I'm in it deep this time

[Thundernuts]

You guys, im in it deep now.

My ex girlfriend came by my house the other night, and again last night.

We had sex both times, now thing is she is going to be moving back to a nearby town and she wants to try and pickup where we left off. Now, here is the kicker. she has stage 3/almost stage four ovarian cancer. the doctors have told her that at this rate she has a year, a year and a half to live. She also has a daughter to.

You guys i feel terrible, I want her to be okay, but i feel like me being with her would be a distraction, she told me last night if i was there it would drive for her to get better. F U C K !!!!! as if that doesn't make matters worse, this new girl that I've been going out with found out she was over through my little brother, so now she is on my ass about not talking to her.

I guess im just looking for some advice, my ex gave me a promise ring, we had sex, she told me she loved me a million times, and she is dieing unless she gets some surgery. I'm feeling sick to my stomach for abondoning her but she abondoned me.

I hope this is enough info for you guys to help me out, i need some guidance, I don't want to lose this current girl because in reality she is great, she just doesn't want me getting to close to my ex and i can understand that, especially since the way my ex is acting.

All advice would be deeply appreciated.

 

[Ease]

You are ****ed

 

[horaholic]

Thats tough, BUT; you need to do whats right for YOU, first and foremost.

Ask yourself this: If she didnt have cancer how would she be treating you? This is kind of heartless here, but when people are dying, of COURSE she's gonna want to spend her remaining days with someone she loves, and that may be the only reason she wants you back. My ex has done this to me several times. (amazingly enough, she's still alive to my knowledge, after a brain tumor, ovarian cancer, and an unknown blood condition that was supposed to kill her ten years ago.)

Im in NO means suggesting your girl is lying like mine was, but I've been in your situation before. I am saying, that she may only want to be with you now because she's on her way out, and doesnt want to be alone. Meanwhile, YOU will have to A. skip out on your new girl. B. ride the emotional rollercoaster that is the impending death of someone you love C. deal with everything when she passes away. D. The lasting impact on your emotional well being that may go on for years to come.

In a nut shell, it will be good for her, and bad for you, but, if you turn your back, the guilt might eat you alive.

For your own, good, you should should take the heartless route, while being sympathetic to her situation. Remember: She really is using you to get through the toughest time of her life.

 

[SoldMySoul]

What a horrible thing to be faced with. First, If you love her and know it is true, you stick it out with her and give her nice last days. This means you treat her with respect, sensitivity and with all the love you have. Understand this: It will come down to NO sex for you in time, but do not CHEAT ON her because of it.

My mom died at 45 y/o of pancreatic cancer and finished her last year after being given only 6 months, with a c0cksucker!!!! I wanted so much more for my mom. My dad put her through enough with cheating on her the entire 18 years of their marriage.

If you bail, like the hor stated, it would eat you alive!! Hate to be so agreeable with him today, but I am liking what he is saying.

 

[horaholic]

What a horrible thing to be faced with. First, If you love her and know it is true, you stick it out with her and give her nice last days. This means you treat her with respect, sensitivity and with all the love you have. Understand this: It will come down to NO sex for you in time, but do not CHEAT ON her because of it.

My mom died at 45 y/o of pancreatic cancer and finished her last year after being given only 6 months, with a c0cksucker!!!! I wanted so much more for my mom. My dad put her through enough with cheating on her the entire 18 years of their marriage.

If you bail, like the hor stated, it would eat you alive!! Hate to be so agreeable with him today, but I am liking what he is saying.

You must understand, this is a far different situation as your parents. this chick is just popping back into the op's life with this news. Its not as if she was his wife and she got this news during their relationship. He said she abandoned him first. The hard fact is, he owes her nothing.

Its not fair that she is diagnosed with this. That sux in ways that cannot be expressed. BUT, its also not fair to the OP for this chick pop back in his life with this news and burden his mental well being when he has exactly ZERO obligations or responsibilities to her. Its a fvcked situation, but if you were to strip away all feelings and look at the situation from a purely emotion-free (heartless, if you will) standpoint, the op is faced with a choice of abandoning his new girl and volunteering for possibly the longest and worst experience of his entire life for a girl who dumped him (correct me if I'm wrong) and quite possibly wouldnt even want him back if she were of optimal health. If you were faced with that news, wouldn't YOU want someone to love you. I would, and I dont blame HER for wanting to be with him again, but the question is: Why exactly does she want him back now? For genuine reasons, or so she can have love while she goes through this horrible experience?

I'd hate to compare this to a girl crawling back to her ex after things dont work out with guy she dumped him for, but there are some similiarities. People here always advise against getting back with an ex, and to not fall for it, when ex's come back after a time, and express their love. NOW she loves him? What about back then? I think the OP should elaborate a little more about their relationship and how it ended.

