I'm really bitter about my station with women. How can I change this?

[starfishandcoffee]

I was nonexistent to them in high school, creepy to them in the beginnings of college, and it's been a very long, slow climb of trial-and-error to get to the point where I'm a recovering AFC.

at the moment - through sheer force of will and never being deterred by hearing "no" - I do play around with enough women and get laid, but they're very low-quality 5's and 6's on average. (I do occasionally stumble onto a 7 or 8, but it's a huge rarity. And that's just with who I go out with. Never gotten with anything above a 7, and I can't stand it.)

I go to the gym obsessively and I am determined to make myself into the catch I've always wanted to be. However, despite my improvement, I hate every second of climbing the ladder and am extremely jealous of anyone who's better than me. (I was fixed up with a 9.5 for a fraternity formal in a few weeks, and I resent the guy who set it up so quickly. I'd have had to work so much harder, and he's forgotten about more women than I've ever dated or slept with.)

I more or less think I deserve a 9, and resent having to do the legwork. (On top of this, I also tend to not know my place socially, and condescend to just about *everyone* I speak to...including those that I should look up to. I'm known in my circle of friends for treating bartenders and waitresses like absolute sh1t.) I hate my job. I enjoy my major, but I hate having to go to class and do the stupid work for it.

simply put, I hate my station in life with a seething rage. my friend laid it out very well - he said that I'm the male version of the angry fat chick who is angry that a chiseled Brad Pitt-lookalike won't sleep with her.

People want to be around a pleasant person who is interested in them, and it seems like I've just sucked with women (and people) for so long, I'm seen as a poisonous person. No wonder I'm - at best - tolerated socially. No wonder women with self-respect dislike me.

Step 1 is defining what my problem is. How do I let go of this resentment, act like a regular person, and allow myself to get better with women?

 

[skinnyguy]

Stop pursuing women altogether and find a hobby.

 

[donking]

You are George Sodini

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2009_Collier_Township_shooting

 

[SingleMalt]

You used the word "hate" four times in your post.

You enjoy your major but hate going to class and do the stupid work.

Are you listening to yourself?

Shi* is not handed to you. Work hard or go home.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I was nonexistent to them in high school, creepy to them in the beginnings of college, and it's been a very long, slow climb of trial-and-error to get to the point where I'm a recovering AFC.

at the moment - through sheer force of will and never being deterred by hearing "no" - I do play around with enough women and get laid, but they're very low-quality 5's and 6's on average. (I do occasionally stumble onto a 7 or 8, but it's a huge rarity. And that's just with who I go out with. Never gotten with anything above a 7, and I can't stand it.)

I go to the gym obsessively and I am determined to make myself into the catch I've always wanted to be. However, despite my improvement, I hate every second of climbing the ladder and am extremely jealous of anyone who's better than me. (I was fixed up with a 9.5 for a fraternity formal in a few weeks, and I resent the guy who set it up so quickly. I'd have had to work so much harder, and he's forgotten about more women than I've ever dated or slept with.)

I more or less think I deserve a 9, and resent having to do the legwork. (On top of this, I also tend to not know my place socially, and condescend to just about *everyone* I speak to...including those that I should look up to. I'm known in my circle of friends for treating bartenders and waitresses like absolute sh1t.) I hate my job. I enjoy my major, but I hate having to go to class and do the stupid work for it.

simply put, I hate my station in life with a seething rage. my friend laid it out very well - he said that I'm the male version of the angry fat chick who is angry that a chiseled Brad Pitt-lookalike won't sleep with her.

People want to be around a pleasant person who is interested in them, and it seems like I've just sucked with women (and people) for so long, I'm seen as a poisonous person. No wonder I'm - at best - tolerated socially. No wonder women with self-respect dislike me.

Step 1 is defining what my problem is. How do I let go of this resentment, act like a regular person, and allow myself to get better with women?

well at least you've had a girlfriend you were physically attracted to before

 

[Willard]

If your not happy with yourself why would a woman want to be with you? You have a lot of work to do. Start reading books on how to be successful. David Deangelo recommends a lot of books to read, read some of them.

Working out is great, but If you don't have your inner game together you are only going to find woman by luck and you will probably won't be able to keep them because you won't have other options.

Start with this one The Psychology Of Achievement by Brian Tracy. I don't know how old you are, but you sound pretty young. there is plenty of time to get your head on straight and start enjoying life. Once that happens you won't have a problem finding decent woman.

Another great book for you is How to win friends and influence people. you won't treat anybody like **** after reading it, If you still do you might just be hopeless.

Good luck

 

[Thundernuts]

Hey man You should like me a few years ago. Now true I'm not always the happiest guy you will ever see but I'm getting there.

Listen you are already well ahead of most guys because you understand there is a problem, you overcame and doubts and posted your problem for us to see, and god willing you will accept what advice these guys are offering.

Listen being successful in life is something you either get really lucky with like some a$$holes I know or you got fight tooth and nail to get there. I'm fighting. I'm winning. I hate it.

But I don't let it bring me down because I get to leave those classes that I spend all week in.

Read the book of pook. Forget working on getting women. You need to be your own focus right now. Read those books that the others posters recommended and things will begin to fall into place.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

At least you have had an attractive girlfriend before OP

 

[starfishandcoffee]

thanks for the comments. honestly, last night was kind of a flashpoint and it's almost like I'm seeing immediate improvement within 12 hours.

I went out with a few male friends last night - had a few therapeutic drinks and thought through this entire situation. (Called my dad too - he's a fantastic example of what a guy with my mental goings-on is like when he's pushing 60. He's finally let go of that bag of bricks, but over 30 years too late.)

you know what? my life has been on an upward trend for the past 5 years and I don't know why I'm irked that I'm not in the big leagues yet. women generally do enjoy my company, and I have friends - that means I'm in a good spot. (and a roommate once told me "Starfish, you're relentless. you have more first dates than any other guy I know.")

I woke up this morning, showered, went to class...and just enjoyed being alive. When I don't make life into one big competition, I'm happier - and everything falls into place. I'll keep that in mind and try as hard as I can to keep that mentality.

 

[starfishandcoffee]

Another great book for you is How to win friends and influence people. you won't treat anybody like **** after reading it, If you still do you might just be hopeless.

Good luck

haha! a friend actually loaned me his very old and dated first edition copy. from 1932. (it's very, very dated. It makes references to the Taft and Harding administrations.)

it really is a fantastic book.

 

[Night-hawk]

I remember these two quotes from a RPReddit comment that was simple but profound:

"One's life is merely a reflection of one's habitual mental state."

"In life we must have two things: the wisdom to know the Serpent (ability to see evil) and the innocence of childhood (to keep our soul's uncurruptable)."

I have been reading an older book by Dorothy Carnegie titled, Don't Grow Old-Grow Up, which was a book from the Carnegie course my grandpa took when he was a bit older than I am now. He went on later in life to become President of a big company in my city, and personally close with the multi millionaire CEO. My grandpa did that with problems with anxiety and a big family and wife to support.

We must maintain a competitive spirit, one that drives us to be better than we used to be. You will know this when you know yourself, and when you know yourself your actions do not lie to your beliefs.

 

[Turuwal]

You are probably narcisistic. You may have certain traits of BPD. I don't know if this is curable but it can probably be compensated for by acknowledging that it is YOU that is the problem in all of your interractions with others.

There are stories out there of people with massive brain deficiencies who have managed to fix themselves. Read the book "The Brain That Changes Itself" and see if you can figure out things you can do to fix your underlying problems. There is some inspirational stuff in this book.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Well you haven't always been hopeless OP