I'm honestly improving, but help me find a little more direction...

[Dante3214]

I feel like I've gotten over my social phobia now!

And I think I may have gotten over my... extremely exaggerated views of self.

No longer do I start to cry and become angry, to only want to cry more because I realize that I am weak and small and couldn't break anything even if I wanted to.

I now allow myself to think about my possibilities, instead of constant fear and shame (and physical pain), and I now can act strange and hyper and funny and suprise those that hadn't seen me smile or look up for the 2-3 years that they knew me. I can see myself being a wonderful person to be around, because I now know what it's like.

I can look at a girl now and be attracted, and feel a beautiful rising in my body coupled wth a strong urge to... cuddle (this is hard to admit, so bite me). I can even look at a girl and smile and have her generously smile back!


I'm actually being noticed!


Alright.. so your first life struggle is over (at least it felt like one), now onto rooting out the last little bits.

... I have begun to notice a girl that I like, without feeling little, without thinking she's perfect, without shame or guilt, and definitely without placing her higher above me.

I don't know if she likes me (doesn't matter at this point), but I can tell that she has been or is interested, according to what she has implied, but I have a nagging issue...

And Yes, I HAVE scoured(sp?) the bible for answers to this question, and maybe it's simply fear that's stopping me, but I can't seem to bring myself to really ..."be myself" around her or talk to her.

Luckily, she doesn't "expect" me to. Meaning it would be a pleasant suprise if I did talk to her.

Now.. being myself = being who I KNOW I am capable of being. I KNOW I want to, and I KNOW I find her interesting! I also know that I am (at least consciously...) confident of myself when I want to talk to her! No self-doubt (anymore).

I guess it is fear... (or hesitance) fear that I wouldn't be as warm and as outgoing as I can seem around other girls (girls that I think are ugly!).



Writing this made it seem a bit clearer but.. please offer whatever advice you can!

And be willing to ask any question, because I will answer all if it will benefit me for you to know.

 

[mlurey]

Well I think your first problem is consulting the bible, but I won't get too much into that.

 

[Fender]

Congrats Dante on your mega-improvement! I really love it when I see guys like you experience change for the better after learning stuff from sosuave.

I can relate to your story- I've always had a bit of trouble with truly being myself around others. But now, I consider myself 90% cured of that problem!

The main reason you can't "Be Yourself" when you're around her is because...

"You care about how she thinks of you."

Simple as that. If you didn't care what she thinks about you, would you put on this "mask" of fake behaviour? NO! You don't care about how those ugly girls think about you, so you can be warm and be yourself when you're around them, which is great.

Now, WHY you care about how she thinks of you? Thats something for you to find out. We all have our different reasons. It may be because you feel you aren't worthy. Maybe its because you think you must be some kind of "Seduction Superman" to be able to attract girls.

Oh, and for Christ's Sake, just go and talk to her. Read Pook's Perfect is Boring post. Just because you aren't totally "Yourself," it doesn't mean she won't be interested. In fact, some girls find it quite endearing when an obviously shy guy has made the effort to approach them.

Go get em' Tiger!