Illogical thinking and how to fix?

[OamImrsNemo]

So first I will explain the story then I will ask my question.

So started banging this chick who has a boyfriend (usually against my morals)
but she wanted my d!ck bad and I couldn't resist she would literally beg to suck my well you know ....Long story short I have loved being single and doing what I want..Well she recently broke up with her boyfriend and has had more time to also chill and hang out with me....I find out she is actually a lot of fun and I enjoy spending time with her and she knows her place....Knowing her place meaning she loves me dominating her and telling her what to/not do...she cooks cleans whole shebang and loves to bang....

So now she is bringing up the whole falling for me and wanting to be in a relationship...I will admit I am starting to fall a little bit for her....But I asked what is going to make me any different than the last guy why would you not cheat on me...Well she just gives me a list of excuses that he cheated on her and he did this...Mind you she dated him for 2 or 3 years and only been single for 2 weeks...

Here is my point....Would I be able to "date" her seeing as her last was weak ..If I was dominate and kept her in her place?..

But then I also know what makes me different? Why wouldn't she cheat she would just make a list of excuses as to why it is the other persons fault to escape the blame..

Then why would I want to make these excuses and believe her when I know the logical solution and why would I "fall" for her?


I know this bounces back and forth and that's the point I hope somone can give me some insight..Also I know this is the mature man I just hope to seek some wisdom from the more experianced...

Well thank you ...

 

[sodbuster]

Well, you already know she cheats on boyfriends[no matter how much better you THINK you are than her last Boyfriend-she won't cheat on ME-like everyone else on this site,I've got game]. MAYBE you are "the one" she won't cheat on,I've seen them settle down. BUT never lose your game, or your job.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

You're thinking way too much, for a rebound guy. All you have to do is have fun with her for awhile, before she takes her next stroll on the c0ck carousel. Any woman right out of a 3 yr ltr is damaged goods, you'll just be a source of comfort and validation for her as the carousel turns. You'll have a whole bunch of sex and intimacy, she'll revel in the comfort and attention she gets from you, two weeks later rinse and repeat with the next guy.

Once she has enough validation from you, she'll jump in bed with the next dude. Confucious say, "Before the hen settles again, many c0cks will there be."

Rebound guy is actually a pretty fun role to play, when you have more experience you will recognize. You cannot take her seriously. Especially given the fact that you have already compromised your frame by vocally addressing the idea of her cheating on you, methinks the days of this little fling are numbered.

 

[Colossus]

^^ Basically what they said.

If you wanna have a little thing with her, don't take it seriously. If you find yourself getting feely for her and thinking about making her your full-time girl, just remember she was banging you during her last relationship. History repeats itself.

 

[OamImrsNemo]

So this is all great information and thank you all for taking the time to post this....But how do I change my brain from thinking that "o maybe she will be different" I know it I think it but I still have that o but what if?

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

You are thinking and wondering too much about her.

She should be thinking and wondering about you.

It's the only way relationships work. A woman physically cannot be attracted to any man who thinks more of her than she does of him. The only way relationships work, is when the woman is yearning for more of the man.

There is a natural progression for the evolving dj. First we kill the nice guy by learning the ways of the a$$hole, then we grow beyond the a$$hole to being a good, strong man who doesn't need any woman but is yet a magnet for them.

I just think your inner game may be compromised, though I am biased towards that conclusion, because I believe any problem or discord results from unbalanced thinking.

 

[zekko]

There is a natural progression for the evolving dj. First we kill the nice guy by learning the ways of the a$$hole, then we grow beyond the a$$hole to being a good, strong man who doesn't need any woman but is yet a magnet for them.

That's a pretty good way of putting it.
Too many guys around here aspire to be the ******* and see that as the highest level to attain.
I don't think this is their fault exactly, I think that's how they genuinely interpret the material.

 

[squirrels]

Open arms and open eyes.

Many women who cheat are just skanky slvts...they'll jump on whatever cawk turns them on.

But many more, in fact probably the vast majority, are just women who ended up "committed" to the wrong guy due to social pressure. For example, all of her friends had "serious boyfriends" and she stopped getting invited to parties, so she took the best of the clowns she was dating and "boyfriended him", not realizing until later what she got herself into.

Here's the downside to that...most people are creatures of habit. As she gets used to equating "boyfriend" with "loser she needs to get rid of", if you assume that title, she may start acting in a way that makes you fall in line with her expectations. AKA what I call the "Farpoint Maxim"...if I'm going to be damned, let me be damned for what I really am. She treats you as if you are "no good" like the last guy, you get frustrated and decide, "well, if she thinks I'm a no-good cheating abusive bastage at heart, I may as well live up to it."

A buddy of mine is a perfect example...he's dating this girl whose last two boyfriends were both abusive, cheating losers. He would never cheat on her...but because she is used to being cheated on, she smothers him with her possessive attitude. Whether she's aware of it or not, her subconscious thinking is that if she DOESN'T keep him on "lockdown", he will do the same thing. Not only that, but she sees any reaction he has to that smothering as "proof" that he's no better than the last couple guys.

Which gives her plenty of excuses to "cheat" on her own. Has she? Don't think so, but who knows?? She's done it before.

If you want to date a girl like this, you need to make SURE you have ZERO tolerance for becoming the next iteration of her "bad habit", that you don't get sucked into her little game and instead establish from day one and MAINTAIN that you, and thus this relationship you have, ARE DIFFERENT than what she is used to.

DO NOT let her dictate the pace or terms of the relationship, or tolerate ANY nonsense from her reminiscent of her last boyfriends, until you have established firmly in her head that "this is different".

That means that you have to be willing to WALK at any time if you sense that she is not willing to change the way she thinks about "boyfriends". You cannot change a girl from her habits...it is something SHE is going to want to have to do AND is going to have the spiritual strength to follow through on. And there is a BIG difference (one you need to learn to tell) between a girl who honestly aspires to something more...and one who is just telling you what you want to hear.

I err on the side of cutting them loose, honestly. And that's why I'm still single. Others have more patience than me...but I honestly don't know if that's wisdom or folly.

 

[jophil28]

Then why would I want to make these excuses and believe her when I know the logical solution and why would I "fall" for her?
...

MY experiences with women reveal some insights that I ignore at my peril.

Women act habitually in relationships. That is why I strongly recommend that men "Look and listen" to a new woman's history. Get her talking.
The way that she and her last b/f acted towards each other will eventually repeat itself with you, so be aware that you will be cast as the latest leading man in the latest remake of her lifemovie. Your only consideration is whether you want the part.
It may be comforting to believe that because you are "better" than him that her relationship will be "different" with you.

Probably not going to work out that way.

Choose slowly and wisely , men.

 

[jophil28]

[
OOps !

 

[jophil28]

Ooops again.

 

[Bible_Belt]

At this point in my life, I'm not exactly sure that there are such things as good women and bad women. I think there are just women. If you make a bad one happy, she will be good to you. If you neglect a good one, she will eventually cheat.