I'm Lost... What should I do ?

[Dias]

Hello,

I'm gonna try to make it the shortest I can.

Two years ago, I met a girl that was in my High School by the internet. I was in a relationship that bored me at the time and I met the girl on the internet in order to not getting discovered by my girlfriend.

And well, she happenned to be the most interesting girl I'd ever met. We talked for hours and hours and it was really beautiful. We talked about life, about the beauty of things, and we came to fall in love for each other. We said we were two complementary colours, she was blue and I was orange, and that we couldn't be complete one without the other. She said she'd make me hot chocolates in winter and that we'd drink it watching the snow falling outside. I said we'd lie on the shadow of a tree by a warm summer afternoon and that it would just be beautiful. And I could go on with things like this for hours.

She was also in a relationship at the time, and loved the guy she was with but I made her think more about me than bout him in the end. The problem is that I was really stupid, and that I screwed up everything telling everyone the beauty of what we lived, and that we were in love. She then told me she'd never loved me which I knew was false because her best friend kept telling me she was. And we came to kind of ignoring each other although we were in the same highschool. We never talked face to face. It was short but really intense.

Then this year, when I was in a relationship with an other girl, and when the first one thought I had completely forget her, I came back sending her a message telling I missed her. She answered being really surprised and I told her that I didn't want us to break contact when we'll go to college. She'll go to college in the same city as me.

But when everything was doing alright, that I was building tension with her, I screwed up everything again by acting completely desperate. I loved her so much, and I hid it for all this time and in every relationship I had I was unhappy because I knew the only one I'd always loved was her. The girl is truly a beauty and everyone is according to say she's a 10, I don't know anyone who doesn't thinks she's really beautiful. That may have played a part.

I acted desperate and thus told her I loved her, told her I needed her. And looking back I don't even know how I could have messed up things like that when I never was an AFC and had always had the chicks I wanted.

She had talked with a friend of mine and I let him do because I didn't care at all what would happen next for I was really depressed by what was happening. He told her I loved her, and she told she viewed me as someone really special, who wasn't a friend, but wasn't a lover either. She had feelings for me but wouldn't go out with me. I understand her and I even wonder how she can still have feelings for me after this.

The last thing she sent me was a message telling we probably should meet and talk about all of this to clear things up, for we never really met face to face. Then I sent her something saying I had already told her everything, but that I didn't want a story lived in the past, that I just wanted to have fun, and live beautiful moments. I told her I wanted to start again everything, to build up something new for we complicated everything when it was so simple.

She didn't answered to this message and it's been approximately 1 month since I've sent it, and I still see her 8 hours a day.
I really really want this girl, she has got everything I love in a woman, and I can't tell me it's over yet.


I don't know what to do to get her back, and I really need your advice today.
Thank you

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Read the DJ Bible. Most of your answers and truths are in there!

 

[DonJuan11]

I'm glad you didn't give us the long version.

I'm with I.A.F.Y.B.

 

[Mavrick]

Whew, you don't like yourself very much. What in the world has this girl done to gain such rewards, worship, praise, and adoration. In one month she hasn't done a damn thing, and you're falling apart. That's stupid. Just plain dumb.

I'll be honest with you. All those feelings that you feel are basically infatuation. Once you get this girl, all your feelings will change. I guarantee it. It is not written anywhere that "falling in love" is a fact. In fact, I don't believe in that lame BS.

Pick yourself up. Walk. Walk far and long and think about what I'm telling you. This woman has power over you. This woman has total control over your emotions. You've handed it all over to her, but what has she done to earn it?

Has this woman contacted you and rewarded your adoration at all? Has she been grateful at all? Does she really care at all? The answer is...

NO! She doesn't give a sh!t, and she really hasn't deserved your weak, pathetic drool.

Wake up!

Realize!

Think with your mind and not your emotions.

Give your rewards and adoration to women who deserve it. Better yet...

Don't give any woman anything without it being earned as a reward. You are the prize, and you should be fawning all over yourself like you have for this woman.

Good luck, Bro!

 

[Dias]

Has this woman contacted you and rewarded your adoration at all? Has she been grateful at all? Does she really care at all? The answer is...

NO! She doesn't give a sh!t, and she really hasn't deserved your weak, pathetic drool.

Wake up!

