I'm a stalker. Should I be worried?

[IronStar]

Guys,

I stumbled upon this place whilst looking for something else, gotta say there's some SOLID experience here. Looking forward to being here.

Here's the deal. I got divorced last summer after 15 years of marriage, I went through a real bad patch, what with that & being made redundant right on top of it all. Ended up being diagnosed with clincial depression & partially hospitalised because of it. Dark days.

But it gave me the chance to take a good, long look at my life, & having given up a career in medicine when I met my wife in favour of a career in IT I decided to pursue my original career goal, that of foresnic pathology. I want the second half of my life to stand for something. Not saying the first half didnt, but it didnt fulfill me & your only on this ball of mud once.

Whilst I was in the middle of divorce/redundancy, I met a woman, which in itself wasnt a smart move, by definition she was rebound woman & I know she wasnt long out of a bad relationship, i.e. I was rebound guy. Recipe for disaster. She ended it after a couple of months, she'd found another branch to swing to, & I didnt take it too well. Nothing nasty or anything, but rather than sling my hook I wrote to her, sent her flowers (yeah, I know) & emailed her one too many times. Ended up with an email from her friend threatening me with harrasement. Which of course, is what it was. ****ed up brain chemistry & Jack Daniels do not make for a good ****tail. I dont remember the email exactly, I just fired off some reply & deleted it.

Fast forward to today. Its been a few months now, I've heard nothing since but I'm concerned this thing is gonna come back & bite me in the ass. I dont know how far things went, if she reported me to the authorities, maybe I'm over-reacting but I've got everything riding on my new career, professionally & financially, I dont want to leave things to chance if I can help it, and I'd rest a whole lot easier KNOWING that it went no further, other than her writing me off as some clingy loser. At some point in the future, my future employer will be doing a full background check on me, & I really dont want to disclose this if I dont have to.

Which is why I'm writing this out here. What would you do? Is there a way of finding out if the police have anything 'on me'. Do I bite the bullet & write to her & flat out ask her? Go with the balance of probabilities & assume I'm in the clear? Reading this back it doesnt seem that big of a deal, guys have done much worse, but it is to me.

As an aside, this is a warning to any guy, this sort of sh*t can creep up on you. I'm not into this whole pickup scene, but this 'oneitis' thing, its very, very real, and if its all going south, its something anyone is vunerable to.

 

[decades]

You don't have to disclose it if you don't know about it. If they ask, tell them you weren't aware that this was on your record. I doubt you will be ruled out because of it. There is an old expression. Let sleeping dogs lie. Focus on what's in front of you.

 

[Nighthawk]

You are totally over-reacting, she won't have gone to the police, and even if she did (which she didn't) there will be nothing on your record for an employer to find - there would have to be some restraining order issued at least, which you would know about.

But whatever you do, don't write to her again to ask her! Forget about it.

 

[##17]

It looks like you should be fine as long as you don't bother with her anymore.

 

[Warrior74]

leave her alone. never speak/write to her again in this life! let it lie and move forward. you got some good advice in this thread. heed it.

 

[Alexander the Great]

You are afraid of possible repercussions, because you have everything riding on your hopes for this new life. Understandable, but dangerous nonetheless. Dangerous to your mental health. This is also a sort of AFC-ness. Think about that .

As for the "stalking"... if someone went to the police to label you a stalker for sending a few e-mails and flowers to make up a relationship gone awry, to get her back... My guess is this new Joe of hers just threatened you to get you to stop with some big words. They were effective after all, right?

Like Persistent Action said. I'd not wake sleeping dogs. Chances are more likely there aren't any. And if someone in your new life turns up with a record, you can always indeed say you didn't know of its existence and you can always explain what happenend. It's not like something inexcusable happened, right? Everyone has a love that fell apart that they didn't want to. Don't underestimate the understanding of people.

If there is a record and what you did to cause it was harmless, that means that ex of yours is guilty of slander. That's not pretty either. And it's prosecutable if I'm not mistaken. Then again, I might be underestimating the protection women are given in society today, so advice of those here more versed in such situations is welcome I think.

And yes, don't get in touch with her anymore on your initiative. Ever.

Other than that: forget about it! It's most likely a storm in a glass of water, as it's literally put where I come from. Go for your new life! I'd say welcome here, and to your new life! You'll find the world a new place with this refreshing new perspective on women and the world in general .

