I'm depressed about my little sister's weight

[backbreaker]

I live in CA now and I'm from Arkansas as my whole family is.

Well my sister has a phone now (she's 9) and an email and she sends me a picture of her.. while she' very tall for her age (she's damn near 5'0).. she's every bit of 120.

My fiancee is 5'9 (actually taller than me) and 118

I feel so ****ing bad for her, because of the kids her age that make fun of her. My mom's pathetic ass let's her eat everything she wants and doesn't know how to say no to her and say no damnit you can't have the ****ing cookies I don't care if you did your homework or not.

She's already battling self esteem issues. Every time I talk to her she tells me she is going on a diet. I wonder who she got that from (her mom)..


I took my son down there to see her and some other famliy for christmas and outside of christmas I was warming up a healthy choice steamer (these are the **** by the way for when you really don't want to cook.. taste REAL good) and she was like "ewww... give me some chicken".. all she wants to eat is taco bell and kfc


she is on the path to grow up with low self esteem and will become a religious nutjob like my mom.


conversely, I talk about my dad being a bad womanizer... but he was a very good father. case in popint it's the little ****.. like MAKING us eat a salad with every meal. if we wanted something to snack on he would get the little peaches that come in the can (high in corn syurp but hey he wasn't rasing bodybuilders.. and it's better than going to taco bell), and he wouldn't let us eat real late at night. just little common sense ****. He has 3 sons and all of us are in shape.

a habit I got from my dad, like when I really craved something from like wendys.. just get the damn sanwitch. no you don't need the entire ****ing combo meal when you are hungry. drink water. little ****.

 

[Warrior74]

I feel your pain man. Believe me, I know how that goes. I don't know the solution though. On one hand you don't want to say anything to the kid, you don't want to make issues worse, on the other hand speaking to the adults will just seem like you are sticking your nose in their business. I don't know the solution...if you find it, post it, you'll help out other people as well. Good luck.

 

[backbreaker]

it's funny.. becuase my mom is actually pretty health concious. I mean she's not a health NUTT but she eats right, watches her calories, jogs 60 mintues a day, etc.

she just can't/won't say no

really, it's more of her dad than my mom.

see, they have basically joint custody. my mom from monday to wednesday and him fron Wednesday to sunday.

she's not as bad with my mom as she is with her dad

that is another topic.. the men women ****. what the **** did my mom saw in a fed convicted con artist who lives with his mom as a 40YO and drives a 20 year old Mercedes that doesn't work i have no idea. his grandmother cooks all type of soul food and you can literarly walk to taco bell from their house. it gets out of control over there with her eating and then she brings it back home.

nothing i really can do. I'm not there. just kinda hurt for her becuase she doesn't yet understand the concept of short term pleasure long term pain (eating = getting fat).

I mean, I had her one day last year and I just sat there and watched her eat. not one thing remotely half ass healthy. she wanted to go pizza hut then mc donalds then she drank some coke.. man, i just shook my head.

as a kid i ate like that..but hell even then I liked a good place of rice and beans. food that sticks. But i lived outside and stayed active. I was a beanpole. I was 130 in high school. I could afford to eat like that.


you can't tell other people how to raise their kids even if it is family looking back my early 20's were basically deprogramming the way i thought.. with women with food, with work, with religion.

I'll be damned if I let my son go spend the night over some one's house when he gets older and he's screaming for mcdonlds and taco bell. he loves bananas (just like his dad), so when he wants a snack, I make sure we always have bananas around. Yes he eats candy and **** but i keep it to a minimum. it's not his entire diet.

i'm not so much concerned about his health as I am installing good habits in him. It's like my mom and her dad don't understand this concept. And at almost 2 now, when he gets hunry he will look at me or his mom and point to the nanas.

B

 

[Oxide]

I would educate her about nutrition, and then explain what happens if you do this, and eat that. I would later explain how she would have trouble finding a boyfriend or a husband. Ok, may be a little rough, but I try to be as honest as possible with kids.

 

[Phat]

your sisters fat and your to scared to talk with her about it. Yeah looks like you care about your fat little chubster.

 

[comic_relief]

Hey backbreaker, good to see your still around.

I don't know if there is anything you can really do. Most people I know resent people that tell each other how to live. It is more a lifestyle choice than anything else.

I would suggest just being a role model to her. Anything beyond that will just seem pushy and an attack on her.

- comic_relief

 

[synergy1]

I would suggest just being a role model to her. Anything beyond that will just seem pushy and an attack on her.

this.

My little cousin always looked up to me, even if we weren't in the same state and basically lived a very similar lifestyle to me. Worked hard, got good grades, played the same sports, stayed in shape etc. I never had to tell him anything, he just was motivated enough on his own and influenced enough by my actions to make the right choices.

