I'm Furious

[jophil28]

... fire away with the ethics/morality angle, it makes you sound like you know what you're saying and no one can really argue against it right?


In the meantime, for the sake of us "scientists", TICK, if you'd be so kind as to give us all a more complete background of your wife and yourself, it'll really help our giving you useful advice. How old are you/her? What AFC behaviors in particular make you feel like you supplicated? How long did you date before you got married? If you want some real discernment from us you'll need to go into more detail.

Please, spare us the 'value free' approach from the 'social scientists' . Cheating within an intact marriage IS a moral and ethical issue . It is fundamental abuse which profoundly damages the core of the bond - consensual reality has condemned adultery for many centuries and I expect that the condemnation will stand for many more..

YOu could attempt to mount some new agey,left wing, relativist, fringe dweller argument to counter this but I somehow don't think it will fly - ever.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Please, spare us the 'value free' approach from the 'social scientists' . Cheating within an intact marriage IS a moral and ethical issue . It is fundamental abuse which profoundly damages the core of the bond - consensual reality has condemned adultery for many centuries and I expect that the condemnation will stand for many more..

YOu could attempt to mount some new agey,left wing, relativist, fringe dweller argument to counter this but I somehow don't think it will fly - ever.

I agree jophil28, this woman's morality and character, or lack of, can't be changed by anyone, including Tick. She was a sinking ship to begin with, Tick's problem, was he willingly let her on board. She's the 'dry rot' of the marriage. Will constantly eat away at the marriage, until the marriage sinks.

Tick, your goal now has to be get her out of you life asap. As soon as you do, your life will improve dramatically.

That's how you fix dry rot on a boat. You cut it out, grout it out..get rid of the disease..and rebuild. One rebuilt your boat will be back on course again.

Think of it as being reborn, you'll start really living life as it should be, as a man, when this woman is GONE. Boot her ass out of the house, IMO. The day she is gone, is the first day of the rest of your life.

Until that day, stay tough and think positive about the future. Good luck!

 

[romangod]

Please, spare us the 'value free' approach from the 'social scientists' . Cheating within an intact marriage IS a moral and ethical issue . It is fundamental abuse which profoundly damages the core of the bond - consensual reality has condemned adultery for many centuries and I expect that the condemnation will stand for many more..

YOu could attempt to mount some new agey,left wing, relativist, fringe dweller argument to counter this but I somehow don't think it will fly - ever.

I also agree with jophil28. To me, infidelity is a moral issue more so when you have taken the oath or sacrament of marriage than in a LTR. Still, even in a LTR infidelity and dishonesty are not acceptable to me. Marriage is usually the creation of a new family and to sabotage it is a sin that will have lasting negative consequences. Cheers!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

What I'm getting at is that there were probably hundreds of red flags that TICK either was unaware of or conveniently ignored. Ethics? Morality? Whatever you want to call it, the guy saw fit to put a ring on her finger and commit a lifetime to her. At some point this seemed like a great idea; 'why?' is what I'm asking. People, and particularly women like this, don't compartmentalize their personalities.

I refuse to believe TICK was the victim of some bait & switch where his wife presented the appearance of being some virtuous queen who became a hoare after he said "I do."

 

[tick37]

What I'm getting at is that there were probably hundreds of red flags that TICK either was unaware of or conveniently ignored. Ethics? Morality? Whatever you want to call it, the guy saw fit to put a ring on her finger and commit a lifetime to her. At some point this seemed like a great idea; 'why?' is what I'm asking. People, and particularly women like this, don't compartmentalize their personalities.

I refuse to believe TICK was the victim of some bait & switch where his wife presented the appearance of being some virtuous queen who became a hoare after he said "I do."

You are absolutely correct. I was a desperate chode looking for any pretty face to settle down with. I DID IGNORE all the red flags because I had NO self-respect, dignety, or inner belief in myself. I didn't even know what or who I was, and I tried to get it from her. She didn't turn out to be a wh0re. She was already a wh0re, and I ignored it. It IS my fault that I let her jump on board. I take full responsibility for being a low-down chode. I screwed myself, but I have learned. I will not make that mistake again. I shall never screw myself again and always be on the look out for red flags and nexting her immediately. I've already begun that task with several women since my separation.

