im with girl who has boyfriend

[Sasha_pn]

Guys long story short, i know a girl for over 7 years, we were really close friends and at some point we had something between us, not for long because of my stupidity, i simply tought that i am not good enough for her, i have been out of country for 2 years and now i came back, she has a boyfriend and it happens that i know him, not close friend, just know that dude, and now she told me that she actually allways had strong feelings for me, and she made clear that if i make move she is willing to move forward as she is not that happy with current boyfriend, but i dont feel comfortable for some reason, i dont want to break a realation ship, i dont want to ruin other guy life, on other hand she is most wonderfull girl i ever know, and only now i reallised how big of an idiot i was,.
im 23 so she is, and i am really confused,....

 

[logicallefty]

Guys long story short, i know a girl for over 7 years, we were really close friends and at some point we had something between us, not for long because of my stupidity, i simply tought that i am not good enough for her, i have been out of country for 2 years and now i came back, she has a boyfriend and it happens that i know him, not close friend, just know that dude, and now she told me that she actually allways had strong feelings for me, and she made clear that if i make move she is willing to move forward as she is not that happy with current boyfriend, but i dont feel comfortable for some reason, i dont want to break a realation ship, i dont want to ruin other guy life, on other hand she is most wonderfull girl i ever know, and only now i reallised how big of an idiot i was,.
im 23 so she is, and i am really confused,....

Tell her: "You knowww. you may have a shot at me but for sure not until you break up with your BF".

IMO a true Don Juan doesn't touch another man's woman out of respect an honor for him as a man. But I don't see a problem with making your interests to her known, so long as you don't escalate to anything beyond a little kino to do it.

 

[jurry]

Its gona happen one way or the other.. Why not you? He will be better off in the long run.

But yea for sure agree she needs to break up with him first before you guys move forward.

 

[logicallefty]

Its gona happen one way or the other.. Why not you?

Excellent point.

I have heard the argument too that once one wheel of a woman slips off the track with her BF/hubby, she is GOING to derail and cheat on him eventually anyway. It's just a matter of time.

All the more reason for you to come in and at least get her to gracefully dump the guy first. You may actually do him a favor, although he won't think so at the time.

 

[Jaylan]

OP, this woman is only good enough for sex.

Remember that. Don't fool yourself into thinking shes relationship material. Protect yourself.

 

[Bokanovsky]

OP, this woman is only good enough for sex.

Remember that. Don't fool yourself into thinking shes relationship material. Protect yourself.

Wow, Gaylan actually gave good advice. I guess even a broken clock is right twice a day.

OP, the girl is not nearly as wonderful as you think if's she's branch swinging in such an obvious fashion. On the other hand, you'd probably be doing her BF a favour by taking her off his hands (as opposed to "ruining his life"). Bottom line: pump 'n dump and don't look back.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Everyone just said it already, but I'm going to say just to reinforce the idea!

This girl is obviously not relationship material!
What makes you think that the same line of thought she is having now won't happen when she is with you?

If she can cheat her current BF out of boredom plus the fact that you are "such a special friend", she can do it again anytime soon with a "special coworker", or any other cr*p for that matter!

The best thing to do is actually pump and dump... Which I'm sure you won't!

You will both f*ck, fall in love, and start a relationship! Everyone will be happy for you two. People will say "I always knew". Her current BF will be sure of his jealousness towards you. And you will be ultra happy for being one of the fews that get out of the friendzone!!! :cheer: Yay...! Right?!

Sadly, what will happen next is the industry standart. Since you've said you are so in love with this chick and already know you were dumb enough in the past when you could have seized the opportunity, this only means one thing: You are with a severe case of one-itis. Which is bad!

What will happen after some months of joy is that the infatuation will fade on her side, and she will see your true AFC ways! And she will dump your sorry :moon: faster than you can say Ay Caramba! :kick:

Don't believe me!?!? Well, I'll be glad to be PMed by you when all of the above happen!

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

i know a girl for over 7 years

we were really close friends and at some point we had something between us, not for long because of my stupidity, i simply tought that i am not good enough for her

Did you ever try to make a move? Did she friend zone you ever? Or did you friend zone yourself?

i have been out of country for 2 years and now i came back

Did you change anything in yourself within those two years? Did you happen to remove her from that pedestal that you originally put her on? While you were gone did you contact her at all?

she told me that she actually allways had strong feelings for me, and she made clear that if i make move she is willing to move forward

Before ^this, have you ever Overtly told her how you feel about her? Was it obvious that you always liked her? Either way, she could probably tell, I'm wondering if before there was an opportunity for her to either take the next step with you or turn you down.

One more question: How long has she been with that other guy?

 

[Sasha_pn]

Did you ever try to make a move? Did she friend zone you ever? Or did you friend zone yourself?

i did made a move and she fallowed me, i just didn't knew exactly if i want a relationship or not, i had a kid mentality so i just backed off.

Did you change anything in yourself within those two years? Did you happen to remove her from that pedestal that you originally put her on? While you were gone did you contact her at all?

i did change a lot and yes i did removed her from pedestal that i originally have put her on, i didn't had much contact while i was away but since im back i had a lot of time to talk and to get to know her like a person and not just a girl i am after.

Before ^this, have you ever Overtly told her how you feel about her? Was it obvious that you always liked her? Either way, she could probably tell, I'm wondering if before there was an opportunity for her to either take the next step with you or turn you down.

i never clearly and openly told her in person that i do like her and i want to be with her or what so ever, it was just a hang around and attention exchange and yea its mutual attention exchange.

