If you get this s-test here's how to pass. And she fails

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

I got a siht-test this weekend. Passed it strongly, with dominance. But, it was the kind of test that by giving it, she failed. I highly recommend you take this mindset with a woman should it happen to you.

She's one of my plates. We've dated about 1-2 a week for about 2 months. Sex is pretty good and most of the time we have good fun when we go out. Good conversation, drinks, live music, dancing, etc. Lot's of jokes and I hold a strong dominant frame with her, tease her a lot, and she seems to giggle like a school girl when I do it.

But, she's a "strong" and accomplished (Ph.D.) Latina and she's looking for a little hand in our "relationship."

This weekend I took her out of town to a friend's house. Lots of my circle coming for a Friday concert and a Saturday party. We had a great time at the show. She socialized with my friends. All was well.

Then when we were in bed, she says, "I know you want her [a female in my circle]. I saw you looking at her and she was flirting with you."

All untrue.

She's manufacturing drama and wants me to react in denial so she can accuse more and get my on my toes and defensive, something like, "I don't want to sleep with her. I was not looking at her [how could I not, we talk as friends]. She wasn't coming on to me", etc.

So, I did not comment on the actual assertions of behavior she was claiming occurred.

Me: "That's all in your mind." Continue trying to sleep.

She hits me again with it, twice, and I did not respond to the second but by the third it was time to drop the hammer.

"[Friend's name] is a friend of mine, as is everyone here. You are not to talk about her like she is some dumb bar-skank. She's a mother, a wife, and a friend of everyone here and I'm not going to even continue this as it is disrespectful of both her and me."

I roll over, back to her, saying nothing else. She got the point and shut the heck up. Saturday, there was a little tension in the air.

Drove home today and things were mildly pleasant but no real sexual tension in the car. And, for me, plate dropped. I've not even told her yet.

But the fact that I would consider bringing her into my social circle and she would befriend them all then drop this crap on me while in bed after a great night out is a disqualifier and she couldn't, no matter how smart, tame her hamster long enough in order to not ruin a perfectly fine set up.

If a woman is willing to s-tests you in a situation like this, more jealous accusations will be coming, eventually. She would only be toxic to my life and my circle of great and dear friends.

And, if you are plate spinning, any woman who is likely to bring discomfort and drama into your life should be gone.

Now, I have to get ready for my date tonight with a new plate.

Don't put up with their nonsense, especially in a case like the one above.

 

[BeDJ]

You displayed the ability to generate options. I don't think it was a shіt test as much as her insecurity kicking in. She realizes that she can be replaced with a blink of an eye and becomes jealous. I think I would have responded with:

If this upsets you, I am not for you.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

You displayed the ability to generate options. I don't think it was a shіt test as much as her insecurity kicking in. She realizes that she can be replaced with a blink of an eye and becomes jealous. I think I would have responded with:

If this upsets you, I am not for you.

Well, I agree it was part of her insecurity, but that comes from (1) her knowing I have options and (2) her wanting to level the playing field a little by me adapting to a frame she was setting up with her test, i.e, I think she wanted me to supplicate a little.

That said, I think your response would have admitted that I want to bang my friend (I don't), that I lured at my friend thinking of sex (I wasn't), and that my friend was flirting with/back at me (she wasn't).

So, I think your response would have still played into her frame. Though my actions did diffuse her test, I'm willing to admit there might be other better ones.

That said, I think my point stands that this sort of s-test is a good indicator of a woman that might be toxic to your social circle. I mean, she just met these folks--all good people and long-term friends--and she thinks I'm going to seriously take her BS accusation and further want to include her in my group?

If a guy does this, he deserves the trouble he's asking for.

Any other guy's out there with experiences such as this?

Year's ago, I would have try to deny, deny, deny it, which would have probably only escalated it into an argument. Instead, I put her in her place and refused any more discussion.

 

[Jair213]

She felt insecure. It's crazy how insecurity could mess up
There minds. Pathetic.

