Importance of body language

[Lambda]

Everywhere you read about the importance of the woman's body language when it comes to finding out if she is interested or not. I agree on the importance of her body language when you have recently met the woman.

But, lets say that you work with a woman, and have done so for several months, and the two of you flirt every now and then. How much should you read into her body language when gauging her interest? Its not like you flirt everytime you interact, as it often is work-related, but should you expect her to keep a straight back everytime you see her, and never act aloof, and so on?

 

[BlakeW5]

Body language is huge. I say this because for the most part it's unconscious. When someone says one thing but their body language says something else, put your money on their body language.

But every now and then flirting is just flirting. Be careful with hitting on/escalating with a chick you work with if you care about your job or mental/physical well-being. You even said yourself that the flirting is only every now and then. Who's to say she just isn't in a flirty sexy mood.

I don't really understand your last question (straight back, acting aloof) so explain in more detail and include what you think it means.

Really though, when it comes to communication between the sexes, body language trumps every other form of communication.

 

[SinJester]

Body language is overrated simply because if you are thinking about it screws you over.

 

[SinJester]

Body language is overrated simply because if you are thinking about it screws you over.

 

[daring wraith]

I'd say body language is extremely important.

For example, refering to the "cute" thread.

If a girl says "you're cute" and theres no expression on her face and then walks of, you know shes gonna take a bit of work.

However if a girl says "aaawww you're sooo cute" in a "cute voice, big smile and leans forward when she says it, chances are you're probably be leaving with her.

What im trying to say is that body language shows intent. Good eye contact, mirroring, touching, smiling, laughing, the tossing of the hair, stroking her neck, twirling her drink, the things one does with their body to keep attention and focus on them are important indicators of where you are, where you're going and what you're going to do.

Adrian

 

[Lambda]

Yes, body language is important. But if you see a woman everyday, it can be too much, right? Which is something that leads to less flirting. If a woman you see everyday is interested in you, does she always give off the right body language when you see her? Or should you not bother if she once in a while seem a little aloof?

 

[slaog]

Body language is communication. You say alot about yourself through your body language alone.

It's easy to spot a nervous, confident, shy person etc just by looking at them and the thing is that women are better at reading body language then men!

 

[everywomanshero]

When it comes to body language it matters more on what people believe it means than what it really means. The study of body language teaches you what people will most likely think if you sit in X position or walk with Y posture. It is *not* predictive of or caused by internal factors. There are some correlations you can look at, but the minute you start thinking she did X so she's feeling Y, you're going to be worse off than if you totally ignored this knowledge. For any kind of predictive value one has to really have a set of indicators that collectively point to a possible internal factor. If you have several correlations of body language and an internal factor, then one can have more confidence.

If you read research on lie detection, you can find a lot of studies regarding body language. Bear in mind that even in studies they are often used videos rather than making snap judgements in a real life interaction. Furthermore, most of the "internet experts" on body language do not have nearly enough experience or knowledge about the subject to properly give you a foundation on which to try making such judgements. In many cases it seems that such experts may simply be repeating something they read in a Cosmo article. One other word of caution, Cognitive psychologists have found that reduced working memory causes drastically reduced performance in many activities. In studies of stereotype threat, worrying about being stereotypically disadvantaged at some activity (blacks and test taking & whites at basketball were two examples I am aware of), it was found that there performance improved greatly when a researcher gave them fudged numbers that said these were totally untrue. Further studies identified increased working memory (not having to think about the stereotype) as the cheif factor. Do you want to watse your working memory microanalyzing facial expressions for signs of deciet?

 

[SinJester]

Wow great post everywomanshero. It's not often someone comes across with that opinion. If you are trying to analyze how she is sitting during the interaction you wont be able to focus on the conversation or just having fun. You will be inside your head and it wont flow. That's why a lot of 'gurus' don't teach IOIs these days.

