Ignoring girls

[Ragin_Asian]

I know a few girls who I'm interested in who Im now totally ignoring because:

1) Got frustrated cos I was going nowhere and felt being played around
2) Felt that I was sliding down LJBF land
3) Girl was being silly and I wouldnt put up with it
4) Girl was only being nice if she wanted anything
5) Calls were never returned and plans cancelled
6) Wasting my time

But most of these are only small things and most people would tolerate this kind of behaviour..

SO......

Am i being unreasonable and being insecure? Did I next'd them too soon and showed a bad side of me over petty things like those I metioned. I am not very sure if what they did would just blow over and I shoulda kept it cool. I do have a temper problem and have a habit of walking away abruptly from things.

or

Are these the small, awkward few steps on not becoming a pushover and more assertive...I am not putting myself in positiong where I think I am going to come out second best. I still do want something but then would that just being not honest with myself and not respecting myself? Just lately I am not showing tolerance to any slack behaviour but i know theres some case where Ive gone over the top..

Can anyone show the difference between not putting up or tolerating such behaviours and being cool about it and not making an issue of it... I dunno if im being a big deal of something.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I've been with alot women in the past, so I've come to the point where I know exactly what I want in a girl. The second something is a bit out of line, and the girl is acting dumb...or trying to play me for a fool....or I suspect she's an Attention Wh0re, I walk away.


You need to know exactly what it is you want, and when she's not delivering, be willing to walk.


You aren't being unreasonable........as long as the reasons for ignoring them are valid.

And you have to do it in a cool and collected way... She has to know that it was HER fault... and not that youy couldn't handle her. But you gotta do this without saying it, either. It's all in your actions and is a tricky step to master

 

[Ragin_Asian]

yea i did the walking away part good but these girls thought i was being an a**hole and unreasonable purely because it was sudden and no notice. and im not too sure if they were in a cool and collective way.

How do i actually let them kno that it was their fault without coming off as a wuss. what steps or actions do I take to let them know that they've f*cked up and that they should've known better not to mess with me. a brief example would be great.

eg. a HB from my class knew we live in the same town during semester break... so she got my number and i acted a lil disnterested. during the holidays she msged me sayin she wanted to go do stuff like kickboxing and running and so on...so we made plans and i called her now and then just for a chat..then she suddenly cancels EVERY outting and other sessions. ignores and never returns my fonecalls so i say f*ck it and next'd her, shes hot but i'd finish up as chumpo numero uno if i continue...but she works at the bar i frequent and now ive been ignoring her everytime she says hi wassup and showing negative body language such as body facing away and disinterested facial gestures and eyec contact.

and now we are in the same class and prac group and i still ignore her and always cut convos asap. but i am not very sure that she fully knows that she was wastin my time and stuff. i dont think I have made myself clear that it was her fault.

What would you do in this situation?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Well, I wouldn't ignore her... at all........ just don't give her any attention, also.


By playing the mute and not acknowledging that she's there, you're letting her know that she got to you.

Be cordial.


Walking away doesn't mean you have to ignore the girls... just stop making any advances at them, and treat them like an acquaintance..... do nothing to them, as you wouldn't do to some stranger in line at the supermarket. Treat them like just some other person.

That's how you win.


By showing her that she got to you, you give her all the power and satisfaction..... Bad move.


The term "Walking away" doesn't necessarily mean literally. It just means that you remove any thoughts of being with this person, and so you reframe your mindset to be unattracted to her. Keep your composure and your cool.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Does that let them know that they have f*cked up and would have to show me respect next time if they want to be with me? i dunno if im playing hard to get or just wanting some stress free time cos i know they would just slacken off...seems like i still do like them and drawing attention to myself by consciously ignoring them


i kinda realise im "teaching them a lesson" rather doing things on my own.

 

[Chrisman]

When you're pursuing them, they feel special. When you just treat them like an ordinary person that you'd make small talk with in some public place, than she no longer feels special. She'll want that feeling back.

 

[skeeloo]

IF.........
you wana let them know its thier fault then ignore them, and just say hi , or smile at them when you cross paths and thats it. talk to other girls , its better you stop caring if not it'll bug your mind, iv been thorugh **** like this alott im so used to it, i now know when a girl is bull****ing. and believe me alotta girls play games i mean alott.

i mean if i clearly dig a chick and we know we dig eachother but she playing to hard to get, you have to forgett her usless ass. whats the point of her fronting, next minute she acts like she's too good for you the next thing you hear is that some dude got her drunk and fuked her under five mins at a party(a friend experienced this)
.............................
, so plz note all these girls are nothing special dont let em fool you dawg.
....................
by the way , its clear what you want and its revenge, and i know because these girls think we dudes havnt got a life cos we call them. so dont let her actions bother you and have fun while ignoring her, even if she get a man she'll make you see him to get jealous but you really have to not give a ****e. just ignore and have fun with other girls.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

so heres another episode...