Realize!

I have already realised all that, and that even surprises me how I was such a desperate AFC giving her so much attention telling her I loved her, and all this stuff without her having earned my attention at all.

I feel really great about myself, and truly believe I am the prize over every other men, that's not a problem and my mindset today is super-strong. The fact is that the past love came back and I was submerged by emotions and did everything wrong because as you said I thought with my emotions and not with my mind.

But that is past, and I've learned the lessons from it. I now don't worship this girl at all, and I've understood that what I was experiencing was not real love, just stupid romance. I now just think of her as a potential lover if she comes to meet the expectations I have, and I truly won't let her walk over me. The reason why I asked for your advice was that I want to know how to erase these stupid mistakes and start again with good foundations. That's it.

Thank you for your answers

 

[Max Power]

You told the girl you loved her. She didn't reciprocate. That means you've pretty much ruined it. This is not a movie. You can't "win her back" or whatever they say.

 

[Dias]

So it's definitely ruined ?

 

[Max Power]

So it's definitely ruined ?

If I had to put money on it, I would say yes.

 

[dannyegg4575]

Whew, you don't like yourself very much. What in the world has this girl done to gain such rewards, worship, praise, and adoration. In one month she hasn't done a damn thing, and you're falling apart. That's stupid. Just plain dumb.

I'll be honest with you. All those feelings that you feel are basically infatuation. Once you get this girl, all your feelings will change. I guarantee it. It is not written anywhere that "falling in love" is a fact. In fact, I don't believe in that lame BS.

Pick yourself up. Walk. Walk far and long and think about what I'm telling you. This woman has power over you. This woman has total control over your emotions. You've handed it all over to her, but what has she done to earn it?

Has this woman contacted you and rewarded your adoration at all? Has she been grateful at all? Does she really care at all? The answer is...

NO! She doesn't give a sh!t, and she really hasn't deserved your weak, pathetic drool.

Wake up!

Realize!

Think with your mind and not your emotions.

Give your rewards and adoration to women who deserve it. Better yet...

Don't give any woman anything without it being earned as a reward. You are the prize, and you should be fawning all over yourself like you have for this woman.

Good luck, Bro!

I'm with Mav on this one. as painful as it may sound, sorry for your loss bro.
that's life. if she contacts you, good, but if not, screw it... never let a woman walk away with an ego the size of an elephant.

 

[KontrollerX]

Mav gave you the best (even though it was brutal) advice.

Is it ruined?

Probably.

She hasn't made an effort to contact you in a month after all.

We could tell you to hook up with someother chick and make her your girlfriend and let it be known everywhere that this new chick is your girlfriend in order to play a jealousy game on the chick you really want and see if she responds to it but really doing that wouldn't be fair to the chick you would use to play this game.

In anycase what you need to do for real at this point is move on with someone else. Not as a jealousy game but as a genuine moving on.

If at some point in the future for whatever reason the girl that you were infatuated with comes back into the picture you need to control the frame and not enter into her reality which means you set the ground rules for any relationship, she moreso must bend to your needs and wants than you will ever for her's and you must not feel guilty about taking and using this mindset as life is about or should be about reciprocity and she did not feel guilty at all about leading you on and messing with your emotions fvcking you up inside so do the same to her by using this mindset that its your way or the highway.

If she comes to you and tries to get a relationship with you eventually and you bring up what I have said to her she will offer a fake apology for this in order to get what she wants ie a relationship with you and you will come back here and say well golly gee KontrollerX she apologized to me for hurting me and we got back together and since she apologized I felt safe to get all blubbery emotional with her again but then she left me for Larry the fry cook at Mcdonalds! What gives bro? And I will then tell you that your mistake was ever letting your guard down with this chick. If she comes back to you and wants a relationship you have to make her work very hard before you'll put your trust and emotions into her. A little apology for wrongdoing may get her a relationship with you but it will not get your trust or emotional attachment. Those are earned over time with actions and not words.

So my main advice is to stay strong and keep your emotions in check and only expose your heart and softer side to someone who has proven themselves worthy over a long period of time and I'm not saying go AFC with it and just become an emotional soppy sponge with a chick but I'm saying be emotional showing your loving side in measured bursts and after good behaviour is exhibited by a chick you are involved with subtley training her that if she wants love she has to do something nice to get it which teaches reciprocity which a lot of people sadly aren't that familiar with these days.

