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If You're In a Relationship, She IS Trying to Change You

Giovanni Casanova

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Guys, it's simple.

If you're in a relationship with a girl, she IS trying to change you.

And the irony of it all is that 9 times out of 10, she's trying to change you into something she doesn't want anymore.

Say you're a wandering free spirit, a guy who's always looking to have fun. Spontaneous. Exciting. Always doing new, interesting things. That catches a girl's eye, and next thing you know, you're dating her.

Everything's great, and you decide that you like her so much that you'll take it to the next level. You become exclusive, and she sometimes says that she wishes she could see more of you. So you spend more time with her, and everything is going awesome. Eventually, you're over at her place so much that it just makes sense to move in together -- cheaper rent, more sex.

After a while, though, she starts to get to you. She thinks you're TOO spontaneous, and that you should be more stable. She thinks that some of your friends are idiots and doesn't like it when they come over. She wants you to stop playing in a band and delivering pizzas because there's no future in it, and you end up with a 9-5 job as an accountant. Pretty soon instead of white water rafting she's got you buying groceries and discussing which kind of cereal you both like. Instead of hitting Vegas with your friends for the weekend, you're going to a flea market with her on a Sunday.

Then one day it hits her. You're boring. You're not the exciting, spontaneous guy she fell for. You're a domesticated guy. You're not a rock star, you're an accountant. You're not a super popular guy with tons of friends, you spend all your free time with her.

Next thing you know, she's f*cking the rhythm guitarist for the band that's playing at the bar she goes to with her friends while you're at home fixing the goddamn dishwasher.

She changed you into Mr. Stable, Mr. Boring. But she doesn't WANT Mr. Stable or Mr. Boring. She wants Mr. What-the-F*ck-is-Going-to-Happen-Next?

Tread carefully, at all times. All of you.
 

Champ1

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Good post! This is why you have to be careful not to get trapped into becoming something that you're not. You have to be your own MAN at all times. I know, women have a profound affect on most guys, but you have to remember in the back of your mind that you can't just change your base personality for anybody. Just do it for you at all times. Sure, you can do stuff for a woman and you can actually be nice to a degree, but you have to keep your life as top priority at all times to keep that perfect balance. One simple thing to rembember no matter if you are getting into a serious relationship, marriage or whatever is just to keep being THE MAN! Remember, women want to try to change and mold you into something else, but deep down they really don't want you to change from a man into a wuss. And if they are able to change you into whatever they are trying to change you into, you've victim to becoming a wuss. This is what women like to do. Their relationship is their ongoing project that adds drama to their life. It gives them something to rant and rave to their friends about. We like sports, they like drama (hence, all the soap operas). Just don't fall for their tests and let them manipulate you into becoming someone else. Just keep doing the things that made her fall for you in the first place and she'll still want to be with you in the long run instead of with the new guy (the guy that use to be who you were).
Champ
 

ManOMan

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Well here is the thing,

you are leaving out a very important factor.

Most relationships arent forever and they typically dont last more than 3 years.

Its too simple to blame the woman and say "she changed you , now she is bored with you"

but the reality is that relationships sometimes get boring in of itself.

EVen if you were the bad boy, unrelenting type, that would never change, the girl would probably eventually get fed up with your unstability and leave and find someone else.

The missing factor is compatibility. You spend more and more time with each other and realize you arent as compatible as you once thought.
 

00Kevin

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It takes a man to avoid this situation.

I agree most women do try to change you. That is why I think it is important to pick a woman that believes in the EXACT same things that you do and likes to do the EXACT same things that you do.

If you are not desperate for a girl then you will be picky and only take the best that life has to offer you.

The people who are happy in a committed relationship are the ones that do the least amount arguing and compromising. That is a recent fact that was published by a psychological institute. (I’ll have to find the website again). They also said that the old saying that opposites attract is totally false.

So don’t ever listen to the femanazi bull**** about how a relationship is all about compromising and finding the middle ground. That is garbage. The reason they want you to believe that is because it creates a fertile ground for them to change how you think. If you don’t believe that you should have to compromise then they can’t change you and they lose.

I was talking last night to an Italian girl from Europe. This girl has perhaps the most impressive personality I have ever encountered. She is not jaded and she has no use for the 50/50 relationship. She told me that all her sisters and cousins are getting married and it happened very quickly after she moved here. I thought about this an realized that all the Canadian girls are becoming cougars and none of them are getting married. So maybe it is just north American women who are the problem.

The bottom line: DON”T ****EN COMPROMISE!
 

prosemont

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Gio, I didn't know you delivered pizza. :D
 

JSH

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Life is about change and development, i agree with you to an extent Gio. Don't let her change you, however, unless it is someone that you want to change into for yourself, not for her. Change into the person that you want to be, not the person that your mum, dad, girlfriend, friends think you should be. As only that way will you be truly happy.

Lesson: Life is about change.
 
