Im back, need advice and support :)

[RepM]

Hey guys,

I was an (semi) active member a few years ago under another nick. For some reason i dont remember my previous log in name etc.

It's good to be back. After an unsuccesfull LT, im trying to get into the field. The first 3 months, I took the time to take care of the ruins of my LTR. I sold the house, redecorated a new appartment. I made my head empty, I was pretty sad in the beginning.

I made some mistakes: I didnt had any backup woman! So the (relative) lonelyness hit me like an hammer. My friends all have GF's. So I had to make a schedule for their wingmanship
Those werent the best 3 months of my life, I've to say. But I focus on the bright side!
I have more time for the Gym (3-4 times a week) so im getting in pretty good shape. I can do whatever I want, when i want. Although i've to admit playing poker until 3 in the night isnt that fun anymore..
I focused om my work, social life, my study and painting etc my new appartment.

I made some approaches with different results. Got a few numbers and lays. But not any plates i would like to keep.

Until last week... I met an HB 8-9, 25 yrs old and single, collegue (never saw here). I talked to her and got her number. I thought we both had fun. My wingman observed us and he said it was a done deal. She was smiling, little kino, etc. My wingman told her with ( a lot of) stories that I was a hell of a guy. And i was serious/ reliable too.(dont know if that was good, too serious? no mistery left here??)

QUESTION/ CASE
I texted her a few times and tried to set up a date.. She responded quite good. When I invited her for drinks in our town. She wrote some fluff talk and declined.... WTF..... she had a good time but wanted to leave it at that . She hoped I would understand. Well..... I dont. I know she had some bad experiences (last one 8 months ago) with guys and those guys were LOSERS (I know them from work). I like to think im a FAR better catch than those chumps. I am, for sure.

It's actually quite annoying. I think it best to take my loss and write a reply to finish it off. Or is that too AFC?

Any other advice is highly appreciated!

RepM

 

[Iceberg]

I can't really imagine what you'd say to her in this followup text. At least nothing that'll make her change her mind. Just chalk it up as "her loss" and move on.

It doesn't matter that she had bad experiences with some guy from 8 months ago. If she liked you, she'd find a reason to date you. So either she's got some other guy on her radar, or she doesn't think you two should be dating. I'd just walk away and move onto the next one. There's always more.

 

[jophil28]

Move on QUICKLY- the absolute worst thing that you can do is trawl this forum (or others like it) looking for "advice" from wannabe PUA's telling you how to play adolescent mind games to amp up her attraction.
I have had your experience several times - you think that you see enough signs of interest to justify "asking her out " and then, when you do, she declines, cancels or flakes.
You just have to accept this conclusion.....Even though you and she have spent a little time together, and even though she had fun (or appeared to) she does not want any more.

Occasionally a woman like this will re-contact you in a few weeks and invite you out. If that happens, then it happens BUT you cannot force it.

Cut her loose.

 

[RepM]

Thanks guys, of course I cut her loose. I wont initiate contact again with her. There are plenty of woman around.

Just thought it was a good (nice) idea to reply. Not to change her mind, but react in a polite way.
On the other hand... who cares..

 

[jophil28]

Thanks guys, of course I cut her loose. I wont initiate contact again with her. There are plenty of woman around.

Just thought it was a good (nice) idea to reply. Not to change her mind, but react in a polite way.
On the other hand... who cares..

Be polite but be cool - she has merely exercised her freedom not to go out with/date you . A snotty response by you would be out of line.

However, I am a huge believer in preparation, so I would suggest that you prepare and rehearse your response should she contact you again . Women have been known to change their mind ..ha ha .
Because you are newly "single again" your game will be rusty. Give yourself some time get back up to speed.

 

[L B]

This like this happens from time to time. You think you two have hit it off but for one reason or another, you go nowhere.

Keep doing what you're doing. You will get more comfortable as you progress.

 

[Kailex]

However, I am a huge believer in preparation, so I would suggest that you prepare and rehearse your response should she contact you again . Women have been known to change their mind ..ha ha .
Because you are newly "single again" your game will be rusty. Give yourself some time get back up to speed.

This.

You see, if you don't respond, she more than likely will begin to wonder why you didn't say anything back, why you didn't react in ire, why you didn't say the mean things everyone before you said....

So she most likely will try to reach to you again and see how you are doing and MIGHT even ask you out again.

Just count this as an experience and another notch on your belt.
In this case, there is no "conserving your dignity" with a classy response to her... the best response is a non-response and NOT for gaming sake, but for your sanity's sake.

 

[Mex]

So she most likely will try to reach to you again and see how you are doing and MIGHT even ask you out again.

This is true, and it has happened to me many times. Sometimes, what happens is the first date, or meet, or whatever you want to call it, I fail at building attraction. But I dont completely turn her off so when I call for a second meet, she answers but makes up an excuse not to meet, or simply does not reply to my voice mail. I never call back, and most times, unless I really screwed up the first meet, she will eventually contact and suggest meeting up again.

My theory is that if the first meet is just ok, but not great, she is still indifferent towards you. After you show her you are not needy by calling, she updates her thoughts about you and sees you in a slightly better light. Then she goes over a million things in her head and considers that maybe you had a bad day or something and wants to give you another chance to sweep her off her feet. Thats when she suggests to meet again.

Of course, this does not happen all the time, but it seems like this is more prevalent among mature girls.

 

[RepM]

The meet was after an Worldcup soccer match. In my country everybody was partying in the streets... DJ's, beer and dancing. 20.000 people were here celebrating the win from our team 10.000 miles away. I wasnt in sarging mode. I didnt care, I was there with friends to have a good time. So a good chance she wasnt impressed by my looks etc atm. I had 'some' beers. She was a friend of a friend of a friend...

I was at work today and I friendly texted her (didnt read advice 'not to' yet). It was like" Of course, Sandra no problem. I'm quite a direct guy. You just seemed to be a nice girl.. thats all. Grtz (translated)

She answered instantely: Hey RepM, but I'm a very nice girl , No hard feelings, Have a nice weekend. Grtz San.

I wont respond to her anymore. I think its 50/50 she will contact me again, If not, its fine too.

Your advices are appreciated by me. And I think the analysis was very true.

Sometimes, what happens is the first date, or meet, or whatever you want to call it, I fail at building attraction. But I dont completely turn her off so when I call for a second meet, she answers but makes up an excuse not to meet, or simply does not reply to my voice mail. I never call back, and most times, unless I really screwed up the first meet, she will eventually contact and suggest meeting up again.

My theory is that if the first meet is just ok, but not great, she is still indifferent towards you. After you show her you are not needy by calling, she updates her thoughts about you and sees you in a slightly better light. Then she goes over a million things in her head and considers that maybe you had a bad day or something and wants to give you another chance to sweep her off her feet. Thats when she suggests to meet again.