I'm Really Confused With Life Right Now...

[someone800]

Hey,

Anyways, as you may have seen in my last thread that I was going to a teen night club tonight with a close, hot, friend-girl. Well, we went and there was a line and we waited there for around two hours outside to get in and they wouldn't let us (there were a lot of people in line) because I think they reached their safety limit of people in the building and would only let people in as they came out.
So, we left, mad and went to grab a snack at Sonic. We were talking casually (in a frustrated manner because of what happened with the night club), and then my poor statistics with girls was brought up somehow. I asked her to tell me what she really, really saw me as and she told me that she saw me as potentially one of the cutest guys in our school, but am a nerd, and when I try not to be that, I act even more so as one.
We really got talking about this, and I tried explaining how I made the decision to change myself and that it wasn't the desire to fit in (although that's a benefit). I told her I am trying to change myself because I want the most out of life and want to have a good time. I said that a while ago (even before I joined this forum or even knew of it), that I realized that being a socially outgoing person that has fun is more fun and rewarding in life than being a nerd who plays video games for fun. I said that imagine if you woke up the next day and all your possessions around you disappeared. The nerd would be lost because he relies on video games and stuff like that to get through life. The socially outgoing person wouldn't need that because his life is the people and social contacts around him.
She then rebutted by saying that if I wanted to be this person in high school, then I would have gotten those friends for that crowd and been that person when I entered high school. I told her that I didn't really see this other path until later in high school.
Then, she said the thing that has really made me think. She talked about how she sees I am really tight with my parents and never lie to them. She sees that I am in a really close relationship with my family and that everyone cares deeply for one-another. She blames my being tenseness on my parents but at the same time says I shouldn't do anything about it because I have a great family life. She gives her parents as an example who she doesn't really converse with and who get mad a lot. She said that the parents of the partiers and people like that are like that.
This made me feel really confused and bad. I have completely realized this about my family and how I have been raised. I feel like part of my family is holding me back (probably just me though) but if I change, my family life will get bad. I have a great and caring family that really cares for me-and I do them, but...I don't know....I am just so lost right now as to who I am and what I should do about my life......

 

[SinJester]

Why does becoming more outgoing have to affect you family life? None of us are the same guy around our family as we are around our friends.

She then rebutted by saying that if I wanted to be this person in high school, then I would have gotten those friends for that crowd and been that person when I entered high school

People don't know what they want when they first start high school. High school is a time of transforming into a man, beggining to discover yourself and perhaps if your lucky getting some idea what you want out of your life.

Don't change your plans because of just one girl. You might not even know her in a few years. She is basically telling you to stay a nerd right? Why? Just so you can have a good family life? Being a nerd has nothing to do with having a good family life! Don't blame your family for who you are either. But most of all don't let them hold you back.

 

[Desert Fox]

No offense, but a great relationship with your family IS NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE with your social status.

BUT IF IT COMES DOWN TO THAT:

ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR FAMILY.

Your family will ALWAYS have your back, whereas friends esp WOMEN come and go like the next day's paper.

I have a great relationship w/my family and a few times I put my "friends" first when I was a dumbass in high school, but it's all changed for the better and I always put my family first. People respect me more for that now.

It's like they are jealous of my awesome discipline and respect for my parents that they wish they had. They try to bring me down, call me lame, etc. But I don't give a ash1t and after a while its gets old. Two times my friends (2 dudes) actually came to me and told me all this sentimental bullsh1t about how they never talk to their parents and feel alone and need a lot of friends and party to make up for it. I tell them to man up, apologize, and mend broken bridges.

Also, don't let what this girl says get to your head bro. She's lived just as long as you. She isn't an expert on anything more than you are, except how to use a tampon.

 

[niceguy91]

hey man...lettme tell u this..i got into the club yes but what i'm about 2 tell u is something that i learned tonight...

you dont have to change your self in school to b someone else outside of school...


dude u kno me better than anyone else...even mad dog. and sure i've become more flirty and stuff around girls but as a person in school....i rlly havent changed..ppl still c me as that nice guy that'll never b more than a brother or a friend.. and u kno very well what i'm talking about. @ orlandos dude i was everything that i've always wanted to be. i've found my place where i can do that kinda stuff...everyone has their place.. sammi has the movies...i have orlandos...and i kno u have the potential haha. if i do...than u do trust me.


so dont b so hard on ur self. next time we can go together or soemthing. cz i kno u can do it. and i'm glad u talked 2 ur friend. call me tomm...if u need 2 talk about it more. cz remember man...no matter what happens were always gunna b best buds right? :rock:

 

[SinJester]

You are not the same person you were a minute ago

When you think too hard, you tend to view yourself as a distinct entity, something constant and well-bounded in an ever-changing universe, to try to get a grasp on where you end and it begins.

As a result, many of us become fixed, static, unchanging. We refuse to try new things or accept new experiences because we say, "That's not me."

Imagine if when the world turned cold and we had an ice-age, if our spear-throwing ancestors had said, "Nope, that's not me. I'm a jungle-man. I don't live in ice." Again, an example of the ever-changing state of the universe around us...and to refuse to change in the face of that is contrary to our nature as men.

As your life unfolds, you naturally grow, learn, and become different. Yet, in your effort to draw a fix on "who you are", you become static and unwilling to change. This is the time to break yourself of that habit. You cannot reject the world. You must accept what comes and find a way to express yourself within it.

This isn't to say that you should be a victim of circumstance. However, some things in the world just HAPPEN. If Bill Gates were to be suddenly bankrupted and thrown onto the street as a beggar, he could no longer act as he did as a CEO. But Bill Gates is a clever animal...and he could still be Bill Gates. People like that FIND a way to move up. They find the cracks in the world that society leaves behind and, like water, flow through those cracks until they once again fill the world with their essence. There are ALWAYS ways in and out of anything...JUST by expressing who you are...by BEING YOURSELF.

But you have to be flexible. You have to be willing to change who you are every day...to grow and adapt to new situations and to open your mind to things that you used to not believe you were capable of. Because as a human, you really ARE capable of "anything".

From this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=106526