I'm losing it.

[Keeper]

Okay, I know the signs, and I'm falling into a fit of depression. Got a LTR going, and I'm screwing up. Calling her too often, damn near lickin her ass, way too many compliments.. pretty soon she's gonna take me for granted, this I know.

Problem is, I can't help myself. I see every AFC mistake I make... yet I don't do anything to correct the mistakes or avoid 'em totally.

I need some help. Somone give me a bible chapter to read or something!

 

[Zombie]

I see this as a sign of insecurity. Complimenting all the time, calling too often, etc. Subconciously you feel like you're always going to lose her unless you do these things. I would put an end to it quickly. Chicks dig guys who are confident and don't need to call them every 5 minutes to see what they're doing.

 

[reyalp]

i say do something really rude now, confuse the crap out of her.


open the door for her, and then say "get inside. come on, hustle!"

then say "thanks sweetie" and smack her on the ass.

 

[MightyMate]

Just stop calling. Start smsing instead.
Also be late for few times!
Its simple and gonna help.

 

[Keeper]

Thanks chaps...

But first, I think I need an attitude change. I'm gonna follow up Zombies post and work on my confidence. He's right - it's gone down lately. I do feel like I'm gonna lose the girl.

Hmm... maybe if I filled up my life with more activities I wouldn't have time to be insecure about our relationship?

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by Keeper
Thanks chaps...

Hmm... maybe if I filled up my life with more activities I wouldn't have time to be insecure about our relationship?

bingo

 

[Dark Haired Alpha]

However untrue it may sound to you, your GF isn't concerned. It's your mindset and attitude you need to change. Even if you kept your girlfriend by avoiding calling or complimenting her by your self-control, you still loose. You actually have to get much more secure than you are now in order not to feel the need to do such AFC things. For this, I recommend David DeAngelo's program "On Being The Man", his only program that helped me improve (I've seen them all).

 

[Dark Haired Alpha]

^^^ yeah and I don't get paid for this

 

[jlazz]

I had the same problem! When I first got my gf it was because of my ****y/funny personality/attitude...she eventually dumped me because she thought I was only there for sex and didn't show enough "affection" and she wasn't used to a lack of emotional connection in a relationship.

I became clingy and kept calling her after we brokeup...and basically became insecure again like I was before I met her.

I need to get my confidence and attitude back!

Also...I was so clingy she told her friend I was becoming stalkerish because I called her a lot.

I haven't talked to her since Tuesday and don't plan to call her in a while.

----------------------------------------------

How is SMSing any different from calling? You're still contacting her nonetheless.

Also, I want to contact the ex in about 1-2 weeks just to see what she's up to, but I don't want her to think I'm still desperate.

How do I play it off like I'm just calling to see how she's been, but no other intentions. See I'm hoping the gap of time that we don't talk to each other (giving her SPACE) will bring things back to normal and allow me to get back in the right mindset.

 

[spitkicker]

think about what your long term goals are. seriously.

This behavior is the result of you thinking about the immediate now. When you two are together, I'm sure you feel amazing and in your element, and when you are apart, you feel broken maybe...a little depressed.

So you act these ways in order to cater to your ego's "now" instead of your future.

Take a step back from the now and look at your entire life and who you want to become. Act according to this plan, and not the one that your mind is giving you as a quick fix to your internal discomfort.

I hope this post wasn't too scientific sounding or anything, let me know if it helps, or if you want clarifications etc

 

[jlazz]

Originally posted by spitkicker
think about what your long term goals are. seriously.

This behavior is the result of you thinking about the immediate now. When you two are together, I'm sure you feel amazing and in your element, and when you are apart, you feel broken maybe...a little depressed.

So you act these ways in order to cater to your ego's "now" instead of your future.

Take a step back from the now and look at your entire life and who you want to become. Act according to this plan, and not the one that your mind is giving you as a quick fix to your internal discomfort.

I hope this post wasn't too scientific sounding or anything, let me know if it helps, or if you want clarifications etc

whats your advice for my post above?

 

[spitkicker]

I feel for you man. I've been there.

Listen, I know David D says such and such blah blah....look man...i know..but

C&F isn't the answer, it really isnt. If you want to use a little bit to spark attraction, thats cool, but leave it alone after that.

There are 2 steps in seduction, or courtship, or whatever. And that is Attraction and Rapport (comfort, trust, connection). Once she is attracted, you need to go into rapport. Attraction alone (c&f) cannot be the entire basis of a relationship. This is what happened in your case.

My advice to you is this. Leave her alone, get other girls in your life. If you can't leave her alone, then that shows yourself that you arn't strong enough yet. I'm not telling you to say good bye to her forver, but leave her alone for now, and she WILL come back into your life when you know how to convey inner strength through being real instead of ****y/funny.