On my account, I didn't know she was that much of a wh0re. I didn't know how many she slept with. I didn't know she would be unfaithful because she let me know on a regular basis that she does not cheat, but there were other red flags pointing to the fact that there would be problems during the marriage, and for that, I am to blame for ignoring.

 

[tick37]

Mayday Parade - If You Wanted a Song Written About You

I'm throwing away pictures
That i never should have taken in the first place
And it's cold in my apartment
As i'm changing all the colors
From the brightest reds to grays

Well it's 3 o'clock on monday morning
I'm just hoping you're not seeing his face
I've been getting calls in these hotel rooms
Long enough to know that it was him
That took my place

And i hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And i hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts

And i'm burning all the letters
Hoping that i might forget her and her bad taste
That she left when she was leaving me
A life of barely breathing as she walked
Out of this place

And you dropped the note and we changed key
You changed yourself and i changed me
I really didn't see us singing through this
Then you screamed the bridge
And i cried the verse
And our chorus came out unrehearsed
And you smiled the whole way through it
I guess maybe that's what's worse

And i hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And i hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts

And i'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And i don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home

Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
I knew it would...
I knew it would...

Take me home
I'd rather die than be with you
Take me home
You have a problem with the truth
Take me home
Because this happens every time
And i knew it would...
I knew it would...

And i hope this makes you happy now
That the flame we had is burning out
And i hope you like your pictures facing down
As even broken hearts may have their doubts

And i'm taking all your memories off the shelf
And i don't need you or anybody else
So take a look at me
See what you want to see
When you get home

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

^^^^^^
This was what I was getting at. I'm not trying to break you down TICK, and it already sounds like you have a good sense of self-awareness now, but the easiest default response for advice in this instance is a standardized "well she must be an unethical, immoral lowlife, low QUALITY" woman. Yeah, and the sky's blue too. This is standard, trademarked 'JBY' nonsense, i-can't-think-of-anything-else "advice" that guys (IQQI) are all to ready to dole out as some kind of consolation.

It's easy to call her immoral - BECAUSE SHE IS - but this observation does nothing to help TICK, get it? "Well, you just picked the wrong girl", yeah, no sh!t,.. WHY did you pick the wrong girl is the real question. Why didn't you pick up on, ignore, the red flags? That's where the education begins.

 

[tick37]

^^^^^^
This was what I was getting at. I'm not trying to break you down TICK, and it already sounds like you have a good sense of self-awareness now, but the easiest default response for advice in this instance is a standardized "well she must be an unethical, immoral lowlife, low QUALITY" woman. Yeah, and the sky's blue too. This is standard, trademarked 'JBY' nonsense, i-can't-think-of-anything-else "advice" that guys (IQQI) are all to ready to dole out as some kind of consolation.

It's easy to call her immoral - BECAUSE SHE IS - but this observation does nothing to help TICK, get it? "Well, you just picked the wrong girl", yeah, no sh!t,.. WHY did you pick the wrong girl is the real question. Why didn't you pick up on, ignore, the red flags? That's where the education begins.

Since being here and really delving into the social equation, I've learned exactly what I've done wrong ALL of my life. It wasn't until she walked out that I opened my eyes, and I'm thankful that she did walk out, and now it's my duty to let her go because it does me no good. Having her out of my life is the only good thing for me. Now I can move forward with my life as man. I have been initiated into manhood.

I know I shouldn't supplicate to have a woman in my life. I know not to give without having something to actually reward. Don't give out of needing her to stay because then all I've done is put myself beneath her, and she will abuse me and the relationship. Always have boundaries that can't be crossed - out of self-respect because if I don't know who I am, no one else will either.

Right now she thinks I'm under her spell, but she doesn't know that her world is going to come crashing down. Not because I'm mean or vindictive, but it's time for me to pick up the pieces and salvage what I have left. It's time to move forward and never look back.