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Men (DJ's) don't let a woman change him - she will try, but it is up to the man to bring the woman into his existence and she should follow. Men are leaders and women are followers - if she doesn't comply then you are incompatible! Weak man that desperately want a woman tend to 'change' for the sake of being with a woman!

I do like your scenario listed in your post - it does happen!
 

Giovanni Casanova

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Originally posted by prosemont
Gio, I didn't know you delivered pizza. :D
It's not an autobiography. :p

I don't play rhythm guitar, either.
 

Jvesti

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Guys there are telltale signs.

- She turns the radio station on you - DO NOT BUY INTO THIS, she'll manipulate with the word "lets compromise". One time a girl did this to me and I got fed up and said "I pay for this car, I pay for this radio, I pay for the gas, insurance, and maintenance if this car. You pay for ****, If you don't like the station don't ride with me" This shut her up. You should put your foot down once. Then anytime she tries to change the station, turn the car around and or head to drop her off at the next place you can find.

- She drags you to places you get annoyed by - She'll try and get you used to her winning her way. You gotta totally be comfortable with walking away from this and doing your own thing. Do not fear that she won't be around. She will regardless of what she says, because you are acting like a man.

- She will play hardball if you don't spend as much time with her as she wants - You gotta stand your ground here. She'll use the "We'll never hang out again if you don't compy". You cave in, shame on you!
 

LuvMyArmyMan

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HEY! not every relationship is like that

he still controlls the radio. he still goes to strip clubs with the buddies, he chooses most resteraunts. he is choosing his career. i'm not trying to change him. I just let him do his own thing, and he lets me do the same. They key is balance.

you cant generalize like that, and i'm glad some guys got that. Not all women want to change their men, and its the relationships that last when people dont need changing anymore.

yeah there are the girls who do that. but like someone said, it takes a man to realize who those girls are, and to find those that love them for who they are when they first met.
 

ScrewIt

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relationships that become like that....well the ***** is just a control freak then.

these relationships need to be nexted, OR they have to see that you're fully able to walk away from it...hopefully they'll stop their control acts.

my friend has this LTR with his gf, he still cares for her...but he's eventually planning to walk away from the relationship cause he cant take it anymore from her.
 

dietzcoi

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No, a lot of those relationships DO end in marriage.. that is the problem!

The AFCs get "tamed" into being accountants (for example). I have seen in 1000s of times...

My old boss used to get up early every weekend and go buy his wife flowers and make breakfast, etc, etc. He claimed he was just being "nice"... he did not realize he was a super chump servant to his wife! She ran the household, even he admitted it! Ever hear guys say they need a "kitchen pass" from "the wife" to go hunting or whatever with the boys? It is not a joke, I know of people who really are that way! The horror, the horror!

Dietzcoi
 

ManOMan

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Dont you guys sometimes think its good when a woman tames a guy?

I used to have a friend who was an alcoholic bum. Never worked. Dranked himself silly everyday. Would borrow money from everyone. Didnt have an education.

He got a girl pregnant. and suddenly everything changed. He quit drinking. Got a job and his sobriety has actually motivated him to do things with his life and reach goals (i.e. buy a house, take hobbies)

currently, they are seperated and he is supporting the child. But it was a good wake up call for him.
 

LuvMyArmyMan

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Originally posted by ManOMan
Dont you guys sometimes think its good when a woman tames a guy?

I used to have a friend who was an alcoholic bum. Never worked. Dranked himself silly everyday. Would borrow money from everyone. Didnt have an education.

He got a girl pregnant. and suddenly everything changed. He quit drinking. Got a job and his sobriety has actually motivated him to do things with his life and reach goals (i.e. buy a house, take hobbies)

currently, they are seperated and he is supporting the child. But it was a good wake up call for him.

I would HATE it if my husband went and bought me flowers and stuff every morning. I'd rather cook HIM breakfast every morning. Basically i want to be a 50s wife :D where respect was on both ends.

anyways, what happened to your friend is a unique thing. Something happened to him, and he changed for the better. He had a baby on the way, so he had to shape up. It wasnt the woman who changed him, it was himself, and the prospect of him having a child.

thats good change. Bad change is when the guy becomes subserviant to his wife.

Yeah, wifes run the household, when taking care of kids and cooking and cleaning, but husbands run the family. My dad was always in charge, had the last say. He never was a chump to my mom, but he respected her. He didnt go out and buy her flowers or other stuff daily or often, he'd go to Starbucks and bring her coffee. Take her out every now and then. My mom did stuff for my dad too.
It should be reciprocal.

Guys need to realize when their girfriends are starting to control them, and in return, either change it or get out of that relationship. Controlling girls are only trying to mother her boyfriend. Who wants TWO mothers (unless your parents are lesbians)???
 

Blowfish

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Yeah I agree with this post to some extend. Some changes are good...

Just see which changes she makes are good for you, and what ones are bad.
 

Matt ala Casanova

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So whats next? ;)

M.A.C.
 
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