I'm back & really need support overcoming heartbreak

[Jariel]

Ah, my old mate with the tits for a screen name. Still having a tough time with puberty eh? Hang in there. That resentment you feel towards the world will pass eventually.

 

[floydb25]

Not that it's really relevant anymore, but there's anxiety medication, which ASFAIK is better than anti-depressants when it's only an anxiety issue.

But definitely, it sounds like you became too nice and comfortable - while she had issues, over-whelming stress, etc. Seems to be pretty common with a lot of us. Don't EVER assume that being nice and wonderful and supportive means that it's going to be returned. People don't change, and if they're mean, selfish, moody, competitive, toxic, or whatever - that's who they're going to continue to be. Don't allow **** to become one-sided - where you're doing all the work and giving, and they treat you like trash or take you for granted; come and go as they please; etc. Always watch for that switch in character once they "have" you - because those are their true colors.

Make sure people are genuinely nice, giving, and supportive, as well. Just because someone begs for you back - doesn't mean they genuinely care about you. In most instances, they're acting out of their own selfish interests, and WON'T treat you fairly, or respect you, and give in return. Most people LOVE to have a decent person who sticks around, keeps giving, and tolerates their ****... hell, most people feel ENTITLED to one. Doesn't mean they're going to be the same way. IME, they even push you around, use you, look down on you to feel better about themselves, etc.

 

[floydb25]

Aha so it was you! Guys Jariel has nothing to worry about. I remember his pics from the health and fitness forum. This guy has a body and facial aesthetics from what I remember that are better than 95% of the population.

He is going to be just fine.

Meh... doesn't mean much. And having great looks can easily be a curse. People are still going to be people - them finding you attractive doesn't change who they are. But it DOES bring them to you - including all the toxic ones. You still gotta be watchful and not rest on your laurels; act as the nice guy; etc. Gotta be even more selective and aware - and that's not including all the fake ******* men you gotta deal with.

One of the mistakes I used to make was relying solely on looks for everything. Thinking I could be nice to everyone, mutual respect would be given, chicks would fall in love with me, etc. Ha! Got a nice rude awakening from that one.

You also tend to become more involved in the "game" - as it surrounds you everywhere. So, you gotta deal with even more retards, drama, games, crazies, sluts, bishes, heart-break, etc. Lotta jumping around, and so forth.

So definitely, not all peaches and roses.

 

[( . )( . )]

Ah, my old mate with the tits for a screen name. Still having a tough time with puberty eh? Hang in there. That resentment you feel towards the world will pass eventually.

Always with the feeeelings. And the world? Don't flatter yourself, I know it's grim but there aren't that many of you dudebro's out there. If there was we'd still be sh1tting in caves and crying with the women folk .....errr, sh!tting in caves.

 

[Desdinova]

Unfortunately I had a dream about her last night and have woken up feeling downtrodden and heartbroken. I've not been tempted to contact her or anything, but I do find myself wanting to be with her and putting all this right.

The thing that always helps me is knowing that contacting her will make it worse, and that she is 100% not interested in being around me. I've permanently placed one thought in my mind which helps solidify everything... If she doesn't want to be with me, then she is not the right woman for me.

I got too predictable and I dropped my game. I didn't think I needed to think that way any more since we were in a "stable" relationship. In fact, I've become so soft and sensitive, I barely recognise myself compared to how I was before and in the first months of the relationship.

Unlike you, I never let my game down. I knew I was confident throughout the whole relationship, I gave her the emotional fluctuation she needed, and the sex she would infinitely crave for. I made damn sure that if we were to break up, no man would ever come close to matching the masculinity and compatibility that I displayed throughout the whole relationship. The results are self-evident; She hasn't kept any other guy around since.

THAT is how you make a woman regret her choice. Not only that, she gets to suffer with the thought that some other woman is enjoying her loss.

 

[CJ 101]

Just move on bro, In a world full of billions of females the loss of one female is an insignificant event. You have a chance to start meeting new females everywhere you go as long as you keep your eyes open for opportunities that are available for you all the time. I know that it'll be hard to move on at first but don't stay home and mope over losing her, go out there during the day and start chatting up new females.

 

[Speculator E]

delete

 

[Jariel]

Well I seemed to be coping ok on and off the last couple of days, but today I've had a major lapse and have hit my lowest point so far.

