I'm hitting a low.

[TRSX]

My 3 year relationship that has passed is getting me to a real low today. Why is it that for some reason we can get all the desires we want but still feel like we're missing something?

I know its probably a phase in my steps to getting over an EX. But like today I really got to a new low.

I've been trying to keep busy, seeing other people - doing other things. But for some reason I just feel like I haven't moved on yet and that I shouldn't be "spinning plates" until I've moved on myself. It's a huge driver for me, this thought process, even though shes a crazy psycho ***** it's not like I dont care about her.

I broke NC with her, and i feel like my clock just reset. Which was a really bad move on my part. I got mad on a date I had last night because she had brought up something and asked about my ex, and it just ****ing angered me, and that part of the night did not go well at all. Even the date said that it looked like i just gave up on the night and wanted to go home. To be honest most of me did.

The truth is now that I look back on the relationship, she was really upset with me because of something that I wasn't giving her. I don't know if she was the right one for me, but it makes me almost question everything I did with her and if it was wrong or if it was right. I loved her more then anything and I always had a great time when we spent time together, but for the last year I didn't WANT to spend time with her - I got scared of committing to something like marriage or buying a house. Is that a bad thing to be scared of? Did it mean I wasn't ready?

I'm going on dates, I'm meeting new people. All im doing right now is wondering what my EX is doing.

I need some outside perspective on what is going on here - and I don't know if you guys have any suggestions on how to deal with it the right way.

Sorry for the debbie downer post.

 

[Hypnotic24]

NC + Time + Plates = Answers to all of your questions

 

[Renegade357]

How long has it been since you guys split? And how long did you last with your first attempt at NC?

 

[youngmack]

NC + Time + Plates = Answers to all of your questions

Didn't work for me and its going on two years : /

 

[Renegade357]

Well, that's just human weakness and the fact that you're not doing a good job finding suitable women. You've got to cycle the old ones out with worthwhile new ones. Replacement is the only answer.

I've had oneitis over 4 women in the past 3 years. I've dated probably 25+ women during that time. Most I don't even remember and never think about. The last three still haunt my dreams but the 4th and furthest back on the timeline for whatever reason means nothing to me. I don't know why. My brain has just gotten over her. Time and replacement really does heal all and these women can be cycled out of your vulnerable brain.

You guys just need to realize that you're wasting your time. It's counter-intuitive no doubt but you have to understand that other women out there can give you butterflys to the point where you'll forget the old ones existed. You just have to man up and make it happen. Nothing comes easy in life.

 

[bigneil]

NC is not equal to "Answers to all of your questions" - it's the opposite. It's hiding from the answer to protect your ego.

People are only sad when they break NC if they dont get the results they were hoping for (her being sweet again).

 

[Renegade357]

NC is not equal to "Answers to all of your questions" - it's the opposite. It's hiding from the answer to protect your ego.

The point to NC is to help you move on so in a sense it is. We all know that we have no chance of getting a girl back if you're a mess and your interest level is sky high compared to hers. The only time no contact has worked for me is when the girl was more interested in me than I was in her. Usually the only reason you'd do no contact in that situation is if she screwed up by cheating or doing something stupid. And yes they will come back to you begging in that case. Reality is if your interest level is way higher than hers you are dead unless you're the best actor in the world and can fake it. Not talking to her for 4 weeks won't change that or anything that happened between you two in the past. If you go back to her underwater on interest level you'll either get clobbered or chewed up and spit back out. Take your pick.

 

[JohnChops]

NC is not equal to "Answers to all of your questions" - it's the opposite. It's hiding from the answer to protect your ego.

People are only sad when they break NC if they dont get the results they were hoping for (her being sweet again).

yes neil, this is so effffffing true! Let me tell you guys a story about how NC is bullsh1t. (though it works for a temp. amount of time). I had oneitis for a girl for about 7-8 months, went NC for 3 months and was spinning plates, feeling great, getting laid, the works. She came back into my life and I broke NC and felt like sh1t again, felt like an AFC. Then I felt all depressed and I knew I had to change.

At that point (about 2-3 months ago) I started hitting the gym hard, eating right, spinning more plates, learning new hobbies, advancing my own life. And then look who texts me again, oneitis girl! This time was way different than the last. This time I have control, this time I am confident from the inside out, this time I am not dependent on her for happiness. This time she wants MY D1CK, she calls me/texts me first, she is the one getting oneitis for me! I HAVE CONTROL NOW. We hung out the other night and I felt nothing towards her , she couldnt break my wall of confident/manliness that i had set up in the past months.

