I'm losing hope on my way

Blacksheep

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I do not know if I should come here to talk about it, but I do not know who I should talk to either.

I will try to summarize the whole question so as not to prolong this text: two years ago I went to a party, I drank a lot, I met a woman and I took her to my house, where I had unprotected sex. The next day, to make my stupidity worse, I gave her money for her to take a morning-after pill to remedy our irresponsibility last night (where she lied she had taken and did not take the pill). She said she was on contraception too. Well, 2 months later she was pregnant and after DNA examination, the son really is mine.

I love my son and in relation to him, I feel glad to have him in my life.

However, some things have changed a lot: since I knew that this woman acted in bad faith, knowing my financial condition and knowing that my parents had a company, I lived alone and so on ... Obviously I would not be stupid enough to marrying her (though my parents wanted just that).

Since then my parents started to blame me, because I was not there 100% of the time taking care of my son and with this woman. They spread this to many people and at first I was seen as a demon. Many people and "friends" have moved away from me and even today I hear my parents say things that affect me in a very negative way.

I do not see my son every weekend, but I took responsibility for paying the pension and ensuring a decent health plan for him. I also can not and I do not want to act the way they try to impose on me, as they wish it to be.

My father always blamed me for everything that happened in their lives, I was already accustomed, but now he found another reason to show how bad and useless I am. It hurts like hell ... I've been doing therapy to try to keep my emotional state stable, but almost always I think about not living anymore and this feeling does not seem to terrify me the same as before. My health is very bad: I have gained a lot of weight, I have problems with high blood pressure (taking medication), I have constant pain in the back and neck, I feel short of breath (maybe because of anxiety).

And honestly, I do not know where to run. I am trying to launch an application project that I created and also in the free time I am studying game development to be able to leave the company of my parents and touch my life elsewhere. But honestly, the more I stay at it, the more I lose my energy.

I do not want to become a victim, I'm just feeling completely lost and even though I'm not doing something with myself, I feel that every day my health gets worse.

I get colder every day, and I get more and more quiet because I'm tired of arguing with people. It's as if unconsciously they do not want me here anymore.

I see several cases of guys who have had children, and most do not have this family pressure or this unnecessary judgment. I do not mistreat my son, I do not hate him, I do not fail to guarantee money to cover with expenses. And yet, I am the worst person in the world and as always mother and son are the victims of history.
 
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Alvafe

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really you won't like what some will say, but the rule of all is to cut all bad things in your life, that means cutting your parents off, i'm quick witted and normally don't hold back so a lot of thing I would toss on his face, like i'm disapointement? well blame my parents for being too, since I was raised by then if i'm one they are too, and so on, I normally don't take sh!t and that means from no one, even if family, and yes you are right its tiresome arguing and explaining something its not they bussiness, they only do so because you let then, things only have importance to what you give, so if you give importance to other people opnion it will be important, at the same note if you don't it means nothing, less then nothing even

and like you can see if what you are saying its true, then you have a sh!t dad, a useless abuser, best you can do it cut him from your life, family is not a pressure, its only if you give then that importance, stop giving then importance and that pressure is gone

nothing else to say really, in the end its all always about you, and how you deal with things
 

Blacksheep

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really you won't like what some will say, but the rule of all is to cut all bad things in your life, that means cutting your parents off, i'm quick witted and normally don't hold back so a lot of thing I would toss on his face, like i'm disapointement? well blame my parents for being too, since I was raised by then if i'm one they are too, and so on, I normally don't take sh!t and that means from no one, even if family, and yes you are right its tiresome arguing and explaining something its not they bussiness, they only do so because you let then, things only have importance to what you give, so if you give importance to other people opnion it will be important, at the same note if you don't it means nothing, less then nothing even

and like you can see if what you are saying its true, then you have a sh!t dad, a useless abuser, best you can do it cut him from your life, family is not a pressure, its only if you give then that importance, stop giving then importance and that pressure is gone

nothing else to say really, in the end its all always about you, and how you deal with things

Thanks for your reply man!

You're completely right. The more I keep allowing this situation, the worst I feel. It's not going to be easy, but I need to move from my town and start somewhere else.

First of all I need to take care of my health cause I cant get a new job just the way I am. Then I need to really go for it and risk leaving it all behind.

A fear I have is that if I got a new job probably I will have to decrease the pension I pay for my son, and this may cause some problems. But it worth in the long run.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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I do not know if I should come here to talk about it, but I do not know who I should talk to either.

