"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Impatient DJ or AFC?

decades

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you found an AW. the only question left to answer is what kind? the clue is the age difference. there is something very wrong with the dynamic if she gets in your PJs and you haven't been intimate. She is a PT.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Juando

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Mental State Update:

It's pretty obvious (thanks to my fellow dj bros) what I need to do here.

Or UNdo in the sense of backing off, letting go, putting my energy and focus on my life and then on other plates.

Simple, huh?
Yeah, on the surface, but now I've been around the block enough times in the AFC de-programming project to know that as long as I've got AFC in me it's a work in progress. She's got a way of just "appearing" like a leprechaun or something, so one AFC challenge for me to overcome is letting her know I'm busy, not available, etc. IN SPITE of my impulse to roll out the red carpet.

Naturally I will keep you posted with new developments but at this point I have no intention of making this girl a "project".

Much obliged. Really.
 

Juando

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JackPrescott said:
This is true. Validation and attention are the MEANS by which to pull down her thong at 3am, not an end unto themselves. I am working on a bird now, she was expecting a call from her Ex today, which I could tell she was disappointed she did not get. So she turned to ME for attention, which I gave her in droves, via text messagaing. I made her feel good about herself, and wanted and desired, and let her know I was looking forward to our date coming up real soon. This made her feel better. I also let her know how much I want her, and how sexy I find her. So she knows at this point I have no use for the LJBF crap. She knows HOW I am interested in her. She is old enough to be comfortable with sexuality, and not be shy. IF she starts with the "friends first" crap on the date when the KINO starts, it will be a very short night. We have been friends for a while. That part is done. IF she can see me "that way" and not see me as a brother, or a "male girlfriend" it should take me between 1 and 3 weeks before I can make her come.

Women need sexuality in their lives. I remember talking to an ex fling of mine, and I asked her which orgasm was better, a vibrator or a man inside them. She did say that the vibrator orgasm was more intense and quicker, but that the two could not possibly compare. The emotional part of the man inside her orgasm was a billion times greater than any vibrator could be. I know that the woman I am working on has not "had any" in a while, and is virtually begging for a man to take her. I am going to be that man.

I like your confidence.

It's sorta nice to have someone in a similar boat.

So if I'm understanding correctly here, your aggressive approach in explicitly letting her know you want her, which normally would be counterproductive in the classic dj escalation scenario.... is a "shock and awe" approach-
my sense is most of the guys here would disagree with it so I'm curious to see how it turns out.

In my case, I am taking a mixed approach now. At this point she knows I want her and she is not LJBFing. But since she loves my attention and validation while holding out I got to the point of needing to break the pattern so the only thing left for me to do is to pull back and see if I can notch up her craving to the critical point.

My problem, which is apparent to everyone, is that I got stuck in that place of being hypnotized by her craving my goodies while fantasizing that a fukk was just around the corner.

It's hard to walk away after the investment and also when you genuinely feel connected to the girl. But hanging out in Limbo sucks, so let's either seal the deal or move on.
 
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