im being tested, how do i respond?

[big weezy]

this girl i number closed 5 months ago and i thought i picked up really well contacted me this week out of the blue.

backstory: i thought i picked her up well though i stayed for an hour talking (i posted on here baffled by why she didn't respond to me cos i thought she had high interest) anyway when i called and texted to meet up she never responded so i deleted her number.

5 months on till now, she calls me on tuesday but i dont recognise the number and didn't answer. i call back, no answer, so i text back:

me: hey you called me, who is this?
her: hiiiii big weezy... it's HB remember from coffee bean we met few months ago..?
me: oh yeah hey, whats up?
her: im ok.. ive been away the past few months.. now bk to (town).. how are u?
me: im great, didnt expect to hear from u tbh. why dont we get together in next few days, im out tonight but how's tomorrow or thurs at 8pm in (place)?
her: yeah sure.. im usually in (town 2 hours outside of my town) but maybe on friday evening?
me: how come u in (other town)? fri should be ok but let me know by tomorrow cos i'll have made other plans by then. let's say 8.30pm fri at (place).
her: sure. well im doing another degree there at uni
me: ahh the sexy spanish beauty is demonstrating her intellectual prowess in not only (my town) but also in (other town) now too.. see u fri.
her: lol i just got ur msg... (2hours later)

so i leave it, i dont get a response by her on wednesday and i was on the assumption we maybe were meeting on fri. i didnt like how she said 'maybe fri evening?' as i only deal in firm answers or i set a deadline for a yes response cos otherwise i'll seem desperate.

anyway this morning she texts me:

her: hey darling sorry i didnt let u know yesterday was so busy tired.. i need to go to (other town) later on today so i'll text u later... if u still havent made any plans

3 hours later..

me: are you staying in (other town) for the weekend or u heading back to (my town) later tonight?

no response yet, i feel what i said was littered with mistakes as im tryna follow DJ principles. unfortunately my pick up has been dry the past few weeks so have no options and dont want to get oneitis so my priority isn't seeing her but getting other girls this weekend.

how should i have responded above to her last text? and is she testing me or potentially just going to flake?

 

[big weezy]

the reason i asked if she was staying there or coming back is im not sure of her situation at uni, she's at a tough university which is really intense and i know she lives in my town but must have relocated during the week at the other town so i'm surprised why she was back home (my town) and heading back to her uni today rather than staying there yesterday and coming home today cos it's friday.

but retrospectively it may indicate i'm available, i feel she's testing me to see if i've made other plans like i said.

so should i say i'm busy (to demonstrate i'm a man of my word and not going to change my plans to just see her cos i'll look desperate and available) and offer another day this weekend?

bear in mind i can only see her on weekends (assuming she comes home for the weekend) so fri/sat/sun are only options, if i offer tomorrow will i look available again?

i feel i offered weds, thurs and fri, and now it'll be sat. already demonstrating availability.

she's a rich girl, not as spoilt and materialistic like stereotypical rich girls BUT she still retains some spoilt traits, i.e. cancelling last minute/flaking/expecting things to accommodate her and her schedule.

i think i should have just told her i made plans (as i said i would) and that we should meet up another time, however i think i should word it that she offers me another time? her 'maybe fri evening?' is not a definitive counter response.

when i sent the last message i was trying to gauge if she was staying there this weekend or coming back so i could arrange for a meet tomorrow or sunday.

and i even contemplated the thought of saying 'i made plans for dinner until 9 then after i've not decided yet. if you can make yourself pretty for me in time for 9.30pm then we could arrange a rendezvous later.'

should i at no costs try to meet her tonight?

i feel like even if she says yes she'll just flake cos it's a test. and i need to demonstrate that if she doesn't do what i say when i want it then she wont get my time or attention.

so the alternative is either next weekend OR tomorrow. what would you suggest?

 

[EFFORT]

me: hey you called me, who is this?
her: hiiiii big weezy... it's HB remember from coffee bean we met few months ago..?
me: oh yeah hey, whats up?
her: im ok.. ive been away the past few months.. now bk to (town).. how are u?
me: im great, didnt expect to hear from u tbh.

I would of chatted more here to get a feel for what she was after instead of cutting things off with plans for another day. For all you know she might of been looking to meet up right then. Remember she recontacted you after 5months, so some sort of interest was there. No point in trying to appear busy to make her more interested in you, the interest is already where you want it.