 

[Jair213]

Well, I agree it was part of her insecurity, but that comes from (1) her knowing I have options and (2) her wanting to level the playing field a little by me adapting to a frame she was setting up with her test, i.e, I think she wanted me to supplicate a little.

That said, I think your response would have admitted that I want to bang my friend (I don't), that I lured at my friend thinking of sex (I wasn't), and that my friend was flirting with/back at me (she wasn't).

So, I think your response would have still played into her frame. Though my actions did diffuse her test, I'm willing to admit there might be other better ones.

That said, I think my point stands that this sort of s-test is a good indicator of a woman that might be toxic to your social circle. I mean, she just met these folks--all good people and long-term friends--and she thinks I'm going to seriously take her BS accusation and further want to include her in my group?

If a guy does this, he deserves the trouble he's asking for.

Any other guy's out there with experiences such as this?

Year's ago, I would have try to deny, deny, deny it, which would have probably only escalated it into an argument. Instead, I put her in her place and refused any more discussion.

Truth to everything' you said here man. I am Latino my self, some Latino woman
Could be huge drama queens.. bein there already.. i learn the hard way in the pass
But I pretty much approach situations like this to.this similar fashion.
I say drop her if she continues like this.

 

[DonJuanabe]

So many ways to run with this:

Her: "I know you want her [a female in my circle]. I saw you looking at her and she was flirting with you."

You: "You sound insecure..."

or

You: "That's nice..."

or

You: "The only time I think about f*cking her is when I think of you."

or

You: "You know, I really prefer women who don't act like they're 15 years old."

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

So many ways to run with this:

Her: "I know you want her [a female in my circle]. I saw you looking at her and she was flirting with you."

You: "You sound insecure..."

or

You: "That's nice..."

or

You: "The only time I think about f*cking her is when I think of you."

or

You: "You know, I really prefer women who don't act like they're 15 years old."

I like your last one.

Still, in my defense, I also felt a need to defend my friend. The fact that she would s-test me by falsely accusing me of wanting to bang a friend is one thing, but the fact she would be disrespectful to someone who not only has been a good friend to me but was only friendly and nice to her really made me upset. I found it a galling version of the s-test. Test me, okay, that's what women do. But, depict my friend as a skank hitting on me in front of you is not okay.

Anyway, thanks for your suggestions. I'll try to keep that last one in mind should I have to use it with another woman.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Well, the problem you're going to find is that most women do act like they're 15 years old...

 

[Atom Smasher]

Except for the 15 year olds, who act like 21 year olds.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I usually frame jealousy on her part as a positive thing unless she's BPD. I would have asked, "What makes you say that?"

She would have answered blah blah, then I would say a simple "You're my girl", given her a little kiss then went to sleep.

I just reread your OP and noticed that you don't have a committed relationship, which is a different story. I would have done the same as I wrote above, and then instead of "You're my girl", perhaps "I'm only going to tell you this, once... She's just a friend, nothing more. Case closed." Any further attempts on her part would be ignored.

It could be though that she saw something in this friend of yours that you simply can't see. Girls tend to pick up on the underhanded maneouvers of their peers. It could be that your friend sends out some signals that men aren't tuned to pick up.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

I usually frame jealousy on her part as a positive thing unless she's BPD. I would have asked, "What makes you say that?"

She would have answered blah blah, then I would say a simple "You're my girl", given her a little kiss then went to sleep.

I just reread your OP and noticed that you don't have a committed relationship, which is a different story. I would have done the same as I wrote above, and then instead of "You're my girl", perhaps "I'm only going to tell you this, once... She's just a friend, nothing more. Case closed." Any further attempts on her part would be ignored.

It could be though that she saw something in this friend of yours that you simply can't see. Girls tend to pick up on the underhanded maneouvers of their peers. It could be that your friend sends out some signals that men aren't tuned to pick up.

Hey Atomsmasher, thanks for the advice. Though it may be possible that what you say about my friend is true, I'm inclined to doubt it. We've been friends for about 10 years, I'm friends with her hubby, we have a group of about 20 people and well all get along famously.

