Hey Quicksilver, although I have never experienced what you have been through myself, I feel I still may be able to give you some meaningful advice.
I have found that there are two things that can really drive a man. One is 'fear'. The other is 'inspiration'. From what I've read, fear is starting to 'kick in' in your life. Although it is natural and will do you some good and make you take action, it is not a healthy way to live in the long term. Eventually, if you want to live a meaningful and productive life (on your terms), you will have to be inspired by something and hopefully multiple things. Where will that inspiration come from? That is ultimately decided by you. You will know when you are though. It's really hard to explain the feeling - a mind that is inspired is a mind that is lit on fire. If you can light that fire, everything else will follow suit. I find that discipline and diligence comes naturally when I'm on a inspiration high.
Now for self-reliance. If I was in your position, to start, I would work on cutting all meds if you are still taking them. I myself would not take those kind of meds unless it was a life or death situation. I would also drop the idea of going to a psychiatrist. They do not know you as well as you know yourself and neither can they inspire you. Besides, they are often grossly overpaid. If you want self-reliance you have to stop relying on people or drugs to fix your problems. Understand that I am also telling you this because I personally don't like the medical-industrial complex.
But my main message is seek inspiration, because all of this will come easier once you've found some.
edit: I've always found Pook to be inspirational, even when I don't always agree with him. He has a heart that is aligned with the heavens. Maybe that's a good place to start.
I have found that there are two things that can really drive a man. One is 'fear'. The other is 'inspiration'. From what I've read, fear is starting to 'kick in' in your life. Although it is natural and will do you some good and make you take action, it is not a healthy way to live in the long term. Eventually, if you want to live a meaningful and productive life (on your terms), you will have to be inspired by something and hopefully multiple things. Where will that inspiration come from? That is ultimately decided by you. You will know when you are though. It's really hard to explain the feeling - a mind that is inspired is a mind that is lit on fire. If you can light that fire, everything else will follow suit. I find that discipline and diligence comes naturally when I'm on a inspiration high.
Now for self-reliance. If I was in your position, to start, I would work on cutting all meds if you are still taking them. I myself would not take those kind of meds unless it was a life or death situation. I would also drop the idea of going to a psychiatrist. They do not know you as well as you know yourself and neither can they inspire you. Besides, they are often grossly overpaid. If you want self-reliance you have to stop relying on people or drugs to fix your problems. Understand that I am also telling you this because I personally don't like the medical-industrial complex.
But my main message is seek inspiration, because all of this will come easier once you've found some.
edit: I've always found Pook to be inspirational, even when I don't always agree with him. He has a heart that is aligned with the heavens. Maybe that's a good place to start.