Chicks fall far more in love with a strong silent type of man that is somewhat distant who exhibits he can walk away at anytime than a man that shows endless loyalty anyway so you probably won't have to use many measured bursts of loving emotion at all but just when she needs it and proves that she's earned it.

All of your senses say to you now that loyalty to the end and always being there and letting a chick know that you would never leave her are the right thing to do and I'm with you that this should be the right thing to do but women in this day and age tend to be fvcked up and want what they can't have or want a guy they have a strong fear is going to leave them if they don't keep in line and be a good girl and this of course creates tension and gives the sick women of this day and age the emotional high that they crave of wondering will he stay or will he go...and this my friend is why your mindset might be right in spirit but in practice in todays world does not work.

So be strong, be confidant, be slightly distant and a challenge and you'll have just about any new woman you want drooling over you at your beck and call.

 

[Mavrick]

The way I look at every situation with a woman is whether she has blown it or ruined it. This is all about you, not her. When you start looking at it that way, you're life will be so much easier.

 

[dannyegg4575]

To be honest, I think that what you're feeling is a sense of wanting something that you can't have too. I think it's some sort of emotional fuel inside of us that push us towards something that we want and can't have.

Truth of the matter is, no matter what, you can't go back and you can't go forward with this chick given the fact that you have given your powers away.
She will never look up to you and she will never give you the time of day.

Think of it this way. If you're going to be a provider, do you want her to be the one wearing the pants in the family? Ask yourself that.

Remember, as a guy, it's always better to be in the driver seat. And women want that too in a man. They want us to drive the and lead them where we want to go.

 

[DonGorgon]

Two years ago, I met a girl that was in my High School by the internet. I was in a relationship that bored me at the time and I met the girl on the internet in order to not getting discovered by my girlfriend.

I acted desperate and thus told her I loved her, told her I needed her.

Thats all you needed to type...LOL.. We have all been there

 

[theunflushables]

You're not over her. If you were, you wouldn't be wondering how to start over and not be so AFC. Which ironically in your case, is even more AFC because you're still trying to salvage things. If you don't want to be AFC cut her off.

 

[Dias]

Thank You for all your answers.

Theunflushables, I know I'm not over her yet but the important point is that I've understood what I have to do, and KontrollerX's post is completely true and I thank him a lot for having taken the time to answer something like that when I really needed it.

I'm going to change my ideas, forget about this pathetic romance and swear I'll never ever give up my world to anyone anymore, one time was enough. I'm the new man.

Thank you all a lot, particularly KontrollerX and Mavrick

 

[Dias]

I've got some news.

So it's been aproximately 2 months we didn't talk at all to each other. She has recently said to a friend of mine she'd like to talk to me again.

I've personally changed my mind since I've posted here last time thanks to you, and I've been flirting with some other girls, partying with buddies, playing music etc.
I've took the state of mind that it's her loss if she doesn't come and that I don't care and just wanna have fun and make the most of every moment. I'm really happy and confident like before.

So, I'm here to ask you your opinion on what I think I've got to do.
I'll let her come to me so this way I'm in control of the frame, and she'll lean in my game. I won't go because that would make her think I'm so easy to get that I ain't worth of her time.
I'll just be patient (the main thing I've learned from this story is controlling my eagerness), and when we'll talk again I'll first make her feel comfortable by simply having fun with her and not telling her things that would make her think I'm trying to get her too soon. But I'd still make use of C&F, teasing and light kino (that's part of having fun with a girl, isn't it ?).
Then as she'll be getting comfortable enough I'll subtly get more romantic and intimate and use stronger kino, we'll get some great dates in the Nature as I like them and that will be it

Thank you for answers

 

[theunflushables]

Yeah don't do it man, its a trap. Yeah at first you'll think I'm in control I have the power. But you guys will get comfortable and the old ways will resurface, remember old habits die hard. Be like a person in AA. You can NOT associate yourself with the people who made you feel bad about yourself .

 

[Dias]

Ok, thank you.

I guess you two are right, this story is over. Well anyway I won't see her for a long time from July on.
I'll find other girls and I'll forget about her, that's all I have to do, and live.

Thanks for your answers