One more question: How long has she been with that other guy?

its now 2 years,

i have 4 more days before i travel for couple months so i need to clear this out asap, i am intending to talk with her tomorrow about all the situation, and i do respect others people relationship so i wont feel comfortable to make her cheat on her boyfriend, its not what i am after, don't ask where from but i do know that she is with him for wrong reasons and that its not the happiest realation, conversation is going to happen so if u guys can just advise me how to handle it im getting nervous as **** next to her, i tought about what im gonna say but it sound way too emotional in my head, should i keep it simple and tell her that i like her, or should i explain that i do get that she is in an relationship and that i have my hands tied because of that, thanks.
[/QUOTE]

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

i did made a move and she fallowed me, i just didn't knew exactly if i want a relationship or not, i had a kid mentality so i just backed off.



i did change a lot and yes i did removed her from pedestal that i originally have put her on, i didn't had much contact while i was away but since im back i had a lot of time to talk and to get to know her like a person and not just a girl i am after.


i never clearly and openly told her in person that i do like her and i want to be with her or what so ever, it was just a hang around and attention exchange and yea its mutual attention exchange.


its now 2 years,

i have 4 more days before i travel for couple months so i need to clear this out asap, i am intending to talk with her tomorrow about all the situation, and i do respect others people relationship so i wont feel comfortable to make her cheat on her boyfriend, its not what i am after, don't ask where from but i do know that she is with him for wrong reasons and that its not the happiest realation, conversation is going to happen so if u guys can just advise me how to handle it im getting nervous as **** next to her, i tought about what im gonna say but it sound way too emotional in my head, should i keep it simple and tell her that i like her, or should i explain that i do get that she is in an relationship and that i have my hands tied because of that, thanks.

So you left two years ago, and she's been with this guys for two years. I asked those questions because I'm wondering if you were her first choice but since didn't MAN up, and/or you took off for two years, maybe she just went with her second choice. But now you're back.....and what do you know, she's throwing her scent your way again.

Eh, tough call here, I've never been in your shoes. With me, it usually just happens. I've never dealt with something that's taken this long to come to fruition.

Fvck it, might as well give it a go, otherwise 10 years down the road when she's married and you're sitting around playing with your pud, you'll be wondering..."what if".

I'd say go for it, however, stick around on here, learn a few things. And like was alluded to, just because, at the beginning, she's all into you and you're the world to her, it doesn't mean it's always going to be like that. By what you've been saying, it seems you have some AFC/Beta tendencies. <------These will be the undoing of the relationship. Once you get rid of those, for the most part it would seem you should be good to go...

And yeah, not sure what to do about the poor sap who's about to get thrown out into the cold here shortly, but, like what was mentioned I think it would be a good idea if she ended it with him FIRST. Have her take a leap of faith, if she proves herself by dumping him before you guys get going, then that would a good start.

 

[hudpes]

she's branch swinging in such an obvious fashion

This. If she's not happy with him, why doesn't she leave him then? She could have displayed some power in her if she dropped him at least as soon as you came back, but she didn't, she's literally saying, if you'll be with me, I'll leave that guy I'm totally unhappy with. Which makes her very, very average.

Whatever you do, keep your eyes open and don't let the rosy glasses fall over them, try to objectively see what's going on.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

OP, this woman is only good enough for sex.

Remember that. Don't fool yourself into thinking shes relationship material. Protect yourself.

Yep. This.

If she cheats with you, she will just as likely cheat on you.

 

[El Payaso]

Everyone just said it already, but I'm going to say just to reinforce the idea!

This girl is obviously not relationship material!
What makes you think that the same line of thought she is having now won't happen when she is with you?

If she can cheat her current BF out of boredom plus the fact that you are "such a special friend", she can do it again anytime soon with a "special coworker", or any other cr*p for that matter!

The best thing to do is actually pump and dump... Which I'm sure you won't!

You will both f*ck, fall in love, and start a relationship! Everyone will be happy for you two. People will say "I always knew". Her current BF will be sure of his jealousness towards you. And you will be ultra happy for being one of the fews that get out of the friendzone!!! :cheer: Yay...! Right?!

Sadly, what will happen next is the industry standart. Since you've said you are so in love with this chick and already know you were dumb enough in the past when you could have seized the opportunity, this only means one thing: You are with a severe case of one-itis. Which is bad!

What will happen after some months of joy is that the infatuation will fade on her side, and she will see your true AFC ways! And she will dump your sorry :moon: faster than you can say Ay Caramba! :kick:

Don't believe me!?!? Well, I'll be glad to be PMed by you when all of the above happen!

Lol. Funniest sh!t I've ever read.

 

[Sasha_pn]

So you left two years ago, and she's been with this guys for two years. I asked those questions because I'm wondering if you were her first choice but since didn't MAN up, and/or you took off for two years, maybe she just went with her second choice. But now you're back.....and what do you know, she's throwing her scent your way again.

Eh, tough call here, I've never been in your shoes. With me, it usually just happens. I've never dealt with something that's taken this long to come to fruition.

Fvck it, might as well give it a go, otherwise 10 years down the road when she's married and you're sitting around playing with your pud, you'll be wondering..."what if".

I'd say go for it, however, stick around on here, learn a few things. And like was alluded to, just because, at the beginning, she's all into you and you're the world to her, it doesn't mean it's always going to be like that. By what you've been saying, it seems you have some AFC/Beta tendencies. <------These will be the undoing of the relationship. Once you get rid of those, for the most part it would seem you should be good to go...

And yeah, not sure what to do about the poor sap who's about to get thrown out into the cold here shortly, but, like what was mentioned I think it would be a good idea if she ended it with him FIRST. Have her take a leap of faith, if she proves herself by dumping him before you guys get going, then that would a good start.

hey man, just to say thanks, that part about in ten years ill be thinking i should have talked gave me that last push, i had a great conversation and explained that she gotta have to sort things out in her own personal life and relationship before i can step in, so it was really productive, ill just hope for best now. Thanks for advise