I will try to summarize the whole question so as not to prolong this text: two years ago I went to a party, I drank a lot, I met a woman and I took her to my house, where I had unprotected sex. The next day, to make my stupidity worse, I gave her money for her to take a morning-after pill to remedy our irresponsibility last night (where she lied she had taken and did not take the pill). She said she was on contraception too. Well, 2 months later she was pregnant and after DNA examination, the son really is mine.

I love my son and in relation to him, I feel glad to have him in my life.

However, some things have changed a lot: since I knew that this woman acted in bad faith, knowing my financial condition and knowing that my parents had a company, I lived alone and so on ... Obviously I would not be stupid enough to marrying her (though my parents wanted just that).

Since then my parents started to blame me, because I was not there 100% of the time taking care of my son and with this woman. They spread this to many people and at first I was seen as a demon. Many people and "friends" have moved away from me and even today I hear my parents say things that affect me in a very negative way.
You must cut the parents and everyone off.

There's no ambiguity.

Either with me or without. If a person is toxic, they are dead to me.

Set boundaries. If they cross them, they are dead to you. Freeze out. Number blockef. No contact EVER.

We live in a female social order. Its girl power on steroids. Your parents think they raised you bad for not simping. This is the times and baby boomers are retards (usually).

Take care of the son. You owe NOTHING TO THE WOMAN.

I do not see my son every weekend, but I took responsibility for paying the pension and ensuring a decent health plan for him. I also can not and I do not want to act the way they try to impose on me, as they wish it to be.

My father always blamed me for everything that happened in their lives, I was already accustomed, but now he found another reason to show how bad and useless I am. It hurts like hell ... I've been doing therapy to try to keep my emotional state stable, but almost always I think about not living anymore and this feeling does not seem to terrify me the same as before. My health is very bad: I have gained a lot of weight, I have problems with high blood pressure (taking medication), I have constant pain in the back and neck, I feel short of breath (maybe because of anxiety).
YOU AREN'T HANDLING YOUR ****.

you have taken a stand. Don't wobble.

Disregard parents. Break free of the restraints. Live your life. Clean up diet. Lose weight. Lift. Set boundaries for the barrier to entry into your life. Any breach means gtfo.

And honestly, I do not know where to run. I am trying to launch an application project that I created and also in the free time I am studying game development to be able to leave the company of my parents and touch my life elsewhere. But honestly, the more I stay at it, the more I lose my energy.
Run? You are a man. Running is cowardice.

You lack autonomy because you are following the path someone else held it up on you. Furthermore you lack boundaries.

do not want to become a victim, I'm just feeling completely lost and even though I'm not doing something with myself, I feel that every day my health gets worse.

I get colder every day, and I get more and more quiet because I'm tired of arguing with people. It's as if unconsciously they do not want me here anymore.

I see several cases of guys who have had children, and most do not have this family pressure or this unnecessary judgment. I do not mistreat my son, I do not hate him, I do not fail to guarantee money to cover with expenses. And yet, I am the worst person in the world and as always mother and son are the victims of history.
Read Way of the superior man by David Deida. Live at your edge. Do 100 % the opposite of what you are doing now.

Grow a pair of nuts. Man up. Take life by the balls. Begin taking drastic action. Set SMART GOALS.

If people are not having your best interest in mind, disregard them.
 

Jager

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You must cut the parents and everyone off.

There's no ambiguity.

Either with me or without. If a person is toxic, they are dead to me.

Set boundaries. If they cross them, they are dead to you. Freeze out. Number blockef. No contact EVER.

We live in a female social order. Its girl power on steroids. Your parents think they raised you bad for not simping. This is the times and baby boomers are retards (usually).

Take care of the son. You owe NOTHING TO THE WOMAN.



YOU AREN'T HANDLING YOUR ****.

you have taken a stand. Don't wobble.

Disregard parents. Break free of the restraints. Live your life. Clean up diet. Lose weight. Lift. Set boundaries for the barrier to entry into your life. Any breach means gtfo.



Run? You are a man. Running is cowardice.

You lack autonomy because you are following the path someone else held it up on you. Furthermore you lack boundaries.



Read Way of the superior man by David Deida. Live at your edge. Do 100 % the opposite of what you are doing now.

Grow a pair of nuts. Man up. Take life by the balls. Begin taking drastic action. Set SMART GOALS.

If people are not having your best interest in mind, disregard them.
He’s got good points, OP. There comes a point where you have to get mean to ensure your well-being.

You need to have self respect and personal integrity. Your beliefs and personal truths are more important than life itself.
 