For all you fvcks who think NC is the way out , no its fearing your problem, not answering it straight on. You are under a veil that is hiding you from the truth, that will hurt your ego or maybe boost it (but your to much of a pvssy to find out!). Fvck NC, I say if you go NC for it to be effective you have to BUILD YOURSELF, INSIDE AND OUT, and then you need to call up your oneitis girl, hang out with her, and see if your built up enough to move on and get closure. This is exactly what I did and I feel fvcking great. And youll know if your not built up enough , inside and out, because you will .... FAIL. Scary word ? No, failure feels good and it is how successful people become successful.

 

[headFirst]

yes neil, this is so effffffing true! Let me tell you guys a story about how NC is bullsh1t. (though it works for a temp. amount of time). I had oneitis for a girl for about 7-8 months, went NC for 3 months and was spinning plates, feeling great, getting laid, the works. She came back into my life and I broke NC and felt like sh1t again, felt like an AFC. Then I felt all depressed and I knew I had to change.

At that point (about 2-3 months ago) I started hitting the gym hard, eating right, spinning more plates, learning new hobbies, advancing my own life. And then look who texts me again, oneitis girl! This time was way different than the last. This time I have control, this time I am confident from the inside out, this time I am not dependent on her for happiness. This time she wants MY D1CK, she calls me/texts me first, she is the one getting oneitis for me! I HAVE CONTROL NOW. We hung out the other night and I felt nothing towards her , she couldnt break my wall of confident/manliness that i had set up in the past months.

For all you fvcks who think NC is the way out , no its fearing your problem, not answering it straight on. You are under a veil that is hiding you from the truth, that will hurt your ego or maybe boost it (but your to much of a pvssy to find out!). Fvck NC, I say if you go NC for it to be effective you have to BUILD YOURSELF, INSIDE AND OUT, and then you need to call up your oneitis girl, hang out with her, and see if your built up enough to move on and get closure. This is exactly what I did and I feel fvcking great. And youll know if your not built up enough , inside and out, because you will .... FAIL. Scary word ? No, failure feels good and it is how successful people become successful.

Your statement is contradicting.. You even said breaking NC broke you.. and then you started going to the gym and eating right and doing all this self improvement stuff.. Stuff most of us do when we start NC from the get.

You even imply you no longer contacted her and gained your confidence up again.. then she contacted you because she saw the improvements in your life that as said above most of us start at the first NC.. One thing that was said on here was the part about breaking no Contact. It never seems to go the way you want.

NC is a good way to go. It gives you the mental clearance to focus on you. When you have a constant reminder or wound being reopened, it's hard to build your self confidence and work on you.. In the end if you start back up the contact again because you feel you are in control of your life again and don't "need" the other person then that is when you no longer need NC..

You need NC when you feel you still need the oneitis in your life...

NC works.

 

[bigneil]

Exactly JohnChops. The turning point for me was not after I broke NC, but when she resisted me I was confident enough to say "I must have hurt you" (because I know she loved me). That was strength, not weakness. And she just instantly changed (the way they often do in the negative sense). Most psychologists have discussed this phenomenon where you just need to acknowledge an issue and the person can let go of it.

But the key is constant self improvement. Rejection inspires us to reach our potential, so we must embrace it just as much as we embrace love. Make sure you don't break NC until you have another hot girl texting you. When I broke NC I texted her and another girl at the same time and they both replied.

But headFirst is correct in that NC is needed and it works - I just don't think going past 60 days does any more good.

 

[JohnChops]

Your statement is contradicting.. You even said breaking NC broke you.. and then you started going to the gym and eating right and doing all this self improvement stuff.. Stuff most of us do when we start NC from the get.

You even imply you no longer contacted her and gained your confidence up again.. then she contacted you because she saw the improvements in your life that as said above most of us start at the first NC.. One thing that was said on here was the part about breaking no Contact. It never seems to go the way you want.

NC is a good way to go. It gives you the mental clearance to focus on you. When you have a constant reminder or wound being reopened, it's hard to build your self confidence and work on you.. In the end if you start back up the contact again because you feel you are in control of your life again and don't "need" the other person then that is when you no longer need NC..

You need NC when you feel you still need the oneitis in your life...

NC works.

My main point really was to say that once you make all those self improvements and she sees them in you, she comes back to you. However sometimes people go back to being their AFC self because they got " that girl" hence reversing the effects of NC. This is where the fortification comes in. I suppose NC does work in a way of mental clearance as you stated , but in the end you must face your oneitis girl head fvcking on!

@neil - yeah after 60 days you probably wont see that girl ever again, or you may bump into her , thats pretty much it.