I'm Re-inventing Myself

[Industry]

Have you ever had the feeling where one second you feel totally carefree and the next there isn't anything you can find right in the world or with yourself? Well, I have felt like that for some time now. I used to think that I had it all.... I've got a good family, I've got friends, I'm healthy, got music talent, HAD a great girlfriend, I'm a good looking guy and I have money. I felt like I was living in my own world... my own "bubble" if you will. Nothing could touch me.

My world came crashing down on my at the beginning of summer. In one single night I managed to get knocked out by a nazi a$$ bouncer at a bar who didn't like the fact the all the friends I were with were of different races. Then that night my then girlfriend picked me up from the bar and took me to the ER to get cleaned up and b1tched the entire time that she was tired and wanted to go home. And later on that night, my girl of 3 years broke up with me for good and never returned. She left me on the curb with a concussion, fat lip and a scrape under my eye and all she could do was say "things just aren't working out, sorry." Do you have any idea what that does to you as a man? I lost all faith in women.... and it will be sometime before I get it back.

This leads me to the main point of this poist.....

I have been thinking for the last few months that I need to reinvent myself.... change beyond anyone's recognition. I have a vision of who I want to be as a person and I am not fufilling that as of yet. I have started to dislike my friends b/c they don't fit the mold of who I want to be. None of them are ambitious or like pretty much anything I do. None of them want to go out and meet new women or try something new. I have felt very lonely the last few months as I have begun to distance myself from them.

I need a new life... a new job... new friends... a new persona. I can't live the way I am right now. I deserve much better than this. When I was with my girl for 3 years I kind of lost who I was. I threw myself at her and the relationship and never let go of the reins. All along forgetting about my needs and concentrating on us. We were going to get married sooner or later... we had talked about it... so much for that fairy tale ending. Now that I am single again I am a bit timid and scared which is very unusual for me. I am usually on top of my game but nowadays I am finding it hard to talk to even random guys I meet on the street. The girls I date just don't add up to anything special and I feel like I am constantly seeking my ex in every girl I date. This isn't healthy by any means but I can't stop myself at this point. She was a great girl and a lot of things in her I want in a new girl regardless. I can feel the changes inside of me brewing I just need to boil them over. I don't want to be a scared boy anymore... I want to be a fukkken man dammit! I seriously feel like a little boy sometimes walking down the street.... when I look at other guys I think sometimes, "Hey he looks like a man... at least he looks his age and doesn't look small and weak." I am 23 and I look 17 and I get a lot of weird looks when I talk to girls anywhere I go, especially bars. They are like uh, yeah how old are you? It ****ken sucks because I have a lot to offer but most won't give me the chance because I look a lot yougner than the man they are seeking... or so it seems.

Basically I am just trying to find myself right now. Everyone thinks I am a little off these days but I know I'll come out on top and stronger. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do... it's forced me to look deep inside of myself and see what really makes me who I am. I don't like it, and that scares me.

I just need a little insight, motivation or thoughts. I'd really appreciate it.

-Industry

 

[bonjove]

Sounds to me like you just got a heavy dose of life realities.

There have been cycles in my life where I felt like I was on top of the world and it wasn't long before my whole world crashed down. Pride comes before a fall, eh?

The main thing is to learn how to persevere no matter what happens to you. Remember back to what you had and work to get better; because you know you are worth it. For every step you take back, take two forwards. Just because you are down doesn't mean that you are out, take it as a learning experience.

You'll get your life in order; you did it before and you can do it now. I know that for a fact .....

 

[The Greatest Ever]

I know where you are coming from my friend.

I am going to re-invent myself also.


I don't like my body it could be leaner and more tone. I don't like my car it's a 96 I want something newer. My current gf she does anything I want.


But she needs to get a better attiude and do somethings to improve herself. Because she represents me when we go out. I got rid of a few of my friends last night. Some of them were AFC and didn't have any drive to change and be better.

The good thing about my gf is she is willing to change.


What I am going to do Re-inventing Myself.


I watch movies of guys I respect and admire. I look at them and watch their swagger and the way the act.

In turn I use that in my new self.


I also am starting to workout at the gym the better part of the week.

I am getting a new group of friends one's the represent me well.

 

[Borgia]

Man, you have been having a hard time, i can;t believe the way your relationship ended - there must have been long term issues at play there. But, to move onto mine (and yours) main point. I understand where u are coming from in terms of changing yourself.