 

[Rubirosa]

No matter what, be DECENT to her. Don't add any new drama to her life, if she gets aggressive w/ you, don't take it personally....People who are faced w/ the reality of death sometimes get irrational and are not themselves.

 

[Lucifero]

Now, here is the kicker. she has stage 3/almost stage four ovarian cancer. the doctors have told her that at this rate she has a year, a year and a half to live.

All advice would be deeply appreciated.

Do yourself a favor and stay the **** away from this dying "lady".

 

[SoldMySoul]

She dumped him and popped back in.

Ouch, I did not see that part as I skimmed the original, good thing you are pointing this out because my advice would change a bit. It would be fair of Thunder to give more details, I agree and thanks for pointing that out.

I would like to add this: I had a thing for a woman and I have known her for about 4 years now. It did not end so well, but we still talk a bit. I never stopped loving her (does not make me an afc, but I did do some afc things in regards to her) and if she popped in my life at this point, I would spend the entire time with her as she finished life and would have no regrets about doing so.

Real love never dies unless she did some something so horrific that cannot be excused.

No matter what, be DECENT to her. Don't add any new drama to her life, if she gets aggressive w/ you, don't take it personally....People who are faced w/ the reality of death sometimes get irrational and are not themselves.

I am definitely with this no matter what is done!!!

 

[Groovy]

Take her to do Reiki and Tai Chi and stuff like that. And tell her to have a positive atitude and not to give up on life .I think all diseases are curable this way. Tell her to watch comedy films and laugh as much as she can. I read in Allan and Barbara pease of body launguege book there was a guy that cured some disease like this. Maybe you should go and look this up. Good luck! In the worse case it can only add up more years to her life.

 

[Thundernuts]

First and foremost, yes I'm a hundred percent sure she has cancer, she is even beginning to lose her hair because of the chemotherapy.

We were dating for four months, falling in love and all that, i must admit things were going kind of fast. Before i started dating her she was telling me about the test results she was waiting for, she thought she had cancer at the time, i was sure it was gonna be nothing.

Anyways it was right at the beginning of august that she got the results, they were positive. I was freaking out and trying to figure out what we were gonna have to do. What was gonna happen with her baby girl if her mom doesn't make it, what kind of treatment is she gonna have to do.

Anyways, the last time i saw her was like august fifteenth, we went to the beach with her family, she dumped me ten days later saying that she was gonna start going to school and work and that she didn't want to neglect her daughter. Last night i come to find out she left me because she had found out that she was on a time limit and her babys dad was pressuring her to get back together with him so they could be together. that guy is a nut but it's not really relevant.

About fifteen days later she had told me she was going out with her friend, and i knew then and there that since he had driven almost two hours to get her and bring her back the next day that most likely had sex. I was correct.

She moved in with him about two weeks after that, she is still living with him but is going to be moving out and back to where she used to live wich is almost thirty minutes away from me. Now during this time i have found out the has had sex with this guy she lived with, her friend, and some other guy who she kept talking about how big his junk was.

Now i know sleeping with her was a bad idea, she told me she loved me and i actually told her i loved her back. I do love her, but i just don't feel like i could really truly forgive her for everything, and you guys are right it's tearing me up knowing that i got her hopes up, what makes things worse is that i was telling her thirty minutes ago that i really don't know if im in love with her or if I just feel sorry for her.

And this girl i have been going out with, i don't want to hurt her either.

I feel like im trying to be superman here, I don't want both but i don't want to completely give up both either even though i know thats what i need to do. Now my ex doesn't want me to talk to her unless i change her mind, did i make a mistake here guys.

 

[Thundernuts]

you know she told me that I would give her a reason to get better, she gave me a promise ring last night, and now she told me she doesn't need the ring back because won't need it where shes going.

Its a hell of alot easier to tell someone what to do when you can sit back and watch as things go on but not so much when its happening to you.

 

[Thundernuts]

so any more ideas guys, if there is anymore information needed then just ask

 

[loveshogun]

You've got to make peace with whatever isn't sitting right with you about this.

And remember - highly emotional situations are EXACTLY when you need to allow REASON to guide your decisions, not feelings.

Her health is out of your hands, so you can't beat yourself up about that. Be a decent human being, and do what you have to do.

I personally don't know if this forum is the best place for advice about this.

 

[PokerStar]

wow
just wow
do you feel now its your responsibilty to take care of this woman?

If I were you would pick the good guy route.

I wouldnt take care of her but I would provide a shoulder to cry on and be a great example for kid to. Im not saying you take the father role but with her almost kicking the bucket at least make it pleasent for her.

If the roles were reversed I would feel lonely and helpless and if any of my friends even my ex girlfriends were there to help me or even provided an open ear, it would make my last days so much better.

but thats me and I aim to be an example of good guys, no not good, how GREAT GUYS are all about.

