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important criteria before marriage

carrot

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Hello Guys

those who are married and happy more than 2yrs
what were non negotioble criteria you looked into

I assume few things will be different for each man ,just to know what were your criteria
 

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logicallefty

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This might be a slight tangent off where you wanted to go with this thread but I make a point to say this any chance I get:

Before marrying a woman, do a freaking background check! I married a woman who was a bigamist and already married to two other dudes when she married me. Full story here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214228


Not only that, but when I did a background check too late, after the fact, I found out she had also spent time in jail for fraud that she never told me about, found out that she had been sued 4-5 times for scamming people out of money, found out she had a long history of calling the cops on her exes when they had fights (something she also did to me), she had lived over 100 places in the past 20 years, a few other big things.

I had NO idea who I "married" until it was too late.

And at the time I was a freaking cop and later a cybercrime detective. Of all people to have this happen to, I should have known better.

Never again will I marry without a full hard core background check.
 

carrot

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long time back thread
this goes for business partners too
agree any new people you connect on personal level do full background checks
found judgements unpaid ,liens by irs on a tenant who was very nice to talk in person but background reports tell different story
 

mrgoodstuff

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long time back thread
this goes for business partners too
agree any new people you connect on personal level do full background checks
found judgements unpaid ,liens by irs on a tenant who was very nice to talk in person but background reports tell different story
What does their credit worthiness have to do with how they are as a person? Trying to figure that out. Alot of men get wiped out in divorce and then child support can rip greater than half, leaving a guy that's struggling until the child goes to college.

I know alot of folks who treat their shyt good, perfect credit and treat other people and other peoples stuff like trash. What did their good credit say about them? Oh, they can take care of their own stuff, put it first? Sure... What does that deal with how you are going to do me?
 

Lookatu

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In addition to the above,
- Look at how she manages money and if she has a lot of debts, maybe even check her credit score.
- Try to gauge whether she will be able to stick with you through thick and thin and have your back. Like if you lose your job or come across any other major issues.
- Check to see if she has any family drama because once you marry her, it will be yours too.
- See how she handles stress and adversity(I always say go on international vacation or do a big house remodel to test this)
- See how she treats others people, strangers, family, friends, kids, pets, etc.
- Make sure she's not a narccisist or a selfish person
- Make sure you can live under one roof with her 24/7(try living together first)
- Make sure to identify any little thing that might bother you now about the other person because eventually those things can turn big. Like if you don't like messy people, it will eventually eat at you the longer you're with them.
- See how adaptable or flexible she can be because life will throw a lot of wrenches both of your way and you guys need to learn to deal with it together and not go against each other.
- Make sure you guys are both crystal clear when it comes to big ticket items like kids, size/location of house, spending, etc.

I'm sure there's a ton of other things but these are the things I can think of on the top of my head.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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In addition to the above,
- Look at how she manages money and if she has a lot of debts, maybe even check her credit score.
- Try to gauge whether she will be able to stick with you through thick and thin and have your back. Like if you lose your job or come across any other major issues.
- Check to see if she has any family drama because once you marry her, it will be yours too.
- See how she handles stress and adversity(I always say go on international vacation or do a big house remodel to test this)
- See how she treats others people, strangers, family, friends, kids, pets, etc.
- Make sure she's not a narccisist or a selfish person
- Make sure you can live under one roof with her 24/7(try living together first)
- Make sure to identify any little thing that might bother you now about the other person because eventually those things can turn big. Like if you don't like messy people, it will eventually eat at you the longer you're with them.
- See how adaptable or flexible she can be because life will throw a lot of wrenches both of your way and you guys need to learn to deal with it together and not go against each other.
- Make sure you guys are both crystal clear when it comes to big ticket items like kids, size/location of house, spending, etc.

I'm sure there's a ton of other things but these are the things I can think of on the top of my head.
Great list.

What about sexual compatability? Some don't think it's a big deal.
 

Lookatu

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What does their credit worthiness have to do with how they are as a person? Trying to figure that out.
Having bad credit doesn't make you a bad person but when it comes to marriage, it can definitely hinder you in some ways and eventually have one more thing to stress over that can be used against them in arguments and such. It can also signal how responsible they are with not only money but being responsible with other things that are indirectly related to it.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Having bad credit doesn't make you a bad person but when it comes to marriage, it can definitely hinder you in some ways and eventually have one more thing to stress over that can be used against them in arguments and such. It can also signal how responsible they are with not only money but being responsible with other things that are indirectly related to it.
I get that. So what if they handle their own stuff great. But joint items or your items are not treated good because they are too selfish?
 

Lookatu

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Great list.

What about sexual compatability? Some don't think it's a big deal.
Ooops forgot that one too. There definitely should be sexual compatibilty but also open communication. Some live with others and have bad sex merely due to not being able to open up or communicating things properly. Communication is where it's going to be important if one person ends up having stronger libido or longer lasting than the other.

On that note, NEVER marry a gal that uses sex as power and use it to hold it over you to get things her way. She should be willing to give it up at anytime as long as she's not feeling sick or super tired.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Ooops forgot that one too. There definitely should be sexual compatibilty but also open communication. Some live with others and have bad sex merely due to not being able to open up or communicating things properly. Communication is where it's going to be important if one person ends up having stronger libido or longer lasting than the other.

On that note, NEVER marry a gal that uses sex as power and use it to hold it over you to get things her way. She should be willing to give it up at anytime as long as she's not feeling sick or super tired.
Now you know a "feminist" will disagree with you here. They are going to want a lot of check and balances to occur before sex, so that it's not so "free flowing", and especially so a man is not allowed to "lead" or "control".

Women who know they want their intimacy life to be good and for her man to not be denied often, she knows that going into the marriage, she knows she never wants it to become a problem. It is important for her.
 