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EyeOnThePrize

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this is actually quite a blessing in disguise. not giving a damn what your parents think about you will be a big milestone for you. you should do everything in your power to progress your personal life and dismiss hatred. do not give people the blessing of your time if they do not appreciate it. have some self respect and practice self love. you need to remember your worth if they've been beating you down your whole life. understand it'll be a conscious practice for a long time before it's second nature. gain momentum and remember that improvement is a campaign of discipline. never stop working on yourself. you'll notice that things will bother you less, and you'll be able to roll with the punches of life in a sort of judo.
 

Kotaix

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That does suck man. But I have to be harsh with you

There's one thing you have left to do in this life as far as I'm concerned. You're a father, and from what you've said, you are the ONLY person in this world who can turn your son into a good man. If your parents get their claws on him they will do to him what they've done to you whether they consciously intended to or not.

I think the problem is your parents are irredeemably blue pilled. It's obvious they deeply resent the fact that you didn't do what they think is the right thing. But you stood up for your freedom and you are as free as someone in your position can be, and that has value.

Hang Tough and Hang Loose man.

Also, I'm starting to sound like a goddamn vegan, but try the anti-inflamatory diet that Jordan Peterson talks about at one point: meat and greens only. I have a minor heredetary tendon issue and if i stick to the diet I can get it to regress and it doesn't flare up.
 

Fruitbat

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Born into welfare
Parents lifelong drug addicts and alcoholics
Had to leave school at 16 and give up education
Sexually abused between 6-9 years old
Beaten to hospitalised at 12 losing some vision in right eye
Married at 26 and wife developed schozophrenia. Took 3 years of support after diagnosis which almost bankrupted me.
Oh, and just been diagnosed with a long term auto immune condition which is incurable and main characteristic is agonising pain.
Just realised as well I made a mistake on my income insurance as one condition was 4 years 9 months before application; not 5 years. So now uninsured

You have it easy.
 

rando5495

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I went through a time at about 18 of having a lot of problems with my dad, and now I think he's an amazing person. I think that's just a part of developing adult male boundaries.

I think getting a different job independent of your family would probably change a lot in that situation. Your family are probably just giving you the support to make it on your own, but that's what you need to do imo.
 

Spaz

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You have to be opened to the possibility that people around you might be right (especially if most of them think the same), don't dismiss their negative comments until you have debated it within urself.

For now, you need to concentrate on ur health issues 1st.

Thats the most pressing issue you need to overcome.

Shortness of breath coupled with highblood pressures could possibly be an indication of serious heart problems - go for a stress test.

Don't wait. Don't postpone it. Don't dismiss it.
 
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samspade

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At some point you have to do what's best for YOU and your child - not your parents or anyone else.

The whole "family first" mantra is true up until a point. If they are not supporting you, and you've given them ample opportunity to do so, then you have to cut them out. In the end, cutting people slack because they're family is just a guilt thing, a societal trap. They blame you? Fukk 'em, they're out of the picture and they don't get to see their grandchild anymore.
 

StillSearching

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My father was a very demanding and difficult man while I was growing up. Left the house at 17 with a shoe being thrown at me.
The last year of my fathers life, at age 86, he became the most wonder man you could imagine. I was never resentful through the years. I got 1 good year at the end, it was worth it. I had very little contact for 20+ years. Hang in there, do what must be done.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Its pretty black pilled.

Theres no idealism happily ever after.

Assume that the following is the best option, no alternative way of being, so nothing to lose. Act as such.
 

rando5495

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My father was a very demanding and difficult man while I was growing up. Left the house at 17 with a shoe being thrown at me.
The last year of my fathers life, at age 86, he became the most wonder man you could imagine. I was never resentful through the years. I got 1 good year at the end, it was worth it. I had very little contact for 20+ years. Hang in there, do what must be done.
My dad kicked me out repeatedly. His dad kicked him out repeatedly. And so on. Such is life.

Yeah, basically see no point in being an emo kid about it.
 

Blacksheep

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You have to be opened to the possibility that people around you might be right (especially if most of them think the same), don't dismiss their negative comments until you have debated it within urself.

For now, you need to concentrate on ur health issues 1st.

Thats the most pressing issue you need to overcome.

Shortness of breath coupled with highblood pressures could possibly be an indication of serious heart problems - go for a stress test.

Don't wait. Don't postpone it. Don't dismiss it.
The good part is that not most of them think the same. In the past I used to believe everything my dad told about me and I have to deal with that to not start blaming myself all the time. Cause I thought I was wrong in everything I did, and this created bad consequences.

Nowadays I can at least, most of time, do that debate and think what is reasonable or not. But I assume it is still difficult in some situations. Also, I learned to assume responsibility for everything I do... So, if I made a mistake, I accept it and try to grow up with that learning.

