I'm getting dumped

[movistar]

Been with her close to two years, spent a lot of time together, pretty much together everyday since we met which has probably killed the attraction.

She still seems really attracted we have had sex since the break up and she really gets into it. I would like to know what you guys do immediately after the break up?

Almost feels like I get a little more depressed when I go out right now because I'm doing some comparing with my former girls body which was pretty nice.
what is the mental state you put yourself in?

I've had her total devotion before and acted poorly as though when I had her I didn't want her and I'm sure that it would happen again if she was totally into me.
It is really as though I'm just hurt because she is finally saying "enough already!"

I'm sure many have been here before, what are your thoughts on the situation?

 

[narcissist]

Here's the equation

No contact + better yourself everyday x time = getting over her

Only problem is, the time variable is subject to vary widely. I've known guys that got over their ex in a month. Whereas it took me almost 8 months.

So just keep at it even if the equation doesn't seem to be solving. It will. In due time.

Good luck.

Ps. No more sex with her! You're only perpetuating the emotional hurt. And believe me, once she "weens" herself off of you, she will be gone before you can say the words "heartbreak"

Pps. Thats what she's doing. Shes slowly weening herself of off you, thats what girls do.

 

[zekko]

She still seems really attracted we have had sex since the break up and she really gets into it. I would like to know what you guys do immediately after the break up?

I'll tell you what I don't do is and that is go have sex with her again. That's maybe just me though, I know some guys here always go back for a second dip. I'm a big fan of not looking backwards.

Like Narcissist said, the less contact you have with her, the easier it's going to be to move on. The important thing to remember is that most of all of us have gone through this, don't let it affect your self esteem or your personal view of yourself. This is just one of those things, it's part of life, relationships rarely last forever. If this one's over, then get excited about the newfound freedom and opportunities that you have.

 

[movistar]

Thanks for the feedback.
We have been here a few times on the verge of seeing other people, taking a break etc. we ended up working things out and having a great time for months after.
It does seem more real this time, ideally I would like to keep sexing because we have had rough patches before, and we moved past it.
So not really likely that I will get interested in someone else while continuing to see her??

 

[movistar]

The not going back.. How do you do it??? You have major willpower

 

[zekko]

The not going back.. How do you do it??? You have major willpower

Not really, I just focus on the disrespect. I just see it as if she doesn't want to be with me, then the idea of her that I had in my head was just an illusion. Because who the heck wants a girl who doesn't want to be with him? So I figure that what I'm really looking for is still out there in the future somewhere.

Now sometimes, people break up over time, they have to do it a few times before it "takes". Maybe they need to get used to the idea, or they weren't prepared initially for how much it hurts. So they go back, and then later on they try to break up again. Sounds like you might be in that type of a cycle. But I've found that once you enter into this cycle, the relationship is doomed - it's on borrowed time.

 

[movistar]

And with no contact, I don't want to appear mad or pissed vs aloof.. So I've responded but much less frequent and short

 

[narcissist]

No. You must not respond at all

It's over. At this point you should be in the mind state of "i am indifferent to how she sees me"

Who cares if she thinks your mad.

It's your life now. Whatever she is doing shouldn't matter to you in the slightest bit.

 

[wishyo]

yea, u really need to stop seeing her..
i never could understand how one could have sex with the girl who broke with you.. weird as sh1t

 

[gravityeyelids]

Read the No Contact Sticky at the top of the DJ Discussion thread

 

[movistar]

Ok this is all great advice, I want to give just a touch more detail.
This came about from a series of moves on my part that sparked this.
We were starting a business together, and we got into a dispute about the business. And I basically said I'll just do it on my own, and it escalated from there. We had a short period of very little dialogue and then she hits me with this.
I totally agree with you saying now her opinion doesn't matter. One issue is that she made a large purchase for me on a credit card and I have to make payments...
I can't just blow it off. So I can deal with her minimally, but no contact would be tough for that reason the bill comes once a month. Which is why I want to be aloof and avoid her. But I guess I can set up auto pay and do it that way.
So I will need a few more convos.

What are the odds this is a **** test? Brought on from an argument?

 

[movistar]

No contact started, since about 4pm

 

[Kailex]

I absolutely ABHOR when men say that they don't want to do NO CONTACT because they'll come across pissy or mad or as if they cared too much.

No contact isn't about how it will affect her, it's how it will affect YOU.

Seriously, why are you still having sex with her? You're obviously emotionally attached to her and after 2 years, I can't blame you. But everytime you go and have sex with her, you restart a mental clock and hope that you two can work things out. I can guarantee you she doesn't see it that way.

I can guarantee she uses sex as a way to keep you hooked in.

Have some self-respect, continue with the NC for a WHILE, and not just one day.

She WILL try harder. She WILL use sex as a weapon.

Look at the crap you are talking about with the "payments". Are you serious? Auto-pay that and be done with. You are making excuses to talk to this woman, just because... just because you might get more sex with her.

Mental state? NO SEX WITH AN EX.

 

[movistar]

I get it and the no sex with ex, I'm only seeking to get more clarification on certain aspects.
We have had blow ups where we had these talks before. Is she really an ex already?
Yes, she did have the break up talk with me, then we had sex.
I have written about her a few times before on here.
The advice is usually to go no contact. I wrote about her interest levels before and there was a point where she showed me a lot of interest after a point of low interest and I got advice to go no contact.
I don't want to seem like someone who won't accept reality or accept that it's over, I will.
I just feel as though we have had blow ups that have gotten us both so pissed we didn't talk. And we ended up working it out,.
Are you saying that as soon as that happens you bail?
I'm not doubting any of the awesome advice I'm getting cause I've gone nc, I just want to make sure we are in the stage end after this arguement vs lettin the anger subside.
Are you saying basically that this would never happen no matter what I did if she was into me?

 

[movistar]

On a side note, with my going NC, are you guys going after new chicks as soon as you break up? I feel I would only be thinking about the situation, and would be distracted with a new girl. Do you give yourself time if you have been dumped.
I'm hitting the gym everyday and my "getting dumped" diet really helps with abs.
Those cute girls I used to see in the gym don't seem as exciting while I'm in this phase.

But hearing all the talk I'm getting here is helping a lot.
While I'm reading through the messages on here I'm not looking at my phone hoping there is a text from her.