 

[speakeasy]

I have just the opposite problem. My sister is an anorexic. She looks like she's about to whither away or get blow away by the wind. She's already skin and bones and still things she's fat, and constantly is taking diet pills and laxatives. She's absolutely obsessed with having almost no fat and thinks it looks great to be skinny. It's gross and I fear for health. She constantly has to have heat on. Even in the summer she's always got a space heater nearby, I'm guessing because her body is having a problem generating proper heat from calorie deficit combined with little fat as insulation. Hell, I wish she would eat some KFC or Taco Bell.

She used to be chubby as a teenager, and got made fun of, so now she's swung to the opposite direction.

 

[blinkwatt101]

I have this problem with my 11 and 9 year old sister. They are both overweight and it's not looking good anytime soon. I love them to death,and I won't bring them any emotional harm/embarrassment,so I blame my Mom and Step Dad. I ALWAYS remind them that every meal they eat is made by them,all the food they eat at school was given to my sister by them. They just say 'it's alright',but it's not when the 9 year old already won't wear a little two piece during the summer cause she thinks she's fat...she already has image issues from a rather large birth mark she had from birth(which was removed but not she's semi-conscious about the scar,which IMO isn't bad).

My little brother is 5 10 and 220lbs. He has accepted all he will get is porkers but he embraced it.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

Parents don't realize the damage they do by allowing inappropriate nutrition.

My parents were the same way. It was common to eat first, seconds, and thirds. Or sit in front of the t.v. with a bag of cookies and a cup of milk.


It teaches bad habits that are very difficult to break. I honestly believe it actually changes body chemistry or physiology some how.

I'm 26, I've been eating clean for over 10 years, but I still struggle with it every day.

Backbreaker, the best thing you can do is educate your sister. Everybody knows that eating bad makes you fat. But what some people don't realize is there is an alternative.

Teach her these alternatives. And then teach her what kind of damage she does by putting this crap into her body.

Processed foods, chemicals, HFCS......

This stuff isn't natural, it isn't food, and it certainly isn't good for you.


If you can open her eyes then maybe she has a chance.

 

[wait_out]

No no no. Keep in mind she's 9 YEARS OLD. Children don't possess any kind of mental toughness at that age and they're more likely to be traumatized than helped if you 'open their eyes' to the miserable future awaiting them.

BB there may be little you can do... kids take after their parents as primary influences and you're a little far from the situation to overrule them. However kids always like having fun and playing -- that's how mammals learn to become self-sufficent adults. Regarding influences:

Kids need a chance to be kids. They need a chance to play and enjoy childhood. They should not be forced to exercise or train. Some may counter these statements by saying that it is better for a child to exercise than sit in front of the television. I agree with this statement, but it is still just a partial response. Almost any activity is better than sitting in front of the television. What about practicing the alphabet, learning to count, learning to read and write, playing a musical instrument, working on various art projects, learning to become self sufficient, and learning to behave with proper manners. Why doesn’t anyone mention these other pertinent tasks? Childhood development includes much more than hanging from a pull-up bar. In my opinion, physical development ranks nowhere near the top of the priority list. Children must also advance socially, emotionally, cognitively, etc.

Over the years, I’ve met several young adults who were pushed into sports by their parents. After early success, they eventually burned out, and some even rebelled against their parents. Not only did their athletic pursuits fail, now they are dealing with damaged relationships that go far beyond the playing field. Many also deal with social problems. After years of being pushed and told that their best isn’t good enough, these young men are socially challenged, confused, and lacking in confidence. The candle that burns twice as bright often burns half as long.

Leading vs. Forcing

I have a three year old son and a 16 month old daughter. As I mentioned recently, they both love to play in the gym. They have been around professional athletes since day one. It is normal for them to see fighters at the house training. My son still thinks that everyone is a boxer. It’s the lifestyle that they have grown up around.

I never force my children to do anything however. They are far too young to be pushed into any physical activity. When my son comes to the gym, he is there to play. I don’t make him do anything. He keeps himself busy by copying those around him or creating his own games. Just the other day, he was playing a game with a pile of sandbags. He would climb to the top and then jump down to a punch shield. When I asked what he was doing, he said that he was pretending to jump to an island that was surrounded by alligators. It was all a big game to him. He laughed and giggled the entire time.

Leading by example is far different than forcing a youngster to perform an activity. Children imitate their parents. If you are active, there is a good chance that your children will follow the lead.

One of my colleagues has a 7-y.o. girl who just did a triathlon. Not because she was forced, because she wanted to (her dad runs them so she thinks it's fun). Don't let your little sister lose her mental health just to be thin and accepted, I'm pretty sure we all know girls like this. Good luck and I hope you can help her.

 

[amoka]

If you can, have her spend a week or two with you over the summer when she is not going to school and teach her the art of dieting.