If you were honestly busy then np, although haven't met many guys on a dry spell that they didn't choose to have, that are to busy to get some.



why dont we get together in next few days, im out tonight but how's tomorrow or thurs at 8pm in (place)?


her: yeah sure.. im usually in (town 2 hours outside of my town) but maybe on friday evening?
me: how come u in (other town)? fri should be ok but let me know by tomorrow cos i'll have made other plans by then. let's say 8.30pm fri at (place).
her: sure. well im doing another degree there at uni
me: ahh the sexy spanish beauty is demonstrating her intellectual prowess in not only (my town) but also in (other town) now too.. see u fri.
her: lol i just got ur msg... (2hours later)


You generally have to strike when the iron is hot. Women break plans all the time, they have lots of options and stuff going on. Flaking is standard and acceptable to them.

so i leave it, i dont get a response by her on wednesday and i was on the assumption we maybe were meeting on fri. i didnt like how she said 'maybe fri evening?' as i only deal in firm answers or i set a deadline for a yes response cos otherwise i'll seem desperate.

Not sure what types of plans your making. You can come off more opened ended without sounding desperate. Something on the lines of "I'm out and about all the time just give me a call if your in the area and see if you can get a hold of me"

Picture yourself having a very active social life with people pulling at you from all different directions with different stimulating value sources. This is her reality.



anyway this morning she texts me:

her: hey darling sorry i didnt let u know yesterday was so busy tired.. i need to go to (other town) later on today so i'll text u later... if u still havent made any plans

3 hours later..

me: are you staying in (other town) for the weekend or u heading back to (my town) later tonight?


I wouldnt of sent that text.

no response yet, i feel what i said was littered with mistakes as im tryna follow DJ principles. unfortunately my pick up has been dry the past few weeks so have no options and dont want to get oneitis so my priority isn't seeing her but getting other girls this weekend.

how should i have responded above to her last text? and is she testing me or potentially just going to flake?


Its really not that serious, I think your still in. Just don't work with set plans with this girl. The message your looking to send here is that your just a cool chill guy going about your life in a town 2 hours from her and when shes ready to have your **** she can drive there and give you a call.

bold

 

[EFFORT]

but retrospectively it may indicate i'm available, i feel she's testing me to see if i've made other plans like i said.

No she really doesn't care .

so should i say i'm busy (to demonstrate i'm a man of my word and not going to change my plans to just see her cos i'll look desperate and available) and offer another day this weekend?

Just have her come to you. Say that you'll be out and about and to call you if shes in the area. If she wants more direct plans she'll be vocal about it. So its a win win.


bear in mind i can only see her on weekends (assuming she comes home for the weekend) so fri/sat/sun are only options, if i offer tomorrow will i look available again?

see above

i feel i offered weds, thurs and fri, and now it'll be sat. already demonstrating availability.

again same as above the same general idea. I'm living life taking care of business in this town if you want to see me call ahead and to see if you can get a hold of me first.

she's a rich girl, not as spoilt and materialistic like stereotypical rich girls BUT she still retains some spoilt traits, i.e. cancelling last minute/flaking/expecting things to accommodate her and her schedule.

thats standard

i think i should have just told her i made plans (as i said i would) and that we should meet up another time, however i think i should word it that she offers me another time? her 'maybe fri evening?' is not a definitive counter response.

Your not getting many definite answers in this arena. Remember this is not a business meeting. Social/dating life is very open ended and flakey. Just go with the flow.

when i sent the last message i was trying to gauge if she was staying there this weekend or coming back so i could arrange for a meet tomorrow or sunday.

and i even contemplated the thought of saying 'i made plans for dinner until 9 then after i've not decided yet. if you can make yourself pretty for me in time for 9.30pm then we could arrange a rendezvous later.'

should i at no costs try to meet her tonight?

stop contacting her. Let her come to you to bring up plans.

i feel like even if she says yes she'll just flake cos it's a test. and i need to demonstrate that if she doesn't do what i say when i want it then she wont get my time or attention.

You have bits of theory all over the place but you have to be-careful how you apply it.

so the alternative is either next weekend OR tomorrow. what would you suggest?

I'd suggest leaving the house and making it a goal to get 5 new numbers and watch the situation solve itself.

Out side of that as played now, just stop texting her. If she texts you back just flirt have fun. If she talks about meeting up, set it up so she comes to see you.

bold

 

[Mr. Goods]

Two possible reasons why she contacted you out of the blue:
1.) What EFFORT said.
2.) She is bored, has no guys at the moment, so she decides to amuse herself and contact someone who had been interested in her in hopes that he'll come running back. I mean, it's five months out of the blue.

