LearningSlowly
Master Don Juan
Asked 2 girls out on dates today. One is in california, the other said Im too old for her (she is a rising junior, i just graduated). Thats frustrating. Ill need to meet new girls.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Nah man, 15 pages of journal has taught me what trying too hard looks like, and this was not it. I forgot to mention that I number closed all 3 attractive girls. The next day I only had opportunity to open one more girl (it was a short day, mostly spent picking classes). She liked me too, but not pretty enough to get her Facebook. Her parents were there (every girl had parents with them) so I jokes with them and built value that way.P stranger said:Gratz man, im happy to hear that your having a good time! Keep it going, but remember that you MIGHT try too hard.. I dont know if trying TOO hard is a bad thing, but it can make you seem a little desperat i guess.
keep going bro, i believe in you!
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
I agree. I found a picture of her hooking up with another guy from that night. I tagged her in it, to show her I've seen it, but I don't really care. Turns out it wasn't just easy for me, she's just easy.Jack Wealthy said:The reason it felt shallow is because you put as much effort into this girl as you do most girls, although this one was significantly lower quality for you. If it had of been a random hookup that night thing you wouldn't feel that way.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.