If you think youre remotely attractive... read this

[AMF]

Hi guys,

This is one for Dirtheart! and guys who take pride in their appearance.

I found it in the past and it totally represents how I - and I'm sure others - feel. Its paraphrased & adapted from a post by Disciple.


“The curse of being attractive:

Good-looking people quickly base their self esteem on the amount of attention and approval they receive.

Good-looking people can become a slave to the opinion of others. Contrary to what is imagined, being attractive can make you weak and insecure because YOU don't wholly control the source of YOUR self esteem. OTHER people do! That not only applies to beautiful women, but it also applies to good-looking guys.

Think about it from a woman's perspective.

If an attractive woman wants to get a quick self-esteem boost, what do they do?

Put on a sexy outfit, go out with their girlfriends to a club or someplace, and show off their stuff and get a whole lot of attention from men.

This makes them feel good for a while, until the "high" from this wears off, and then she returns to her everyday routine and all of her insecurities start kicking in again. Then she does the same thing next week.

Do you see what I'm talking about?

A good-looking guy can do the same thing.

I've walked into a room and felt and saw alot of females eyeing me and I felt like a mack. Then the next day, I run into one of those females and she won't even give me the time of day.

Then I start to wonder:


‘Hey, did I look better yesterday than I did today?’

‘Am I dressed so much better?’

‘Is my hair worse? Am I even attractive at all?’

‘Did I say something stupid?’


Do you see where I'm going with this? It makes you insecure and start second guessing yourself.

How can you be a smooth, effective Don Juan in that kind of mind-set?"


I think theres alot to learn from here; about ourselves, and about attractive women.

 

[Golden Arms]

Well, yeah I agree 100 %

But this seems a bit incomplete. What exactly is it that the author is suggesting ? - "don't be attractive" ?

 

[diplomatic_lies]

That is why people tell you to "Compete against yourself".

 

[DJBen]

A poster recently made a post about how he came off arrogant and too good for women even though he didnt realise it, and aparently it is because his combination of good looks mixed with, above all, shyness, to make completely the wrong impression.

It's important to remember that even your greatest strength can be your biggest enemy.

It doesnt matter where the guy is going with it as long as it makes you think about if what has been talked about relates to you.

Thanks for the article, and yes, women are more insecure than you know.

 

[chicksrock]

so if you are ugly as fvck then you won't be insecure...
cause everyone thinks you are ugly...
you don't seek approval no more...

and then you can bang the hottest hb's..

yes your post makes a LOT OF SENSE...

 

[Tai]

I agree with chickrock, this post doent make alot of sense.

 

[Caveman]

I think the point of the post is that attractive guys depend too much on their looks rather than their personalities. The only thing that builds their selfesteem is someone letting them know they are hot rather than their selfesteem coming from the inside.

It is just to point out that being attractive isn't everything. But it probably is the best handicap there is

 

[Golden Arms]

Originally posted by Caveman
I think the point of the post is that attractive guys depend too much on their looks rather than their personalities. The only thing that builds their selfesteem is someone letting them know they are hot rather than their selfesteem coming from the inside.

It is just to point out that being attractive isn't everything. But it probably is the best handicap there is

I agree - but how do you solve this ? By becoming ugly ? - that would virtually leave you with zero self esteem, because any self esteem that you might have had before for was only because you felt attractive, like you stated in your post, - therefore you really don't have another source.. until you learn to just be happy no matter what.

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by Caveman
It is just to point out that being attractive isn't everything. But it probably is the best handicap there is

I'd like to be handicaped like that! Hell, maybe I could even milk the government for some kind of money for my "disability."

 

[Caveman]

Originally posted by Golden Arms
until you learn to just be happy no matter what.

Key.
It is solved like an ugly man should solve. Be happy no matter what. And not have someone else build your selfesteem for they can bring you back down.
Build your own selfesteem and you are able to keep it up no matter what.

 

[Golden Arms]

Originally posted by Caveman
Key.
It is solved like an ugly man should solve. Be happy no matter what. And not have someone else build your selfesteem for they can bring you back down.
Build your own selfesteem and you are able to keep it up no matter what.

Absolutely; it's just getting to that point is what's not easy.

It's eerie how accurate this thread describes me... I think there was also a thread on narcissism that pretty much says the same thing.

I think the key is just letting go of this fixated image of yourself that you have.. and just living instead worry every second of your existence how attractive you happen to look that particular day and how many people compliment you..

To the people who make light of this "handicap" - it's probably a lot worse than you could ever imagine. Attractive guy + shyness/insecirty = very bad combination

 

[Caveman]

Either way, like all handicaps it should be solved and you need to work on it. The ugly man gives up on the idea of 'does she find me attractive' and finds ways to get her interested anyway.

The attractive man keeps wondering. I am attractive. Why doesn't she call me back?

The fact is: no matter how goodlooking you are, there will always be girls that are not attracted or they are turned off by you for other reasons.

If you keep this in mind: "not all girls are gonna be attracted by my appearance" you'll find you stop worrying about it and start to work on your mental improvement which ofcourse can only help. In fact: it might even help if you tell yourself she is NOT impressed by my appearance. I'll have to think of other ways to attract her.

btw: I found I get a lot more girls giving me the eye when I am obviously happy for some reason. No matter how many girls tell you they think you're hot: When you're down and worrying you don't find yourself attractive, and no girl will so much as give you a second glance.

 

[Le Parisien]

Originally posted by Caveman
Either way, like all handicaps it should be solved and you need to work on it. The ugly man gives up on the idea of 'does she find me attractive' and finds ways to get her interested anyway.

The attractive man keeps wondering. I am attractive. Why doesn't she call me back?

The fact is: no matter how goodlooking you are, there will always be girls that are not attracted or they are turned off by you for other reasons.

If you keep this in mind: "not all girls are gonna be attracted by my appearance" you'll find you stop worrying about it and start to work on your mental improvement which ofcourse can only help. In fact: it might even help if you tell yourself she is NOT impressed by my appearance. I'll have to think of other ways to attract her.

btw: I found I get a lot more girls giving me the eye when I am obviously happy for some reason. No matter how many girls tell you they think you're hot: When you're down and worrying you don't find yourself attractive, and no girl will so much as give you a second glance.

Absolutely!

And by the way, unlike the way guys are attracted to girls, where most guys will agree on some really hot girls only with minor variations, guys who are considered extremely good-looking by some girls may have zero effect on some other girls. The "standard deviation" is MUCH MUCH BIGGER for guys.

So stop worrying about your looks!

 

[Golden Arms]

great post, Caveman

 

[Caveman]

Originally posted by Le Parisien
guys who are considered extremely good-looking by some girls may have zero effect on some other girls.

Very true.
I even know some girls that are turned off by a guy that looks good thinking: he is a player or he has too many gfs already or he is a cheater.

 

[Golden Arms]

Well, some girls can't stand guys who think they look better than them

 

[Caveman]

Originally posted by Golden Arms
Well, some girls can't stand guys who think they look better than them

Arrogance

 

[Golden Arms]

Originally posted by Caveman
Arrogance

I am thinking more in terms of narcissism

 

[Caveman]

Originally posted by Golden Arms
I am thinking more in terms of narcissism

Either way, its a turn-off. Never let a girl know you think you are hotter than she is

 

[Golden Arms]

have you seen this thread ?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30504&highlight=narcissism