There's about 5 women in the group that I treat like sisters. There has been ZERO jealousy toward me with the men, ZERO talk among any of them that me being single is a threat to anyone, etc.

She's not the only woman there I have great rapport with.

She was, however, the first to show up after me and my date did. So, her and I just greeted each other, joked, asked how things been, etc. ,all the while introducing her to my date. Not only does she never flirt with me, but she certainly wouldn't do that in front of my friend.

I should say, my friend is pretty hot for a 40 year old woman and my date is was a little bit older. So, I think it is the insecurity in her.

I guess I'd like to reiterate the point that this is NOT some minor s-test to deflect in a normal dating situation. This s-test is A DISQUALIFIER.

I can put up with a garden variety s-test. But, I decide to invite you into my circle (i.e., you are moving up in your plate status) and you respond not only with a s-test that accusing me of wanting to bang a friend but at the same time treat my friend with such disrespect?

What good is likely to come from that if is just deflect the test and don't ask what it tells me about my date? Is that the type of woman to keep around, get more involved with, and expose to my very prized (by me) social circle?

I think not.

 

[Demonpenz]

I commend you for building a life where you have value enough to have options. That takes some work. Thank you for sharing and rep is on the way.

 

[zinc4]

I got a siht-test this weekend. Passed it strongly, with dominance. But, it was the kind of test that by giving it, she failed. I highly recommend you take this mindset with a woman should it happen to you.

She's one of my plates. We've dated about 1-2 a week for about 2 months. Sex is pretty good and most of the time we have good fun when we go out. Good conversation, drinks, live music, dancing, etc. Lot's of jokes and I hold a strong dominant frame with her, tease her a lot, and she seems to giggle like a school girl when I do it.

But, she's a "strong" and accomplished (Ph.D.) Latina and she's looking for a little hand in our "relationship."

This weekend I took her out of town to a friend's house. Lots of my circle coming for a Friday concert and a Saturday party. We had a great time at the show. She socialized with my friends. All was well.

Then when we were in bed, she says, "I know you want her [a female in my circle]. I saw you looking at her and she was flirting with you."

All untrue.

She's manufacturing drama and wants me to react in denial so she can accuse more and get my on my toes and defensive, something like, "I don't want to sleep with her. I was not looking at her [how could I not, we talk as friends]. She wasn't coming on to me", etc.

So, I did not comment on the actual assertions of behavior she was claiming occurred.

Me: "That's all in your mind." Continue trying to sleep.

She hits me again with it, twice, and I did not respond to the second but by the third it was time to drop the hammer.

"[Friend's name] is a friend of mine, as is everyone here. You are not to talk about her like she is some dumb bar-skank. She's a mother, a wife, and a friend of everyone here and I'm not going to even continue this as it is disrespectful of both her and me."

I roll over, back to her, saying nothing else. She got the point and shut the heck up. Saturday, there was a little tension in the air.

Drove home today and things were mildly pleasant but no real sexual tension in the car. And, for me, plate dropped. I've not even told her yet.

But the fact that I would consider bringing her into my social circle and she would befriend them all then drop this crap on me while in bed after a great night out is a disqualifier and she couldn't, no matter how smart, tame her hamster long enough in order to not ruin a perfectly fine set up.

If a woman is willing to s-tests you in a situation like this, more jealous accusations will be coming, eventually. She would only be toxic to my life and my circle of great and dear friends.

And, if you are plate spinning, any woman who is likely to bring discomfort and drama into your life should be gone.

Now, I have to get ready for my date tonight with a new plate.

Don't put up with their nonsense, especially in a case like the one above.

She sounded sincerely insecure to me and the whole thing was a positive for you and your frame from the beginning.....the only women i have dated that didn't show signs of jealousy ended up not liking me at all in the first place and vice versa......but you obviously have a lot of options so no biggie...but it looks like just her realizing that she is possibly very replaceable and wanting to compensate for that feeling and seeing how much you really like her

i like to give them an answer sarcastically when they do this...like in a real sappy love tone voice....oh no baby, you are the only one for me, your heart will always be mine forever and forever...and i like to roll my eyes while saying this and laughing with a mocking tone...and usually they start laughing or give this look of weakness...the really insecure ones will take offense, but it will drive them crazy with mystery regardless...and you maintain and usually even elevate your frame with her...