Edited to add:
Lose that belief *points at post title*. You're not a stalker. Okay? Of course, assuming you did only such harmless things as sending a few mails and flowers in attempts to get back with her.

 

[Max Power]

I don't know how it is in the UK, but background checks with the police only determine if you have a criminal record. If you haven't been in court for this then you've got nothing to worry about. ... I think.

 

[azanon]

Just walk away and forget about her and the situation. It is highly unlikely you can do anything to improve on doing nothing/silence.

The default response - silence - is in so many cases one of the best responses for just about any situation. If you're not certain you can improve on the default response, then don't try.

 

[IronStar]

double post.

 

[IronStar]

Cheers

Thanks all, I appreciate the advice. It's reassuring to see everyone thinks the same, so I'll let it be & move forward regardless. In another six months, I wont be giving this a second thought, I think anyone doing what I'm doing at my stage in life would be little anxious, so I'm going to cut me some slack.

ATG: Thread title was something short & to the point, all of my communications, however pointless, were well-intentioned. I wanted her back, I'll admit that much. I think she understood. But I think she wanted me to go away more

 

[Truebrit]

Guys,

I stumbled upon this place whilst looking for something else, gotta say there's some SOLID experience here. Looking forward to being here.

Here's the deal. I got divorced last summer after 15 years of marriage, I went through a real bad patch, what with that & being made redundant right on top of it all. Ended up being diagnosed with clincial depression & partially hospitalised because of it. Dark days.

But it gave me the chance to take a good, long look at my life, & having given up a career in medicine when I met my wife in favour of a career in IT I decided to pursue my original career goal, that of foresnic pathology. I want the second half of my life to stand for something. Not saying the first half didnt, but it didnt fulfill me & your only on this ball of mud once.

Whilst I was in the middle of divorce/redundancy, I met a woman, which in itself wasnt a smart move, by definition she was rebound woman & I know she wasnt long out of a bad relationship, i.e. I was rebound guy. Recipe for disaster. She ended it after a couple of months, she'd found another branch to swing to, & I didnt take it too well. Nothing nasty or anything, but rather than sling my hook I wrote to her, sent her flowers (yeah, I know) & emailed her one too many times. Ended up with an email from her friend threatening me with harrasement. Which of course, is what it was. ****ed up brain chemistry & Jack Daniels do not make for a good ****tail. I dont remember the email exactly, I just fired off some reply & deleted it.

Fast forward to today. Its been a few months now, I've heard nothing since but I'm concerned this thing is gonna come back & bite me in the ass. I dont know how far things went, if she reported me to the authorities, maybe I'm over-reacting but I've got everything riding on my new career, professionally & financially, I dont want to leave things to chance if I can help it, and I'd rest a whole lot easier KNOWING that it went no further, other than her writing me off as some clingy loser. At some point in the future, my future employer will be doing a full background check on me, & I really dont want to disclose this if I dont have to.

Which is why I'm writing this out here. What would you do? Is there a way of finding out if the police have anything 'on me'. Do I bite the bullet & write to her & flat out ask her? Go with the balance of probabilities & assume I'm in the clear? Reading this back it doesnt seem that big of a deal, guys have done much worse, but it is to me.

As an aside, this is a warning to any guy, this sort of sh*t can creep up on you. I'm not into this whole pickup scene, but this 'oneitis' thing, its very, very real, and if its all going south, its something anyone is vunerable to.

Just spoke to my brother about this who is a copper. He said that unless you went to court (you would remeber that right ), the police would definately, totally, 100% have NO record onyou. So don't worry. You are'nt a stalker by the way but that was AFC behaviour (which I think you recognise).

 

[IronStar]

Just spoke to my brother about this who is a copper. He said that unless you went to court (you would remeber that right ), the police would definately, totally, 100% have NO record onyou. So don't worry. You are'nt a stalker by the way but that was AFC behaviour (which I think you recognise).

Cheers for asking your brother, much appreciated. You do have to wonder whats going on this country, the government are talking about setting up a national database of all mobile calls & all internet traffic, let alone holding on to DNA samples even if your not charged with anything. I guess I'm going to be well versed in police procedure in my future line of work.

The stalker bit was poetic licence, and yeah, it was as textbook 'AFC' as anything you'll find here. Not the most masculine thing I've ever done, but under the circumstances, understandable.

 

[Chrispy]

We've all been on that chumpy AFC side, but sometimes we have to be there first before things get better. Hope the job works out for you, as well as everything else.