If you were the bf, how would you feel?

[highSpeed]

I'm talking about work functions and work related meals (meals while traveling for business) for example. In my career there may be routine travel by a team (usually 2) colleagues. The trips are periodic but regular.

On one project my co worker was married to his wife (who he married when they were teens) and I was married to my ex. We worked together shared rental car, took meals together for a week each month for 2 years. No attraction happened. We liked each other, got along well, are both attractive...but were both 100% into our spouses...so it was an amicable professional relationship.

Could there have been "tomfoolery"? Sure...but there wasn't.

Perhaps your experience is the norm but I don't think it is. Any of the research out there says that it's usually the guy who develops the attraction first but don't be fooled, most likely, if you had given him half the opportunity or signals that you were interested, he'd most likely be down for it. And quite honestly, these days, a guy and girl traveling along for work? That sounds like a potential sex harassment suit at some point to me. The worst part of it is, that doesn't even have to be true, simply making the claim is enough to move it forward in most cases today. I don't think most companies would be willing to open themselves up to that kind of liability anymore, they'd either send more than 2, all guys or girls. It'd be interesting to see any specific research on this topic but honestly, unless this was a required work function, I'd be irritated at best if she was doing this.

 

[AJ84]

A HB I met work work and I hear about a new restaurant opening up in our town. We both express an interest in trying it out, so we set up a time and go. It ended up being just the two of us. Which I bring up because, as you see in the title, she is in a relationship (I've never met the bf). It's not a secret, they've been dating for two years and just signed a lease for an apartment.

She and I had a good time, but nothing "happened" - most of the meal was us making sense of the life and career crossroads she and I are in. Our bosses are about to offer me a deal to move across the country for work in a couple months (more money, but I also just settled in this location and like where I am), while she has a year to decide between making that same move or staying with her bf. She likes the newer location, but would probably end the relationship if she went (bf isn't moving).

But, back to the main point. If you're her bf and she goes to lunch 1-on-1 with another guy - regardless of context, what goes through your mind?

The context does matter:

Work day lunch with male co-worker - no big deal, happens all the time. Men and women work together, men and women need to eat during lunch. Unless it's Saudi Arabia where genders can't mix, men and women will eat lunch together, grab coffee together, and socialize during work. Any girl or guy who doesn't want their partner to do those things needs to work on their insecurities and immaturity. It's work not high school drama BS.

Meeting up with a male co-worker outside of working hours to go out to eat? I would find that a bit questionable.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Some of y'all need to relax. Honestly. You cannot control what anyone else thinks nor can you control what they do.

Many roles in the workplace require one on one socialization. Especially in sales or travel intensive positions.

I'm often consulting with colleague(s) on various client projects. Often the co worker is male and the client expects us to share a rental car to save money. Guess what that means? That we have to eat together because we ride together. I can't demand a seperate car because my significant other is insecure. The client already has travel/hotel/food for two individuals...they save lots of money in expenses this way over a year by requiring sharing a vehicle.

That's only one example but either the person you are dating or in relationship with is worthy of your trust...or they aren't. You'll only make yourself miserable trying to dictate workplace interactions like this.

You have to look at the individual in question and their professional obligations.

But people can lie & cheat anywhere so trying to control someone else is futile. People have to control themselves.

Ideally, you are right, but the problem lies is the general atmosphere today. Given that our cultural environment is extremely permissive [almost the norm], this should have an impact on your behavior when a partner is involved. The sad reality is that in more innocent times, people could afford to be more trusting.

A couple that seek to be loyal to each other find themselves in something of an occupied country where every influence under the sun seeks to rip them apart.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ideally, you are right, but the problem lies is the general atmosphere today. Given that the cultural environment is extremely permissive [almost the norm], this should have an impact on your behavior when a partner is involved. The sad reality is that in more innocent times, people could afford to be more trusting.

A couple that seek to be loyal to each other find themselves in something of an occupied country where every influence under the sun seeks to rip them apart.

Especially friends . They don't like losing control on their friends .