 

[decades]

Nice guy syndrome. You can't stand your wife, and with very good reason, yet you want to be "nice" to your abuser and you let her stay with you to subject yourself to yet more abuse. There is NO reason to be in contact with her, yet this is what you have chosen to do. We do this because on some level we are Still searching for their approval. You have to NOT need her anymore. When you can get to that place, you won't feel compelled to be nice to your abuser and you can move on and begin your analysis of why you chose an abusive person and why you stayed.

 

[tick37]

Nice guy syndrome. You can't stand your wife, and with very good reason, yet you want to be "nice" to your abuser and you let her stay with you to subject yourself to yet more abuse. There is NO reason to be in contact with her, yet this is what you continue to do. We do this because on some level we are Still searching for their approval. You have to NOT need her anymore. When you can get to that place, you won't feel compelled to be nice to your abuser and you can move on and begin your analysis of why you chose an abusive person and why you stayed.

Thanks! This makes a lot of sense, and I'll be doing exactly that. Time to build my inner man good bit more.

 

[MacAvoy]

snap out of it

Your all a bunch of Misogynists.

I love how this thread exploded to 3 pages in just a couple of hours? Why so you can all jump all over this evil women. More importantly lets look at the OP. He's been posting here for months, putting on this facade about how he's learning BLAH BLAH BLAH = BULLSH1T.

I can honestly say he's one of the biggest AFC's on the site and got everything he deserved. He's lied to us for months, not telling us that his ex wife has been living with him.

You guys really need to learn to look at a poster's history before you give advice because it completely changes the tune. Look at some random samplings I've picked

Since coming to this site I've learned a lot. Thanks to a some people like KontrollerX, MacAvoy, reset, Pook and others.

I've learned that women will not respect a man that does not respect himself. What I mean by this is that they test you to see how far they can go with it. If you don't act in a self-respecting manner, then they know exactly what type of man they've got. They may not even think about it, but they know it subconsciously. Once you've started allowing (allowing is the key word) these women to disrespect you in any form, then the love and respect they had for you will slowly disappear. They love and respect you only when you do.

I've been separated from my wife for 5 months,and believe me, once I let go, it was a good for me. I'll never let a woman walk all over me again. If I know I'm right, I will not change for her approval. She can apologize to me. If she doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. If I'm wrong, I will apologize without groveling. If she accepts it, we move forward. If she doesn't, it wasn't meant to be.

Walk away!

For LTRs just back off and give it some breathing room. Don't suffocate or latch on. Be respectful of their free will.


...

Now, about living life for yourself. Stop trying to find happiness in women. Stop trying to find validation and happiness from external sources. Find happiness in yourself. Do things that excite you. Start improving yourself in areas of your life that important. If you are living in your parents at the age of 20, get yourself in school because you have a perfect opportunity right now.

I personally can't stand hypocrites. To me this guy is one of the biggest around. He spews one thing, then does the complete opposite.

Personally I hope she takes him to the cleaners in his divorce. Why, because he deserves it. A fool and his money are soon parted.

I'm here to help people as much as possible just like the rest of you but when they lie & betray your trust, to me, they don't deserve our help.

END RANT

(I might be bitter and regret this post later but its how I feel right now. There is obviously more to the story but I won't get into that.)

 

[tick37]

Your all a bunch of Misogynists.

I can honestly say he's one of the biggest AFC's on the site and got everything he deserved. He's lied to us for months, not telling us that his ex wife has been living with him.

She does not live with me. She lives in MY house, and I live in an apartment right now. You want the addresses?

You're such an as shole.

I won't even go into this because you're not worth the air I breath.

Oh, I'm glad you've learned a new word, btw. It really shows how smart you are. I have changed, and I am changing everyday, and I don't need you to bring me down or say that I'm not. Quite frankly, it doesn't matter what you think or say. I'm done with you.

 

[mrRuckus]

You want the addresses?

Yes, please.