I'd managed to convince myself that her active profile on the dating site was retaliation towards me, especially using that one photo and this being the only update to her profile, but I returned today and she's still active on there and I basically realised that she has done the unthinkable to me and strung me along while keeping her options open, broken promises, trust, used me, let me make a fool of myself....I FvCKING HATE HER so much I want to be sick!!!!

Worst of all I hate myself for being such a sucker and a textbook AFC! It's my fault for allowing it to happen and allowing myself to become soft.

You know, titsman and guys like him are right and I need their ridicule to snap me out of this fantasy sh!t.

It's one thing being able to end a relationship on fair terms and to be able to look back at the good times with no hard feelings, but when that person turns out to be a snake, who has no remorse about betraying my trust, then flaunts a photo she knows will hurt me, it leaves nothing but bitterness and a lack of faith in humanity.

 

[SamTheHobit]

You should read playermans thread "Women Don't Give A Sh!t"..

Should open your eyes OP.

 

[Desdinova]

She might regret and suffer but they still leave. I mean what kind of world are we living in where "normal" women leave even DJs?

It's all based on emotion. You can trust her loyalty as much as you can trust her to be happy most of the time.

 

[Colossus]

I'm currently writing a list of lessons I've learned from this relationship and my break up. Things I did right, how I seduced her, got her to fall for me and so on, but then things I did wrong. This way I can try to make the most of my next relationship.

Welcome back Jariel. No shame in revisiting the forums for some support and advice.

I think making a list of what you did wrong and the red flags you may have ignored is an excellent idea. You need to solidify these lessons and internalise them.

Like Cordon said, we dont know all the background on the relationship so it's hard to give you super-tailored advice, but there were a few things that struck me as glaring red flags:

Divorcee
Kids
Irregular, "crisis" use of anti-depressants
Using you as a man-crutch during her divorce

The anti-depressant thing is probably the #1 issue here. Yeah, you did go AFC in some ways, but you're also obviously a good person, and I wouldnt beat yourself up too badly over all this. YOU weren't the one (based on what you've told us) acting like an irrational psycho here. It seems to me like you essentially just picked a bad apple that you had lots of compatibility with, she is just damaged goods.

I dont like to pimp my own posts but check out this one to refresh your selection process. It may help eliminate disasters like this in the future.

 

[MikeOck]

1. Divorced.................check
2. Kids........................check
3. Antidepressants.......check
4. Emotional tampon.....check (leaning on u while going through divorce)

Dude...you're 36 years old and know nothing. You gave your emotions to an unsympathetic cvnt like a slvt gives up her p00n.

If a 36 year old does this, what hope is there for guys in their 20's????

You bang single mothers...I repeat, you bang single mothers, 99% of them are low hanging fruit.

Some people just hear that touching a hot stove will burn them, accept it as fact and stay away, others need to actually touch the stove and get burned before the lesson sinks in. You ignored the advice and touched the stove but hopefully learned your lesson about why these things are considered major red flags. It isn't that we are misogynistic pigs, as women and feminist men would like you to believe, it is that the vast majority of these women are incapable of having a healthy relationship.

The good news is that there are 3,000,000,000+ other women on this planet, many of whom do not come with such baggage. When you find yourself a better one, you'll forget all about the last one except when you are looking back and thanking the universe that she let you go.

 

[SecondHalf]

but I do find myself wanting to be with her and putting all this right

You have to look at this situation like as if she's a prostitute you've fallen for, for she is a user!

Just an internet branch swinging love junkie that helped her through her divorce and her children make the adjustment.

Maybe she believed it was "real" at first, but it's likely her seeing you as the opposite of her ex.

If a woman has a man that will put up with her turmoil during a divorce, then obviously he has no other choices. When this is over, she will think I can do better now that I'm free of this. Then she goes after the man who would not go near her during her divorce.

Internet dating rules ...
1) Never fall for them unless they have a ton of skin on the table (that would be time & cash).
2) Never, never bother with the "separated", it's too easy and given your "ripe" age, it's risky. This chicks have no idea what they want and they will eat and spit out about 3 men after divorce before they start to settle a bit (this is not specific to the internet).
3) If you have no children, she should have no children ... ever!

SH