About my health I spent a lot of money this last month checking everything. Just found out that I have hypertension (started with medications and it's way better) and a herniate lumbar disc. One doctor also prescribed a SSRIs (escitalopram) for anxiety, but I don't want to rely on this... the side effects just don't worth it.
 
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Blacksheep

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Would like to thank everyone that took a time to reply this post. It was very helpful!

Also, some stuffs I've learned since I post it was that I have to stop being affraid of being myself and choosing my way of living. People will judge anyway, even if someone do exactly what they want. At least here in my small town (in brazil) it seems people get offended really easy when you are sincere, so if you say "no" to someone or disagree with their point of view, they will criticize, judge and even hate you (haters will always be haters). So there is no point on caring about those reactions.

As my father criticize me because I choose to live a different way than he thought it was right. But that is his problem (it has nothing to do with me, as he also act that way with other people), he wants to control everyone around him and got really angry if you reject his ideas or orders. This sounds like a child crying to his mom because he can't get what he wants (I just have to set boundaries and accept that it is this way). And that book explains really good those things: LINK

THE BIGGEST LESSON FOR ME: when you stop being affraid of being sincere, you lose a lot of "friends", but you find out that those who have remained are the ones who truly value you. The more you learn to deal with pain in life, the more you grow up. And we should not run away from pain, since it's the most important thing to make you become a better man.

So, I have a big challenge for those next months/years and I will work hard for that.
 

Poonani Maker

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I just woke up from falling asleep in my chair after 13 hours of grueling work in the hot sun - getting too Old for this 4th of July Trump boom economy. I should be going back to sleep in a real bed. So first off, I think you think you can Rely on your parents' inheritance (but this is much later on in life not now) so you do not want to piss them off or "shut them off" so that they will not cut you out of their wills. I have no such Fear because I can support myself in retirement based solely on my own Work and what I've done (but I still need to do more like 13 years more - my guts are spilling out though).

2ndly, um, you need a oneitis. You need to fall hard for a chick, and it sucks that you had Drunk sex and not sober sex. I've had countless sober sexs and it's where I could feel every angle and nuance of the woman I'm bangin. Most people (Americans) think they gotta have alcohol in them to make sex easier. While this is true, it takes away from the sacredness of it all in my opinion. But I believe No Sex, but pining for Sex with a woman you've fell HARD for (and you can't quite get her to sex, just going out, and then maybe riding in her car with her flighty bubbly WEIRD girlfriend or something where it's just you 3 in the car and they're both analyzing you and measuring you up...it puts a spell on you that they would hold you in such regard (whether it be because they're religious and trying to convert you to their cult church or Mormon or just those Roadside death chicks (I mean Really like ba-****-bac-bac-bac-bac chickens) with no T!ts and a Wild mustard fastfood-eating roadkill way of life, appearing trash but with family that have roots to your town and a lot of land and/or money but their daughters have just ended up the black sheep, you know Hell-chicks who are very FEELING in their bodies but they're not all that hot by no means but put you in tune with Your OWN state of mind or sexuality or wants and desires, chicks that get your motor runnin or get you Thinkin' === there are some BIZZARE chicks out there let me tell ya that can get you thinkin' or on the road to Using your MIND or the road to success kinda a mystical ZAP to get you goin...so they put a spell on you and you never turn back forever influenced by their seductiveness, forever changed).

