Improve Social Life... how!?

[CCKazi007]

I have a huge problem! I know social life is very important to your social status and getting girls in highschool. The problem with me is that I'm a bit shy and likely to have developed mild social phobia when I was bullied in 5th grade. I moved to my new high school 2 years ago and made couple friends... or more like friendly people I just know. I became best friends with the unpopular goth freak kid and hanged out with him a lot, but recently he moved on and starting doing drugs and started to hang out with other kids and cut all contacts with me. So pretty much my social life is nonexistant since I've moved during soptmore year and everyone at the HS know each other already. I sit around watch movies and TV during the weekends and after school I just come home and do my homework. During lunch I sit with semi-popular kids and talk to them but none of them ever invites me over to do anything with them including parties... and convos with them die after 10 minutes cuz I don't know any "gossip."

I have hobbies and I had no problem making friends in middleschool since I've known them for 10 years... I still talk to them a lot.

So I would like to know how to expand your social life!? I feel kinda weird to ask people for their phone numbers and their AIM screen names. Also what do you guys do with your buddies over the weekends and after school? Damn this is the only area in my life I need improvement on so please share your insight.

 

[WC2]

High School is small beans. Don't sweat not knowing certain "gossip" or not being with the "in" crowd. All this will disappear into oblivion in a few years.

Take yourself out of the high school mindset, and improving your popularity.

Back in HS I started Varsity Football for 3 years and knew every single person in my town. With that said, I look at most of my so called popular friends from high school now and I say "man what a loser he is out of school."

You should work on improving yourself by trying to take more interest in others, but don't try and make yourself believe that moving up on the popularity totem pole is going to get you anywhere.

Find an inspiration. Something you like, something you want to be good at. Before you know it, others will take notice. I'd much rather lead my own life and have other follow than trying to follow a pack.

 

[CCKazi007]

High School is small beans. Don't sweat not knowing certain "gossip" or not being with the "in" crowd. All this will disappear into oblivion in a few years.

Take yourself out of the high school mindset, and improving your popularity.

Back in HS I started Varsity Football for 3 years and knew every single person in my town. With that said, I look at most of my so called popular friends from high school now and I say "man what a loser he is out of school."

You should work on improving yourself by trying to take more interest in others, but don't try and make yourself believe that moving up on the popularity totem pole is going to get you anywhere.

Find an inspiration. Something you like, something you want to be good at. Before you know it, others will take notice. I'd much rather lead my own life and have other follow than trying to follow a pack.

Ok thanks for the advice I'm really more focused on getting into college and improving myself. I really don't care if I'm "popular or not" I just want to expand my social circle and have a healthy social life to balance out my life. So I was wondering how to actually make "closer friends" who would hang out with you after school and over the weekends.

 

[itishe]

I made a post a few days back with a similar question/plea for help. I'm already starting to improve because I'm actually socializing with people I want to socialize with.

Let me explain.

In highschool, people will let you know who you can and can't associate with if you want to be "cool". I said **** that, went to a local punk concert, headbanged with kids I never talk to, had a blast and met new people.

 

[CCKazi007]

Ok cool how do you advance things with people who share the same interets? Do I ask for their AIM or phone number then ask them to hang out with you? I really just want a few friends to chill on the weekends but it's so hard to find those kind of kids at my school cuz most of them are druggies/party animals!

 

[GaryUranga]

theres a bunch of people that are thinking the same thing, I am for example, just gotta ask abunch of people that you like to hangout and those will eventually become the close friend, making friends is pretty logical unlike getting the HBs to get friends it just works to be like "lets hang"

 

[BluEyes]

Originally posted by BluEyes
Good idea m8.

I'm just starting to do that now with people i haven't hung out with all summer.

To do it effectively, start big and end small. Don't understand? Plan group things, and parties(if possible), and activities with more than 3 people. THere's some logic behind this, and its working for me...If it's only you and, lets call them a stranger...then the focus is all on you, and things are usually pretty static and uncomfortable. Also, calling a single person up who you don't know(guy or girl) STINKS of hidden agenda, even if there isn't one.