I met a girl and shes really fun...a friend (AFC) is really interested in her but no luck at all...so i kinda back off wit things but im still being fun self around her(none of this "i wanna be a real polite, nice boy so she doesn't get attracted to me sh*t"). Sometimes i think I give way to much when it comes to friends and girls that they're interested.....but anyways

I was talking to her on thurs and we agreed she would come over on friday after my sports events. I was goin out and she said she would be having a quiet one...Later on in the club I get a fone call from her wantin to see me. Then i see her with another friend she went out with who could be interested in her. so i was ok i dont see no harm in this.

There was only 3 of us there but i thought i was wastin my time there when she sat on his lap and he had his hand on her a**. She also had her back to me which i thought was my cue to go someplace elsewhere. Seems to me their gettin in on i think...I've "given way" to my other friend (1st guy) for this girl yet our other friend (2nd guy) was the snake in the grass lol...so much for bros b4 hos.

anyway friday afternoon comes and i msged her saying im free now...no response so I called 30mins later but no answer so i left a voicemsg askin wassup and let me kno wats goin on in case sumtin else came up...much later on i msged her sayin im goin out and that shes slack...all of these times she didn't respond at all....at midnighti rang but her bro asnwered the fone and i left a msg sayin to ring me as soon as shes finished drivin...same thing NOTHING.

so i deleted her number, saving me the hassles and avoiding the AFC in me from trying to contact her lol. but she added me on msn and i told her wats happened...i did it in a calm and collected manner....no name calling and angry words...i simply mentioned that im disappointed in her cos i thought she was fun and outgoing but it seems i made a mistake of thinking so. and i told her that i dont put up with her ignoring and flaking and that her excuses are lame (she forgot or fell asleep or other kinds of bullsh*t). i said give me a break i wasnt born yesterday i dont put up with bullsh*t like this. i dont care who it is no likes being ****ed around and played like a fool...i mentioned to her much earlier this is what happens to girls who play with my head right when we met. and i've got a suspicion she could be playing the 3 of us friends so i dont any part of that. so yea i said good lcuk and good bye shortly before i deleted her msn off my list.

she wanted to make it up but i said i dont want any part of it...ive been thru a lot of sh*t with girls that I dont care and wont put up wit it.

wat do u guys reckon...did i overreact over this or could you foresee things that could happened if i did say forgive her and just let things blow over?

by the way i mite be seeing a lot of this girl cos shes in my friends circle and i cant avoid it....so yea small talks and no obvious ignoring of course but ill think twice before showing her any attention.

 

[joekerr31]

heres the thing. when you walk away from a woman you really have to do so within the following context:

My life is great, and you've become to impact it in a negative way, so this has to end. Im going back to my great life now, thanks for your time.

now, whether or not thats true, you have to act like it is. imagine that you just won 10 million bucks, would you care about this chic anymore? you'd walk away and be like "hey, thanks for the experience."

you'd still talk to her and have a big fat smile on your face while you did, cuz you'd be living it up.

she on the other hand would be thinking 'oh my god, i totally screwed things up. i let a good one get away'

when you move on, you gotta move on completely. that means being able to see these women are just "friends" and nothing else.

it kills women when they think they've let a confident guy who has a happy life get away. because ultimately what they are after is security and happiness - things they can only get by having a confident and happy guy.

J

 

[sam21]

nice response joekerr31, really nice

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Well Done!!! that was awesome J

Well she did ask if i wanted her to do to make up for it....I guess i shoulda got her to come around and do stuff with her....but ive burnt the bridges

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian

eg. a HB from my class knew we live in the same town during semester break... so she got my number and i acted a lil disnterested. during the holidays she msged me sayin she wanted to go do stuff like kickboxing and running and so on...so we made plans and i called her now and then just for a chat..then she suddenly cancels EVERY outting and other sessions. ignores and never returns my fonecalls so i say f*ck it and next'd her

Just cause someone mentions something to do doesnt mean it's true, people do that all the time, even friends. Next time you call to set up a date, you choose the place and time.

As badass canadian said, just be cordial. Playing the mute, ignoring guy shows her she got to you in some way. Just treat her as if a classmate or regular girl. That way she'll think you have better things to do and youve lost IL in her. And at the same time you havent alienated her or put tension between the two. loosen up, you dont have to show you have a short temper.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
yea i did the walking away part good but these girls thought i was being an a**hole and unreasonable purely because it was sudden and no notice. and im not too sure if they were in a cool and collective way.

How do i actually let them kno that it was their fault without coming off as a wuss. what steps or actions do I take to let them know that they've f*cked up and that they should've known better not to mess with me. a brief example would be great.

eg. a HB from my class knew we live in the same town during semester break... so she got my number and i acted a lil disnterested. during the holidays she msged me sayin she wanted to go do stuff like kickboxing and running and so on...so we made plans and i called her now and then just for a chat..then she suddenly cancels EVERY outting and other sessions. ignores and never returns my fonecalls so i say f*ck it and next'd her, shes hot but i'd finish up as chumpo numero uno if i continue...but she works at the bar i frequent and now ive been ignoring her everytime she says hi wassup and showing negative body language such as body facing away and disinterested facial gestures and eyec contact.

and now we are in the same class and prac group and i still ignore her and always cut convos asap. but i am not very sure that she fully knows that she was wastin my time and stuff. i dont think I have made myself clear that it was her fault.

