if you have trust issues, click here

[iqqi]

this is originally said by tesuquered, a god of sosuave, in a reply to a thread i started:

originally said by Tesuquered
Iq--

the "I have trust issues" raises a red flag for me.

I can say it's so cliche', and it is, but behind every cliche is a kernal of truth or the reflection (or inverstion) of a truth (however ugly...)

Don't get me wrong on that. Only retards will take that statement as a validation of their bigotted opinion(s). But you're savvy enough to guess what I mean.

Someone says "I have trust issues" and I hear "I am resisting something and I don't know what."

And I don't know what, either. But you're Iqqi the Player taking her place in the pantheon next to Conan the Barbarian and Pell the Conqueror (Ok, I'll shut up, you can tell the beer is good and I like to hear myself talk...)

You don't have trust issues. You may find you do not trust someone or that you have issues in general that interfere with a current relationship. It may be too early to trust. "Trusting" may not be--as parents of children would say, "age-appropriate." Yes--you (as was I) may not be of experience and age to trust just yet, meaning that trust will come when it will come, but right now you're in a developmental phase of getting experience.

Trust--when it comes--won't be an issue.

For me, I think "it is what it is" is closer to the path you want to follow, which--making note that "it is as it lays," or "it is as it is"--should open up your intuition to it and cause you to sweep the intellectual-emotional crap off the table to look at the situation before you.

It's similar to the addage "look at what they do, not what they say."

"I have trust issues" means--to me--that you're putting in some intellectual framework of what should be, and when people and you don't conform to expectation--and neither of you will--you and they "have trust issues."

Would solving a trust issue make things work?

I don't think so.

It would be one issue in a long line of issues, each replacing the other in sequence.

So sweep it aside and look at what's before you--"it is what it is"--and what does that tell you? Only you can know.

My guess?

It's a "no"--or "next".

Something's not working, and "solving" it generically as a "trust issue" means the underlying problem will just re-assert itself as a "intimacy issue" next, to be followed by a "respect issue" after that, to be followed by....you get the idea.

All this may be incoherent--as I said, the beer is good

Signing off--

Tesuque
the beer
is good.

You can't ask for more, can you?

 

[LikRetsam]

Trust issues?
There are certain things that exist and certain that do not. You can't put trust where it's not. Rather nurture it and let it grow for Trust is the most powerful bond you will have with another living person.

Lik

 

[iqqi]

response to Tesuquered

i wanted to respond, and thought that maybe there were some here that could even relate, to this.

i have always felt like i couldn't trust anyone. but found myself giving my trust easily! what a contradiction!

so i looked more into it (and still am, hense a whole thread i dedicate to it, and asking for input).

my initial hypothesis is that trust is "like a journey i just don't have a map for", so i blindly forge ahead when i meet someone i want to be able to trust. often times leading to a breech of trust.

and a concept i always knew, but maybe didn't understand, that trust must be earned. i guess i never knew how to go about letting someone earn my trust. someone once said "i trust everyone, unless they give me a reason not to", and i was like, ok, i understand that! this person ultimately betrayed my trust as well, but what was said sounded good!

trust is a confusing thing, for me.

wondering what insights you all have to offer.

 

[Revlis]

Iqqi - you think too much

 

[KevM2]

The thing with trust is that too many people force it. These types WANT to trust someone, so they heave their trust on someone upon first meeting them without knowing a thing about them. They let their fantasies delude them. You can't force trust, especially on someone that's not trustworthy. Trust is only cultivated through time. So the point of the matter is, stop worrying about whether you can force someone to be trustworthy, but instead look at the person you're courting with the most honest eyes possible and see if that person is trustworthy.

 

[LikRetsam]

Indeed. Trust is earned and I think we can all agree.
Unfortunatly, this "earning" is a two way street. So you must in fact risk in trusting to gain trust.

I have many friends I can trust. Friends I can confide in but I find myself keeping my own counsel often times. I feel that I have the best advice for myself and that them, not on the same level as I, do not.

Trust is not something to be taken lightly. Once trust is broken, it can never truly be mended unlike friendships. Falls only make friendships stronger whereas in trust, they break it. A person must prove their worth before I can trust them. My most trusted friends are probably the ones I've known the longest because time and time again, they proved themselves.

How so? My best friend and I know each other since we were 4. It's been 11 years. We had a fight when we were 11. I mean, this was the biggest fight in the history of fights. We despised each other. One day I was down. I was in for it. I was about to go through hell at school. I got in trouble with the wrong crowd. I was just 11. They came for me and just when I thought it was over, my best friend came and stuck up for me.

This is an "extreme" example because there are many things that can build up trust. But such experiences are what will build up your bond.

Lik

 

[iqqi]

here is a question that i want you to think about:

what do you expect, and supply, with regard to trust, in a relationship?

if that makes any sense.

 

[Revlis]

I expect to trust my girlfriend when in an exclusive relationship. Simple it's not even thought about until she gives me a reason to re-evaluate my trust in her. Otherwise you'll become a paranoid fool.

It's a waste of time because if something will happen, it'll happen regardless if you had an idea that it will. Just enjoy the moment and deal with shyt when it arises. No need to pollute your brain with useless things like issues that probably aren't real.

I hope that's what you're looking for?

 

[JimmyBizzle]

I expect to trust my girlfriend when in an exclusive relationship. Simple it's not even thought about until she gives me a reason to re-evaluate my trust in her. Otherwise you'll become a paranoid fool.

It's a waste of time because if something will happen, it'll happen regardless if you had an idea that it will. Just enjoy the moment and deal with shyt when it arises. No need to pollute your brain with useless things like issues that probably aren't real.

I hope that's what you're looking for?

This post just helped me with something I've really been struggling with. Anybody else have anymore insight they want to give on trusting a girlfriend in an exclusive relationship?

 

[Night-hawk]

Trust issues, IMO, arise when how your girl is acting to you begins causing doubt in the congruency between her normal actions and new ones.

As well, trust issues, ime, occur when your gut feeling conflicts with imagination. That is, you are taking fragments of different facts and embellishing them into something else.

It sometimes is tough to feel at peace with your girls' actions as you deal with the facts you get and the gut feelings of what you observe. However, some guys don't worry at all about the things another guy does worry about. Either see past it, get over it, or confront it.

And like what was said above, what happens will happen anyway so why fight it. It just leads to a headache.

 

[JohnChops]

My ex who just cheated on me told me I have trust issues. I wish she was right :/ I don't trust women at all until proven otherwise but unless you are spinning plates you will still get a little bit attached. My gut is always right.

Dude you need to stop this depression in every thread. you dont have to get attatched if youdont want to. Simple as that.

 

[betheman]

when a woman accuses a man of having 'trust issues' (I fvcking hate that damned phrase to hell) she is basically telling you to trust her more than her behaviour warrants. women are pretty untrustworthy in regards to the sexes from my experience, men do not escape the accusation either however women more than men, will insist that it is the other person who has the issue, taking the focus away from their own behaviour. You really need to pay attention to those who shout 'trust issues' the loudest!