I'm 74...

[Michael D S]

... and twice married. If you think I might have learned something useful fire away.

I have a question for you.

If you have any feeling a woman might be "the one" what is the Number One thing I learned the hard way you must know out about her?

 

[TheGambino]

There is no “the one” your gonna encounter women you have a special bond with every year or two depends on howmuch you stand out as a real man. There are many women that feel as “ the one”.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

That pure logic appears to shoot the idea down. Let's say there actually IS exactly one. Does she feel the same? Men literally destroy themselves over making such obsessive thinking the forefront of their actions. Twice married? That's something we've both experienced. Does that mean we met "the two?" or that we met "the one" twice over? When did the first one stop being THE one and when did the second one become THE one?

 

[Gamisch]

Lets say you live in Timbuktu. Ain't it funny how "the one " also happens to live in Timbuktu and not in lets say Kopenhagen?

I've had more than 200 "the ones" and everyday in the gym I see 5 more "the ones".

All jokes aside; I've learned ( so far I'm not as experienced in life as OP) that the best relationship to have with a woman is one where SHE wants it more than me...combined with relentless ambition and drive to keep climbing the ladder, so the focus on life is ALWAYS on a bigger goal than just love. As Freddy used to sing: too much love can kill you. And that's not hyperbolic...

 

[corrector]

( so far I'm not as experienced in life as OP)

You probably paid for and visited more hors than the OP (ie based on other posts you wrote about it), therefore you probably have more experience than him in some areas of life.

Normally the idea of "the one" falls off the rails then she becomes too transactional rather than true love type of deal, as is what happened with my ex-wife/her family at the time I dealt with them in the past.

 

[plumber]

interesting question. should be an answer as it is a logical sound question that is clear. but... it doesn't work logically so there is no answer. maybe you mean a Good One and not the only one. Good Ones can find you, if you allow it.

the number one thing in all of creation about her is her attraction to you. nothing else matters not even close.

all that matters is if she thinks you are the one.

so.. is she the one ??? only for the moment.

 

[Michael D S]

Apparently the question was too obtuse and I'm in the wrong place.

How about:

If you have any feeling a woman might be "the one" you want to create a family with what is the Number One thing I learned the hard way IMO you must know out about her psychology?

As I said apparently I'm in the wrong place.
Getting laid is easy.
If you want a peaceful family that takes understanding her psychology.

 

[Manure Spherian]

In a sense if people want permanent marriage (barring abuse and abandonment) their spouses are made “the ones”.

 

[jhonny9546]

There is no “the one” your gonna encounter women you have a special bond with every year or two depends on howmuch you stand out as a real man

heir spouses are made “the ones”.

oneitis?
Limerence/Oneitis?

howmuch you stand out as a real man.

You say it as if you have a "yardstick" to understand it, in the eyes of men, but also in the eyes of women.
Can you really do it? Interested

 

[Barrister]

Apparently the question was too obtuse and I'm in the wrong place.

How about:

If you have any feeling a woman might be "the one" you want to create a family with what is the Number One thing I learned the hard way IMO you must know out about her psychology?

As I said apparently I'm in the wrong place.
Getting laid is easy.
If you want a peaceful family that takes understanding her psychology.

You aren’t in the wrong place. You’re just asking the $60k question that has no real answer other than “it almost exclusively depends on the woman’s upbringing — I.e. she had a strong father figure and puts value on a strong man to lead the family.” The other 20% is dependent on the man not being a blue pilled wimp and LEADING. But again, most of it is out of our control as men.

And those women are becoming more and more scarce with each passing generation. At 74, you had a better opportunity to find one than we did, brother.

 

[Manure Spherian]

oneitis?
Limerence/Oneitis?

I meant marriage until death does them part.

 

[jhonny9546]

I meant marriage until death does them part.

Oh yeah, and then when the kids/teens ask why they're still together or think too much about work they'll say "we did it for you"

 

[Manure Spherian]

Oh yeah, and then when the kids/teens ask why they're still together or think too much about work they'll say "we did it for you"

Not every couple is miserable nor is every family dysfunctional.