Essentially:

1. Keep the groups large at first.
2. Call people individually(or in a smaller group) after that.
3. Make it interesting, don't be a bore.
4. Start short(ie dont plan all day things, mabye just get a group and go for a coffee somewhere)
5. After hanging out with people in groups, tighten it abit with people who you think are interesting, and hang out with them individually or in a smaller group.
6. Success

Thats the formula I'm using, and people that I haven't talked to in awhile are saying things like: " wow you're a fun guy, how come I haven't seen you around or anything??", etc. (By the way, if you get that from a chick, thats mad IOI right there, just work with it.)

Hope this helps. Always have a plan, but never stop to think.

i think this might be pertinent.

 

[LegendBoy]

I have it good in that respect my group is like top dog in our school.

You know my best friends are from when i am young, there the ones i chill with on the weekends.

 

[we all eat food]

Well, I used to be just like you. The way I made friends was by this.

First off, dont immediatly try to hang out with popular kids so much, because there a tight nit group and most likely wont invite you to anything. What you need to do, is join some out of school activitys, stay active, dont just sit around all day. One thing that really helped me was joing clubs and activitys in school. For Instance, I am in Theatre and Chorus, and Singing(which im damn good at) is my passion, and acting and dacning as well, plus you meet tons of girls and meet really nice people, very non judgemental. I dont think you have to do theatre if you dont want to, but try like a sport team or something, if your not athletic then just do anything, dont just wait for life to come to you, know what I mean. Also, dont judge people. and exclude them out. Be like a social butterfly, be friendly, funny and confident and just entertain people, and talk to people, dont be afraid, because you have nothing to lose anyway. Also, as far hanging out with them etc. Lets say you become friends with someone in your school, or activity, just ask them for their nuymber if you guys get a long good and have fun with each other w/e and just call them up and they will prob want to hang out with you. Another big thing that helped me, was MySpace, becuase you can AIM sns from their and be abel to keep in touch with friends you meet, so its easy to hang out with someone. Just be like, "lets hang out sometime" and just go from their man. To be a friend, you gotta be one, and dont wait for people to invite you. Just make a goal of having one plan a weekend, and just be friends with everyone dude, expand your social circle. People arent gonna be mad if you talk to them or w/e.

Well thats it. If you wanna IM me my aim is eli6289

 

[Im A King]

try to get close to one person. and then after that it's a piece of cake. it's like a chain reaction, as soon as you get close to one, you start to hang out more, and more likely he or she will introduce you to their friends and etc etc....

 

[Jester090]

1. Get your friends #'s. If they are really your friends, it shouldn't feel that weird. "Yo dude, give me your # so we can chill this weekend." It's that easy. Or if you really don't wanna do that, atleast show some interest in parties and events like that--maybe the guys you sit with at lunch aren't even aware that you would be into stuff like that. "You guys know any parties goin down this weekend?". Give it a whirl.

2. As for hanging out with them outside of school, you essentially have two options. You can either wait for them to call you (not likely), or you can be the man and call them. And if you do get invited to parties or to hang out, always try to say yes the first time, otherwise that person will be reluctant to invite you again. As for hanging out with the popular guys, I agree with 'we all eat food'--a lot of times they are a tight knit group who will not be willing you let you in (because all they care about is their image)...that is, UNLESS you prove to them you have equal or higher social value than them. How is this done? Two ways. First, you could get really good at a school-related activity or take up a sport and get good at it. However, it's hard to start a new sport during your later yrs of high school. The other way (and much easier way in my opinion) to gain social value quickly is by having the popular guys see you chatting up the hot girls at your high school. If you earn the ladies' approval, you earn the guys' approval, and you will notice this when the guys start treating you much better than they had previously. Hope this advice helps.

 

[VSTbeserk]

well i just started college but you guys think myspace would assist in social proof?

 

[MrConfidence]

I'm having the same problem as this guy, but I'm in a bunch of clubs, and activities, and still don't have any friends. Just saying, that might not be the best advice.