Important Question about Marriage...Need Help

[Analysis]

Quick Background:
- Dating for over 3 yrs.
- Just got engaged.
- Incredible (Is flexible, giver, humorous, 90%-Great /5% May get into an argument here or there..Nothing major..)
- High-Powered career woman going to Ivy League school
-Always doing things for me...Suprising me w/ gifts, cooking me dinner...You get the picture..Sweet girl..

I just have one question?

From the beginning of our relationship she has always said how she would like to keep her last name if she ever got married...She has asked me on several occassions...Does that bother me? Honestly, it doesn't bother me..perse...but it does cross my mind will I come across as being weak to other guys if my wife keeps her last name...What do guys think?

 

[Chosen1]

As long as your happy who gives a damn what others think. Do what ever you want. Theres nothing wrong with living and die as long as it's the way you want to.

 

[Pulsar]

I think that if you Marry, you should haver her change her last name to reflect your own.

That is tradition.

When you have kids you want your name to be passed down.

If it were me, I would say 'no' to her..but hey, that's me.

If she doesn't want to get married to you coz of that then that's got to make you wonder...

 

[everywomanshero]

From the beginning of our relationship she has always said how she would like to keep her last name if she ever got married...She has asked me on several occassions...Does that bother me? Honestly, it doesn't bother me..perse...but it does cross my mind will I come across as being weak to other guys if my wife keeps her last name...What do guys think?

I wouldn't be worried what other guys think. Many guys have wives who are cheating on them left and right, and something like 10% of children born in Western marriages have a father other than the husband. Many guys have wives who are running up huge credit card bills that he will end up paying the bulk of post-divorce. Many guys have wives who nag them night and day until they want to just go sleep outside with the family dog.

In short, it sounds like you have something going for you. If anyone says anything, jealousy would be the likely factor. One of the real keys to success I've found is to not really care what most people think (if they are going to be nasty), and at the same time be humble (people won't like those who overtly go around trying to prove how cool and aloof they are).

 

[Doggystyle]

i wouldn't be too bothered if she kept her last name, she could have reasons for it, i.e. no males in her family her age to carry it on

i'd want my kids to have my name though

 

[THE_ADDMAN]

There really isnt too much incentive to marrying nowadays, as everywomanshero said. If ur absolutely sure that both of you guys want to undertake the traditional act of marriage, then both of u guys will likely want to honour the same tradition of keeping the man's last name.

There is only one reason a woman wouldnt want to take your last name; so she can keep this "Independant woman" bull**** in her head.
Since women enter marriage to be connected with a man, she should be honoured to take your last name.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'm betting that if she is in the Ivy League, she has a wealthy family.

My ex-wife kept her old name, which was fine with me. Anything is better than hyphens. But what last name do you give your kids?

 

[Jariel]

This isn't the best place to ask for marriage advice, I must warn you.

However, personally that issue wouldn't bother me as it's just a meaningless formality anyway. Ask her why, and if you are satisfied with her reason then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Alternatively, you could suggest a double barrel name. Many women are doing that these days.

 

[Desdinova]

The rules and traditions of marriage have changed drastically. Technically, there's nothing wrong with keeping her last name. If you like, you can legally take her last name as well.

I had this discussion when I was with my ex. She told me she wouldn't want to have her last name changed. I can't lie, it bothered me quite a bit. But that may just be me.

Since the two of you are engaged, you should both sit down and talk about these issues (the last name, the kids) before you go through with tying the knot. If you leave this unresolved before the big day, it's only going to cause bigger problems when you apply for your marriage license.

As for looking "weak", who cares what other people think? If this marriage is something the both of you want, and if you both believe you're going to work well together, that's all that counts. Other people's thoughts and opinions shouldn't interfere with your relationship. If you let other people run your marriage (and ultimately, your wedding), you're not going to be happy together.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Quick Background:
- Dating for over 3 yrs.
- Just got engaged.
- Incredible (Is flexible, giver, humorous, 90%-Great /5% May get into an argument here or there..Nothing major..)
- High-Powered career woman going to Ivy League school
-Always doing things for me...Suprising me w/ gifts, cooking me dinner...You get the picture..Sweet girl..

I just have one question?

From the beginning of our relationship she has always said how she would like to keep her last name if she ever got married...She has asked me on several occassions...Does that bother me? Honestly, it doesn't bother me..perse...but it does cross my mind will I come across as being weak to other guys if my wife keeps her last name...What do guys think?

Congratulations! Sounds like you definitely got a keeper! Like the other guys said, don't worry what other guys think. They are the ones that are insecure, not you. When I was married my wife hyphenated our last names. Actually it sounded pretty damn cool.

 

[Analysis]

Thanks for all the advice...It really helped...

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

whats her last name? whats yours?

I can understand if your last name is like "Aleksovantosmithonaffponski"

But if your name is "Smith" and her name is "Brown" then I would be curios as to why she wanted to keep her last name? Is there a logical reason? Does she think it would be too confusing for her career? Or is she just a stupid ***** that wants to feel like shes got a bigger **** than you?

 

[WaterTiger]

My cousin (female lawyer) used her maiden name for business, and her "married name" for her private life. All her diplomas & certificates were in the old name and she said it would be a pain in the ass to have it all changed.

When they went to places as a couple they used HIS name. She always made sure that she introduced him as "My husband Dr. John Sherwood".

To answer BibleBelt, the children take the father's name.