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Improving conversations??

RSDCharlie

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Guys any tips on how to excel in neutral conversations? I'm awesome during the comfort and seduction stage, where I can talk sexually to anyone. But this has caused me more harm than good, because I tend to escalate too fast. My sense of humor turns out to be sexual too, kinda like barney from himym. But most girls do not enjoy that. Any tips on how to be more talkative in a non sexual way, to build rapport?

P.s. I tend to find alot of topics when I'm chatting with a girl. But when talking, it just goes out the window.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Yes one framework I learned when I first started approaching is: General, Specific, Personal, Relatable.

Your goal is to avoid asking many questions in rapid succession on a wide variety of topics and instead narrow in on one or two things that really get to the core of who she is. In other words, instead of an inch deep and a mile wide, you want to be a mile deep and an inch wide.

So you start by asking a general question that you could ask anyone. When she answers, you ask her something specific about her answer. When she answers that, you ask her something personal about herself based on that answer. Then when she answers that, you share something about yourself that is relatable so that she is learning about you too, and so that she truly understands you can relate to what she is saying - that you are truly "hearing" her. Women go nuts for guys who really understand and hear them, beyond the surface level.

Example:
General: What on earth are you buying all these oranges for? Are you opening an Orange Julius or something?
Answer: Haha no, I just make a lot of smoothies
Specific: So what do you like so much about smoothies?
Answer: Oh it's part of a special diet I'm on
Personal: Ah ok you must be a very health-conscious person then?
Answer: Yeah I am a competitive cyclist and enter a lot of races so I try to do everything I can to eat healthy and clean to increase my results in training and in competition
Personal (again): Competitive cyclist - that's really cool. What is your underlying motivation that drives you to compete in such a dedicated manner?
Answer: Oh, gosh.... well, I guess I enjoy the rush of the race and feeling of accomplishment when I win. My dad was a cyclist and got me into it at a very young age and he encouraged me to train so I guess it's just an ingrained part of me now.
Relatable: I can relate to that - I don't cycle but I am an avid runner and just like you, I tailor my diet around my running and I run races as well as volunteer at some races. I know what you mean about feeling of accomplishment when you podium, or at least when you beat your last 5k or 10k time. You can see that all the training work you put in has paid off in a tangible way and that is addicting.

From there she is likely to share more about her personal life and you can stick with the personal questions and relatable statements. An example of a follow-on topic would be to ask if her dad still rides or if they ride together or if he comes to any of her races etc. Things like "How does it make you FEEL" and "WHY do you do/like that?" are excellent questions. They cause a girl to think deeply about it and the answer is generally going to something fairly personal and lead to many more topics of conversation you can explore with her.

One important tip, don't reward every statement she makes or answer she gives. You have to surf a fine line of skepticism without coming off as rude. Example, in my response above I said, "So what do you like so much about smoothies?" instead of, "Smoothies! Oh wow I LOVE smoothies! Aren't they the best". Obviously that's an exaggeration but so many guys get nervous and start lighting up with praise at everything a girl says. Put her on the spot - ask her to explain what's so great about what she does or likes or is doing. When and if she says something that you consider to be genuinely admirable or interesting, THAT is when you praise her. This sets the frame for her looking for your validation - which is the frame that should exist anyway: When I approach a girl, my thought process is, "Ok, you've passed the looks test so I'm going to talk to you and find out who you are and if I'm interested in getting to know you further". I'm effectively asking her to prove herself to me, but I'm doing it in a polite and calibrated way. A small amount of pressure, followed by praise when praise is due.

Of course, not all girls will be receptive, but 99% will be polite. If she's giving you one word answers and not giving you anything to run with, it means she isn't into you so you move-on. In my experience, maybe 10% of girls will shrug you off by responding with a one word answer and walking away after one or two questions. The other 90% will have a conversation with you. Of that 90%, 70% will be interested in a conversation along the lines of my example above but won't take it much further than that and ultimately move on. They aren't interested. That's ok. You just had a pleasant conversation with a stranger. The other 30% will want to continue talking and you'll get the feeling they would be interested in more, so for those girls, after 5 or so mins of talking, you tell her you've enjoyed talking but have to get going and would like to continue the conversation over a drink or coffee sometime so you ask for her number.
 

Serenity

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Stage 1: Explore. Poke around and be curious until she lights up about a topic.
Stage 2: Follow the thread. Dig down into it, the topic might naturally derail into something else eventually, this is good, keep it rolling.
Stage 3: It fizzles out, return to stage 1 or pick up an unfinished topic from stage 2.
Stage 4: You can can loop stages 1-3 forever if you want.

The details in the above post is good too.
 

We_ArE_VeNOM

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Guys any tips on how to excel in neutral conversations? I'm awesome during the comfort and seduction stage, where I can talk sexually to anyone. But this has caused me more harm than good, because I tend to escalate too fast. My sense of humor turns out to be sexual too, kinda like barney from himym. But most girls do not enjoy that. Any tips on how to be more talkative in a non sexual way, to build rapport?

P.s. I tend to find alot of topics when I'm chatting with a girl. But when talking, it just goes out the window.
If you ain't looking for a monogamous LTR, then you do not need to build rapport.

Go Mode One.
 
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