Two weeks ago I got dropped by a girl I had been seeing. The advice I recieved from alot of people was to learn where I went wrong (which I did and boy did I get pissed off at myself) and move on. Well my idea of moving on was to not associate with her, not talk to her--basically ignore her, which I have. The only problem is is that I see this girl alot, and before we got involved like we were, we were pretty good friends. I hate not spending time with her because we had alot of fun together (which is where i think I goofed) and I really do miss her. Ignoring her makes me feel like an ass. Im one to believe that you can always get yourself back in the game, and I honestly think we'll cross the dating path again--yet I also realize that although I may WANT a woman, I dont NEED one. So my question would be how do I act like the unphased DJ without being an ignorant jerk to one of my friends? My gut feeling says to email her an apology, but i thought I'd ask you guys what I should do. I dont want to come off as needy, but at the same time I do enjoy having her in my life. Thanks to all who respond!
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ignorant jerk vs. unphased dj
- Thread starter ohbeast
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Starman
Master Don Juan
What did you do to get dropped?
Send the apology letter..and you can forget any chance of romance with her. But if you arent deluding yourself..and just want her as a friend..send the apology letter.
Send the apology letter..and you can forget any chance of romance with her. But if you arent deluding yourself..and just want her as a friend..send the apology letter.
Oscar Wilde
Master Don Juan
I agree w/ starman - don't send the letter if you wanna try it on with her later.
Just start hanging out with her a bit more and being talkative.
Need more detail if you wanna better ans.
Just start hanging out with her a bit more and being talkative.
Need more detail if you wanna better ans.
Don Loco
Don Juan
Be cool
Hey Welcome to SoSuave. I see that your new. Well, to answer your question, your actions are appropriate but you shouldn't ignore her if she goes up to you. Otherwise you'll appear to be hurt or bitter. So just say a quick hello and that's it. Don't give her anymore attention. Flirt with other girls and act as if you could care less what she did. Don't ever show that she affected you in some way. Just act as if life is great, because it is and don't waste your time thinking about her. Btw, DO NOT apologise to her. Take it easy
Hey Welcome to SoSuave. I see that your new. Well, to answer your question, your actions are appropriate but you shouldn't ignore her if she goes up to you. Otherwise you'll appear to be hurt or bitter. So just say a quick hello and that's it. Don't give her anymore attention. Flirt with other girls and act as if you could care less what she did. Don't ever show that she affected you in some way. Just act as if life is great, because it is and don't waste your time thinking about her. Btw, DO NOT apologise to her. Take it easy
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Oscar Wilde---what I did wrong was rather stupid of me. Things were going great in the beginning. She was calling me, and I was the one being pursued. The problems started where my discipline lacked. I said yes to often and became to available. Eventually I asked her out, and things sorta went downhill from there. I became the one who was calling and suddenly she wasn't available. I got one-itis way to fast. So she told me she liked it better when we were just friends. Either I scared her or I was no longer a challenge....that led into my last letter I think. And there you have it...my mistakes.
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.
You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
The only apology you should be making is to yourself...not to her. You let it slip, fell into the AFC mode. No do not have regret ...be pleased you made the mistake as now you can learn from it.
Say hi to her, be cool but forget future romance...keep your options open...dude
Say hi to her, be cool but forget future romance...keep your options open...dude
Starman
Master Don Juan
why would you apologize to her? Because you are a man and made advances at her?
I dont get it
I dont get it
crotchrocket
Don Juan
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I totally agree with Starman,
You should NEVER apologize for being a man, and NEVER allow your actions even hint at doing so around her, be her friend? fine, but remember to be a man while you're at it!
You should NEVER apologize for being a man, and NEVER allow your actions even hint at doing so around her, be her friend? fine, but remember to be a man while you're at it!
Starman
Master Don Juan
heh he is acting like a chick that hit on another chick..and the girl thought they were JUST FRIENDS
Starman you've got it all wrong dude! I said I've been an ass to her, or least I felt that I have. I'm a recovering wussy who still has flashbacks to my old pansy self. Maybe thats why I've felt like I'm being an ass because my oldself would apologize. But I'd never apologize for being a man.
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.
You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
TesuqueRed
Master Don Juan
Don't apologize whether or not you want to be with her again. You would apologize (and not in e-mail) only if you DID something egregious (embarrassed her publicly, intentionally hurt her, etc.)
The apology (while a noble thing in certain circumstances) is often the first thing an AFC thinks he needs to do ("oh! she's annoyed--it's my fault! I'm such an annoying loser, I must apologize!!) So whether or not you want to get with her again, don't exercise AFC-reflexive decisions. Even if it's not about DJing, it's about being a stand-up normal person instead of a wet noodle.
The apology (while a noble thing in certain circumstances) is often the first thing an AFC thinks he needs to do ("oh! she's annoyed--it's my fault! I'm such an annoying loser, I must apologize!!) So whether or not you want to get with her again, don't exercise AFC-reflexive decisions. Even if it's not about DJing, it's about being a stand-up normal person instead of a wet noodle.