I'm a "player" who can't close :(

[OnTheWayUp]

Hey SS,

If my friends knew about me using this site, they'd be shocked.

Why? They all think I'm a massive player! Anyone watching me at the party I went to last night would have thought the same. I opened a vast number of sets, cold approached successfully several times, high-fived loads of times, danced with about 10 different girls, including 2 of the best-looking girls in my university social group. I moved 3 or 4 girls around the club in extended interactions, got about 5 kisses on the cheek. I received several comments on how much of a player I was, going from set to set quickly. One old flame of mine even came up to me to tell me (jokingly) that I shouldn't hit on the girl in front of me, as she "wasn't even good-looking!" It was a great night, and I had lots of fun, that's for sure.

However, I did not get laid, and that frustrates me. Why? You tell me! I wimp out at the end of interactions- so I went for 2 kiss-closes (rejected twice) and got one number (she hasn't replied to the text I sent an hour ago). This doesn't help, that's certain. But I'd like to improve my consistency at making out/ taking girls home- I want to get past the stage where the only girls I make out with or more are AWs (with or without bfs), drunk girls, random girls who throw themselves at me, or sluts who sleep with pretty much everyone with a penis.

All advice is welcome.

 

[Kenny Powers]

My diagnosis - lack of kino. Cure - more kino.

I've struggled with this in the past, you walk around the life of the party talking to multiple girls and getting their #s but never get laid. It took me a while to figure out what I was doing wrong, but thanks to this site i realized it was a lack of sexual escalation and kino. Your a cool guy so they talk to you, but when you go in for the kiss they are thrown off because there was no escalation to that point.

Try touching their arms, legs and back more while talk. Be a little sexual and flirty in your mannerisms - alcohol helps a lot with this. I'm still kinda in the phase of working this into my game and am far from perfecting it so this is the most advice i can give you. Kino is hugely underrated and if used enough and properly it can completely change the girl's view of you and can put her in a sexual mood.

Make no mistake some girls will be turned off by it, but its a necessary step to taking things to the next level and portrays a great deal of confidence

Best of luck

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Cheers KP, that's great advice. I'm getting better at touching girls from the start of the interaction, during stories, emotional high points etc, but it's definitely something I can improve at. Can you recommend any reading material on sexual escalation through kino, or do you have any tips which go beyond the simple statement "do more kino?"

Anyone else got any comments?

 

[lil hooligan]

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

Scroll down to touching some good bits on kino, hope this helps

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm going to give my experience on this one. As they say, your mileage may vary...

It's great that you are talking to and flirting with multiple girls. Social proof and social experience is good. But IME, that doesn't necessarily get you laid. The key to this game is GOOD TARGET SELECTION. (As I mentioned in other posts, the "natural" is consciously or unconsciously very good at target selection.)

I see PUAs doing approach after approach, trying to get in their "dozen 'sets' for the night." But they often don't pull. They just have a dozen great 10 minute conversations. (I used to be great at having twenty, 5-minute conversations with multiple sets, but gave it up when I saw it didn't really work.)

I realized that the guy you see pull is the natural who only talks to ONE or TWO girls the ENTIRE NIGHT and hits a home run. (Multiple approaches is great for warmup, but not necessarily for when you really want to pull.)

So I recommend you focus your game on FEWER targets, but ones that APPEAR and FEEL more likely to bear fruit. Look for eye contact. Look for a girl that is bored and/or isolated from her friends. Most of all, listen to your gut. Then approach her, joke around, drink, do kino as the others' mentioned, and try to extract her back to your place. In other words, be a "sniper," not a "shotgunner" if that makes sense.

My best nights usually weren't went I approached set after set or girl after girl. They were when I saw an opportunity and my gut told me "Approach HER." I then only approached one girl, two tops. I think 48 Laws of Power says something like "Intensity beats extensity." In other words, focus on quality over quantity.

Notwithstanding, if despite your best efforts, you strike out with those one or two that you THOUGHT were good prospects, then by all means have a thick skin and do more approaches because it is a numbers game.