I went through the same kind of thing when i broke up with my gf of just under 3 yrs. I took some time out from women and looked at myself and asked myself what i wanted out of life. I realised that i want to dress differently so i restocked all my clothes and started working out (which i have been doing now for about 9 months). But, the changes went deeper then that, basically, i wanted to be succesful with the ladies - not just for the sake of ladies but because i believe that the character traits that u need for this are traits that i want for life.

Your insecurity over your looks is just that insecurity - i took the liberty to look up your pic and what u said was correct. I am also pretty good looking but know from personal experiance that this doesn't assure one of confidence - thats something that comes from within. You are as good looking as u feel, its easy to feel good looking when u are in a relationship - takes some getting used to after this finishes - you are competing with other guys and of course some are better looking then u but a lot aren't. Just go out there and have fun and stop worrying about what she might be thinking. Maybe try bc

Anyway, man, i have been rambling - i hope that you can take something positive from this and i wish you the best.

Borgia

 

[iqqi]

before you reinvent yourself:

make sure you know what you actually appreciate in your life now. and keep that.

I have started to dislike my friends b/c they don't fit the mold of who I want to be.

start here because good friends are hard to come by.

 

[Industry]

We did have a lot of problems leading up to this point. We were both very young and dated very seriously. We grew up together and matured together and in the end we grew apart from each other. It took me a long time to realize that this was in fact over. I was in denai for months and now I am ready to move on.

The first thing I had to do in my quest of reinvention was to call my ex. Now I know this usually shouldn't be done but I had to. I didn't care what she would think if I called and told her exactly how I felt. I needed to do this in order to move on. I had to own up to my faults in the relationship and let her know that I will always remember the good times. She can take that for what it's worth. I don't care if I stroked her ego or gave her the impression that I wasn't over her yet.... I had to do this so I could move on for myself... fvck what she thinks.

And the second thing I will be doing tomorrow is job hunting. I haven't had a "real" job in years. I came into money in my youth and haven't had the need for a job. But I want one now. I need to meet new people and actually feel like a "normal" 23 year old... right now I don't. I want to work in a restraunt with all the hotties in the world... make ****ty pay and have the time of my life. I need this.

I'm taking this slow and cautiously. But in the end I will be the man I've always envisoned of myself.

Oh, Borgia.... WTF is "bc"?

 

[Deathfyre]

BC is boot camp. The one he's referring to is the Don Juan Boot Camp. Found in the Don Juan Bible.(that little link in the top right corner of your screen.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Industry

The first thing I had to do in my quest of reinvention was to call my ex. Now I know this usually shouldn't be done but I had to. I didn't care what she would think if I called and told her exactly how I felt. I needed to do this in order to move on. I had to own up to my faults in the relationship and let her know that I will always remember the good times. She can take that for what it's worth. I don't care if I stroked her ego or gave her the impression that I wasn't over her yet.... I had to do this so I could move on for myself... fvck what she thinks.

i do something like this myself if the person really mattered. i don't know exactly how you did it, but how i do it usually ends up with them having to atleast give up any negative illusions they may have been building up about me. i do it to leave truth in the gaps hurt might otherwise fill in with lies.
and it is usually accompanied with much respect and even admiration. as well as me feeling free and able to move on.

And the second thing I will be doing tomorrow is job hunting. I haven't had a "real" job in years. I came into money in my youth and haven't had the need for a job. But I want one now. I need to meet new people and actually feel like a "normal" 23 year old... right now I don't. I want to work in a restraunt with all the hotties in the world... make ****ty pay and have the time of my life. I need this.

this sounds like great times. just don't forget who you are and where you come from (what i was alluding to before-don't forget your friends).

 

[Industry]

Yeah so today I went and applied at 5 restraunts. Most were only looking for bus boys and Hosts but I don't care anymore. I just want to get out there and meet some new people.

I also got called an a$$hole today for the first time in awhile.... and it felt good. Usually I get "Hi sweetie." But I'm sick of being this nice guy who would do anything for anyone... fvck everyone else. My friend was telling me about her ex and I just told her to shut up and join me for drinks tonight. I got the "You're such an a$$hole" line after that. Ah yes I'm changing. And it feels great.

Tomorrow I'm off to 24 hr fitness to start a personal training program. 3 times a week some big black dude names Bruno is gonna work me until I spit my lungs out. They're setting up a eating plan for me and everything. I could do it on my own but it always helps to have someone busting your ass. These days I'm all about letting someone else do the dirty work for me. I'll be ripped in no time.... for sure.

Oh yeah I'm also getting some new clothes.. I threw out most of my clothes earlier this week and have started to restock em with something fresh and new.

Diesel Jeans, Kenneth Cole Jacket and Pinstriped Pants, A+F Vintage Button up shirt, Perry Ellis black T-shirt, Hooded sweatshirt, watch, some silver star rings, diesel shoes.