When I think of body language I think of changing your own body language to make yourself more attractive (supposedly). I now take the Blueprint Decoded view that "the self is always coming through". If you want confident body language feel confident etc. Of course that is easier said then done. Even if you do all the right body langauge by the book, if you feel uncomfortable people will still notice.

 

[War Against Betaism]

Agreed, very good insight everywomanshero. When I see some guys here getting all excited because they got a couple of IOI's, I just laugh. I've never really paid attention to body language other than my own (and bullsh1tters so I know when they're lying or not). IOI's shouldn't be the composition of your game.

 

[Al Moh.]

People want to know all the IOI because they fear rejection. They want to know her answer BEFORE they ask her out, so if they doubt that she is going to say yes (but she pointed her feet another way!) then they are going to wait... and wait... and wait...

Bite the bullet and ask her out. If she says yes: Fine. If she says no, move on. I am always impressed how people can overcomplicate simple things like this...

 

[slaog]

I have a good ebook on body language called 'the body language project'. It goes into good detail about what to look out for etc and the best thing is it's all about seduction and women.

One thing the book says is that it's not as simple as looking for 1 or 2 things a woman is doing like pointing her toes in your direction etc. You have to look for clusters of IOI's.

The main thing about the book for me was the advice it gives men on how to appear. Things like not leaning against walls or bar etc. Also what to do like straightening you back and spreading your legs etc.

The main thing in body language is about getting your own right. Do that first. Don't worry about womens IOI's because that'll be obvious anyway and if you don't have good body language yourself you won't be getting any IOI's at all.

 

[Lambda]

The main thing about the book for me was the advice it gives men on how to appear. Things like not leaning against walls or bar etc. Also what to do like straightening you back and spreading your legs etc.

Why should a guy not lean against a wall or bar? And how should a guy's posture be if you sit in a chair while talking to a girl you like; do you lean back or towards her, and do you widen your legs? Where do you put your arms?

 

[Kwothe]

Body language is in fact proven more important that speech.
Alot of research has shown that communication in a face to face situation

Body language = 60%
How you said it = 30%
What you said = 10%

The break down is more or less like it. Body language is done mostly subconsiouly, only ppl in the communication are aware. So if you want to know you got to be aware. Read up books on body language to let you know the signals.

Word of cautions though, not everthing you need to read in other ppl is exactly you think it is. You got to bring it to context and may try out.

Here an example
A public speaker saw 2 ppl in the front row seat squirming and shifting places all the time, so he assumes that those 2 person are not really interested what he have to say.

person 1 is thinking, what a great speaker, too bad i just had a back surgery and causing all the uncomfort, i might not get to stay all day. How sad.

person 2 is thinking the guy is boring, why is babling on the same point over and over again, i get it. move on to the next topic will ya?

So body langguage is a good indicator, not a direct link to what the person is saying although most of the time if within context is 70% accurate.

Just get those body language books, they will let you know how to test to see if the person is feeling that way, if it not the way you wanted, it can change. Those book will teach you how as well.

One book i recommend is the psychology of persuasion by kevin hogan.

 

[slaog]

Why should a guy not lean against a wall or bar?

Because it's a show of strength if you don't need anything to lean on. This is subconscious. Look around a bar in future and see the people leaning against things vs the people thats not. The people that are not leaning against things are saying literally that they can stand on their own 2 feet.

And how should a guy's posture be if you sit in a chair while talking to a girl you like; do you lean back or towards her,

Have an open posture. That means don't cross your legs or arms. Spread them and give a crotch display. By having a more open body language it shows that you are a more open, approachable, confident, dominent person.

and do you widen your legs? Where do you put your arms?

You widen your legs to show a crotch display again. Ideally your legs should be shoulder width apart when standing. Ever see cowboy films? Or any film with a dominant male in it. They stand with legs apart.

Your arms should just hang down by your side. Not in pockets or no thumb in belt even. Let them hang loosely. This shows you are not nervous and comfortable in the surroundings.