I'll be honest....

[CapedCrusader08]

and maybe someone can give me some sound advice on this,but I have a tendency to always think and think about my problems,not really find a solution for them. If one thing is bothering me,something else will,how much if it is real,or in my head,often I am not sure,so this leads to alot of venting,rather than solving.

I also have a sense of lost time. With everything from dating,to school,to social life.

 

[Warrior74]

you need to learn how to live in the moment. How to be outwardly focused instead of inwardly focused. It takes time and effort to learn to do it, I'm still working on it.

An exercise I learned when I was first starting was to just observe. take a moment and look at everything around you. Say the name of it in your mind.
If stray thoughts interrup throw them aside and continue. Try this for just 60 seconds at first and then for longer and longer periods of time. This is especially good while driving...its easy to focus on the past or future while doing boring tasks.

Another related exercise is labeling your thoughts. So when you are working up to getting in the moment and you find yourself thinking of the past, recognize it label it as PAST and push it away. The same for the future. It will show you how much time you waste thinking of everything else but this moment.

When you are focused outward you can't focus inward and worry.

The past is over, can't be fixed. The future is unwritten, all you have is this moment. Don't make worrying over time lost another thing to worry about. What's done is done. You life starts now with what you want to do. You cannot compare yourself to others, you are in competition only with your self.

Also look into positive affirmations and meditation (and if you are religious, prayer. I see no conflict with meditation and prayer being used together, one is to focus your mind, the other is for your soul.)

Good luck.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

I see what you are saying,and it has been my thoughts bothering me. I have read a little about thought patterns and such, I cannot seem to change mine,why,I don't know,could be lots of different things. I mean,I just can't find it within me to feel good about anything. I wake up and go to sleep upset or angry.

I mean, I have always had a tendency to look ahead,well,not so much more,probably when I was younger. And yet here I am with no real plan or sense or purpose. I am in school and work full time,but still feel very behind.

As for observing,I have add,or something like that,and find myself spacing out alot.

One thing I find always bothering me,and I will try to put this into words as best I can,is this sense of no success or accomplishment in my life,setting high goals,and reaching them sort of thing. I mean,it feels like the want is there,but the action isn't. Also this sense of uncertainty about myself,and "who I am" and that sort of thing. This article sums alot of it up: http://www.sosuave.com/articles/aoa/unlearn.htm?forum

One thing bothering me the most is a lack of relationships,both with women and freinds. I always have been this loner type,and this lack of an intimacy,has bothered me. I used to,and still do,get bothered/jealous about guys younger than me with more experience. I didn't really have any until I was 19 almost 20. I blame it on depression.

 

[Warrior74]

I see what you are saying,and it has been my thoughts bothering me. I have read a little about thought patterns and such, I cannot seem to change mine,why,I don't know,could be lots of different things. I mean,I just can't find it within me to feel good about anything. I wake up and go to sleep upset or angry.

I mean, I have always had a tendency to look ahead,well,not so much more,probably when I was younger. And yet here I am with no real plan or sense or purpose. I am in school and work full time,but still feel very behind.

As for observing,I have add,or something like that,and find myself spacing out alot.

One thing I find always bothering me,and I will try to put this into words as best I can,is this sense of no success or accomplishment in my life,setting high goals,and reaching them sort of thing. I mean,it feels like the want is there,but the action isn't. Also this sense of uncertainty about myself,and "who I am" and that sort of thing. This article sums alot of it up: http://www.sosuave.com/articles/aoa/unlearn.htm?forum

One thing bothering me the most is a lack of relationships,both with women and freinds. I always have been this loner type,and this lack of an intimacy,has bothered me. I used to,and still do,get bothered/jealous about guys younger than me with more experience. I didn't really have any until I was 19 almost 20. I blame it on depression.

See how you are still dwelling on your problem? look at the tone of your post. It's very negative. You are still dwelling on your problems. You have to change your internal dialouge from what's wrong to what is right. To what you are doing to fix it. Look at any positive and run with that. That has to be the tone of your conversation. You need to make an effort to change your tone. Before you say something negative, or say anything, take a moment to try to reword it in a positive tone. It may feel fake at first but eventually it will become a pattern and help to change your thinking. Thinking positive is new to you...it's going to feel weird like anything that is new. Remember that. The saying goes.. what a man does he becomes. If you act like a person who speaks in a postive tone, who looks to the brighter side, you become that.



At the end of the day it's all about action. If you think your main problems stem from depression you have to take action on that first. Start exercising every day...its a great cure for mild depression. Cut out all drugs and drinking for a while. See a doctor or therapist if your depression is severe. You are the only one who can fix your problems...that should be a liberating thought, not a constricting one. You can fix it. If you want to.

The way to accomplish goals is one step at a time. take what you want to accomplish and break it down into small steps. write it out in a plan/checklist and be a slave to the list. start with the smallest thing you can do and get that done. YOU have to get the ball rolling with action.

Don't expect it to happen over night. Nothing happens overnight. it takes time and work and dedication, but if you really want it you can have it. remember you aren't the only person to feel this way. Tons of us do and have and some of us don't anymore. Your not alone buddy.

remember this clip..it always helps to pick me up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5OookwOoY

 

[CapedCrusader08]

I have alot to say,and am going to internalize alot of what you said,but i have to get sleep,i am rather tired.