deadmasterx
Senior Don Juan
Recently I did a backpacking trip in Europe. I have been in Turkey, France, Spain and now I'm in Portugal. An interesting opportunity came as I found out that there's a chance for Brazilian people (and pretty much anyone) to legalize themselves in Portugal and become a resident, even for the ones who got in as tourist. Cool, I did that.
What was the proccess? Well, I had to get a resident or portuguese citzen to sign for me in my first document, the NIF (Fiscal Identification Number), then I got myself a place to sleep, renting a T1 apartment that is just 5 minutes away from the beach for 550€, which a split the bills with a childhood "friend" of mine to make everything cost less. Got myself a job with contract in the construction site, the salary is decent but the job is far from what I used to do or ever wanted to do. It's okay, I know I wouldn't arrive here and get a teaching job like I had in Brazil right away. Alright, I have all the documents to stay, but...
After 3 weeks working, the boss tell me he wouldn't need my services anymore. Understandable, he runs a business. The childhood friend of mine deliberately talks crap about me for his mom (which I accidentally found out) and I confront him about it. Too much of a wimp to tell things to my face, but it is still hard for me to believe that someone I have been helping and been friends with for more than half of my life were just planning on taking some money with his mom and simply tell me he has no money so I have to pay the rent all by myself while he gets back to live in a mutual friend's house for free. I was more disappointed than angry, so instead of punching him I just asked if he would **** off after we made a deal like a coward or no. "I'll keep my word", he said. Alright then.
Since then I'm trying to find myself a better job. I know I'm not in a position of choosing, but good ones are yet to come. I can't help but feel that I'm being "wasted" working on these jobs, that they are not by any means related with my inner mission. It's a temporary thing, I know, but it makes me down sometimes when I think about it too much. If I don't find anything else I'll get back to construction and keep it up until I find something better.
It's interesting, and absolutely important as most guys here said, to maintain your frame. I have a girlfriend and things are good, but I am still missing something. Ever since I came here I knew I would have a hard time, lots of stress to deal with, but it's during these times that your woman will work her hardest to test you. Remember, women can feel the smell of weakness. I'm sure every guy here has been in that point where you are already with your head full of problems, and your woman only seem to add more problems to you, most of them are simply idiotic things, complains (not about me tho), so on so on. She will take a bit longer to reply, she may even try to annoy you. You may at some point expect from her something close to the motherly love that you had when you were a kid - expect her to simply come to you, give you a hug and then ask if everything is alright, putting herself aside and prioritizing you. These are small things that come and go as you're growing up and has a partner, you just learn how to deal with that feeling and that this kind of love is not reachable, if not unreal.
I came here for my mom. I want to give her a better life. This woman used to work in 3 different jobs and would even give me her own lunch so I could be alright. I remember that back there in Brazil we used to have Lan Houses, that are simply a big room with a lot of computers where teenagers used to go to play games. She'd leave me there after I come back from school so I could be entertained, far from the dangerous influences of the neighborhood we used to live in, and pretty much have a good time without noticing what was going on around. She would explain me everything tho, why we didn't have money for pizza this weekend or why I she can't get me a new PS2. You don't exactly understand these things when you're a kid but you accept it. This woman deserves better, I can't just simply give up after all she did. She now takes care of my grandmother, a loving, cheerful 85yo woman who is still struggling with my grandfather's death and, possibly, starting to feel the effects of alzheimer.
This may sound like a complain, but I'm actually grateful for all these people. I'm grateful for my "friend" for making me realize that we can't trust everybody blindly, even when they're with us for so long. I'm grateful for my girlfriend for not accepting mediocrity from me and promptly coming to test me at any sense of weakness she feels. I'm grateful, most importantly, for my mother and my grandmother, who raised me and sacrificed many things so I could be who I am an in the place that I am right now. Everything is a bless if you look with the right eyes.
It must be clear by now that this post is more of a confession. I want to make it clear for any guy reading this, no matter the age (because we always gotta learn something new and most times we simply forget what we already do know), you need to be strong. It's your job, as man, to be better. Your mom will love you unconditionally, but she's the only one. Your girlfriend may love you, but she won't accept any mediocrity from you if she's a good girlfriend. Your friend often times will become someone that you didn't know, or at least reveal who they really are, and you must be able to deal with it and accept it.
