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Ignoring her text. Good or bad in this situation?

jts3443

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Long story short, I've been talking to this girl for a few months, and just "sealed the deal" about a month ago (not a ho, made me wait). We've been talking a lot lately and she's beginning to show a lot of interest in a "relationship" (although she hasn't verbally expressed it) she's taken me out with her friends and made it known that she was mine and they've all approved. We saw each other a few days in a row, and she wanted to hang out again, which I thought would be too much. I thought about it and told her Id call her if I was available that night. Long story short I stayed out with my friend and text her around 1:30 to say I wasn't going to make it to her house that night, mostly because I didn't want to be too available. All I sent was a basic "whats up, ____" text to feel out what she was doing around 1:15. She must have gone to sleep and got back to me the next morning saying "Don't booty-call me at 1:30" I didn't responde and a half hour later she sent a "half smile emoji" indicating she was just being playful. Regardless, I didn't really have a good response, wasn't actually booty calling her, got busy at work and didn't feel like texting so I never answered.

So my question is this, in situations like this and in the "comfort/rapport " phase will ignoring and not responding to a girls text increase interest, or make you seem disinterested/into playing games and cause her to find attention elsewhere. Because I've seen valid arguments for both sides.

Also, as a side note, everything has been good with us, sex is great, she shows interest, and generally chases me, but I feel I may be a little too unavailable, and may not be building enough comfort/investing enough. She even made a statement that day that I never called HER, which is generally true, I usually let the girls initiate phone conversation and chase. Because of my introverted personality, I'm just not the type to genearally call anyone first. Like I said I'm just thinking that, while I did a good job in the game phase, I may be holding my cards a little too close to my chest now that weve already had (good) sex and shes expressed interest in coming back for more.
 

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Serenity

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You answered your own question, you're just in doubt, but still there's the feeling of what's the correct thing to do. Don't doubt yourself. If you want her and want to escalate it to a relationship then this is the time. If you decide on that there's no point holding your cards so tight.

What happened here is that when you didn't respond you started over analyzing. Thinking too much about it makes it feel like you're playing games, it doesn't feel natural. That's the weakness with texting, you're not forced to be spontaneous.

I solve that by not allowing myself to think any longer than I would in a face to face conversation. I act as if they're right in front of me, that never fails me.

For now though just let this one pass. I made several of these minor "mistakes" myself and they can be salvaged by not being bothered about it.
 

Bingo-Player

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, I've been talking to this girl for a few months, and just "sealed the deal" about a month ago (not a ho, made me wait).
im concerned as to how long exactly "a few months" was before you actually had sex with her ...because in these days thats an awful long time for a man to wait for a woman to put out...... ho or no ho

anyway this girl doesnt seem to be exhibiting any red flags or anything she seems pretty normal so just simply mirror her interest

if she wants you to call her more then call her more not every single thing is an attempt at a power play....... girls will only tend to start playing games with guys at the very beginning

once she trusts you the games generally tend to stop all together ( unless she gets bored of you)
 

jts3443

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What happened here is that when you didn't respond you started over analyzing. Thinking too much about it makes it feel like you're playing games, it doesn't feel natural. That's the weakness with texting, you're not forced to be spontaneous.
Yes, I wish I just went with my original thought and sent a playful text back, but I froze out for some reason and overanalyzed until I put myself into frozen gargoyle mode.
For now though just let this one pass. I made several of these minor "mistakes" myself and they can be salvaged by not being bothered about it.
Agreed, I didn't do anything detrimentally game changing, just feel like maybe I need to be a little more vulnerable around her
im concerned as to how long exactly "a few months" was before you actually had sex with her ...because in these days thats an awful long time for a man to wait for a woman to put out...... ho or no ho

anyway this girl doesnt seem to be exhibiting any red flags or anything she seems pretty normal so just simply mirror her interest

if she wants you to call her more then call her more not every single thing is an attempt at a power play....... girls will only tend to start playing games with guys at the very beginning

once she trusts you the games generally tend to stop all together ( unless she gets bored of you)
Agreed, at this point I'm the only one playing games with myself.
im concerned as to how long exactly "a few months" was before you actually had sex with her ...because in these days thats an awful long time for a man to wait for a woman to put out...... ho or no ho
Definitely a cause for alarm but its not all that it sounds. We had been talking after I got out of a semi LTR back in November and I made the mistake of letting my ex back into my life for a quick fling and she found out about it. so that pushed her back a bit. When I finally overcame that I made the mistake of escalating in the bedroom than not ****ing her. She told me things were moving fast, that I was just getting out of a relationship blah blah blah, I ignored her for 2 weeks, focused on myself, got into better shape, and "restarted" with her so to say. That was in mid- early December and she put out on new years, so about a months wait. But I had been with other girls up until new years, so I wasn't necessarily "waiting around". And its not like we were hanging out every day, cuddling, kissing and she didn't put out, we'd see each other 2 times a week at most and it was because she works at the bar across the street. Also I've lost 30-40 pounds since November and am in great shape now, so that doesn't hurt.
 

Yewki

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Yes, I wish I just went with my original thought and sent a playful text back, but I froze out for some reason and overanalyzed until I put myself into frozen gargoyle mode.
You froze out because you were scared of making the wrong move. This stems from a scarcity mindset.

Anyways her hampster is spinning because she made a bold statement/joke and you haven't responded yet. If I were you'd I'd still respond with something aloof like, "As if". Yeah it's pretty late, but it'll just keep her hampster spinning.

The real problem though, is stopping your hampster from spinning.
 
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