What would you do in this situation?

I don't think you were too harsh. She obviously was not very interested if she was not returning your calls and cancelling outings together.

And no, you have no obligation to tell her why you're acting the way you are now. She obviously didn't tell you why she is not returning phone calls or cancelling plans. You're not her mother to teach her right and wrong social conduct.

Don't waste your time. Look for another girl......and be weary of this athletic/masculine kickboxing type of girls.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

OK so theres this receptionist where I get my back fixed up. I recently just got her number and called her but no response. the second time I called a few days later she had to go have dinner so i said to ring me at 9 but no response...

With this HB I always have small talk with her before and after I get stuff done on my back...This has been going on for about 6 months once or twice a week. There is a small bit of rapport there and she gave me her number so i thought hey she is keen on doing something.

Now I was thinking sending her a msg to let her no where I stand on this...I just need someones opinion if this is too harsh:

"You were suppose to call me back at 9. A courtesy msg would have been appreciated. I don't demand much--just respect. I thought you were fun. Take care."

Now I dunno the repercussions of this...I dont want to be a pushover and i actually want to have a backbone but in case things get affected, i dont want the clinic to ask me to go to another place to get my back fixed.

Any advice?

 

[Ragin_Asian]

DJs on the board....is there any advice on this situation?

 

[Hound_of_Love]

In reply to the original subject of the thread...well, not really in answer, but I fancy writing about it...

...There was this girl that I was friends with. As is sometimes the way in these situations, I started to feel WAY too much for the girl in question (never EVER make friends with an HB unless she is a friends g/f or similarly exempt party - ugly girls? Fine. Have as many of them as friends as you like).

Proper oneitis formed.

So anyway, tension kept building up between us - we both knew I liked her - she always said she was confused about her feelings (******** tr: I have no romantic feelings for you, nor will I ever). Eventually we'd just start huge arguments and we ended up not speaking - more for the sake of peace than anything I guess.

It was about 4 months later that she tried to contact me by e-mail. I'd had time to think. She's till the girl I'd like to sleep with most in the world (mainly because I HATE to lose) but I could see her flaws - the pedestal was overturned. I kept my answers short, never replied until a few days later and never initiated.

Eventually we had to meet up when a mutual friend visited from abroad. In person, again, I didn't initiate. She kept trying to talk to me, I'd chat for a bit neutrally and then find an excuse to walk away. I'd go to another group of people, she'd turn up there, try to get me into a convo, rinse and repeat. She kept asking me what I was doing for my birthday. I kept deflecting the question...along with every other question about my life.

At the end of the evening I had to go home on a train with her sister and her. She accused me of being 'mean' to her by not talking to her. I denied it. "I'm busy", I said. "I can't be around to entertain you all the time", I said.

It's been 5 days since the meet-up and I've had two e-mails from her. I replied eventually to both. My birthday came and went with no "Happy Birthday" from her - she knows when it is. She's obviously p*ssed off with me.

I ask myself why I wrote all of this. One reason is for the pure cathartic effect of putting it on paper/screen. I'm in my 20's and this girl is the first one I've had oneitis for. Sure, there were relationships, even long-term ones (3 years is the longest to date) but I've always felt something like relief when they were over.

Secondly I think that every specific story on here adds to the total knowledge of the site. Right now, she's an experiment to me. She's screwed me about plenty and I feel justified in jerking the leash back at her - not in revenge but just to see what the dog does.

Anyway, what I want to see is whether I've pushed her too far or not. Will withdrawing all but the barest minimum (i.e. polite) of attention have any effect. Will she try and come back in a big way or will she walk away completely?

Do I think the original poster is justified in his actions? Yeah. Why not? Girls try and pull at your emotional strings just to see you dance. If you think they're doing that, cut them off from your favour. Don't be rude, you'll look like it bothers you (if I have any worries about my own actions, it's that I may have LOOKED like I was bothered). It's been said a thousand times on here, just get on with making your life better.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Wow your story is similar to mine.

The thing is she lost her virginity to my best friend...I was really cut over that, but i think it did me a huge favour, to move on...and she also LIVES across my building in college...So how do I ignore her??

She has been hounding me for the past few weeks...called me a jerk and mean and what not... I didnt have to justify myself. I just simply said I've been really busy...I don't want to go back to all that hurt and frustration...I have plenty of other things to do

She misses me spending time and effort on her...and now I have put a value on it and I'll spend that on something else worthwhile...I aint gonna ignore her presence tho...I simply feel bad about myself around her and no way in the world that I want to wallow in it again.

But next time she confronts me about it then I will have explain things to her but not the soppy details...I will prolly say some similar to wat joekerr31 said:

"My life is great, and you've become to impact it in a negative way, so this has to end. Im going back to my great life now, thanks for your time."

Thanks for ur input guys...I really appreciated them