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Lookatu

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I get that. So what if they handle their own stuff great. But joint items or your items are not treated good because they are too selfish?
One of my lines is to not marry a selfish woman.
But to that note, I believe that one person is always going to love the other person more. That's just the way it is.

Question to ask yourself is do you wanna love the other person more or do you wanna be loved more(once again this "love" thing is used loosely here as it can mean many things to many people). Because the one that loves the other person more is always going to have a more difficult time and may have to make more compromises or sacrifices. The one that is loved more in other words can afford to be more selfish.

It's better sometimes to fvck high maintenance HB9's but marry more humble, low maintenance, low drama HB7's instead for the long haul.
 

mrgoodstuff

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One of my lines is to not marry a selfish woman.
But to that note, I believe that one person is always going to love the other person more. That's just the way it is.

Question to ask yourself is do you wanna love the other person more or do you wanna be loved more(once again this "love" thing is used loosely here as it can mean many things to many people). Because the one that loves the other person more is always going to have a more difficult time and may have to make more compromises or sacrifices. The one that is loved more in other words can afford to be more selfish.

It's better sometimes to fvck high maintenance HB9's but marry more humble, low maintenance, low drama HB7's instead for the long haul.
Having done both ways, "love more" or "be loved more". I choose "be loved more" and to add personal responsibility on my end to take care of the love. When you "love them more", it really messes up a whole lot of things. That means your going to desire her more and thus you will pursue and chase, and that will kill attraction, drink your masculinity, and it won't be too long before many other men look more attractive in her eyes in comparison.

I'm going to need at least her body be attractive enough to turn me on and excite me, it wouldn't be fair to her or myself if that wasn't there for the both of us. I don't need the prettiest face, or best makeup, etc.

Perhaps in nature the woman is supposed to be able to idolize something about her man so that she may SUBMIT because "she loves him more". Us fighting this law of nature is why people get into dysfunctional relationship formats.
 

Lookatu

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Having done both ways, "love more" or "be loved more". I choose "be loved more" and to add personal responsibility on my end to take care of the love. When you "love them more", it really messes up a whole lot of things. That means your going to desire her more and thus you will pursue and chase, and that will kill attraction, drink your masculinity, and it won't be too long before many other men look more attractive in her eyes in comparison.

I'm going to need at least her body be attractive enough to turn me on and excite me, it wouldn't be fair to her or myself if that wasn't there for the both of us. I don't need the prettiest face, or best makeup, etc.

Perhaps in nature the woman is supposed to be able to idolize something about her man so that she may SUBMIT because "she loves him more". Us fighting this law of nature is why people get into dysfunctional relationship formats.
Amen brother. :up:
 

RickTheToad

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A man worth his salt would be nuts to get married these days. I dude I know just got divorced and it wasn't very equitble. She got the house, investment properties and half of the combined retirement. The split was like 80/20 her. Only a fool would get married nowadays.
 

stringpuller

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Hello Guys

those who are married and happy more than 2yrs
what were non negotioble criteria you looked into

I assume few things will be different for each man ,just to know what were your criteria
How she treats you. How she treats other ppl.
These 2 things will open up a lot. Even how she handles money.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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A man worth his salt would be nuts to get married these days. I dude I know just got divorced and it wasn't very equitble. She got the house, investment properties and half of the combined retirement. The split was like 80/20 her. Only a fool would get married nowadays.
A straight fool.
 

stringpuller

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A man worth his salt would be nuts to get married these days. I dude I know just got divorced and it wasn't very equitble. She got the house, investment properties and half of the combined retirement. The split was like 80/20 her. Only a fool would get married nowadays.
I went through one. I got the house. Keep everything in your name. Times are changing and guys dont have to sign shyt or go anywhere. Guys roll over when they get kicked in the gut. Time and time again they give into whats expected of them.
 

RickTheToad

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I went through one. I got the house. Keep everything in your name. Times are changing and guys dont have to sign shyt or go anywhere. Guys roll over when they get kicked in the gut. Time and time again they give into whats expected of them.
Not as easy when you live in a Socialist State like CT. CT/NJ/NY/IL/CA/WA are the worst States to be married in I am told. FL and TX are the best; if one can look at it that way.
 

Alvafe

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Not as easy when you live in a Socialist State like CT. CT/NJ/NY/IL/CA/WA are the worst States to be married in I am told. FL and TX are the best; if one can look at it that way.
one thing I say often here is check the laws in the place you live, and make sure to protect yourself, even if that means passing everything you have in your mom name (if she is trustworth) if that means you will protect yourself, and again make papaer trails, I know then tehre is a lot of guys who don't do this because they don't want to look weak, or don't want to fight or are just lazy, guys need to understand you need to be mean and savage if they want to survive, and that was always the way of the world
 

stringpuller

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Not as easy when you live in a Socialist State like CT. CT/NJ/NY/IL/CA/WA are the worst States to be married in I am told. FL and TX are the best; if one can look at it that way.
Agree. This was PA. Commonwealth.
It sucks.
I hate to say it but a guys best defense against it besides not marrying at all is to drag it out as long as possible.
Woman like quick transitions in their monkey branching behaviors and you holding out will pressure her to settle.
Pressure from the new guy etc etc.
Mine took a while but it worked.

Women in general but not exclusively are like children they have no stamina or patience.
Its not the best advice besides not marrying in America but it worked for me.
Personally i think child support is more damaging then anything in a divorce. They love keeping your cash while giving up your cok for the next one in this gynoscentric system taught to them.

This society has no repercussions for her.
Your better off finding an LTR fron somewhere that's still Patriarchal.
Atleast they will expect you to be harsh with them with this kind of shyt behavior.
After all the holy grail here is how well does she behave?
Her behavior towards you is everything.
 
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