"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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I'm GOING to make it happen

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Maverick_Jade

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I've had enough of my wimpy ways. I recently got a new job and almost quit it. But I decided to stick it out. Now that I've done that, I know I'm going to be fine. Allow me to ramble on here because I feel this will hopefully encourage those who can't break through their fears.

For a long time I've been afraid of the unknown. By just sticking to my guns and moving forward (ex. with this new job), I'm now realizing that it's not as bad as I pictured it to be. I believe my fear is what placed all sorts of bad ideas of what would happen (of which probably never will) that gave me cold feet.

Now, what does this have to do with transitioning from an AFC to a DJ? Well, to me it's about stepping forward and breaking out of the comfort zone. Every effort you make, no matter how small, moves you closer to your goal. I plan to take this mindset with me everyday in my quest to becoming the person I want to be.

If you don't step up and face your fear(s), you'll never change for the better. Find what that fear is. What exactly is it? FOR REAL! Think about that fear. Mine is dealing with what people think of me. Once I can get past that, then I'm FREE! I know this and will act on it every damn day!

I can talk to people, so that's not the problem. I just haven't been able to truly be myself in front of people because I'm too worried about their judgment. But truthfully, does what they think really matter? That's what clicked with me today. I mean, I've got a GREAT personality when I'm not thinking about what other's think. And not everyone's going to be an a**hole to me, but you'll always get those kinds no matter what. Just gonna have to deal with them and move on.

The reason why I write this is because I know there are other guys out there struggling. Whether that be with getting girls or being social or, in my case, dealing with people in general. STOP beating yourself up over things that CAN change if you just let it. Pinpoint what the root of your fear is and ACT on squashing it. Don't let it take over your life. I've let a lot of years go by worrying why I couldn't change. Well, today's the day I make a change for the better. I feel that once I tackle this fear of mine, I'll enjoy life a hell of a lot more. And I have a good feeling that my success with ladies will soon follow.

By the way, I want to thank all of you guys here on SoSuave for the great words of encouragement in general overall. It's good to know you're out there helping each other out. Let's iron out the frustration and get closer to who we really want to be.


Maverick Jade
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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ItsOnNow

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Sounds alot like me,Im really struggling,this mental anguish has had quite a hold on me,Im trying to break out of it,any advice?
 
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Maverick_Jade

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Hi ItsOnNow,

Well, I've always thought about the Nike slogan "Just do it". It's amazing how powerful those three words can be. It speaks for itself, literally.

If you have a similar problem to what I have, I'd say you should really start looking at those who you're talking to. You might be surprised what you find.

Personally, I know there's people who talk bad about me. BUT, I'm realizing more that they're usually all talk. You know what they say about all talk and no action? If they had a life, they wouldn't be putting others down. Just let them talk. They seem to be the ones who've probably accepted their life just the way it is (meaning they're in their comfort zone). And when they talk bad about others, that seems to be the only thing they've got going for them. They're not going anywhere. Look past them and move on to better YOURSELF.

Listen to the song, "Ain't No Stopping Us Now" by McFadden & Whitehead. There's a good lyric in there that goes like this..

"I know you know someone that has a negative vibe,
and if you're trying to make it they only push you aside.
They really don't have, no where to go.
Ask them where they're going, they don't know."

Definitely listen to that song. Don't let the dull people of the world squash your REAL personality.

One last thing, of which I've got to put into my own routine, STOP questioning yourself why this person said this and why that person acted like that. That's THEIR problem. Sometimes they may be having a bad day or they're just genuinely like that. I remember this one old lady who would talk/act down on me whenever I was near her. I always questioned why she talked to me the way she did when she was good to others. Looking back at it now? That was just a waste of time! She's old! Not worth MY time. (No, I wasn't hitting on her, you sick pervs.) :rolleyes:


Maverick Jade
 
F

fruitopiax

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Great post I can relate 100% to what you're saying. Thats my main problem too as well.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Maverick_Jade

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Thanks for the link nismo. I'll definitely make use of it.

Update: Well, I can still sense bad vibes from some people at work. I almost walked out AGAIN, but I returned and things smoothed out near the end of the day. Man, I really gotta take my own advice.

I recently found this post that PurpleHaze wrote in the tips section..
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=137063

All of this article rings true! What really struck me was number 10.. "Realize that the Enemy is You - We have met the enemy, and he is us." I'd like to add to that by saying that we seem to destroy who we are by always concentrating on the negative side of things. As they say, you are your own worst critic. How do you combat that? By kicking negativity to the curb. It's NOT easy, and it won't happen overnight. Take this day by day and you'll start to see the light.

By the way, for those who are wondering why I'm writing like I know what I'm saying. Well, truthfully I am. It's just that I've never really put my beliefs into perspective. I was in my own comfort zone for so long that I didn't really want to change. NOW is the time to take what I've always believed in and make it work for ME. Make it work for YOU too!

Don't give up! Man, just DON'T give up!


Maverick Jade
 
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