Also, staying together “for the kids” is reasonable if it can be done in a functional fashion.

 

[Michael D S]

You aren’t in the wrong place. You’re just asking the $60k question that has no real answer other than “it almost exclusively depends on the woman’s upbringing — I.e. she had a strong father figure and puts value on a strong man to lead the family.” The other 20% is dependent on the man not being a blue pilled wimp and LEADING. But again, most of it is out of our control as men.

And those women are becoming more and more scarce with each passing generation. At 74, you had a better opportunity to find one than we did, brother.

Thank you!
Finally a thoughtful answer rather than mindless mantra and chest thumping.

I have married two women from broken homes because I was young and experienced and untaught. No matter if they seem like good human beings if they do not have a good relationship with a strong, loving father they are going to be a handful. I simply hoped I might save a bro some heartache.

As you point out young men today have slim pickings...as do the women.

How many boys today are raised by nutcase females? Way the hell too many.

After almost 3/4 a century I don't even know the questions let alone the answers but I can say with hard earned experience "daddy issues" at or near the top of the list of land mines.

 

[plumber]

Apparently the question was too obtuse and I'm in the wrong place.

How about:

If you have any feeling a woman might be "the one" you want to create a family with what is the Number One thing I learned the hard way IMO you must know out about her psychology?

As I said apparently I'm in the wrong place.
Getting laid is easy.
If you want a peaceful family that takes understanding her psychology.

the two topics overlap. getting laid is part of a peaceful family. in truth the skills have to be at the best level to make the peaceful family.

the reason is that she is still her. regardless of how we choose to view her.

the only thing that matters is how she feels. this is the number one thing and i learned it the hard way.

 

[Prepostereax]

Whether a guy gets married or not is entirely up to that guy, and when he's good and ready.

If that's "never", so be it.

what is the Number One thing I learned the hard way you must know out about her?

That would be how much she's willing to move out of her comfort zone, for you

Separates the "ride-or-die" women from the flaky girls

 

[sevbucmash]

twice married

Sounds like you failed at least twice. Men on sosuave are not about marriage, most have body count above 100. Like one great don juan once said: You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to catch the bird and throw it in a cage, which is commitment. When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage?

No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do.

It sounds like you weren't a good catch and flied into a cage by your own will, which eventually left a scar on your soul, thinking wrongly that it's women's fault, daddy issues, etc. No Sir. It's you.

You proposed both times.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Michael,
The French Philosopher Montaigne likened matrimony to a golden cage that those within wanted out of,and those outside wanted in....The grass is always greener.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Lets say you live in Timbuktu. Ain't it funny how "the one " also happens to live in Timbuktu and not in lets say Kopenhagen?

I've had more than 200 "the ones" and everyday in the gym I see 5 more "the ones".

All jokes aside; I've learned ( so far I'm not as experienced in life as OP) that the best relationship to have with a woman is one where SHE wants it more than me...combined with relentless ambition and drive to keep climbing the ladder, so the focus on life is ALWAYS on a bigger goal than just love. As Freddy used to sing: too much love can kill you. And that's not hyperbolic...

I don't think the term "the one" was ever meant in a literal sense (i.e a single specimen among the roughly 4 billion Y chromosome-challenged humans currently inhabiting Earth). To me, "the one'" is someone who you find highly desirable and attractive, and who in turn finds you desirable and attractive, and the two of you have compatible personalities. Some people live their lives without ever meeting "the one", others meet "the one" more than once.

 

[Snag87]

Lets say you live in Timbuktu. Ain't it funny how "the one " also happens to live in Timbuktu and not in lets say Kopenhagen?

I've had more than 200 "the ones" and everyday in the gym I see 5 more "the ones".

All jokes aside; I've learned ( so far I'm not as experienced in life as OP) that the best relationship to have with a woman is one where SHE wants it more than me...combined with relentless ambition and drive to keep climbing the ladder, so the focus on life is ALWAYS on a bigger goal than just love. As Freddy used to sing: too much love can kill you. And that's not hyperbolic...

100% this. Yea, big coincidence that your "soul mate" happens to live in the same medium-sized Midwestern city with a population of 270k.