I'm definitely still too 'nice' in some situations

[like2jam]

So this terrible date I was on last night. I ended up being way too nice, despite the fact that I knew I didn't want to see this woman again and I knew she wasn't into me.

Even though I've been pretty confident lately, I felt myself slip into chump mode a couple of brief moments, but I recognized it and chilled out at least.

Interestingly, SHE invited me to get together for a beer, I agreed. Then, she basically assumed that I was buying. This sorta pissed me off. Not even a hint at offering to even buy her own drink. So basically, she invited herself to have me buy her a drink. ( I have no problem with buying the drink, but I appreciate if the woman offers to help. Especially if it's obvious you won't be seeing each other again OR if she was the one who invited you out to get a drink in the first place. )

Final chump move was after the short lived 'interview' was over, she said 'walk me to my car' and I did ( not sure why, just as a gentleman? ) and then I hugged her, which in this case, all she deserved was a handshake ( at most ).

Another good learning experience. These little experiences offer plenty to analyze and to grow from.

 

[floydb25]

Word... people can sense weakness, desperation, low self-esteem, "niceness", and/or gullibility, and use it to their advantage... sad as it is. Sounds like she was being bossy, demanding, and with an entitlement attitude - because she suspected that she could get away with it. She wouldn't act this way with a strong, assertive, aggressive, "threatening" guy - because she can't.

That's why, if a woman (or guy) is treating you in an unreasonable fashion, or "targeting" you - other than them being ****ty people (they're the only ones who do it; kind, genuine, content folk don't act this way) - it's because you're allowing it, and/or they know they can get away with it. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there; big fish eat the little fish.

A common mistake is assuming this kind of behavior (or worse) is "testing" to see how assertive you are, and if you have boundaries or a backbone. They're not testing **** - other than to see what they can get away with for THEM. No... they're walking all over you, making demands, acting spoiled and bossy, bullying you around, etc, because they know they can get away with it - and you'll take and accept it like a chump. Because, guys aren't attracted to you, and are doing the same ****.

Can't allow this stuff to fly. Gotta speak up, say no, be a little blunt and assertive, stand up for, and look out for yourself, etc. Gotta make it clear that you won't be pushed around - and you won't. Not necessarily being an ******* or jackass, though. But very few people honestly care about how "nice" or genuine you are. There's a lot of fake, insecure, selfish people out there. :box:

This girl doesn't sound the greatest at all. Just because someone is aggressive, "eager", and assertive - doesn't mean it's because they like you so much, or care about you. It's the way they are... with everything. Yes, they invite you - then expect YOU to pay / entertain / turn on / **** them, and live up to their standards - while they decide if they like you, or however they want to categorize you... all for them. And, as you can see, acting bossy, demanding, and entitled came with the package. Selfish people are definitely out there, and do act this way (if not worse)..

 

[TheCWord]

No need to feel like a chump for walking her to car. You didn't have to, but from that action you can at least walk away feeling like a gentleman.

Now, the hug... you might want to feel a little chumpy over that

 

[Tomthebomb]

Sounds like you're on the right track for self improvement.

Being less nice is probably to broad though, i think you should try and be specific with what you would do differently next time. Eg. When she assumed I was going to pay for beers I should've done such and such.