I'm a glutton for pain...

[shock]

I’m sure I’m going to take a lot of heat on this…but trust me; I have realized my wrong doing.

GF and I broke up about 3 months ago. Dated for over a year, had an apartment, dog, etc. I managed to cut all ties pretty quick. No communication. Zero. Despite repeated attempts on her part to be “friends”. I was running pretty strong, meeting people, staying busy etc. Well I have somehow managed to relapse, and all progress has been lost.

Over the last week and a half, I started talking to her again. She was having some really bad personal problems, and the sensitive caring side of me managed to kick in. For whatever reason. I don’t know. Well brief text messages turned to phone calls, and phone calls turned into hanging out. Not good. Two nights ago, I was over there and we were both drinking, and ended up sleeping together. Sex was fuking amazing, but as one can believe it complicated the hell out of everything. Being confused, upset, and anxious I managed to make my way over there, and it happened again last night.

So we’re laying there. And my phone beeps. (test message) Without hesitation, she’s like “I’ll see who it is”. I’m thinking: “sh*t”. Sure enough, it was some girl sending some drunken flirtatious message. So she continues through my phone and notices girls names she doesn’t recognize. I answer all her questions, and I’m thinking to myself: “okay, we’ve been broken up for 3 months..I have nothing to hide”. Well I thought wrong. The ex loses it. She’s like “get out…I am not going to compete for you over all your slut friends. You’re over here trying to make things better, and your just playin me.. blah blah blah”

So I leave. I get home, and she calls me up trashing all my friends, telling my how my integrity is out the window, etc etc. So she tells me we’re done..over..not talking. So I accept it, thinking this is for the best, this is my way out of this, time to start moving on again. I tell her sorry for hurting her, and I hope she finds happiness one day. I end the convo.

Then come the text messages…more judging myself and my friends, just really pointless immature BS. I tell her it’s late, and goodnight. She calls me again. I answer, about to tell her off, and she’s like “look, one of your friends very politely asked me out on a date the other day. And since you don’t respect me, I won’t respect you, and I am probably going to do it”. I ask details, and she says it’s none of my business and that this is what I had coming to me.

For the sake of argument, I need to assume she’s telling the truth. I know her very well, and making random **** up like that is not something she would do. She was very honest about it.

So now…I’m a mess. I have no idea what is going to happen…or how I will handle this “friend” if it is the case. I have a pretty solid idea of who it is…he is a previous co-worker of mine. We don’t talk or anything, but I run into him a lot and catch up every so often.

So what do you guys think? I know there is nothing I can do at this point. I knew she was probably dating, but to know the guy, makes it that much worse. Just hard to deal.

 

[the_great_gaia]

hey look, bro..

you f'kin' burned her. So she had to come back with a "tell-tale". Would it make her better of a person had she NOT told you? No. So you know, so what, it still doesn't make her any better of a person. Her intentions were to date this "friend" of yours anyway; it's her flavor of Kool-Aid. She's foul, malice, deceiving. She doesn't care 2 hoots about you. She's making you sweat. Tell you what, let her go out with the guy. You keep doing what you were doing before you got back involved with her. You f'ked her again, so there's no real point in going back to her again, at least you got what you wanted.. and she's not worth much if your friend can "knock it out" too. Listen, brother, this girl (like most girls) become sl.uts when they are insecure. Think of it this way, she's being a sl.ut because of you. When he fvcks her, she did it because of you, when she sucks his diick, she did it because of you, when she catches an STD, she did it because of you. Do you see the power you have over her? Take advantage, man, take advantage. At this point in time, she's liable to say anything to get you to feel like shyt, like you did something wrong. But actually you did something RIGHT, and now the truth is coming out in her. Do you like what you're beginning to realize? Of course not. Well, that is the girl you were interested in, it was bound to happen sooner or later. How soon can you accept the truth of reality? Do like I would do, leave her alone, and live life.

 

[shock]

thanks man.. that fukin helped a lot. Just a tough pill to swallow.

 

[Scought]

You shouldn't have apologized for having other girls numbers.

When you apologized that made it seem like you did something wrong--and you didn't.

Guard your phone like its your wallet. Don't just leave it around.

I would have tried to make the situation work for me. If she found out about others, that should have been an advantage to you.

When she said something about dating a friend of yours you should have tried to play it off even if it tore you up.

Getting upset won't help--it's what she was looking for you to do.

What you do is show a general disinterest when she says that. Tell her to "have fun" "be safe" and play it off. It will get her more upset and the novelty of dating your "friend" will go down.

Have you seen the break-up? It's a movie with Vince Vaughn. Anyway, his ex(who he still lives with) goes on dates to get him jealous. They come over to the house and he actually gives the guy tips on how to get with her. It's funny--and yes its a movie, but take the nonchalant attitude about it.

Eventually you will find out about this "friend" and you can deal with it on your own terms without her having the satisfaction of knowing it's screwing with your head!

And, look at it as a good thing, she is weeding out a pretty bad friend. Now, you know and can solve it later.

I would remove myself from the situation by acting like I couldn't care less who she saw. Easier said than done, but getting upset is just what she wants. She obviously likes you, so lay back for a few days and re-evaluate the situation later.

Better yet, call one of the other girls in your phone and go have fun.