I know I'm providing the pessimistic side here, but #2 has happened to me within the past year. A girl I hadn't spoken with in a while contacted me saying she hopes I'm doing well and she wants to hang out the next time I am around. I found this puzzling - the girl had turned me down months ago - but if I was in the area and wasn't busy, MAYBE I'd go get a drink. Luckily, one of my buddies was on the case, got her friend drunk, and her friend confessed that the girl messaged me as a joke because she was bored.

Back on topic - a lot of the advice EFFORT provides is good. What I'd add to it is to do what you WANT to do. Just show confidence about it and don't come off as desperate. If this girl plays games, let her go; she's not worth the headache.

 

[big weezy]

i hear what you're saying and you're right i shouldn't have sent that last text.

what should i have sent by the way? (for future reference)

tbh you're suggesting i should just play it cool and tell her to contact me if she's in the area cos i have an active social life.

the thing is she's studying in the town 2hours from me but she lives in my town, i dont know what her current location is i.e. whether she comes home every weekend or what not so i cant predict anything or assume anything.

also i know where she lives and me saying to her if you're in the area give me a call and see if i can meet up is on the assumption im in said area. what if im not?

should i just drive down to the area if she contacts me to meet up irrespective if im actually there or not?

 

[big weezy]

Two possible reasons why she contacted you out of the blue:
1.) What EFFORT said.
2.) She is bored, has no guys at the moment, so she decides to amuse herself and contact someone who had been interested in her in hopes that he'll come running back. I mean, it's five months out of the blue.

I know I'm providing the pessimistic side here, but #2 has happened to me within the past year. A girl I hadn't spoken with in a while contacted me saying she hopes I'm doing well and she wants to hang out the next time I am around. I found this puzzling - the girl had turned me down months ago - but if I was in the area and wasn't busy, MAYBE I'd go get a drink. Luckily, one of my buddies was on the case, got her friend drunk, and her friend confessed that the girl messaged me as a joke because she was bored.

Back on topic - a lot of the advice EFFORT provides is good. What I'd add to it is to do what you WANT to do. Just show confidence about it and don't come off as desperate. If this girl plays games, let her go; she's not worth the headache.

i agree. i was thinking it must be just attention, she looked through her phone saw my name and thought i'll contact him to see if he still wants me. which i failed the test by seeming too keen asking to meet up straight away within a few texts. i shoulda played it more cool like EFFORT said to see what she wanted.

 

[big weezy]

bold

if she responds to me later as i expect to tell me she's staying in my town for the weekend i was thinking of sending:

i got dinner plans in town until about 9 but not made any plans after yet, if you're in (said area) give me a call to see if u get a hold of me.'

the thing is i wont be in said area, i'll be somewhere else or not even there at all.

wouldn't making firm plans with her tonight actually be necessary?

the alternative is like 'i got dinner plans until about 9pm tonight but not made plans for after yet so if you make yourself pretty for me by 9.30 i could make my way to see you '

the thing is if she just wants my attention she'll be like 'i'll let you know' or whatever

i feel her interest isn't that high and she wants my attention cos even with her last text if she had high interest she would have happily agreed to confirm to see me tonight 2 days ago when i set the deadline rather than waiting to see if anything else is on then to see me.

 

[J. Darko]

Congratulations, you guys are a bunch of robots. Well done. Tell me, what part of 'come let's have something to drink tonight' is difficult for you to understand? She will either say yes or no. If yes, you have a date. If no, then it's up to her to take the initiative. It's that easy.

 

[EFFORT]

if she responds to me later as i expect to tell me she's staying in my town for the weekend i was thinking of sending:

i got dinner plans in town until about 9 but not made any plans after yet, if you're in (said area) give me a call to see if u get a hold of me.'

the thing is i wont be in said area, i'll be somewhere else or not even there at all.

wouldn't making firm plans with her tonight actually be necessary?

the alternative is like 'i got dinner plans until about 9pm tonight but not made plans for after yet so if you make yourself pretty for me by 9.30 i could make my way to see you '

the thing is if she just wants my attention she'll be like 'i'll let you know' or whatever

i feel her interest isn't that high and she wants my attention cos even with her last text if she had high interest she would have happily agreed to confirm to see me tonight 2 days ago when i set the deadline rather than waiting to see if anything else is on then to see me.