 

[HeyPachuco!]

Tough situation, I don't agree with "If you was sick, would she be, so-and-so". Do what makes you feel happy. If you need to find an answer, try to find it, every problem has an answer. If you cannot find the answer, it means and is best, that you move on in your life.

 

[Thundernuts]

I know her health is out of my hands, and the reason im posting on this site is because it has helped me before and Everyone on here has had experiences dealing with women, i figure what the hell, my family isn't exactly the best place to go for advice, everyone i talked to so far has just told me i shouldn't talk to her at all period.

Anyways its all irrelevant now. She came by the house today and i told her i just didn't know if i could be with her after what she did, all the lies she told me. I know she loves me, thats what hurts the most about all this. Man if you guys could see her eyes it was eating me up just being around her.

She sped off, i told her i want to be there for her and that i want her to call. Her family is almost abondoning her because they have to pay her medical bills, i know she doesn't have very many people to go to.

Despite my ex wanting to eventually get her own place and have me move in i told her as of now i really need time to figure out if im in love with her or if i just feel sorry for her. I'm gonna try to do what i can for her but im gonna stay with this new girl and see where it goes. From my experiences in the past when it comes to these things the heart has trouble letting go, sometimes its best to listen to your brain

 

[Kailex]

Even in the face of death, a woman won't stop being a woman.

She negotiated her way back into your life with sex. And now she's holding you hostage with statements such as "I'll feel a lot better if we're together, I'll want to fight and live."

Is anyone NOT seeing this?

I mean, I won't be inhumane and say dump her NOW, but if you feel like this decision isn't easy for you, then you have a LOT to think about.
And I hate to slip this in here but... this is why I don't date single mothers. It's bad enough they have drama with their kids/work/school/baby daddy, but this one has the additional cancer thrown in there.

Look, Thunder, I know this might be harsh, but if you feel like a hostage in this situation, then it's better for you to get out. Tell her that you can be there for her as a friend, but you can't dig into this situation any deeper than it is already.

You've barely had sex with her and see how deep into it you are. How do you think it's going to feel in a few months? And what if the cancer is done with and she actually makes it through it, will she leave or stay?

If she left you once, she might do it again.
Imagine what will happen when the treatments get harsher.

And I hate to slip this in there too... but this is why you stay away from an ex. If you had cancer and you were drove over to her house and tried to sex her back into your life... would she take you back?

I know the ethical and moral implications are high here but you have to do what is best for you. I'd hate to be someone's hostage for 1 to 2 years because of a condition. You've got to do you #1.

 

[Lucifero]

Even in the face of death, a woman won't stop being a woman.

She negotiated her way back into your life with sex. And now she's holding you hostage with statements such as "I'll feel a lot better if we're together, I'll want to fight and live."

Is anyone NOT seeing this?

You arent the only one, I read this **** all the way.

This dude is a fool if he lets this ***** back into his life.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Tell her that you can be there for her as a friend, but you can't dig into this situation any deeper than it is already.

If you had cancer and you were drove over to her house and tried to sex her back into your life... would she take you back?QUOTE]

^^ This. ^^ :yes:

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I'm gonna dig a bit deeper than most, and ask some serious questions.

It's really easy to say move on, leave her alone, if she was in your position would she do it? etc... ad nauseum.... I'm actually somewhat disgusted by some of the responses. Some of you are fvcking horrible.

What is the history, here? How long? How connected and serious was the relationship?

Did she get sick while you were together? If yes, is that why you left?

If it was after you were broken up, then why do you think that of all people, she wants to be with you? She obviously is feeling something with you that no one else can make her feel. there's a level of trust and comfort that she might be really feeling, right now.

She's probably scared to death, with good reason. You could be her lighthouse.

We're talking about a human being, not just a chick with tits and an ass... sp guys, grow the fvuck up and have a little compassion.

You need to sit down and really think about this.

If you really aren't into her, outside of a piece of ass, then you have to be very honest with her. she's in no position to be playing silly games... If nyone here thinks otherwise, you're one messed up dude.

In all honesty, there's a really great chance that you might just learn a heck of a lot about life and love by staying by her side. Want a front row seat to the ultimate in intimate experiences? stand by and support her, if she does mean something to you.

then again,she may be clutching at straws.

We need real details on the relationship previous to all this... not the NOW... we wanna hear about the THEN and what would make her come back to you, in light of all that has come to be... And give real honest answers, with how you really felt and still feel.

This is not some silly little equation/problem about how to bag an old flame. there are serious issues and repercussions no matter what way you go.

I know that if I was given a finite amount of time to live, I'd be getting in touch with everyone who I really loved and making sure the remaining time was well spent and I died happy.

You gotta open open, bro, and tell us everything.