You will feel down, as I am right now writing all these things. It's okay. As long as that inner primal voice starts screaming inside of you saying "You need to do better" and simply not taking your bull****. There's no excuse, you can't lie to yourself. Live your purpose and work hard for it, you're the only one who can make it come true.
What was the proccess? Well, I had to get a resident or portuguese citzen to sign for me in my first document, the NIF (Fiscal Identification Number), then I got myself a place to sleep, renting a T1 apartment that is just 5 minutes away from the beach for 550€, which a split the bills with a childhood "friend" of mine to make everything cost less. Got myself a job with contract in the construction site, the salary is decent but the job is far from what I used to do or ever wanted to do. It's okay, I know I wouldn't arrive here and get a teaching job like I had in Brazil right away. Alright, I have all the documents to stay, but...
After 3 weeks working, the boss tell me he wouldn't need my services anymore. Understandable, he runs a business. The childhood friend of mine deliberately talks crap about me for his mom (which I accidentally found out) and I confront him about it. Too much of a wimp to tell things to my face, but it is still hard for me to believe that someone I have been helping and been friends with for more than half of my life were just planning on taking some money with his mom and simply tell me he has no money so I have to pay the rent all by myself while he gets back to live in a mutual friend's house for free. I was more disappointed than angry, so instead of punching him I just asked if he would **** off after we made a deal like a coward or no. "I'll keep my word", he said. Alright then.
Since then I'm trying to find myself a better job. I know I'm not in a position of choosing, but good ones are yet to come. I can't help but feel that I'm being "wasted" working on these jobs, that they are not by any means related with my inner mission. It's a temporary thing, I know, but it makes me down sometimes when I think about it too much. If I don't find anything else I'll get back to construction and keep it up until I find something better.
It's interesting, and absolutely important as most guys here said, to maintain your frame. I have a girlfriend and things are good, but I am still missing something. Ever since I came here I knew I would have a hard time, lots of stress to deal with, but it's during these times that your woman will work her hardest to test you. Remember, women can feel the smell of weakness. I'm sure every guy here has been in that point where you are already with your head full of problems, and your woman only seem to add more problems to you, most of them are simply idiotic things, complains (not about me tho), so on so on. She will take a bit longer to reply, she may even try to annoy you. You may at some point expect from her something close to the motherly love that you had when you were a kid - expect her to simply come to you, give you a hug and then ask if everything is alright, putting herself aside and prioritizing you. These are small things that come and go as you're growing up and has a partner, you just learn how to deal with that feeling and that this kind of love is not reachable, if not unreal.
I came here for my mom. I want to give her a better life. This woman used to work in 3 different jobs and would even give me her own lunch so I could be alright. I remember that back there in Brazil we used to have Lan Houses, that are simply a big room with a lot of computers where teenagers used to go to play games. She'd leave me there after I come back from school so I could be entertained, far from the dangerous influences of the neighborhood we used to live in, and pretty much have a good time without noticing what was going on around. She would explain me everything tho, why we didn't have money for pizza this weekend or why I she can't get me a new PS2. You don't exactly understand these things when you're a kid but you accept it. This woman deserves better, I can't just simply give up after all she did. She now takes care of my grandmother, a loving, cheerful 85yo woman who is still struggling with my grandfather's death and, possibly, starting to feel the effects of alzheimer.
This may sound like a complain, but I'm actually grateful for all these people. I'm grateful for my "friend" for making me realize that we can't trust everybody blindly, even when they're with us for so long. I'm grateful for my girlfriend for not accepting mediocrity from me and promptly coming to test me at any sense of weakness she feels. I'm grateful, most importantly, for my mother and my grandmother, who raised me and sacrificed many things so I could be who I am an in the place that I am right now. Everything is a bless if you look with the right eyes.
It must be clear by now that this post is more of a confession. I want to make it clear for any guy reading this, no matter the age (because we always gotta learn something new and most times we simply forget what we already do know), you need to be strong. It's your job, as man, to be better. Your mom will love you unconditionally, but she's the only one. Your girlfriend may love you, but she won't accept any mediocrity from you if she's a good girlfriend. Your friend often times will become someone that you didn't know, or at least reveal who they really are, and you must be able to deal with it and accept it.
You will feel down, as I am right now writing all these things. It's okay. As long as that inner primal voice starts screaming inside of you saying "You need to do better" and simply not taking your bull****. There's no excuse, you can't lie to yourself. Live your purpose and work hard for it, you're the only one who can make it come true.