 

[backbreaker]

i might end up doing that this summer when she's out of school

 

[Cure]

As her big brother, her long term happiness is partially your responsibility.
You have a duty to be good role model, and you are, but you need to take action.
She says she wants to diet, which means she is aware of the issue, thats half the battle. Your job is to educate her about healthy eating habits and exercise, so she can make the right choices as she grows up.
Might also be worth talking to your mum about it.

Good luck!

Cure.

 

[Desdinova]

Backbreaker, the best thing you can do is let her know that when she is serious about dieting and losing weight, she can come to you for help. Then, just leave that thought to sit in her head. When (or if) she's ready, she will come to you.

Women are generally the worst at dieting. Women have 'comfort' food - in other words, foods that are linked to emotion. The term "Comfort Food" is also justification that it's okay to eat garbage when you're emotions are on the negative side. It's very bad to have this mindset.

Women don't like things that affect their emotions negatively. Healthy food isn't comfort food. Healthy food also requires determination and effort to eat. That's too much work! They look for the easy way out. The same goes for exercise. It's more fun to sit on your ass and watch Oprah than it is to hit up the gym.

There are tons of gyms geared toward women to lose weight. The problem is they generally don't enforce eating properly. A woman doesn't want to do two difficult things at once: eating properly AND exercising. They want to put in as little effort as possible and hope it works. They don't truly grasp the fact that a good diet plus exercise is the correct formula to lose weight.

Then there's the cheater's ways out. Throwing money at something to fix it is easy, painless, and doesn't cause much negative emotion. Lypo-suction and stomach staples are regarded as the ultimate magical cure to being overweight. They don't realize that lypo-suction is only good if you plan on maintaining your weight afterward, and a stomach staple requires you to change the way you eat. Worry about the side effects later, and throw money at it to get it done now.

 

[Jitterbug]

Backbreaker, the best thing you can do is let her know that when she is serious about dieting and losing weight, she can come to you for help. Then, just leave that thought to sit in her head. When (or if) she's ready, she will come to you.

Good advice.

Women are generally the worst at dieting. Women have 'comfort' food - in other words, foods that are linked to emotion. The term "Comfort Food" is also justification that it's okay to eat garbage when you're emotions are on the negative side. It's very bad to have this mindset.

The NUMBER ONE rule, as I've learned in eating well for either fat loss or muscle gain (the former in most cases), is to remove the emotions from eating. Anyone who fails in their diet goals has failed to do exactly that.

Exercising well is also much easier than eating well. It's because you only need to do 3-5 hours of the former in a week, while you need to be disciplined with the latter for the remaining 160 hours.

There are some inspirational female examples who went from fat to fit. You can get plenty off bodybuilding.com - no they aren't the freakazoid type, just really hot, athletic girls who've worked hard to get a great body.

 

[backbreaker]

I'm under 10% body-fat. I eat right and go to the gym 6 days a week (and yes i'm a member of BB.com). i'm so bad that I have to take a shower to wash the fat off when I eat something too fatty/greezy.

My little sister is 9 and can't cook and mom doesn't' give a damn enough to cook for her. so you aren't really talking to me, it's just that there is so much I can say.

i can tell her to eat healthy all day long but if my mom won't cook the right foods there is nothing she nor i can do.

It's frustrating becuase she doesn't' live with me. she lived with me by the summer she'd be under 90 pounds, no questions asked and she'd be happy doing it. But she doesn't. It's frustrating becuase i'm very helpless but to watch her struggle with her weight, my mom's emptiness and her self esteem becuase of it.

 

[6-heads lewis]

I have just the opposite problem. My sister is an anorexic. She looks like she's about to whither away or get blow away by the wind. She's already skin and bones and still things she's fat, and constantly is taking diet pills and laxatives. She's absolutely obsessed with having almost no fat and thinks it looks great to be skinny. It's gross and I fear for health. She constantly has to have heat on. Even in the summer she's always got a space heater nearby, I'm guessing because her body is having a problem generating proper heat from calorie deficit combined with little fat as insulation. Hell, I wish she would eat some KFC or Taco Bell.

She used to be chubby as a teenager, and got made fun of, so now she's swung to the opposite direction.

Sorry to hear that.

My wife was big when I met her, she's since lost about 50+lbs and also seems obsessed about losing weight. I worry about her, and also encourage her to eat just about anything when she's with me.

Its sad when someone you love is destroying themselves.

I went through the same thing, I was 140lbs at 20 yrs old, and went up to 210 in 1.5 years, just to stop the taunting and constant feeling of intimidation. I'm sure my body wasn't too happy about that: my legs get exhausted quickly, my shoulders are frail, and my chest hurts often. Cardio is non-existent.

For me, it was just a phase, hopefully it is for your sister and my wife as well.