I've had that encounter in September 2005, where I got zapped. Before then, I promise you, I was reliant on, and thinking of, oh my parents will be my backstop if I get into any trouble or I can rely on them to leave me money, and I was very dependent on my Parents. The chicka I met, turned that around and made me Extremely motivated to summon all my strength and make a tear, a relentless FORWARD movement to ensure my own (and in turn capability of supporting her own) financial well-being on my own accord. Before then, I was a renter all my life. In 4 years from that zapping, I became a homeowner by sheer force of will. My parents never assisted me again because they knew they didn't have to. It was clear that I was making more per year than they ever had, that I was independent, but I owe it to being spell-bound by this chick I met and worked with. Of course, she had other beaus and married someone else, got divorced and married someone else and is still livin in an apartment, but oh well, I'm improved. It's all in the mind. You can conjure up powerful Reasons for doing things in your mind. And yes, I'd read Anthony Robbins in high school (made a speech on his book -- no one knew where I got this material on in my class and thought it was written by someone else cause it couldn't be ME or coming from ME because they Knew me, an unmotivated person). But off n' on I'd read that self-help guru in my 20s or listened to his tapes (mainly as I wasn't really much of a reader then). So he'd talk about controlling your mind and how to do it, and you can fake yourself or trick yourself into believing almost anything and give yourself false reasons for getting motivated to do something but you gotta work yourself up into a frenzy and tie-in EMOTION to make it more powerful and sustaining. That's what I did. I was livin in a Fantasy world with this chick (who had other guys - even guys NEAR me or I knew and had once considered friends - calling on her trying to get into her panties). I believed that we had something special, that we had a kindred spiritual innate telepathic she was always thinking about me (not true) I was always thinking about her (true) connection that was for LIFE. I wanted to Marry her I had fallen so hard. It was pathetic, but in my mind it was beautiful such a strong Love (that no woman can give I believe now having read all the stories and things of how disloyal women are - short attention spans : Keyword: spans). But I tapped into MY love my wellspring of potential love I could GIVE. It poured from within me, yet my becoming successful through shear force of will was for the potential ability to take care of HER and give her what she wants, still when we fell through, I still kept hope of one-day marrying her so I exhibited EXTREME persistence to ensure financial well-being in the hopes of one day marrying her. So the byproduct of THAT Work I put in for HER fell entirely on MY lap (when we were no longer a 'thing,' cause well, she's married and I never see her again and don't figure I will but I Could and have but not recently and she's aged of course and is 39 now so um not the same Cute or hot alluring doll face). So I benefited from my self-Delusion. I sit here typing in a changed state of affairs many years later. I can take my parents' (I'd rather have my parents to talk to to be honest as they are truly the ONLY beings on the planet that could ever really CARE for me) inheritance now. My dad passed almost 3 years ago, though and I still feel the effects to this day (crying, and I'm a dude), because his death was kinda traumatic for me (and for him I heard from the doctors, 3 hours of them trying to save him) because I saw him in his final state just a minute before his pulse stopped/breath stopped and his eyes stuck open along with his mouth with the tubes down it and old man's teeth and man, just seeing him dead like that eyes OPEN traumatized me for life. If I think back to that imagery, I can't help but cry. It's imprinted on me, I can't shake it. I mean, he wanted to go, he had nothing to live for (diabetes, aches in legs/body, and various other health quality of life reducing issues) twice divorced. I'd pleaded with him to not give up, oh he had to have oxygen too (lungs - he'd smoked marijuana but not cigs), but he kept telling me that he wanted quality of life, not quantity. He was a crazy fvcker and hung around crazy fvckers. He'd wanted to live in the wild west days (always said born in the wrong time period - I mean, to think about it, eh, you couldn't get away with bar fights anymore or we had become a Police state - DICTA (Don't Interfere Call The Authorities)).
 

matteo-d

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Wow... tough story man.

Yeah indeed when so much pain is gathered together in your life, it's the best indication that you have to change it. And that sometimes mean cutting every contact you have with toxic people.

Your parents seem to be a huge pain for you right now. The problem I see is, as long as YOU don't change, THEY won't change. If your dad has one person in his life that he respects, then what can you do to look like this person he respects ?

Taking the responsibility of an unwanted child is also a very mature decision, nobody should dismiss that in your entourage. A lot of guys would have just try to get rid of him. But you didn't.
Focus on bringing to your son a life that he will love. And the only way you can do that is by having YOUR life figured out first. If that implies getting far away from your parents, then do whatever you can to do so.

Hope it will okay !
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Would like to thank everyone that took a time to reply this post. It was very helpful!

Also, some stuffs I've learned since I post it was that I have to stop being affraid of being myself and choosing my way of living. People will judge anyway, even if someone do exactly what they want. At least here in my small town (in brazil) it seems people get offended really easy when you are sincere, so if you say "no" to someone or disagree with their point of view, they will criticize, judge and even hate you (haters will always be haters). So there is no point on caring about those reactions.

As my father criticize me because I choose to live a different way than he thought it was right. But that is his problem (it has nothing to do with me, as he also act that way with other people), he wants to control everyone around him and got really angry if you reject his ideas or orders. This sounds like a child crying to his mom because he can't get what he wants (I just have to set boundaries and accept that it is this way). And that book explains really good those things: LINK

THE BIGGEST LESSON FOR ME: when you stop being affraid of being sincere, you lose a lot of "friends", but you find out that those who have remained are the ones who truly value you. The more you learn to deal with pain in life, the more you grow up. And we should not run away from pain, since it's the most important thing to make you become a better man.

So, I have a big challenge for those next months/years and I will work hard for that.
There's a challenging life for the cuck who is asleep at the wheel or the man who transcends his Being. Suffering awaits either path. The difference in the following is the choice of which path to take. The burden of performance is not to be taken lightly. You're choosing to wildlife away from mommy and daddy is a OG move but it has consequences as does following the beaten path. Good luck. Enjoy your journey.
 
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