 

[dosquito]

Atom Smasher --

While your analyze is great for general situations, you should consider that the OP was essentially screening this girl for LTR (or just moving up the ladder). OP took her **** test and showed her that he's the one in the position of control, in effect **** testing her back. She failed the **** test and now she's gone. I admire OP's resolve in recognizing a clear red flag and moving on. It may have been worth working out, but it doesn't seem that OP is that interested in this girl. Well done, in my opinion.

You see, while OP could have handled it many other ways, he seems to have done so in the way that gave him the most relevant information. He didn't need to pursue the matter so seriously, but he did, and her response showed a lack of respect regardless

 

[VladPatton]

I don't care about how many options one has available. The fact that she disrespected you and your friend on the same night you introduced her to everyone is just a bad character flaw. What the hell was she thinking? I gotta tell ya, some people should learn to shut their lips. They's be better off.

I wouldn't Next her just yet, but expect major, major redemption for her childish, sophomoric remark, but of course the decision is yours.

All in all, I commend you for sticking up for your values and long term social circle.

 

[Trump]

she says, "I know you want her [a female in my circle]. I saw you looking at her and she was flirting with you."

Me: "That's all in your mind." Continue trying to sleep.

She hits me again with it, twice, and I did not respond to the second but by the third it was time to drop the hammer.

"[Friend's name] is a friend of mine, as is everyone here. You are not to talk about her like she is some dumb bar-skank. She's a mother, a wife, and a friend of everyone here and I'm not going to even continue this as it is disrespectful of both her and me."

I roll over, back to her, saying nothing else. She got the point and shut the heck up. Saturday, there was a little tension in the air.

Drove home today and things were mildly pleasant but no real sexual tension in the car. And, for me, plate dropped. I've not even told her yet.

But the fact that I would consider bringing her into my social circle and she would befriend them all then drop this crap on me while in bed after a great night out is a disqualifier

Bro how do pass a test and then drop the plate? The point of a test is to let her know you won't stand for it and keep a relationship going. Anyone can just disconnect over something they don't like.

Anyway, I don't know much, but I think you are got WAY too emotional over what she said.

she says, "I know you want her [a female in my circle]. I saw you looking at her and she was flirting with you."

You: "OK"

Go with the flow, anything else you say can be considered defensive or judgemental which is what she was looking for.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Bro how do pass a test and then drop the plate? The point of a test is to let her know you won't stand for it and keep a relationship going. Anyone can just disconnect over something they don't like.

Anyway, I don't know much, but I think you are got WAY too emotional over what she said.

she says, "I know you want her [a female in my circle]. I saw you looking at her and she was flirting with you."

You: "OK"

Go with the flow, anything else you say can be considered defensive or judgemental which is what she was looking for.

Read my responses. It wasn't that she tested me that was the problem. Girls do that and it should be expected. It was that she tested me in a way that was very disrespectful to a friend at a place/time where I was gathered with my tight group of friends. Why would I want to continue to bring her into that circle if (1) she doesn't trust how I interact with them and/or (2) she is going to turn my normal interactions with friends into possible jealousy scenarios, and (3) she was disrespectful to a friend who did nothing to deserve it.

And what kind of friend would I be if I kept bringing such a person around my friends? It is my responsibility to make sure I only bring cool new people into my circle and if a date is going to act like this, I do myself and my friends no favors whatsoever.

I'm not desperate for a bang. Writing now after my new date tonight, who I nailed. If you spin plates you are more likely to raise your standards on female behavior. Again, a s-test is one thing, but putting wedges in your social circle, especially after 8 hours from meeting them, is not cool. I value my friends more than someone I just went on a few dates with and has sex with a few times. This is a red flag on someone who is likely to subtract from you life rather than add to it.