To get this particular lay, slow down and take a few steps back. You seem to have a lot of urgency around meeting up with her. If she isn't pushing for a meet up don't force the issue. Instead just get into a flirting/ballbusting type of dynamic with her (which you should be in already). Tease her, joke around , call her names, be silly, and vibe. A meet up will naturally evolve from this if your hitting it off. If it doesn't you learned some stuff no big deal. And who knows maybe she'll come back in another 5months.

The bigger issue here ...... you want to ask yourself why don't you have the sort of life that your trying to "fake". Why don't you have an active social life with people pulling for your time? Why don't you have other girls trying to meet up with you? The answers to those questions will give you a lot of insight on areas your lacking in. Once your aware of them you can then make action plans to improve them.

 

[big weezy]

To get this particular lay, slow down and take a few steps back. You seem to have a lot of urgency around meeting up with her. If she isn't pushing for a meet up don't force the issue. Instead just get into a flirting/ballbusting type of dynamic with her (which you should be in already). Tease her, joke around , call her names, be silly, and vibe. A meet up will naturally evolve from this if your hitting it off. If it doesn't you learned some stuff no big deal. And who knows maybe she'll come back in another 5months.

The bigger issue here ...... you want to ask yourself why don't you have the sort of life that your trying to "fake". Why don't you have an active social life with people pulling for your time? Why don't you have other girls trying to meet up with you? The answers to those questions will give you a lot of insight on areas your lacking in. Once your aware of them you can then make action plans to improve them.

yeah i know that's what i'm striving towards, im trying to approach few times a week spending my weekends out and about.

i dont feel confident enough yet to do an approach on the street because i always come across as desperate and they react badly or walk off which makes me embarassed and hurts my confidence (i've only been successful doing this when i had other options so i didn't care. its not easy to do this without options without conveying desperation)

but thus far ive been unsuccessful obtaining 5 numbers like you say. i approach a bit but maybe i'm being too fussy, i got fed up with picking up average to above average girls that i've set standards for myself now that i'll only approach hot girls. so when im out and about i dont come into contact with that many, if im lucky maybe 2-3 potential approaches in any one day (bear in mind i cant do street approaches otherwise i'd have lloads of potential approaches) so im just trying to get myself back in the game.

have any suggestions how i can meet women in places other than bars/clubs etc?

 

[GhostWriter]

I've had girls message me months after I've gotten their number. Every time they contact me out of the blue they'll tell me let's meet up on this day on this time. I'm always extremely aloof and have them literally bugging me for my schedule. As soon as I say yah that time and day is fine they'll flake all the time.

Now whenever they contact me I always say I'm free now, let's meet up.
If they tell me they're busy then I tell them that's too bad... for you.

I don't have much experience in being a don juan but i know the cut these kinds of b!tches out and move on.

 

[big weezy]

To get this particular lay, slow down and take a few steps back. You seem to have a lot of urgency around meeting up with her. If she isn't pushing for a meet up don't force the issue. Instead just get into a flirting/ballbusting type of dynamic with her (which you should be in already). Tease her, joke around , call her names, be silly, and vibe. A meet up will naturally evolve from this if your hitting it off. If it doesn't you learned some stuff no big deal. And who knows maybe she'll come back in another 5months.

The bigger issue here ...... you want to ask yourself why don't you have the sort of life that your trying to "fake". Why don't you have an active social life with people pulling for your time? Why don't you have other girls trying to meet up with you? The answers to those questions will give you a lot of insight on areas your lacking in. Once your aware of them you can then make action plans to improve them.

tbh as i originally suspected she probably just wants my attention and wants me to chase/want her but does not want to meet up unless it's convenient for her but still wants me to chase.

she's not replied to me to my last text, would have it been better if i just not sent it at all?

her: hey darling sorry i didnt let u know yesterday was so busy tired.. i need to go to (other town) later on today so i'll text u later... if u still havent made any plans

3 hours later..

me: are you staying in (other town) for the weekend or u heading back to (my town) later tonight?

what should i have said if anything at all in response instead?

right now seeing as she hasn't even told me simply whether she's staying in the other town for the weekend or in my town is simple demonstration shes not that interested.. unless of course she took my response for her answer that i supposedly dont have any plans tonight and want to know if shes coming back tonight?

i dont know, the way i sent it i didn't want to say what i was doing to gauge her situation.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

This girl doesn't sound interested. She is differing your invites and ignoring you when you present alternatives. What you should have done was show indifference to her. Once you recognized her you should have been "Oh yeah, hey." No whats up. Make her work to keep things going. And for fvcks sake, forget about her schedule. She will make time if she wants you. PERIOD. Essentially, all she did was call you like a lap dog, and you came running.

