If you think youre remotely attractive... read this

[billybob]

Am I the only guy who has NO FREAKING IDEA how attractive or unattractive I really am?

 

[Caveman]

Am I wrong for thinking narcissism is just an extreme sense of insecurity? Constantly needing reassurance that you're worth a glance? That this insecurity is so bad you need to be told every day how attractive you are and in that way also believing that looking good is our only good quality?

I'll look into it cuz it got me interested.

 

[Golden Arms]

Originally posted by Caveman
Am I wrong for thinking narcissism is just an extreme sense of insecurity? Constantly needing reassurance that you're worth a glance? That this insecurity is so bad you need to be told every day how attractive you are and in that way also believing that looking good is our only good quality?

I'll look into it cuz it got me interested.

No, you're not wrong.. pretty much right on the mark

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

different kinds of narcissism though IIRC.

 

[Caveman]

Originally posted by billybob
Am I the only guy who has NO FREAKING IDEA how attractive or unattractive I really am?

lol
No. There are plenty of guys that don't have a clue because some women find them attractive and others don't so they get confused. Stop worrying about it. As long as girls don't run for the hills when they see you coming, I guess you'll be alright.

 

[Caveman]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
different kinds of narcissism though IIRC.

Yes. From what I've read so far there are different kinds. I really don't see the real problem though. In my opinion, anything can be worked out. Like I said before.. You don't have to tell everyone you think you're god's gift to earth

 

[Dirtheart]

Thanks for this thread. I have to say it is alarmingly accurate. I.e.

'Hey, did I look better yesterday than I did today?’

‘Am I dressed so much better?’

‘Is my hair worse? Am I even attractive at all?’

I have asked myself these questions so many times to the word! In fact, for a long time I could never wear the same clothes I wore the day my ex- dumped me just in case they were the reason!!

Everything this article said applies to me. I am definitely not conceited, even if it may sound that way. I'm not sure if I consider myself attractive at all, because as you say, I allow other people to make that judgement. Personally, I look in the mirror or I see photos and my opinion of myself is that I'm ugly, so I use other people's opinions to counteract that.

Some days when picking up lots of compliments, eye contact, kino and high interest, or getting a woman hit on me, I feel empowered and strut around with supreme confidence. But on the days I don't get attention or, even worse, if I get signs of low IL, I feel so ugly and worthless and it totally throws my confidence.

Yes, I am insecure and it's because I place so much importance on my looks. I know what it's like to be one of the ugly people, being dismissed, insulted and having my opportunities limited because of it. So it has been an obsession of mine trying to turn that around...and now I can't stop.

I'm going to save this article and keep it as a reminder to try and snap out of it.

 

[Tai]

Dirtheart i always enjoy reading your post because your way of thinking is so much like mine. I am in the same situation as you are, i find myself buying so much clothes because i need the compliments to boost my confidence. Am constantly seek others approval because i see myself as ugly, no matter how many compliments i get (i get alot) i still feel ugly once that high wears down.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

You know how to get over this? Im being serious here - make yourself busted sometimes...For a period of time, when I was working on my eye contact and body language, I didnt shave much and wore old worn out clothing...If you feel like you can perform at the same level being busted, your self esteem will go up cause you didnt depend on your looks...I have seen girls that were interested when I was dressed good and cleaned up still show interest...It helped me get over alot of stuff cause at one point whenever I went out I had to look my best, but now it doesnt really bother me at all, I can still perform either way...

 

[Fatality]

great thread

I can relate to alot of what was said throughout.

 

[Pac_Man]

Wow this is exactly how I feel like. Even now when I get compliments (I get a lot) I still feel I can't put my confidence to that level. I really think it's because I was an ugly duckling for so long. I was 260 pound powerlifter that wore thick glasses in high school and once I got out of high school I cut up lost 70 pounds and became a bodybuilder with wide shoulders very small waist (29 in')and an asian guy at that but I still feel like the 260 pound guy. Sometimes I get such a high when a woman compliments me or stares at me that even though I feel great for a moment after a while I just feel low.
Even at a party when a girl tried to seduce me (sitting on my lap for no reason, started licking my neck, touching my chest cause she thinks it's 'big"etc.) I still couldn't believe she did that to me and I was thinking there must be a reason why she did that.

 

[CLOONEY]

Yep, very true. I realised this a couple of years ago. Since then, I have learnt that confidence comes from the inside and that image is simply a bonus, but it doesnt hurt to take pride in and care of your imagine.

Just realise it is only an exterior, it will not help you when you need your courage and indomitable will the most. Thats what seperates the men from the boys, when you have to dig deep and be a warrior through whatever you are going through in your life!

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Pac_Man
Wow this is exactly how I feel like. Even now when I get compliments (I get a lot) I still feel I can't put my confidence to that level. I really think it's because I was an ugly duckling for so long. I was 260 pound powerlifter that wore thick glasses in high school and once I got out of high school I cut up lost 70 pounds and became a bodybuilder with wide shoulders very small waist (29 in')and an asian guy at that but I still feel like the 260 pound guy. Sometimes I get such a high when a woman compliments me or stares at me that even though I feel great for a moment after a while I just feel low.
Even at a party when a girl tried to seduce me (sitting on my lap for no reason, started licking my neck, touching my chest cause she thinks it's 'big"etc.) I still couldn't believe she did that to me and I was thinking there must be a reason why she did that.

