Ignoring women in your life for some periods! Advice needed

[NeedToImprove]

well i ask this because im having some problems in my life and think im putting too much effort in getting a girl and ignoring some other major issues in my life.


1 - my grandma (she is 90) and my dad are very ill, my dad has a lungs problem caused by tobacco ( lung enfisema) for which he needs to be connected all the time to a machine, it sucks, that's why i promised never to touch a bloddy ciggarete anymore.

2- im unemployed, so its time to start applying for jobs (im 31 so its more and more difficult to get one) and for that i need to have the right mindset

3 - im not in shape so as i have some free time i started to hit the gym 2 times per day ( 4 days per week), i prefer to keep doing this and lose some oportunities to meet girls and improve my body and consequently my mind and my self-esteem which is very low.

i think in this order that i see things, i really need to focus on other more important things than girls, even though i feel very lonely at times as i said im 31, and my friends all have g/f so i dont socialize that much. maybe things will improve from now on, sure hope so.

so has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you guys dealed with it.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

In one sence you are right, they can be a distraction to improving yourself at life, as you are divesting time, energy and stuff in that department. But here's the cruncher, suppose you dont know when your life is going to be back together are you going to ignore this stuff indefinately.

I think it's healthy to continue socialising and keeping up some effort, try to pursue some friendships, nothing too serious, because I'll tell you one thing. There are people on here (Invisible_Man) who have their life together but couldn't attract a girl, and many loser bad boys are able to get good girls. So, there is no set rules in terms of getting into this or not.

Within myself, I am pursuing things lightly, here's exactly what I have done this month:

1) Went out on a date last Saturday.
2) Took a co-worker girl out for an Indian Buffet (which she payed for).

Is my life together by common standards for a 30 y/o guy? No.
Would I withhold the above opportunities in life because of my life-state? Of course not, that would be absurd.

You have to take opportunities in life as they come, because they dont necessarily come when you've made it or you have your life in order, they can come at any time and when you least expect it.

 

[Thomas94305]

You're talking about a deeper issue, which is managing your life. In the long run, you may want to get your hands on a time management book, like:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0142000280/minezoneorg-20/ref=nosim/103-9510267-6974266

For now, family first. Get seeing your grandmother and dad regular; if they are too far, then call. Once that's down, you can chip away at the job hunt, etc. But, I'd recommend picking the most important area, getting a reasonable plan in place, and execute on that plan. Once that's handled OK (you won't see family 24/7), you can focus on the next thing. Setting girls aside for a while is exactly what you can do. And besides, you can combine things like.. take your laptop to a coffee shop, do the job hunt, then on breaks, say hi to some gal. But, remember you came there first to job hunt, she's "a study break".

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

In one sence you are right, they can be a distraction to improving yourself at life, as you are divesting time, energy and stuff in that department. But here's the cruncher, suppose you dont know when your life is going to be back together are you going to ignore this stuff indefinately.

I think it's healthy to continue socialising and keeping up some effort, try to pursue some friendships, nothing too serious, because I'll tell you one thing. There are people on here (Invisible_Man) who have their life together but couldn't attract a girl, and many loser bad boys are able to get good girls. So, there is no set rules in terms of getting into this or not.

Within myself, I am pursuing things lightly, here's exactly what I have done this month:

1) Went out on a date last Saturday.
2) Took a co-worker girl out for an Indian Buffet (which she payed for).

Is my life together by common standards for a 30 y/o guy? No.
Would I withhold the above opportunities in life because of my life-state? Of course not, that would be absurd.

You have to take opportunities in life as they come, because they dont necessarily come when you've made it or you have your life in order, they can come at any time and when you least expect it.

Stop giving advice. Stop it. You are not one to talk.

You never even done it with a chick.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Stop giving advice. Stop it. You are not one to talk.

You never even done it with a chick.

And you have some advice to contribute here?

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

And you have some advice to contribute here?

Yeah: If you haven't done it, dont preach it! or Don't be a hypocrite.

Hypocrite: a person who professes beliefs and opinions that he or she does not hold in order to conceal his or her real feelings or motives. -Google

Luke, you giving advice (still being a virgin) about women is the equivalent of a bum down on his luck and completely broke giving advice about business. Or an anorexic dude giving advice about eating big and getting totally muscular in the gym.

Those are all examples of hypocricy.

The person giving the advice is just as important as the advice itself.

Keep this in mind and hypocrisy is not a good virtue to have. Especially when other people figure out that you don't even do the things you say.

Now you may be thinking to yourself: But this is still god advice, I read it somewhere from some super successful dude.

Yeah, but you don't know if the dude really is successful or is a David Deangelo (a phony, fraud). Not only that but the advice you get is purely theoretical. It has not been put to test so you really don't know if it works or not.

Theory and application are worlds apart.

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

Oh yeah, in summation:

Shut up. You don't know anything therefore you should not give advice.

You still have much to learn. You should be spending time asking questions and learning the stuff that really works instead of trying to trip up everyone else by showing them everything that does not.

-CMD

 

[rgeere]

I have had the same exact problems in the past where I did not feel that I had my life together and would fail to follow opportunities when they present themselves. BIG MISTAKE!!!! Never ever fail to follow up opportunities when they present themselves, no matter what the risk ... do you really think that there are not women out there who are fairly low-maintenance and might actually like to get to know you better despite your difficulties? You want to know how to find these women? STAY POSITIVE!!! Do not, I repeat, do not ever let these things wreck your charisma and a postivie mindset, because women have this sh1t happen to them too and by God you bet they are looking for a strong man who has his act together NO MATTER WHAT HE IS GOING THROUGH IN HIS LIFE ... there you have it!