But first and foremost, focus on proper target selection. It's about being observant and using and/or developing your GUT INSTINCT to tell you WHO to approach. With experience and practice, you have a good sense of who is feeling you and who is DTF and you will avoid approaching random AWs who will only waste your time and distract you from your mission. Fortunately, AWs serve a useful purpose. They keep the other guys occupied .

 

[OnTheWayUp]

So I recommend you focus your game on FEWER targets, but ones that APPEAR and FEEL more likely to bear fruit. Look for eye contact. Look for a girl that is bored and/or isolated from her friends.

This is another great perspective. When I first started gaming, I was almost exclusively dealing with AWs- from reading this site I think quite a few SSers can empathise with this. I'm getting better at distinguishing the AW from a DTF girl, but it tends to take me 5-10 mins of conversation before I can really be sure.

The one time I have successfully taken a girl I met the same evening home from a club and gone the whole way, I did exactly what you just advised me to do. I met her at 2, talked/ danced/ made out till 4, and had her in my bed after going home "for breakfast" at 4:30.

Something else I've been thinking about (based on experience and talking to a couple of "natural" friends): the best quality girls are less given to making out in a club, certainly not in front of their friends. They need to be isolated, their number obtained, then you go out for a drink and progress from there.

Mike32ct: how do you distinguish a girl who is DTF in your own mind?

 

[Mike32ct]

This is another great perspective. When I first started gaming, I was almost exclusively dealing with AWs- from reading this site I think quite a few SSers can empathise with this. I'm getting better at distinguishing the AW from a DTF girl, but it tends to take me 5-10 mins of conversation before I can really be sure.

AWs are usually dressed like Paris Hilton and stay in large groups doing their psuedo-lesbian dancing together.

The one time I have successfully taken a girl I met the same evening home from a club and gone the whole way, I did exactly what you just advised me to do. I met her at 2, talked/ danced/ made out till 4, and had her in my bed after going home "for breakfast" at 4:30.

Something else I've been thinking about (based on experience and talking to a couple of "natural" friends): the best quality girls are less given to making out in a club, certainly not in front of their friends. They need to be isolated, their number obtained, then you go out for a drink and progress from there.

Correct. AWs like to makeout publicly, but that's it, unless you are Brad Pitt. They will usually leave later on with their "crew" of girls after making a bunch of guys drool.

You don't actually HAVE to makeout in order to pull. That is a rookie mistake I learned early on. By all means, dance, kino, etc., and maybe make out for a few seconds and THEN pull away. Leave her wanting more. Don't do too much making out or groping in the club. Save that for when she's back at your place.

I've done the aggressive making out and groping. It's when others look at you like "Hey get a room lol." You know what? For some reason, the girl often got cold feet after that and didn't want to F. My best pulls were with MINIMAL making out or in one case none at all.

Mike32ct: how do you distinguish a girl who is DTF in your own mind?

Unlike the AWs who dress really sl*tty and show a lot of skin, often, it's easier to score with the ones dressed more casual or slightly more conservative. Look for a "girl next door" type rather than the one who looks like a stripper or straight out of Hollywood. (No offense to anyone from there.)

Generally, it's not easy to tell who is DTF. It really is a gut instinct thing developed over time. The best sign is a female alone at the bar late at night, but that is generally for older females. Young ones don't have the confidence to go out alone. Try to look for one that is isolated from her friends. Often, she'll be a little on the quiet side at first. She won't be the happy happy dancing "life of the party" girl. (Those are AW traits and/or possibly traits of a girl that is happily taken.) She will probably look bored and maybe even very slightly depressed at first. She's a little angry inside because she's in a dry spell and needs some lol. Plus maybe her friend(s) have already met guys and hooked up and she's feeling left out. So approach her and be patient initially. She may be initially cold. If she's feeling you, she will slowly warm up as you game her and become more happy.

Do not confuse this "bored slightly depressed look" with the angry b*tch shield look that highly attractive AWs give. There is a big difference between a girl with a "I"m bored. Make my night exciting" look, and the "I'm sooo hot. HOW DARE YOU talk to me" look.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Awesome, thanks man. I'll put these tips into practice and let you know how I get on.