I was also an ugly duckling when I went through my teenage years. Due to overeating and pimples etc. Although I beleive it is great for you, leaves you with humility and compassion for others which are traits all men should have.

 

[squirrels]

This post has some value...although as many people have quipped, it doesn't apply in nearly all situations.

I've noticed it myself, though. I'm one of those people who gets self-conscious in front of a mirror.

 

[AMF]

Thanks for all your great replies

Originally posted by CLOONEY
I was also an ugly duckling when I went through my teenage years. Due to overeating and pimples etc. Although I beleive it is great for you, leaves you with humility and compassion for others which are traits all men should have.

I too went through the "ugly duckling" thing, and I do agree partially that it may be character building. But like Dirtheart, it made me determined - and probably even obsessed - with turning it around. Being attractive at all costs.

I think that it is those like us that are usually the "victims" of this "goodlooking insecurity".

I often think that those who grow up attractive develop a true, lasting confidence, and a more resitant positive self-esteem.

For the rest of us, those who have "turned it around", then it MAY be impossible to truly remove the insecurity and self-doubt from our minds.

 

[donny osmond]

It may have been said before but this thread is ME! I find myself going to pubs/clubs/anywhere just to check that women still think i'm fit.


Practically the only reason i went to nightclubs at the start of the year was to see women try and make EC with me all night.


As Dirtheart said before,my confidence is usually pretty high, but it needs a little boost whenever i go out just to check that i haven't become ugly or something.

I used to make excuses to myself about WHY these girls were looking at me, but slowly i started to think, "well, they can't be looking for fun can they?"


Getting over stuff like this is always best done by thinking logically, e.g why do YOU take fleeting glaces at women? Usually because you like the look of them, right?

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by AMF
Thanks for all your great replies



I too went through the "ugly duckling" thing, and I do agree partially that it may be character building. But like Dirtheart, it made me determined - and probably even obsessed - with turning it around. Being attractive at all costs.

I think that it is those like us that are usually the "victims" of this "goodlooking insecurity".

I often think that those who grow up attractive develop a true, lasting confidence, and a more resitant positive self-esteem.

For the rest of us, those who have "turned it around", then it MAY be impossible to truly remove the insecurity and self-doubt from our minds.

U think? I see many become arrogant. Plus remember, everyone has their own demons to fight, no matter if they grew up attractive or not.

Confidence truly does come from within. Some people seem to be born with more than others, but everyone can definately work on it and improve it out of sight. Trust me!

At least now you realise you are seeking validation from others, now its just a matter of telling yourself it is rediculous and slowly work towards stop doing it. I did it over a period of a couple of years and now am a lot more comfortable within my own skin.

 

[Luveno]

Man, this is sad

I'm average looking. Completely average. My mediterranean descent gives me an exotic look which I believe works to my advantage in my culturally-homogenous city.
But - I'm not ripped; I don't have enough time to go to the gym that much.
I don't look like a movie star; maybe to drunk girls, but I'm not interested in them anyway so I don't care.
I have the worst hair on earth. It looks like I rolled out of bed 24 hours a day.
I wear clothes I wore in High school ( I have a university degree)
And a bunch of other stuff.

Really though, I don't go to the clubs to get approval about my looks from a bunch of flaky girls who spend more time with their hair then they do with their 'friends'. Those girls don't seem to care that I'm quite average in appearance when we're back at her place until the sun comes up.
I really couldn't give a DAMN about how people think I look. All that matters is that I'm not fat. Really, when it comes to girls, the only real physical thing that will destroy a man is if he is fat. Just like we don't like fat girls, girls don't like fat guys.
I think it is my not giving 2 cares about other peoples opinions that makes me more desirable. That combined with the fact that I find imperfections in every girl, even the hot ones, makes THEM work HARDER and do MORE THINGS to try to impress me, such as buying me drinks, dancing dirty, sex, etc.

You know, maybe I am good looking. I can't really gauge male appearance. And maybe it is this ignorance that gives me confidence. All you good looking fellas who know it seem like you are afraid of one day going out of style. Terrible attitude.
Really, who gives a sh!t?

 

[CLOONEY]

Oh a coupole more quick comments.

You have to realise that you can NEVER get any chick you want. Some are interested and some are now. Chicks go for different things. Plenty out there you can get, who cares about the ones you cant!

Also, dont compare yourself to others, there will always be someone richer, funnier, smarter, better looking (or at least they will be in someone elses opinion), once you are happy with yourself you will feel no need to compare.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

This is an issue I have been working on with myself. I used to go from incredible highs to incredible lows with this sh*t. It has ruled my life at times and it started when I was younger. I have what would be described as a very defined jawline. As a kid I used to get teased about it, and it always made me self conscious. As an adult I'll have people mention my facial features as a compliment but I somehow always seem to take it the wrong way and get all self-conscious.

The other downside to my looks is the unwanted attention I get from faggots, and unfortunately the city that I live in is infested with them. People say I should be flattered but that sh*t is just plain f*cking creepy.