind of person that people would enjoy being with.

In any case, I would like more friends, both female and male. I want to at least get invited to some parties, get invited to sit at lunch tables, hang out in whatever free time I have, and in short become a more social and open person that people appreciate. My best friend got upset when I mentioned this to her, saying that I simply lacked confidence and that I cared too much about what everyone thinks of me, and that I'm just afraid of rejection and failure. Of course, not being in my school, she cannot know for sure. I know she is right, but if I'm going to fail, I at least want to know I was heading in the right decision, so I arrived at this site. People here know the real world and how it works, and I know that learning from the successful is the road to success. I know this will not be an overnight process, but I want to learn the attitudes, techniques and information on how to become socially smart. I want to learn these lifelong skills of communication. And I'm willing to take the risks and face the challenge.

Please relate to me any advice you feel appropriate. Thank you. I've gone through the bible, but if there is anything in particular you feel I should focus on, I would appreciate it.
 
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Hey Buddy! Imagine this, its the first day of school and this guy walks up to you with a big grin and says "hey whats up i am Sterling". He shakes your hand with that grin still plasterd to his face. His is livey and always smiling, joking, and happy.

"nice shoes Dude! They are awsome!" says he to you. He then puts his hand on your shoulder and asks you how your summer was.

What would you think of him? Would you want to befriend this guy?

well this is pretty similar to myself. I have lots of friends and every body likes. I have never had any enemies. ( i am just wasnt that good with the ladies in the past)

This is the kind of character you want to assume to get friends. Also do not adhere to one specific group. ex. punks gothes nerds preppies. Just be your own person and talk with anybody. I am the only person in my school that wears pointy leather boots, tight pants, and caries a brief case. every one thinks i am cool and respects me. Be friendly class clown type guy. Oops Time for me to go for a Run!
 
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Becuz no one else dose. And the day befor last school year i didnt hava a back pack, my old one was destroyed. So i found an old fashioned Brief case in my Grage and i just started using that. This year I am getting a back pack and a briefcase so i can have variety and look interesting
 

Izo

Don Juan
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Sup. Man, this is weird. You and I could be twins. And I have the exact same problem as you. But only thing is, I'm asian.

What I did was, I looked at the people who are successful, who I wished I could be like. What makes them successful? Learn how to create the kind of humor that you yourself like. You have to be able to start a conversation with anybody at anytime, and work on maintaining it with people. I'm not saying to copy people; you gotta develop your own style, but learning from other people helps. Like if you want to be one of those eccentric people who say things that make you go, “wtf, is this guy smoking weed or somethin?” (these people are actually pretty funny), you gotta hang around those guys and you'll absorb their personalities eventually. Also, if you want to be good friends with someone, I learned that you can't always be polite, like you're afraid of making a good impression (or like you're walking on eggshells), because it doesn't build good rapport. It kind of relates to the whole "****y and funny" thing.

The thing is, most people are worried about the impression they make on you than your impression on them. But your own impression still matters. If they make some kind of joke, I laugh because it makes them feel better. You have to know what kind of people you want to hang around, and why. Chances are, if you like these kinds of people, it would help for you to become like that. You will also like yourself more, as an added benefit.

And also, you can't be the exact same person around everyone. Your personality has to vary a little. Some people like to talk, and some people like to listen. You have to be able to talk AND listen when the time comes to be great.

Man, this is long. Does it all make sense? Hope it helps a little. Good luck brother.
 

DiSt0rTi0n_07

Don Juan
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Hey Buddy! Imagine this, its the first day of school and this guy walks up to you with a big grin and says "hey whats up i am Sterling". He shakes your hand with that grin still plasterd to his face. His is livey and always smiling, joking, and happy. "nice shoes Dude! They are awsome!" says he to you. He then puts his hand on your shoulder and asks you how your summer was.
Quoted by Sterling the Runner

If some guy did this I would say "Are you hitting on me?!" :eek:
 

Caveman

Master Don Juan
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Originally posted by DiSt0rTi0n_07
Quoted by Sterling the Runner

If some guy did this I would say "Are you hitting on me?!" :eek:
He has the right attitude though. Too many people are shy and wait for others to initiate conversation. STR doesn't wait and wonder 'will they like me?': he just assumes they do and greets anyone like an old friend. Believe it or not, most people actually enjoy people like that. It makes them feel good.

Sounds to me Sterling is the alpha at his school.
 

Walk this Way

Don Juan
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Thanks guys. Yeah I think I just need to be more open and friendly with EVERYONE. I like the role model idea a lot too. I'll take the part of their formula that I like, but I'll still keep the part of me that's me.
 
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