I'm done with Hurley and billabong. I'm the only surfer I know who has some style now... hah.

 

[jakethasnake]

Good luck, Industry.


Where in OC do you live btw? Do you live near Fashion Island? You should definately head over there to re-stock your wardrobe.

 

[xblitz44x]

"I need a new life... a new job... new friends... a new persona. I can't live the way I am right now."

And what's going to happen when THIS crashes down again? I'll tell you what happens...down will crash your self-esteem once more. the job, friends, persona is not you. Who you are is tucked under a load of crap that you believe represents yourself worth. Start truely figuring yourself out. Re-mold your perceptions to see what is truely important. Anytime that you place a depedancy on ANY outside source (job, money, persona), you are destined to failure because eventually that source is going to fall, breaking your crutch, leaving you crashing to the ground. The happiness is always coming from you.

 

[Industry]

I understand what you're saying but that isn't gonig to happen.

Let me explain a little...

You know that feeling you have inside.... you have this idea of the person you want to be, how you want others to perceive you, what job you want, what hobbies, etc. That's what I want. Right now even as I write this I have the feeling that I could be doing something more with myself. I could be out meeting new people, I could be working, I could be playing a gig with my band, I could be working out. That is what I want in life.

I'm not trying to be somebody I'm not... I'm just trying to find the real me. I've held back a lot of ambitions over the years.... partly due to having a serious relationship. I'm done with that now. I want to live while I'm young.... I want to get off the couch and improve myself as a man.

This is not fake... I was fake before by not saying what I really meant, by holding back my goals, by not being true to myself.... now I am just trying to find everything and put the pieces together.

 

[Industry]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
Good luck, Industry.


Where in OC do you live btw? Do you live near Fashion Island? You should definately head over there to re-stock your wardrobe.

I live right across from Fashion Island at Park Newport. I don't like shopping there though. I go to the Macy's Men's store at South Coast Plaza.

You live around here jake?

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Industry
This is not fake... I was fake before by not saying what I really meant, by holding back my goals, by not being true to myself.... now I am just trying to find everything and put the pieces together.

did you get what i said before? it is wonderful and great to want to better yourself, but don't take what you already have for granted. don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

 

[Industry]

I wont ever give up on my old friends and lifestyle I just want to spice it up a little. Everything feels the same these days. Same routine, same friends, same activities.

I am not content sitting on my a$$ every night and smoking pot with the rest of my crew. They are turning into losers (or maybe I'm just becoming less of one) and I don't like it. They are unmotivated and improving themselves is the last thing on their mind.

Like I said. I was with a girl for a long time and I forgot who I was in a way. I wasn't being true to myself. My life has been so scattered I just need to pull everything in and be the man I know I can be.

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by Industry
I live right across from Fashion Island at Park Newport. I don't like shopping there though. I go to the Macy's Men's store at South Coast Plaza.

You live around here jake?

Sorry holmes, I guess I just lost track of this thread. I actually live in LA county. But I head over to Huntington every once in a while to drink. Btw, Newport is just amazing. So beautiful. Do you live in one of those bling-bling houses on the hilltops?

 

[Industry]

No I don't but some of my friend parents do. I live on my own in an apartment on the bay. 1 BDRM + 1 DEN + 2 BATHS - 1300 SF. I've lived here for 3 yrs now and I wouldn't move unless you gave me one of those hilltop homes. The people here are sick and the view is unreal.

 

[Industry]

Alright tonight I made another step...

I went to 24 hr fitness and enrolled myself in a personal training program. They put everything together for me and the guy was totally cool.

I am 6' and 158 pounds. 17% bodyfat (most in my gut). They put all my information into a computer and came up with exact foods, quantities and times that I should be eating. On Monday, Wednesday, Friday he's gonna work with me for an hour and I'm going to do a light workout on my own on Tues,Thurs.

I'm stoked! My goal is 175-180 and 10% bodyfat. I'm taking this totally seriously and I will do exactly what is asked of me to reach my goal(s).

Well I got an interview tomorrow at Cheesecake Factory. Wish me luck.

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by Industry

Well I got an interview tomorrow at Cheesecake Factory. Wish me luck.

I'm glad you're on your way.

Btw bro, I'm looking for a short-term/temporary job too. Can you tell me a little about how the Cheesecake Factory hires people? I'll probably work for the one at Redondo Beach. Do they take walk-ins, and hand out job apps? Or are they like Starbucks when they have a little convention where they take job apps together at the same time? Thanks in advance.