 

[Bible_Belt]

tick, anger is simply one of the phases you will go through in dealing with your divorce. I had the same thing happen to me, divorced by an unfaithful woman. I was angry at the female gender for a couple of years. I grew a mountain-man looking beard and stayed away from women. Over time I grew out of that, but anger is a normal coping mechanism.

fwiw, living well is the best revenge. My ex-wife, who got fat, cheated on me, then divorced me against my wishes now keeps calling me and wanting me back. I could always go mooch off her rich family and live in the Caribbean resort hotel they own, but for now I'd rather just keep that open as an option. I am probably jerking my ex-wife around a little in making her think that she has more of a chance with me than she does, but eventually I have come to the point of being much more emotionally detached from my interactions with women. You get a lot more out of them this way. I think you will get there eventually; everyone has their own journey to make.

 

[speed dawg]

I can honestly say he's one of the biggest AFC's on the site

You are one to talk, pal.

 

[edger]

I'll tell you that a year into our marriage she told me she had slept with 30 men.

And she was telling you the truth. Most women won't tell you that. Props to her for being honest and not lying like most women do.

She argued the point that most women have sex with that many guys.

She's right, a woman if she's HOT, will have been with that many guys. Hot women will always have more sexual partners. That is a fact.

 

[Luveno]

Women learn what respect is through their parents. They see how their dad treats their mom, and are conditioned to believe that it is the best way to earn respect.

You said your ex came from a family where her dad beat her mom. I'm sure your ex equates respect with being physically abused. Thus, the only way for her to respect a man in a relationship is for this man to beat the living snot out of her. She'll find this man of her dreams soon enough.

Of course, violence is never the answer for anything, and Tick, you don't seem like a violent fella. But you've let a deluded sense of manly honor get in the way of prudent business issues.

Now that you are getting divorced from this woman, she is nothing more than a business transaction. Thusly, you should not give her anything that is not legally warranted. Do not speak to her. Get your lawyer to do the talking from now on.

Here's what you do:

1. Get a lawyer

2. Find out how to get her out of your house. Then get her out.

3. Compile evidence of her whorrish ways, while finding things that make you look like a saint.

4. Make her walk away with nothing in court.

 

[##17]

I don't see the point in bringing up any of tick37's past posts. If anything, it seems like his transformation occured while he was married.

I am concerned for him though. That his ex-wife gets to live in his house while he has to get an apartment is just effed up. The way that divorce laws seem to hose men (actually, they seem to hose the standup spouse (both genders) and let the deadbeats get off easily), I just hope that he is actually able to get his house back.

 

[tick37]

MacAvoy is right about me. I'm a fraud. I'm a chode. I know all the concepts. I understand them fully, but I don't follow them completely. I have a hard time because I haven't fully fallen in love with myself, but I'm working on that.

Also, I don't really believe I'm a hypocrite. I have messed around with a woman in a LTR while saying that married women are off limit. I differentiated the two because there are no vows or binding laws in an LTR. There are only words like "love you forever" and "I'll never leave you" that are not binding.

But as a moral person, I should not even mess around with women that are in LTRs. Why? Because not only should I respect myself enough to spare myself from the drama, but I also should respect the unknowing individual that is being cheated on. Whether he deserves it or not (which no one deserves it), I shouldn't be that person used for her betrayal against him.

I don't blame MacAvoy for tearing into me, even though he's wrong about the part about me and my wife (or ex-wife...whatever you want to call it during separation) living together. Which is not the case.

I have kept running to women for validation. I have to stop and just start learning to complete myself because no one else can do that. I now accept it, and now I will change it. It is what it is, and I will now work on myself. If I post to help others in their threads, I'm more or less trying to help myself. I'm talking things out. Usually what I say is dead on, but I have to live by my words.

Thanks so much for your replies and your help!

 

[The Bat]

I have kept running to women for validation. I have to stop and just start learning to complete myself because no one else can do that. I now accept it, and now I will change it. It is what it is, and I will now work on myself. If I post to help others in their threads, I'm more or less trying to help myself. I'm talking things out. Usually what I say is dead on, but I have to live by my words.

Refer back to this paragraph from time to time. You have hit the golden nugget of self-reflection. Bravo!