 

[f283000]

Brother let me say this. If you were Brad Pitt do you think she would have just totally cut off contact from you 5 months ago for no reason after you kept trying to contact her, only to contact you again out of the blue 5 months later?

If she had been in any way interested in you she would have at least replied to your messages. It's a bs excuse from her that she moved out of town. You bet she kept contact with tons of people which is what females have on their cell phones (tones of contacts). You don't mean anything to her, you're like a piece of dirt on the ground to hair. She showed you mass disrespect and what do you do? You reward her by asking her out like a minute into your conversation with her after she totally ignored you for 5 months!

You need to learn to respect yourself. If your game wasn't good enough for her to respect you back then 5 months ago then you will need a lot more effort to win her over now.

 

[EFFORT]

yeah i know that's what i'm striving towards, im trying to approach few times a week spending my weekends out and about.

i dont feel confident enough yet to do an approach on the street because i always come across as desperate and they react badly or walk off which makes me embarassed and hurts my confidence (i've only been successful doing this when i had other options so i didn't care. its not easy to do this without options without conveying desperation)

but thus far ive been unsuccessful obtaining 5 numbers like you say. i approach a bit but maybe i'm being too fussy, i got fed up with picking up average to above average girls that i've set standards for myself now that i'll only approach hot girls. so when im out and about i dont come into contact with that many, if im lucky maybe 2-3 potential approaches in any one day (bear in mind i cant do street approaches otherwise i'd have lloads of potential approaches) so im just trying to get myself back in the game.

have any suggestions how i can meet women in places other than bars/clubs etc?

The generic advice is to grow some balls and approach/find your path in life.

I can give more specific advice with more information about you. Tell me a bit more about your situation. Are you in college? Do you live with friends/family/alone? How old are you? Whats your money situation? Do you have friends? What country do you live in?

Also note the higher standard thing can really hold you back. If your not together as a man then your delusional to think you deserve the hottest women. You have to build yourself up in all areas, health, wealth, relationships, lifestyle. Not sure where you are but it can take a lot of effort. Its not going to be "fair" either so get over that before you even begin. Women just need to look pretty, while you may have to blast off to the moon to have a shot with them....just how it is. (in westernized culture at least)

 

[EFFORT]

tbh as i originally suspected she probably just wants my attention and wants me to chase/want her but does not want to meet up unless it's convenient for her but still wants me to chase.

Probably not, shes most likely not even thinking about you.

she's not replied to me to my last text, would have it been better if i just not sent it at all?

Are you have anything sort of name calling, silly acting, fun banter with her? The dynamic seems very serious and logical from what you posted

her: hey darling sorry i didnt let u know yesterday was so busy tired.. i need to go to (other town) later on today so i'll text u later... if u still havent made any plans

did you get this text 3 hours later or just choose to hold off on responding? When you have your Health, wealth, relationships, lifestyle thriving you can see how little thought goes into something like this. You see and say "ok cool" or "sounds good" "ok (banter name)" really anything

3 hours later..

me: are you staying in (other town) for the weekend or u heading back to (my town) later tonight?

see above

what should i have said if anything at all in response instead?

above

right now seeing as she hasn't even told me simply whether she's staying in the other town for the weekend or in my town is simple demonstration shes not that interested.. unless of course she took my response for her answer that i supposedly dont have any plans tonight and want to know if shes coming back tonight?

i dont know, the way i sent it i didn't want to say what i was doing to gauge her situation.

just step back don't text her for awhile and work on the stuff from the post above.

bold

 

[jophil28]

this girl i number closed 5 months ago and i thought i picked up really well contacted me this week out of the blue..

When women get bored and lonely and have no guys to talk to THAT THEY LIKE, they resort to contacting guys they don't really like but who have shown interest in the past.
Girls figure that these guys are sure bets for some ego strokes and a few free drinks.

Simple time proven girl tactics.
I am surprised any of you would even consider playing along.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

She is a b*tch sorry, and dangerous because she may seem a nice person. You must teach her a lesson because this is getting nowhere:

1) tell her she is not your type
2) tell her you are seeing other girls
3) if she arranges plans simply flake

You are dealing with a little devil sorry.

 

[blue183]

This chick is just bored, probably has a man, or someone she is talking to.

Next time she hits you up, ask her why is she so elusive? call her out on it, but don't be mean when u do.