I know david d says girls don't want people to care for them. but he is wrong when he says they NEVER want this.

Take a look at my blog, i just posted on a similar issue last night.

Let me know if this helps

becoming a pua

 

[jlazz]

Originally posted by spitkicker
I feel for you man. I've been there.

Listen, I know David D says such and such blah blah....look man...i know..but

C&F isn't the answer, it really isnt. If you want to use a little bit to spark attraction, thats cool, but leave it alone after that.

There are 2 steps in seduction, or courtship, or whatever. And that is Attraction and Rapport (comfort, trust, connection). Once she is attracted, you need to go into rapport. Attraction alone (c&f) cannot be the entire basis of a relationship. This is what happened in your case.

My advice to you is this. Leave her alone, get other girls in your life. If you can't leave her alone, then that shows yourself that you arn't strong enough yet. I'm not telling you to say good bye to her forver, but leave her alone for now, and she WILL come back into your life when you know how to convey inner strength through being real instead of ****y/funny.

I know david d says girls don't want people to care for them. but he is wrong when he says they NEVER want this.

Take a look at my blog, i just posted on a similar issue last night.

Let me know if this helps

becoming a pua

Yeah, I've been hanging out with my friends more and going to hit the gym more ofte now. Before I revolved my life around her, and now I'm gonna walk to path to becoming a man by doing what I WANT, not what others want me to do. I'm going to stay motivated w/ working out, get in shape for rowing, make more friends, and gain more confidence.

I haven't talked to her in a week (longest ever we haven't talked). If she does end up calling, which I doubt, I will act like nothing happened between us before and just show her I'm busy nowadays and not stay on the phone w/ her for a long time. When we did talk before, she was always the one to end the conversation.

If she doesn't call me by the following week, I'll call her and will just ask her what she's been up to and add some small talk. I'll show her I'm doing a lot more stuff and moving on, and keep the convo short...I'll be the one ending the conversation.

If I wanted to totally ditch her, I wouldn't call her, but I wouldn't mind being friends with her, which is why I want to contact her and see how she's doing.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Originally posted by Keeper
Okay, I know the signs, and I'm falling into a fit of depression. Got a LTR going, and I'm screwing up. Calling her too often, damn near lickin her ass, way too many compliments.. pretty soon she's gonna take me for granted, this I know.

Problem is, I can't help myself. I see every AFC mistake I make... yet I don't do anything to correct the mistakes or avoid 'em totally.

I need some help. Somone give me a bible chapter to read or something!

What you need is a hobby my friend.

Nothing a little MMA can't solve. I suggest hitting the gym and upping your protein.

You need to regain your balls.

 

[ADifferentKindofDJ]

This may help

It's your luck day!!! Go over to Tips and read De La Soul: The Guide to DON JUAN, And take a day off to do it. I had the same problem as you, but I was going to ask this girl out. I got lucky though she had to work, so she didn't show up to the party. (lol) I've had to sit back for two weeks (Patience) and believe me I've been through AFC hell!! (i.e. desperation) But I learned a lot about myself and have had the chance to read a lot of the bible again. I've even taken on a few other women, just for fun. Take a day, or two weeks maybe.... Remeber this journey is about you not her. You're way ahead of the game just knowing you needed to change.

 

[Mr. Non-Juan]

Ah, the path to Non-Juanism begins for another distressed soul...

What you need is a realization of why your current activities will lead her to dumping you! Here's what I recommend: go over to my website - BY CLICKING HERE - and read the "The Nice Guy - A Perfect Image for a Non-Juan?" It's the first chapter from my book, "From PIMP to WIMP: The Non-Juan's Guide to Losing the Girl of Your Dreams!" If any of the first chapter resonates with you, read the description of what else is covered in the book. Basically it's a chapter-by-chapter read that explains in detail why actions like your will help you to LOSE a girl!

Good luck, and let us know how things turn out!

-Mr. Non-Juan

 

[Keeper]

Okay, I signed up for classes on Learning French.

I joined the rock climbing club.

I joined a local D&D Pen and Paper RP group.

I hit the gym this morning with a body for life workout programme.

Uhh... I also signed up for a cooking course.

Maybe someone has a few good ideas I can add to my list?

 

[reyalp]

take some sort of dancing class, you'll meet tons more tail there

 

[Keeper]

Originally posted by reyalp
take some sort of dancing class, you'll meet tons more tail there

In a LTR, and I already can dance.

 

[reyalp]

but there are like 30 different genres of dance, there's bound to be one you don't know.

and as for the LTR: ooooh, you're in a monogamous LTR!!
sorry, didn't know.