If you invite a girl over and she declines...

[msi]

To keep it short,

-Went on a coffee date with a girl. No kissing or anything.
-Mixed feelings about her, let it go.
-She came to me, kept talking to me.
-Next time I had a chance, I invited her over directly, some women have gone for this.
-She looked interested in the idea, but ultimately said she had plans.
-Didn't feel like a total blow-off.
-We talked a few days later, she seemed generally aloof.

All interaction is done in person, always.

Now this isn't oneitis or anything, but she is pretty cool to talk to but a little bit socially awkward.

Would suggesting she tag along to something I'm doing as a 'second date' be a good idea or should I just let it go and see what she does? Inviting her over is obviously "I want to screw you" but part of me thinks a girl who doesn't want to look like a slut or something would never go for that. The girls who have went for this approach were honestly pretty trashy and generally crappy people. And in all honesty I think they didn't know too much about me, just thought I was good-looking.

 

[NewAndImproved]

No kissing or anything.

This is your problem.

 

[msi]

This is your problem.

The question at hand is where do I go from here.

I don't doubt kissing would have made it easier to get her over (but that's the past anyway), but there wasn't a real opportunity to do it and the vast majority of women I go out with for the first time and don't kiss will still do a second date. I just don't usually say "come over". Although not kissing then suggesting day 2 is at my place has worked for me.

 

[NewAndImproved]

Kiss her first and escalate from there man. Has there been ANY touch at all? Any sexual tension?

 

[msi]

A little but honestly not too much.

In the past, I barely flirted/touched women and things were fine. My real problem was learning how to initiate conversations with them and actually meet women on my own terms, which is why I came here in the first place. The problem wasn't the success of my dates, it was the frequency.

It seems like when I actually "try" to build any tension I just shoot myself in the foot. So for the most part I just touch women casually and I don't over-extend myself when it comes to verbal flirting. I bust my ass when it comes to training and such and part of me thinks that my body carries me when it comes to some women.

 

[ARrocket]

1) Drinks at a place that is logistically favorable to getting her to your place
2) Escalate
3) You either get her to your place, or you get her warmed up so that next time you can invite her to your place

 

[msi]

1) Drinks at a place that is logistically favorable to getting her to your place
2) Escalate
3) You either get her to your place, or you get her warmed up so that next time you can invite her to your place

What if she isn't 21? Coffee? That seems redundant.

 

[ARrocket]

Are you both under 21? Then just invite her over again. To watch a movie, meet your dog, whatever. I think it's easier the younger you are.

Don't do coffee again. Try playing pool somewhere, that's always been a go-to date for me. Easy to get some physical contact in.

 

[Plutoman]

My two cents; if you have a street or area good to walk around, take her out, stop and do some things just randomly. It's great for escalating - starting with simple things like pulling her over to something, a hand around her as you browse things, hand-holding, etc. By this I mean a street with shops, there's a great area near me with the small-town feel and tons of small family-owned shops.

If you can, however, find a reason to get her over to your place. If she seemed amiable to the idea, then go for it. Movie, challenge her to a game in something (pool, some video game, anything - obviously, mileage depends on resources and common interests).

Edit: Woah, beaten to the punch with some similar ideas.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Why are you taking someone that young to coffee?

Remember a lot of the stuff written here are guidelines and now as time has past are out-dated.

Go do fun things for dates, so she associates that fun with you. This is an easy way to build attraction. Mini golf, bowling, rock climbing, swimming, street walking in a busy down town area etc. Coffee is a little formal in the sense that if your conversation skills suck, then she will get bored and you lose before you really even started.

Inviting a girl over when you haven't even really touched or kissed her is just asking for rejection. I assure you that the girls who did accept in the past were already highly attracted to you and probably flirted with you to a degree where you knew it was obviously in the bag.

You need to ask her out on another date, but make it fun. Something where its natural for you to tease, touch and flirt with her.

My without fail first date has been mini-golf. Always a blast, always a good outcome.







PIMP

 

[DonJuanabe]

Getting her to your place means sex. You escalate to get to sex. You have not done any escalation you've gone straight from nothing to sex. It rarely works that way. One of the dates in between has to involve kissing, some sort of physical escalation so that she is comfortable being physical with you, kind of like a frog in bowling water -- the water has to heat up over time, if you drop it in scalding hot water from the start it's going to jump the F out.

 

[thevilittletroll]

you will need to build more attraction and comfort. she does not have enough plausible deniability built up to come over to your place yet. she knows that if she has a date at your house, there's a possibilty you will be having sex with each other. she doesnt have to worry about that if your date is in public cause she wont be having sex there, even if the date goes well. its way less pressure. its way too much of a high investment for her cause she's not sure she's attracted to you. and she's not sure she can trust you yet either. take her out somehwere real close to your place. make it fun like shoot pool, darts, bowling, whatever. continue to build attraction, tell some comfort stories, and continue to escalate. tell her you have something really cool at your place you want to show her. it can be anything lame like a stamp collection, just build it up. once you get back to your place set the expectation that gets her mind off that you are trying to have sex with her. tell her you can only stay for 30mins i have to wake up early for work. something to that effect. once she's in your place continue to escalate, push her away, escalate, so on and so forth.

 

[powpow]

you had an attraction and comfort deficiency

if you invite a girl to your place, and they say yes, they will generally let you **** them. generally.

so you should treat inviting them back to your place as on the same level.
although of course there are guard breaks such as

let's watch a movie
let's cook dinner together
let me show you my pokemon card collection

but in general, if a girl has any brains, she will know whats up

 

[DonJuanabe]

Hey HB 9, come over to my place I want you to meet my pet hamster. He and your brain have lots in common I'm sure you'll get along really well.

 

[msi]

Just to clarify I didn't just "invite her over", I did mention we should watch a movie.

Is doing this prematurely really a turn-off for the woman? I mean yeah it puts my intentions out there and all, but it isn't like I am all over her or giving her tons of time/effort/attention.

 

[powpow]

Just to clarify I didn't just "invite her over", I did mention we should watch a movie.

-Next time I had a chance, I invited her over directly

sorry bro, the this and the title through me off

 

[msi]

sorry bro, the this and the title through me off

Yeah I should have specified that before.

 

[AriMamba]

what if i invite a girl and she comes to my house... does that mean she is dtf